


Fruit on the Vine

by LipsOfFrost



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-18 17:40:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 83,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11879517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LipsOfFrost/pseuds/LipsOfFrost
Summary: Tobi learns how to love. Deidara remains oblivious to everything, but not for long. A story revolving around fruit.(FanFiction re-upload)





	1. Blackberries - "To Protect"

**Author's Note:**

> A bucket of fruits! Who doesn't love fruit? Careful! Reading this story with an empty stomach will only make you hungrier... for more TobiDei! Though this fic is experimental, I hope any readers find it pleasurable to some degree. I'm still trying to understand the characters. This fic may be very messy, with possible plot holes, incorrect manga/anime references, out of character-ness, bad writing, etc. Chapters get longer as the fanfic progresses.
> 
> If you recognize this story, that's because it's a re-upload from FanFiction. I've been wanting to write a grittier, dirtier version for a while now. If that's not your cup of tea, feel free to read the original. Both will be the same, save for minor details.

"We sleep here for the night."

"Here? But there are no beds here!" a tall man in a swirly, orange mask shouted, lifting his arms up and gesturing all around him. It was to provide emphasis and further prove his point. They were in a very tiny clearing, surrounded by heavy forest shrubbery, seedlings, and roots. The canopies of the massive trees completely hid the darkening sky. That didn't mean a few beams of orange and pink lights couldn't peek through the coverage, escaping from the sunset empyreans. Despite the man's dark nature and cruel habits, a little part of him secretly enjoyed the beautiful picture.

Back turned from his associate, Tobi waited for a verbal response, but never got one. Only silence. That didn't sound good. Glancing at his younger partner, the rather _childish_ man saw a very peeved expression being sent his way.

More so to uphold his act than in actual freight, Tobi squeaked, taking a few steps backwards, "Please don't look at me like that, senpai. You're scary."

The blond huffed, squaring his shoulders. It was a habit the man behind the mask noticed after spending so much time with the criminal. Every time Deidara felt complimented or very proud of himself, he would tense to achieve perfect posture. Tobi could only imagine the man's spine straightening under the heavy layer of flesh and muscle, back flexing as new emotions overwhelmed him.

There was a certain trait that bound the Uchiha to his companion. It was his ability to feel. Deidara's spirit was raw, undeterred by any obstacle, firm and passionate. Every explosion was done with intent to experience a high, to satisfy his urges. Deidara did not kill out of hatred; he stole lives for enjoyment and for self-improvement.

There was no other man or woman who could express their feelings as intently as Deidara did his. Explosions, icy stares, furrowed brows, sweaty fingers, rosy cheeks, a twitch of the lips, maniacal laughs, quickened breaths, skin brightening an angry red, yells of fury, hisses, groans, and...  
Deidara left without a word.

_...silence_.

Tobi knew the bomber's leave was for a hunt: to go catch fish at any nearby river. That's what Deidara always did when they needed to camp. Even so, Tobi was forced to scream in faux horror, "Oh, no! Senpai, where are you going? Don't leave me here all alone!"

His shouts wouldn't be heard, Tobi knew. Deidara had a set tradition of ignoring the man wearing the swirly, orange mask. Despite this, Tobi could not find himself to resent the temperamental boy. Tobi, as the man with the swirly, orange mask, and as Tobi, the man behind the swirly, orange mask. Both Tobis could never hate the fiery artist.

Knowing Deidara would want him to find tinder – before the sun fully set – for a quick fire, Tobi had to contemplate. Should he fetch the firewood and dried leaves or anger Deidara once again? He leaned towards the latter, despite everything. Tobi truly yearned for Deidara's approving gaze, yet knew that as long as he was Tobi, he could not.

His stare fell on a unique bush inside the mess of green leaves and vines. Little chunks of red and black covered the leafy plant, and Tobi immediately knew what he was looking at. Blackberries. A gloved hand reached to touch a single one of the ripened fruits. These were the edible manifestations of protection, blanketed – hidden away, by a black sheet of sorrow and evil.

Tobi crouched down to his knees, staring closely at the little berry between his fingers. A cluster of baby, black bubbles bunched tightly together to form a delectable, juicy source of energy. There was, however, a tiny red spot. The one dainty portion of the blackberry was still unripe. It would be sour. The red, it reflected love. Hate could not, after all, exist without love. Soon, the red baby-berry would lose its vibrant hue. It was to be expected, as love only encouraged hate. They were one in the same.

Obito had loved Rin, he truly did. Before all of this. Now she was gone, forgotten. He could not bear the pain of her loss, so he got rid of that too. His youthful feelings for Rin had been pushed aside, and the Uchiha's hatred still continued to grow. After facing the truth, he saw what he needed to see. No longer was he the naive boy living in Konoha. No longer would he love, because having such happiness ripped away made one ache and bleed inside.

Gloved fingers trembled as Tobi ripped the berry from the stem.

Obito made the mistake of loving Rin, so then... why was he feeling so strongly for Deidara?

He picked another.

_Why_ was he even feeling?

An image of sky eyes and a barbarous grin flashed through his mind.

Tobi was not supposed to have a heart. Another was plucked off the stem. He was not supposed to feel happy. And another. He was not supposed to feel angry. Then another. He was not supposed to feel pain. One more fell into his palm. He was supposed to have an empty hole in his chest; one so large, it was impossible to even imagine him ever possessing a heart.

But he was not a foolish man. Tobi knew what was happening. He understood that he was losing control of his sensible mind. Deidara was a light, shining down into his darkness and saving him. His partner in battle, the one who believed him to be a weak simpleton, was the man he was falling for. Oh, no, Tobi took that back.

He had already fallen.

Blackberries were protection. He stared at the fruit in his palms. Blackberries were abandonment.

And the plan he had spent years and years building and perfecting, it was tumbling down too.

Deidara's beautiful voice was suddenly shouting at him, but not breaking his string of thoughts, only igniting more flames. Nothing pleasant was ever directed towards him, but that voice still tickled his insides.

"Tobi, you idiot!"

He clenched his fist, crushing the blackberries in his palm.


	2. Lemons - "Bitter Heart"

Tobi would continue with the Eye of the Moon plan.

Madara believed he had power over him? The fool was dead. Tobi had no intention of allowing a dead man control him. Tobi was well aware he was being used to carry out the other's dreams. But those dreams were now his dreams. It was only a matter of time before everyone would fall under his genjutsu. Only then could true peace exist.

Deidara had been an insignificant pawn in his path to universal domination. Now he did not think he could stomach that thought. Deidara was no tool, not anymore. Those pools of icy water struck him every time, never calm or quiet. His eyes said everything. Deidara was the manifestation of thrill, rage, and fervor. Tobi wanted it, all of it.

Maybe it started soon after his prime arrival at the Akatsuki base while he was dragged kicking and screaming in outrage. Out of all the members to join, he was the only one too display such strong revulsion after his defeat in combat. Beads of sweat trickling down the side of his young, rounded face, small chest heaving, and a blush on his cheeks like an episode of dawn. Deidara was a beautiful creature, even then. A rogue with such exotic blue eyes, as if gems filled with wonder and sublimity. He was so young, barely an adolescent. As if age was just a number, he carried such a boldness in him, such confidence in his art.

Tobi had watched from a safe distance away, ignored as usual by the organization, save for Zetsu. Back then, Tobi felt the pull. He tried to disregard it, believed he was successful in doing so, even. This was where he failed. Never realizing it, Tobi had begun to pay a considerable amount of attention to the terrorist.

It may have started well before they were assigned as partners, while Deidara and Sasori had been paired to work together. The puppet master had clearly been sickened by the other artist's ideals. Of course when they began accepting each other, Tobi began feeling prickles of green like the spikes of a juniper bush. That was fine, he could ignore that. However, soon the minor prickles began mutating to pokes, then jabs, and then they finally stabbed right through. The ridiculous jealousy was another hindrance to his plans, so it needed to be demolished. That was his decision, but the resentment never did go away. At least, not until Sasori had lost his 'eternal' life.

Or perhaps it all started when Deidara had first said 'Tobi'. Or when he lost his arm. Or his elbow. Tobi could fetch his elbow from the other dimension, where Kakashi had sent it, but that was a risky move. Or maybe it started when Deidara had gone into hysterics, screaming about art and explosions. Or when he glared vehemently at Itachi, hateful words pouring out his plump lips, yet eyes betraying him and his fascination for the Sharingan. Or when Tobi ultimately accepted the overwhelming aura of the man's proud, beating heart.

Tobi now had to make a wise decision. Should he choose to embrace these feelings for Deidara, or vanquish them and continue as if they never existed? He could not let this lone, weak boy bring him down. Deidara was no longer a catalyst; he was an obstacle. That was that. The bomber was a complication that needed removing.

Tobi stopped walking.

_...This ache in my chest._

These wicked, bitter thoughts, ones he should be comfortable with, they were hurting him. Tobi let things get too far.

The other Akatsuki member must have noticed his lack of movement, because a vivid, blue eye was suddenly focused on him.

Tobi was cracking, slowly, day by day. If he didn't get his act together, the plan would be foiled and Deidara would grow suspicious. It would be the beginning of the end.

Despite having such profound desires, Tobi knew he was reaching dangerous territory. To yearn for Deidara would only shroud him in more hatred. Because hope, it did not exist.

Through the single hole, he silently gazed at Deidara's soft skin and brilliant eye. As if a fairy tale, a soft breeze chose the appropriate moment to gust the golden hair with a gentle force. How could such a ruthless, obstinate mercenary exhibit such delicate beauty?

This was not enough, it never would be enough. Tobi wanted more than glimpses and occasional touches. What he craved for was to wrap an arm around those smaller shoulders, whisper words of promises he intended to keep, and run his fingers through blond strands. Just a touch, skin on skin. Sometimes Tobi would skid his toes upon the other, revelling in the brief touch, as if a sin. It was a personal transgression, but he could not find himself to care. Yet this uncaring attitude made him care. The plan would be ruined. And once again, he couldn't care less if it meant having Deidara. It was the start of a cycle. He was confused and bitter.

"What are you doing?"

Oh, that voice. Not nearly as sonorous as his own, but it was there. Tobi's dark as night, his as bright as day. The resonant tone caressed not the air, but the skies themselves. Like the velvet of clouds, he spoke with the unexpected smoothness from an irregular texture. Deidara was the personification of the wild blue yonder. He was untouchable.

Tobi didn't say anything, frowning behind his mask. Drowning in sorrow once again, it seemed. He would never have Deidara. That was – that was fine. He was fine. If only he could stop his breaths from shaking.

Deidara was an obstacle.

These feelings did not exist.

Deidara was an obstacle.

It was a mantra.

Knowing his comrade would never see it, Tobi wore a grim smile.

The arsonist had his hands on his hips, furrowing his brows together. Tobi's chest clenched when he heard him ask, "Tobi?"

It hurt because Deidara sounded worried, not just confused or annoyed. The boy wasn't supposed to care; he was making this harder for him.

This pain was different. It was not the pain of having your loved ones ripped apart from you. It wasn't from betrayal. This was the wound he would have to suffer, one that screamed at him time and time again. It will never be yours. There is no hope.

And this is when he realized his fury was stacking, stone by stone. But he was Tobi, an Uchiha destined to surpass Madara himself, so he remained calm. By shoving away the raging fire into the back of his mind, he could continue his performance. So he did,

"Ah – ha, sorry, sorry! I'm just tired and thirsty," Tobi laughed, but even to him, it sounded dry... hollow. He was no idiot, nor was Deidara. Tobi knew he was breaking, and soon, Deidara would too.

"You sure sound like it, hm," Deidara sighed, focusing his attention back on the the forest trail, "For once I agree with you, we should find a place to eat."

"Oh! I just remembered! I've been here before, senpai! There's a kind, old man who sells wonderful drinks just up ahead! They're so good it makes me dizzy!"

"We're not getting drunk, Tobi!"

The older man threw an arm over Deidara's shoulders, shaking his head, "No, no. He makes juices and flavoured milk! Boy, oh boy, I'm already getting thirstier. Hmm, unless you want some sake. It's okay if you do, senpai. Sometimes – ."

"Shut up!" Deidara shoved Tobi away from him, "And get your stupid hands off me!"

"But, senpai – ."

"I said shut up!"

Tobi found leisure in how authoritative and assertive Deidara was towards him. It was somehow humorous, because behind that swirly, orange mask, Tobi held true power over the man. What he loved the most was that this was the boy's essence. He could care less about who you were - in his eye, those who appreciated his art deserved his respect. Even if Deidara were to find out about his identity – and nothing got out of hand – Deidara would still look at Tobi the same way. Perhaps that was why he grew more addicted to his _senpai_ with each passing day. The mercenary treated everyone the same, no matter their strength.

One day, his confidence would get him killed.

Would Tobi watch him die and see him escape from this hell? Did Tobi want to meet him in the new world he would create? Or keep him here, in this loathsome place?

To protect.

The taste of blackberries lingered on his tongue.

* * *

The dark haired man sat outside on the grass, head tilted up to stare into the clear skies. Deidara's eye twitched. Tobi's right leg was stretched out, foot rocking side to side in irregular patterns. It was such a minor, miniscule, completely unimportant detail to notice, but it pissed him off! Everything about Tobi was aggravating. From the stupid, swirly, orange mask, to the pale toes slipping out of his sandals – all of it got under his skin. Pricking and prodding under his skin, like a sculptor who was using metal tools to etch in finer details.

"Would senpai teach Tobi how to make art?" he spoke, voice cracking through their silence and startling Deidara.

Tobi wanted to do something artistic? The question was so out of the blue, it shocked even him, the master of, ahem, "surprises".

Deidara would like to see the twerp become enlightened by the allure of detonation. If not that extreme, maybe even simply creation and expression. It was always nice to see someone respect artistic form, whether it be explosive or not.

Did Tobi want to learn how to blow things up? Or to make sculptures? Neither one was happening, not anytime soon. If the brat ever got his hands on even a baby C1, Deidara would have to clean up whatever sticky situation Tobi would throw them in. The guy was a klutz, and that was putting it lightly. Imagine a gorilla given freedom in a ceramic shop. Just think about it for a minute. Now, add a horrendously destructive bomb into the mix. Deidara would never allow his art to be manhandled by a kid! Explosions needed to be performed with grace and not haphazardly like Tobi was bound to do.

Although Deidara kind of liked the thought of Tobi producing art, the idea was more laughable than plausible. The guy never took anything seriously, nor did he ever truly appreciate the addictive beauty art was. He'd mess up. Any clay in his hands would turn to waste. Tobi was a disappointment, after all.

The bomber smirked, thinking he'd humour the poor guy, "Maybe later."

Tobi said nothing, evoking a still silence, one that felt cold and dead. It dropped something down his gut. When did anything ever feel cold with Tobi around? The guy was a walking ball of sunshine! Something must have happened. Deidara was about to break the silence, but Tobi beat him to it,

"Okay, senpai," he said.

That was it? No yelling in gratitude or complaining with impatience? A mundane "okay"? Something was clearly wrong with Tobi today. He was quiet for a change, moody even. Deidara could practically see the dark cloud hovering over Tobi's head, for crying out loud! Maybe he missed Zetsu or something.

Deidara glanced at his cloaked figure, eyeing the filled cup at his side. He hadn't even taken a sip of his drink yet. Wasn't he whining about thirst only an hour ago? He huffed, "I thought you said you were thirsty, hm!"

Tobi jolted, flailing his arms, "Ah! I'm so sorry senpai!"

Of course, the idiot had to dramatize everything for no reason. Deidara watched as he calmed down, hands lowering and head turned away. Tobi whispered, "The truth is..."

The truth? Deidara's eye glowed alongside his curiosity, what truth? Hell, he'd be the biggest liar – between every rogue shinobi out there – if he said he didn't want to know about the mysteries of Tobi. All of the other members in the Akatsuki had their secrets, but none hid theirs as much the man behind the swirly, orange mask did. Deidara licked his lips.

"The truth is..." Tobi had repeated, trailing off and twiddling his thumbs, "Is..."

Come on, come on, just spill it out all ready! Maybe Tobi had a hideous face and was shy, so he didn't want to lift up his mask to drink. Or maybe he was nearing his death day because of some side effect to a super rare bloodline. Maybe Tobi had amnesia. The possibilities were endless! Deidara wasn't stupid; their leader wouldn't accept anyone into the Akatsuki unless they were worthy and would provide aid. Tobi _had_ to be useful. Sure, the guy could morph underground and sometimes through trees, but Zetsu could as well. Tobi probably had some amazing jutsu that could only be used once, like the C0. But day by day, Deidara was beginning to throw away these ideas. Tobi proved to be more incompetent on every passing mission. How many times had Deidara saved his life? He'd lost count. If he wasn't there to save his sorry ass, Tobi would be a goner.

Tired of waiting for an answer, Deidara edged closer to his partner, "Well? What is it?"

Tobi inhaled, then cried out, "The truth is – ! I – I! I don't like lemon juice, it's too sour! I'm so, so, sorry senpai! I knew I should have asked for water, but you wanted lemonade so I thought I would get some too!"

_That_ was bugging him? Damn it all, Deidara was really hoping for something more intelligent. Maybe Tobi really was just an idiot.

No surprise.

A bit peeved, Deidara sighed, "Sour drinks are good. They wake up your taste buds, hm."

"Gross, senpai. I like sweets," Tobi shook his head, mask jiggling, "Lemons are bitter."

Deidara would admit, there was some truth to that. The peel of the lemon was foul and tough to penetrate. Without argument, the peel was the worst part of a lemon, but it was also the most important. It served as protection for the nourishing – albeit sour – juices inside. He sipped the tangy drink, gazing at the shaggy, raven locks on top of that annoying head. If something was bitter, Deidara said,

"Then add sugar."


	3. Cherries - "New Awakenings"

The exotic birds inhabiting the Land of Fire woke up Tobi that morning. They tweeted so loudly, their chirps could be heard through the wooden walls of the inn he was sleeping in. He sighed. While it was not necessary for him to sleep, it felt nice doing so. Tobi couldn't recall the last time he dreamed, it was always a soothing stretch of black nothing. There was no manifest or latent content for him to conjure up. This may have been for the best. The unconscious repression of ill memories was done in favour. Imagine having to relive every nightmare this hell offered. He 'tsked', rolling his eyes under the swirly, orange mask.

He turned over, mask still plastered tightly to his face. There was Deidara, fast asleep. Both of their infamous Akatsuki robes had been stripped off: the Uchiha's folded to perfection, Deidara's thrown over a nearby chair. And while Tobi slept dressed head to toe in black, Deidara had ripped off his navy shirt and let his hair down. Those were such adorable, endearing habits.

Defined, sun-kissed limbs were sprawled across the tiny bed, with a single arm hanging loosely off the edge. Tobi gazed at his serene expression under the delicate drapes of golden strands. He was beautiful.

Tobi carefully sat up, thankful the bed did not creak with his movements. With faithful trust in his circadian rhythm, Tobi deduced it was well past dawn but still morning. It was a bit late for him to wake up. More often than not, his eyes snapped opened before daybreak. Deidara, on the other hand, loved his beauty sleep. He glanced around, running a hand through his hair. The sunlight brightened up their solemn room, but that wasn't what caught his interest.

Before moving to sit on the floor next to his senpai's bed, Tobi stretched his muscles, eye never leaving Deidara's form. The boy did not snore, but saliva trailed down the corner of his lips. Did Tobi mention how exceptionally adorable the brat was?

Deidara was what snared his thoughts, wrapping sticky cords around his mind and trapping him. Tobi had fallen victim to his own web, getting tangled all for a taste of the rueful fruit fly that had been lured and deceived. How dreadfully ironic.

That slumbering face, it warmed his very essence. Right then, in that moment, Tobi was happy. And he was – he was... smiling.

Deidara's breathing was slow and steady, a rhythm Tobi could never tire of. He did not want to possess strong feelings, especially for Deidara of all people. The man was a wild horse, one that could never be tamed.

And then when Tobi finalized his decision, Deidara had to go about suggesting something so out of this world, Tobi was left breathless. " _Add sugar."_ Well, if the boy thought it was a good idea, he'd certainly try. His bitter soul needed some sweetening. With quivering hands, Tobi grasped onto a fair lock, caressing it between his fingers. But just how much sugar would he need to even out the taste?

Even when Deidara's eye opened, blinking away sleep, Tobi continued smiling. This was happening more often, the silly grins and simpers. It shouldn't be happening, but it was. Through his tiny mask hole, he stared at Deidara, not caring about the man's reaction. The boy would, with out a doubt, be unhappy waking up to see him hovering over him. As expected, the single blue eye had widened in surprise, before confusion and anger swiped over it. Such a sight to behold, Tobi thought.

"Tobi, what are you doing?"

He was so beautiful. From the core of his guts, to the flesh on his bones. The man twirled the golden threads between his fingers, wishing he weren't wearing gloves. Tobi was no artist, but he knew Deidara was a work of art, a masterpiece.

Deidara seemed to have noticed the blond hair in Tobi's fingers, because an embarrassed blush plumed that tan skin. The boy was muttering, "You're being a freak, hm. Stop playing with my hair, idiot."

Beneath his swirly, orange mask, Tobi still smiled. He stood, "I'm sorry, senpai! You just looked so pretty with your hair down! Like a girl!"

Deidara was out of bed in seconds, clutching onto Tobi's shirt and pulling him down to eye-level, "What. Did. You. Say?"

Oh, a blow to his manly pride. Deidara was just too cute. Tobi poked his flushed cheek, "You're all red too! Are you wearing makeup?"

"I'll _kill_ you!"

* * *

Tobi placed a bowl of cherries on the table. It was breakfast for the two of them, which meant Tobi would have to slip off his mask to get a bite. Grabbing a cherry, Deidara waited for Tobi to do the same, tapping a foot against the floor. Neither of them were armed, rather carelessly leaving their gear and cloaks back in the bedroom. But for all Deidara knew, Tobi had weapons hiding under his shirt. Ha! As if.

After waking up to see the blockhead staring at him – God knew for how long – through a tiny hole and petting his hair, it was safe to say he was rather confused. When he was confused, it resulted in immediate frustration.

Pearly teeth sunk into the dark flesh of the fruit, its juices oozing into his mouth. Deidara groaned in bliss. Cherries were freaking delicious! It was the only good thing about this morning. Tobi could destroy it all he wanted, but the first bite of breakfast would always lift up anyone's mood.

Deidara spit out the pit and glanced at Tobi, wondering why the man was so silent. Tobi was _still_ staring at him! It wasn't as though there was anything on his face. Deidara glared, reaching for the bowl of cherries and grabbing a handful. The brat was still soundless, watching. The arsonist knew Tobi was staring at him, even though he couldn't see through that black hole, where the eye should be. It was beyond irritating. Deidara chewed onto the cherries, expertly avoiding the fruit pits with his skilled tongue.

And that was when Tobi spoke, "Will you teach me art today, senpai?"

"No," the proffesional artist crossed his arms, wiping his mouth, "You need to feel art – which you don't."

"Please? Pretty, pretty please? With a cherry on top?" Tobi had grabbed a cherry, extending his hand out in offering.

Tobi wasn't going to give up on this, that was for sure. The idiot never did, he was stubborn – at least until he saw something shiny or 'pretty'. But Deidara would admit he was actually very pleased that Tobi was finding interest in true beauty.

It looked like Deidara was seriously considering it. Uh oh, he was going to say yes, wasn't he?

Well, damn. He was seriously going to regret this.

Deidara took in a deep breath, "Fine. But you're not wasting my clay. For now you can draw a picture."

"Can you draw pictures too?"

Tobi had sounded so curious and stupid, Deidara almost felt bad for him. He sighed, "Yes, Tobi. I can draw, hm."

"Then let's draw together!"

vvv

They had grabbed their stuff, walking out of the inn with a few more belongings than what they walked in with. Deidara had stolen several sheets of paper, a book from the lobby, and writing utensils, while Tobi had snatched the cherries. Of course, as they were criminals, Deidara insisted on not paying for their stay. Tobi, however, had to be the dumbass he was and not only cover the bill, but pay a hefty tip too. So really, they weren't stealing.

Now they were sitting in a plain field outside of the forest's treeline, artist supplies sprawled all around them. Deidara, while unhappy there would be no explosions, enjoyed these activities. He smoothed out a sheet of paper on the book he stolen, using it as a hard surface.

"Right. We can start now, hm," Deidara coughed, "But before we start drawing, I want to know what you think art is, Tobi."

Tobi laughed, "That's easy, senpai! Art is an explosion."

On any other occasion, that answer would have satisfied him, but it didn't sound right, coming out of Tobi's mouth. Deidara frowned, "That's my philosophy. What do _you_ consider art to be? Tell me what your core believes. Actually think about it, hm."

Everyone had their own opinions about art, Deidara could accept that. But they were wrong if they didn't believe in the beauty of it being fleeting. Artists like Sasori, those who wanted their work to last forever, were foolish. Nothing lasted forever. People feared death, they feared the end. Deidara chose to embrace it, love it, cherish it.

Deidara was expecting some clueless response from Tobi, but was rather surprised when the man said, "Art is an expression of thought. Art should feel. It should breath. If I go blind, I should hear it sing. If I go deaf, the sight of it should take my breath away. I don't know if that's right, senpai. Was that the right answer?"

Woah.

Did Tobi really just say all of that, or was he dreaming? He sounded intelligent.

Lips parted, Deidara ignored how dry his mouth suddenly felt, "G-good enough. I think we can start drawing now, hm. Grab whatever you need and draw whatever you want."

Tobi reached for the paper, grabbing a black marker, "Will you be testing me, senpai?"

Deidara nodded, leaning back to stare at the sky, "Of course."

"Uwa, so scary! You're going to be tough on me aren't you?"

"Of course."

"And if I do bad – ."

"Just draw something, Tobi."

Deidara could already feel a headache forming. Why had he agreed to this anyway? Both of them were behind schedule. Deidara had promised Pein they'd arrive at the main base by noon. And judging from the position of the sun in the sky, noon was around... now. He sighed. It wasn't like he cared about deadlines and what not, but the sooner he got to base, the sooner he'd have some alone time.

Around half an hour passed, with Tobi's back turned to Deidara. In the mean time, he ate the cherries Tobi had brought, enjoying their addictive flavour. All fruits were tasty – hell, almost all food was good. For once, today it didn't serve as a good distraction. Something was scratching the back of his mind. It was that Tobi, the one who had made the effort in obtaining the crimson fruits, did not eat a single one. Did Tobi not like cherries? Skipping out on breakfast like that, wasn't he starving? No, he probably didn't eat because of his mask. It didn't matter, anyways. Deidara couldn't care less.

It was quiet. Tobi must have been pretty focused on his drawing. The kid would likely end up drawing poorly drawn stick figures and a geometric sun in the corner of the paper. Still, it didn't hurt to give the guy a shot. Practice _did_ make perfect.

While understanding that one should never interrupt an artist at work, the bomber felt the need to break the silence. He spoke, voice rising in curiosity, "How are you getting along?"

Tobi froze, twisting his head over his shoulder. Deidara stared at the swirly, orange mask, waiting for a response. But he never got one. Blue eyes narrowed, "Well?"

"Um, Tobi doesn't know what to draw."

Then why didn't he just say anything? Half an hour dumped in the trash. Biting back a string of curse words for all that time wasted, Deidara breathed in deeply, "Alright, my patience is wearing thin. Draw dango, or sunflowers, or all that other shit you're constantly blabbering about. Just draw something you feel strongly about, sound easy enough?"

He watched as Tobi's gloved hand touched his mask; it was a thoughtful gesture. Tapping the swirly, orange mask with his finger, the black haired man muttered, "Something I feel strongly about? Hm..."

Tobi looked extremely childish doing that. In a way it was sort of, well, cute, but that only made everything about the brat all the more repulsive. Deidara was an ex-nin, a powerful, skilled artist who could destroy acres of land and its inhabitants in mere seconds. He had no interest whatsoever in 'cuteness'. Art was cool, bombs were cool, but cuteness was not! Urgh, no! Tobi was not cute. Not. Cute.

Great, now Deidara could feel his cheeks getting warm. Fucking fabulous, he was blushing.

And then Tobi's hand fell to his side and he spoke calmly, "Then I'll draw you."

Deidara's breath hitched.


	4. Peaches - "Immortality"

Tobi cringed.

"Fucking Uchihas! Damn Itachi and that pathetic clan!"

Deidara was storming down the dim halls, a few paces in front of Tobi. Said masked man did not utter a word, following his partner through the underground corridors of their base. And with each scream Deidara was shouting, Tobi felt more and more drained of energy.

"If I was only a little bit stronger, I'd finish off those mongrels for good, hm. Every last one of them. Do you know who that includes, Tobi? It should have been me to wipe out the clan," Deidara didn't even wait for a reply, "I despise the Sharingan and anyone who is proud to possess that ability. Rip out their eyes and what are you left with? A weak, defenceless creature cowering behind the Uchiha name! Without their bloodline, they would be nothing!"

Tobi would have laughed if it was anyone else cursing his clan. He would have laughed – laughed with all of his might – before slicing their heads clean off. The Uchiha's wouldn't be mocked. But this was Deidara. This was different. Tobi understood Deidara's hatred; it was something he had always understood.

What would happen if he grabbed Deidara's jaw and leaned down, whispering his dirty, little secret into his senpai's ear? If he revealed everything in a single moment? If he could just say, “Itachi wasn't alone the night of the massacre”, what would happen? He could still hear the sound of children screaming as he grabbed their legs and dragged them, horrified black eyes brightening into red at the sight of losing their parents. It had been necessary; he needed as many eyes as possible. That was what he told himself as Uchiha blood smeared under his sandals. He had seen death in Itachi's lifeless eyes. They both understood sacrifices were required for the greater good.

The arsonist was just that, a man who found thrill in this real world. Rather than wanting to change the system, like Tobi did, the bomber embraced it. Art made Hell beautiful, in the terrorist's eyes. Deidara was a very proud man. He held far more pride than any Uchiha Tobi had come across, even Madara. This appealed to Tobi. Deidara's strong personality was far more attractive than any shinobi with a strong arm. Unfortunately, this attraction was beginning to take its toll.

With each passing day, he was growing weak. Deidara was stripping him of his cold walls, ones that sheltered his soul from situations like _this_. Hearing those harsh words ooze out of Deidara's mouth so freely, impulsively, it made the Uchiha want to run. To get away from the world, as fast as his feet could carry him. Fight or flight was usually never a question to him. Yet, this young killer, a youth caught somewhere between boy and man, had his insticts paralyzed.

If only Deidara did not hate his blood, maybe then Tobi could carelessly throw away his plan and woo him. The project was all that mattered, for years that was what Tobi believed. It surprised him, how these... feelings could make him forget about something he'd spent his entire life perfecting.

Tobi was nothing, he was no one; Deidara was a masterpiece.

Tobi did not want to feel, because when he did, _this_ was what came to him: all these conflicted, confused feelings clouding his judgement. It was far too late to take a step back, because Tobi had leapt off the cliff and reached the other side. Deidara meant more to him than anything else in this world. For the first time in over a decade, Tobi did not know what to do. He was at a loss. His once collected, assured mind had been broken, just as his soul began its attempt to rebuild itself. The hole in his chest was mending; the whole in his head was breaking. Those brief moments with Deidara, where he felt some compassion directed his way, were his most treasured memories.

Hateful, destructive words continued to flow out of Deidara's mouth, each one making Tobi even more anxious. This was troubling. Tobi did not know what to do: win over Deidara, or let him die and continue with the plan. Choosing to let Deidara die would be the easy way out. If Tobi wanted to, he could do it. He could let him die. That was what Deidara always suggested, wasn't it? The boy's true desire was to end at his ripest. Tobi bit his lip. The thought of losing his artist only nauseated him.

Tobi could easily win him; it was a matter of careful steps. Courting was a human instinct that came naturally. Tobi spent his entire life watching people from afar, and for half of it, he observed and played with humanity under the watchful eye of a legend. Someone like Deidara, who thrived off attention, would not be too tricky. It was the matter of Deidara's hatred for the Sharingan that would serve as an obstacle. Beyond that, his final genjutsu would also trap Deidara, if the moon eye project was successful. Should Deidara ever return his affections, it would be regrettable.

Hesitating, Tobi swallowed the lump in throat, "Don't you think you're overreacting?"

"You know it's true, hm."

His throat was dry.

"I don't know what I hate more, the Sharingan, or the Uchiha name."

He was shaking.

"One day I'll be the one to prove Itachi wrong. I'll show him and his dead relatives the true power of art."

What would Deidara do if he found out Tobi's true identity? Hate him even more. There was no amount of sugar that could sweeten up this cursed mind of his. Even someone like Deidara, who could look past a shinobi's strength, was unforgiving to the kekkei genkai that overturned his life.

Tobi did not want a fake Deidara made from a genjutsu. This one – the real one – planted a seed into his soul and grew to be an immortal peach tree.

He hated seeing the humiliation and hurt roaring through Deidara's voice. The bomber's art was ridiculed by the Sharingan, which was a direct blow to reality. Tobi promised himself he would protect Deidara, be it from a lethal sword or painful nightmares. Behind that swirly, orange mask, his expression contorted to one of sorrow and regret. The blue-eyed boy was hurting, and Tobi was directly at fault.

He was the one who requested for the infamous terrorist of Iwagakure to join the Akatsuki. It was because of him Deidara was angry, even though the boy didn't know it. He was selfish, though, and believed that if Deidara hadn't joined the organization, Tobi would have never met him. At least the Akatsuki helped the artist grow stronger and gave him more direct experience.

Tobi wrapped two strong arms around Deidara's smaller body, pulling him close. This was risky, but he couldn't contain himself any longer. 'Tobi' was always touch-y feel-y, but never with such sincerity. In an attempt to make up for his strange behaviour, Tobi whispered, "Deidara-senpai, you should think of happier things. Add some sugar."

Feeling the tense muscles of Deidara's back pressed against his chest, Tobi was secretly dying in bliss. Even more so when his senpai chose not to yell at him, but rather say, "Ri – r – right, hm."

And that wonderful tic, that small sound he made at the end of every other one of his sentences. It gave him chills. Every sound, breathy noise, or gentle gasp Deidara made turned Tobi's legs to jelly. Who could imagine that he, the one who would one day bring the world to its knees, would give his soul to the boy before him?

"Can I keep hugging you, senpai?"

Deidara suddenly pushed off of him, "No! I'm not a weak baby that needs comforting!"

Enjoying the sight of tinged cheeks, Tobi smiled, disregarding the lingering pain in his chest.

* * *

It was dinner time.

As unusual as it was for ten of the strongest mass murderers to sit down over a kotatsu table and eat like respectable citizens, it happened on certain occasions. The Akatsuki members were nomadic, only occasionally getting together for several days every season, to Pein's request. It was an opportunity to have meetings, as every member could throw in their input for future plans and rest in the process. It was especially difficult gathering even two pairs of partners together. It was harder still getting such ruthless killers to sit down and dine together. It was even _harder_ , to deal with Hidan. Every member could collectively agree on that.

To Deidara's left, Kakuzu sat quietly, eating a bowl of rice. Pein had smartly seated Hidan and Itachi away from him, something he was extremely grateful for. Both men frustrated the bomber to insane levels. He swore if he had to hear another comment about Jashin or see another beady pair of red eyes staring at him, Deidara was going to flip tables. It was when he was surrounded by the rest of the Akatsuki, did he truly appreciate having Tobi as his partner. Imagining Hidan, Itachi, or the money obsessed Kakuzu for a teammate had him shrivel up. Deidara grimaced. No thanks. That didn't mean the Tobi-brat didn't annoy him! All he was saying was that it could have been worse.

Speaking of Tobi, he had chosen to sit in front of him, and was currently blabbering about something or another to Zetsu. Seeing the stupid, swirly, orange mask stuck to that even more stupid head pissed him off. Tobi had grown attached to him, cared about him, and was being nice to him. Deidara did not want this sort of attention. He wanted the idiot to be a good partner on the battlefield, but also keep a decent, respectful distance away otherwise. Deidara didn't like intimacy like Tobi did.

Deidara stared into his bowl of steaming rice, ignoring the queasy turns in his stomach. He felt sick, and it was all _his_ fault. Deidara could still feel the man's built arms wrapped around his torso, the broad chest pressed softly against his back, and still hear Tobi throw his own words right back at him.

Why did Tobi care anyways?

Oh, that's right, the brat worried about everyone. Deidara sighed.

"You're rather quiet today, Deidara," Zetsu had spoken, voice cutting through the light chatter at the table.

A single blue eye narrowed, and the arsonist glowered at the two-coloured plant, "Pass me a peach."

"I'll do it, senpai!"

Deidara's glare darkened. He did _not_ want to associate with Tobi right now. Just his luck, Deidara found himself staring into a pair of red eyes. A pair of beautiful, disgusting eyes that deserved to be shredded and burned to the pits off hell. Those damned Sharingan eyes. Itachi had some nerve – if the other members weren't present, Deidara would have challenged the Uchiha tyke right then and there.

With an eye blazing and promising bloody murder to Itachi, he licked his drying lips. If anyone was going to stare at him so blatantly, they would do it in respect or admiration. Deidara ignored the hand. Fucking Uchiha, he thought, rising to his feet. Not once breaking eye contact with his rival, Deidara excused himself, "I'm heading to bed. Thanks for the food."

Pein nodded in his direction, which was a sign of acceptance. Deidara left without another word.

vvv

Deidara was lying down in his room, staring at his dark ceiling. It was made of thick stone, jagged and uneven. The entire base was created from the minerals of nearby mountains, somehow squeezed underground and carved to form a respectable hideout.

Deidara huffed.

As much as he really, really, _really_ hated to admit it, Tobi was right. Deidara had overreacted, just a little. But it wasn't like he could help it! Every time Deidara set eyes on Itachi, his blood began boiling, as if preparing to set off for the biggest explosion yet.

The door to his room opened, and Deidara could guess who it was before he even looked. There was Tobi, standing with his hands behind his back. Deidara rolled his eye.

"Go away, hm," he sighed, rolling over.

The brat didn't listen, walking into the room with loud footsteps. Deidara heard the wooden door shut, before silence filled the room. God, Tobi was so annoying. Couldn't he just leave him alone for once?

Rather than doing what Deidara wanted, Tobi had gotten even closer at the edge of his bed. Deidara opened his mouth to start reprimanding him in frustration, but then the touch of leather pressed against the side of his head, and he snapped it shut.

Tobi was – he was...

_Like the last time._

"Are you okay, senpai?" Tobi whispered, not moving a hand. His tone had sounded so sweet, it made Deidara feel warm and want to vomit all at once.

With half of his face stuffed into his pillow, Deidara muttered, "What's wrong with you? You've been acting so weird lately, hm. And I don't know why I always have to remind you to stop touching me."

The hand retracted immediately. Deidara frowned.

"You didn't eat much today, so I brought you the peach you wanted."

That was when Deidara's stomach grumbled, and loudly so. He grinned a toothy grin, not even the least embarrassed. Tobi did something useful, for once. Sitting up on his bed, Deidara patted the space next to him, "We'll split, hm."

"R-really?"

"I'm not repeating myself," he said. Tobi never ate anything in front of anybody. Sometimes he grabbed food and disappeared, but those moments were few and far between. Not that Deidara cared much if Tobi chose to starve himself. He just didn't want his partner to easily tire on their next mission.

Tobi squealed, plopping down next to Deidara, "Oh boy, this makes me so happy, senpai! Thank you, so, so much. Here, I'll cut it and give you the bigger half. You must be starving!"

Deidara bit back a rude comment, seeing Tobi place a plate – that he was apparently carrying the whole time – on his lap. It was a wooden plate. That was a useful habit of Deidara's, to note and memorize little details of his surroundings. Maybe it was an artist thing, he didn't know. It certainly helped him in battle, especially long-range.

The masked nin was quiet. Was that going to be a normal thing from him now on? If so, Deidara didn't mind, not at all. The bomber copied his silence, watching Tobi pull out a knife from under his sleeve. So the brat _did_ cloak hidden weapons. Interesting.

The blade cut through the fuzzy skin, gleaming in the dim lighting. The fruity scents hit Deidara almost immediately. A soft sound escaped him, breaking the near silence in the room. Wow. That smelled absolutely heavenly. Shit, he was starving!

Tobi had stopped cutting.

Before Deidara could admonish or question him, Tobi continued slicing, carefully and slowly. It was a smooth, clean cut, dividing the peach in nearly equal halves.

Cutting out the fact that – all pun intended – Tobi was slicing up a harmless fruit, seeing him wield a weapon was rather... mesmerizing. Deidara swallowed. The knife resembled a puukko, a very rare dagger made by blacksmiths and metalworkers worldwide. Brutish civilians called it a woman's weapon. Shinobi called it stealth. This blade in particular was rather enticing. Practically morphing with Tobi's gloves, the wooden handle was a dark colour, stained black and glossed beautifully. A thin strip of silver had been plated to circle the bottom of the handle, giving it a simple decoration.

What the hell – Deidara was getting turned on by a freakin' knife? Sure, he had a passion for art, but knives weren't as beautiful as explosions. This was completely unreasonable. Maybe it was the way Tobi was holding onto the knife? His index finger had extended and curled around the blade, as if it didn't give two flying fucks about getting cut or not.

Okay, these thoughts had to stop.

Deidara asked the man, "Where did you get that knife? Puukkos are hard to find around here."

He could practically hear Tobi smiling under that swirly, orange mask when he said, "Oh, I don't really know. Zetsu gave it to me. Do you want it?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"...No."

Tobi turned his body to face Deidara, laughing, "If senpai wants it, he can have it. B _u_ t..."

But, what? Geez, Tobi and his games! Deidara wouldn't mind having the knife. Okay, that was an understatement. He _really_ wanted to inspect it. He assumed the puukko held little sentimental value, because Tobi didn't seem like the type to hold onto something for so long. He'd guess that Tobi would loose interest in an object when he found a newer, prettier one. If he didn't lose it first, anyways.

"Hm, but you have to let Tobi feed you!"

Wait, what? Deidara's mouth opened in shock, "I'm not a baby, hm! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Tobi held up the dagger to Deidara's eye level, swinging the weapon between two fingers, "I think you want this really badly, senpai. It's made from water buffalo horn, birch, and silver with a damascus steel blade. Exquisite, no?"

That bastard! He _knew_ what he was doing! Deidara just wanted a glimpse. So badly. The weapon was a work of art, one so exotic and rare, it deserved to be fleeting. Here was Tobi, keeping it for who knew how long and letting it rot. The blade was underappreciated. Deidara wasn't materialistic in the slightest, but seeing a fine weapon being used like a kitchen knife? That was shameful. Tobi had Deidara figured out enough to know how he felt about armament.

He huffed, "The Akatsuki's rubbed off on you, Tobi. You're getting pretty cunning."

The scamp only dangled the knife closer to Deidara's face.

Bad move, Deidara smirked, swiping for the blade.

He blinked.

Wow.

Tobi was pretty swift.

Said man laughed in what could only be described as sheer amusement, "Oh, senpai. You were too slow."

Deidara glared, "Fine. Fine! Just cut my piece into smaller slices, hm."

At least he could still boss Tobi around. And technically, this was a win-win situation. Not only would Deidara be getting that fabulous puukko, but he'd get fed like damned _royalty_ too.

Tobi had suddenly pressed a peach slice to his lips, cutting Deidara from his thoughts. It felt weird. He felt weird. He still wasn't sure if he liked the thought of being spoon-fed, so he didn't open his mouth. Instead, with furrowed brows, he tried to stare into Tobi's eye hole. If only he could see through that damned thing! How was it always so dark anyways? Did Tobi have a black slab for a face?

Deidara's eyes narrowed as Tobi began jiggling his leather-covered hand. The yellow tissue of the fruit moistened and cooled the criminal's lips, which Deidara thought felt sort of pleasant. He pushed that dangerous thought aside.

Tobi urged him, practically singing, "Come on senpai, open up. Don't you want to break into the fruit's ripe flesh... taste it's juices on your tongue? Doesn't that sound delicious, Deidara-senpai?"

Okay, he was probably losing it. The way Tobi said that. It was dark.

He stared into Tobi's peephole.

Then a chill crawled up his spine. Deidara could _feel_ the man staring at him.

Tobi pushed the peach against his bottom lip, parting open Deidara's mouth. He whispered, voice almost threatening, "Senpai... You're acting like a child."

Him? Him! Acting like a child? Was Tobi serious?

Deidara considered biting off Tobi's hand, but threw that thought aside. It wouldn't prove anything. Besides, the kid would just start yelling and shouting, which would do nothing but permanently damage his ears.

The masked man was edging toward him, now sitting so close, their knees were touching. He used a thumb, cramming it between the bomber's white teeth. Deidara's eyes widened, mind hitting a blank.

Tobi was...

He – Tobi was...

"Open up, Deidara."

Scaring him.

Deidara shuddered, finally complying and allowing Tobi to shove the fruit into his mouth. The sweet fructose hit his tongue. Shocked eyes had closed, Deidara chewing the delightful fruit in utter rapture. He was so hungry it hurt.

Tobi had been so demanding, so frightening, for that brief minute. It was tempting. God, if Tobi could act like that all the time, Deidara wouldn't be ashamed to have him as a partner.

He cracked open an eye, “You should try being this assertive in combat, hm.”

“Assertive?” Tobi questioned.

Deidara frowned, “Yeah, hm. What's wrong with you? You're acting peculiar, hm.”

“I think I might be angry,” he said. Tobi sounded unsure of himself, suddenly.

Deidara had never, ever heard of Tobi feeling anger. He was quick to ask, “Why would you be mad?”

“Because I know what it feels like to be trapped, too.”

He didn't think he'd get a proper response if he asked, so he didn't. Still, he couldn't help but wonder about Tobi's past. Deidara was so used to feeling chained, he didn't even notice anymore. It seemed like he misjudged Tobi. The man wasn't as aloof as he thought. He recognized the root of Deidara's agitation before he did himself. He had been trying to make him feel better by offering presents and feeding him. How very Tobi.

Noticing Tobi's thumb was touching the corner of his mouth, Deidara turned slightly away, feeling more accepting, "Another one, hm."

As if broken from a spell, Tobi's hand jolted off Deidara's lip and went for another peach slice. Then he giggled, "Is Tobi a good boy?"

Deidara narrowed an eye, staring straight at Tobi. The man had his head down, hand hovering over the plate of peach slices, as if searching for the best one. Maybe Deidara was just over thinking this, Tobi was still an idiot.

When the mask had lifted to look at him, Deidara scowled, "I feel ridiculous. Give me the puukko. A deal's a deal, hm."

Tobi shoved another peach into Deidara's mouth, "Will that make Tobi a good boy?"

"Yes," he snarled, not caring his mouth was full, "Now gi – ."

Deidara looked into his outstretched palm, feeling the cool touch of metal against his skin. There it was, as beautiful as ever. Whether or not he'd return it was another story. He grinned, swallowing down the peach slice.

"I hope you feel happy now, senpai."


	5. Oranges - "Free Will"

"You will be heading to the palace of Uesugi in the Land of Iron. This is an undercover assassination, your contract being the daimyo himself. The objective is to get in and out without revealing your identities as ninja. If there are witnesses, rid of them," Pein paused, looking down at a scroll on his desk. The man's bureau was tidy of unnecessary décor, a desk in the back - where the redhead was seated - and that was it. It was something Tobi appreciated, as he'd always loved to keep his space neat and clean. There was something about messy, unorganized, cluttered rooms that frustrated him. Deidara was annoyingly one of those unkempt sorts of people. Tobi always offered to clean up after him, and it wasn't just to uphold his goofy facade. He offered because he felt compelled to be rid of such disarray. On the other hand, what could he do? That was Deidara's personality, he thought, smirking. Charming.

Tobi took the opportunity to whine to Pein, "Ah, but Leader-sama, it's so cold there! Besides, haven't you heard the rumours? No shinobi should challenge their samurai! Not even Deidara would win against them."

"What did you say?! I'll beat you bloody, Tobi!"

"Be quiet!" their leader's entrancing eyes constricted in annoyance, "Both of you will have your chakra sealed and must act as regular civilians. Deidara will disguise himself as a mistress for the feudal lord. I will _not_ hear any complaints from either of you. Uesugi is expecting both of your visits. Tobi will act as the escort."

Sneaking a glance towards Deidara, Tobi had to resist the urge from chuckling. The boy looked as though he was about to gauge out Pein's powerful eyes, make a delectable dish, and spoon feed him. It was admirable seeing the boy restrain himself from lashing out. He must have already faced punishments from their "leader". Pein was not one to take disrespect of any kind, a well-known factor in the organization. However, even this should have broken Deidara's self-restraint. He was to not only act, but also dress as a girl. Pein was essentially saying Deidara resembled one. It must have been a hurtful blow to his pride. The dark humour in Tobi was thrilled at this, but the softer side of him hated seeing the artist so down.

Pein did not give Deidara a chance to say anything, speaking with even more authority, "I will seal your chakra. Come here."

The two obeyed. Pein stood, first walking towards the youngest. A few hand signs later, and both of them had their chakra repressed. Tobi was impressed by the jutsu; a Hyuuga would only see the patterns of a civilian: chakra channels disordered and weak. The jutsu concealed their chakra paths more so than it sealed them. It would take a mildly forceful push for their regular chakra flow to return. Even now, he could feel his Sharingan still active. The jutsu must be ineffective to bloodline limits. Tobi wondered if Deidara's mouths were still active, seeing as how they were partially kekkei genkai.

"Should either of you fail, the Akatsuki will be in a dire situation. I'll repeat myself: they must not know you are shinobi. In, kill, out. No witnesses. You leave today. Dismissed."

Tobi was handed a scroll with the rest of their mission details before the two Akatsuki members were kicked out of the bureau. The moment the door shut behind them, Deidara had roared in outrage. The instinctual ear piercing sound echoed throughout the cavern halls, manifesting the artist's anger. Tobi closed his eyes, hating the horrible emotions rolling off the smaller body, yet unable to deny how absolutely entrancing Deidara looked. The tips of his ears were red, hair tussled, and eyes brimming with unshed tears. As much as he wanted to, there was no point in comforting Deidara because he would only see it as being babied; it wouldn't help the situation. Even so, he had to try.

After several hours of enduring with Deidara's rage, Tobi had successfully calmed down his senpai. It took a lot of reassuring words and compliments from his end, but eventually the man agreed to dress up. They were getting ready in Tobi's room, door shut from prying eyes. Deidara had refused to prepare himself, stating that he had no reason to know how girls got ready. Tobi had offered to help, which lead to the artist making fun of him. Not that he minded of course. Tobi could look down underneath his pants to check; he was positive he would find some dangly parts that defined masculinity somewhere under there.

Tobi proposed again, “I can help you if that's okay?”

“No one can know about this, hm,” Deidara hissed, “So just this once.”

Ah, Tobi would make certain that there would be more times than 'just this once'... plenty more. He'd assist Deidara at any chance given.

The raven gripped a brush in his hands, running it through those golden locks he loved so much. As the boy was an S-ranked missing nin, he would obviously have tussled, knotted, tangled hair. There was the occasional twig or shred of leaf Tobi had to pull out too. It was such a sweet moment, Tobi didn't ever want the tangles to go away. Trying to push away his igniting thoughts, Tobi found himself whispering hushed words to the bomber,

"Being feminine and beautiful isn't all that bad senpai! See, I wouldn't think I'd make a very pretty girl, definitely not as much as you. I don't have long, flowy hair. Yours reminds me of the sun! No, that's too corny. It reminds me of... oh! Canary birds! You like birds too, right senpai? You're just like a bird! My hair is ugly like coal. I'm so jealous."

Deidara snarled, baring his teeth like a dog, "Shut up, Tobi."

Konan had brought an extravagant set of kimono layers and walked away. Since then, Tobi had been helping Deidara get into them. She didn't bring the traditional dozen layers worn by high nobility, since that was overkill. Instead, there were six. Konan wasn't one to feel pity, but she did want the mission to succeed, so she explained to them, “Uesugi's previous partners were all blond and blue eyed. Don't take it personally, Deidara.”

Said blond-haired member's shoulders loosened after this, even while he muttered, “That's why wigs exist, hm.”

“Your carriage will be here in two hours,” she had said, voice steady.

That was about an hour ago. Deidara was starting to complain about how heavy the fabric was, questioning why anyone sane would willingly wear this. Tobi had to agree. Clothing should be freeing and not hinder one in battle. There were always men and women who preferred to wear expensive, constricting clothing to flaunt. What good was that? The silks would be dirty, bloodied, and torn by the end of just one mission.

Deidara sighed in what must have been relief once Tobi pulled the strings of gold away from his face. He was cute. It was impossible to forget how lethal Deidara was, and this... _pink_ didn't deter that. Rather, Tobi found it did the opposite. Honey for hair and caramel skin, both so sweet it made your being ache. All one had to do was look into the crystal clear eye to see the hostility and threat brewing under. It was the gaze of an experienced soldier.

Tobi exclaimed, "Hey, I think wearing so many layers for this mission is a good thing! It hides your larger muscles and chest, so it's less suspicious. Don't you think so?"

Tobi combed the smooth hair, watching Deidara smile cheekily at the discrete compliment. The quirk of lips didn't last long. The soon-to-be lady quickly grimaced, "Let's not forget how absolutely snobby royalty are. If Uesugi saw me dressed in cheap fabric, he'd stick his nose up and the mission would be a bust. Hm."

"So smart," Tobi gushed, putting the brush down.

Hands on his hips, he gave Deidara a once over. Now that Deidara was a bit more accepting to the mission, he unsure whether to laugh at the feminine dilemma, or ravish him right then and there. Dressed in the most lightest pinks, whites, and greens, Deidara looked ready to explode in humiliation. Mixed with the emotions so evident on the sharp, tanned face, the youth may as well have been begging to get claimed. This was... incredibly endearing. Tobi reached out and placed a gentle hand on the man's exasperated face,

"Will you marry me, senpai?"

Deidara smacked Tobi's hand away, growing redder by the minute, "I swear to the gods I don't believe in, Tobi – ."

Tobi shook his head, letting out a 'tsk-tsk', "You need to act girly too, it's not just about the looks. Ooh, and paint your lips for that extra touch."

He twirled, placing a finger on his mask where his lips would be.

Tobi saw a sly smirk forming on Deidara's face.

That was not the reaction he expected.

He gulped loudly, taking a few steps backwards. The blond began edging closer to him, white, opened robe, slipping off his shoulders to reveal the green silk underneath. His eye-scope was gone, safely tucked away, and replaced with a lacy eye-patch. The ice in Deidara's visible eye was dancing in mirth, mischievousness glowing through.

Okay, Deidara was far too attractive for his own good. Did he even notice he surpassed the deities of beauty?

Under all the makeup and pink, he was still stunningly handsome. The delicate appearance was just another type of mask, one hiding the remorseless lover of obliteration, demolition, and destruction. He was insane, hiding under a façade of splendor. Deidara's lust for artistic death? It only pulled Tobi in. One could say that sanity was just a cover for consensus. The ethics of this abhorrent world were nauseating; greed excused their crimes. The bomber was a breath of the freshest, cleanest, most true air one could obtain. His insanity was Tobi's definition of true caliber.

Deidara pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him roughly against the wall. Tobi let him. The man was leaning in closer, a deliberate smirk engraved finely into his face.

That expression was just too much for Tobi. Something hot and heavy coiled low in his stomach. Deidara always knew what he wanted, and was never openly indecisive. It was this aggressive confidence that left his knees shaking. If the boy knew the effect he had on him – all the damned time, might he add – Tobi let out a shaky breath, eye never leaving Deidara's.

Then a tanned hand was under his jaw, grasping his chin and rubbing against the dark material, "What about you? Don't you think wearing that mask is a little... suspicious? Hm."

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Yes, of course. So, that was what Deidara wanted.

How sly.

Tobi couldn't show him his face, not yet anyways. It was too soon.

The question was not that surprising, Tobi expected it to pop up sometime before the mission started. But when did Deidara ever get this daring? Like _this_? Tobi's brain was too foggy to comprehend anything else, so he grabbed the smaller wrist before it got too close to the swirly, orange mask.

He exhaled, feigning resignation, "Ah... Okay, senpai."

Deidara stared up at him expectantly, eyes gleaming in anxiousness. Tobi was going to have to make his escape.

"Turn around first, please," he said.

His partner frowned, but complied. Tobi waited precisely three seconds, before jolting away. He sprinted out the door, screaming and laughing, "If you follow me, everyone will see you dressed like that!"

Goodness, his legs were still shaking. And not from the run. Tobi heard Deidara shout promises of death all the way down the hall, where he was still laughing.

Their mission was not one Tobi had given permission for Pein to deliver, so at first it came out as a surprise. However, after reading through the mission details, Tobi had decided it was acceptable and would not scold Nagato too harshly. The Uchiha grabbed the scroll from under his coat, reading through it once more:

_Deidara's alias is now Satomi, her family name is Kouen._

_The only information Uesugi is aware of is the following:_

_Satomi Kouen. Age 21. Daughter of a minor court from the Land of Earth._

_Tobi is her personal guard and long-time friend._

_His name is Yuudai and he is trained in close combat._

_He will only let his sights off Satomi when she requests it._

_Yuudai and Satomi hold little knowledge on shinobi._

_No matter the cost, eleminate Uesugi._

Now, maybe this sounded rather simple, but it was far more complicated than first glance. If the Land of Iron were to feel threatened by shinobi, they would begin an investigation and tensions between nations would increase. As a result, several nations would inconspicuously increase their defences. Hunting down the jinchuuriki would therefore become more bothersome. It was too early to start an uproar.

Fighting without the use of chakra did not frighten him, but he was worried for Deidara. The man's taijutsu was exceptional, but it wasn't enough to fight against hundreds of trained samurai in their homeland, should it need be. Tobi's role as a body guard wouldn't be so fake, it seemed.

He disappeared into a storage room, where he knew several costumes was hung. Tobi was not afraid of anyone watching him, he could scan the perimeters around the room with the remaining chakra in his eyes. Zetsu was the only member who was completely undetectable, but he wasn't a problem.

On the floor, there were various plates of dark armour and black materials. Stripping out of his Akatsuki robes, Tobi dressed into a form-fitting body suit made of sheep's wool. The Land of Iron would be freezing. While his immunity to the elements were tough, the blizzards there would still prove to be somewhat of a mild annoyance.

On top of the hugging fabric, Tobi slipped on and tied a pair of hakama tightly around his waist. Printed, golden hexagons decorated the bottom hems, trailing up to the length of his knees. He did not care about the rest of the details.

Deidara's life was at risk, Tobi could sense it. This mission would not go as planned, that was certain. The structure of it was weak in itself, as if it was begging to fail. Surely the people of Iron Country would recognize signs of trespassers: secretive guests, little background information, and sudden notice, just to name a few. Then again, humans were foolish.

It would be an intriguing experience, but he'd be damned if he let some worthless samurai lay a hand on Deidara. Tobi would let Uesugi touch Deidara to an extent, until he got comfortable enough for Deidara to plunge his heart with a knife. If the pig dared to do anything inappropriate, he'd die. Tobi would not let things get too far and out of hand.

Fastening on the dark chest plate, single shoulder guard, and a grey sash around his waist, Tobi breathed in. He'd need to cover his mask, since taking it off was a definite no. Rather pathetically, he'd grown attached to the orange thing, so replacing it was improbable. Getting rid of it completely was inconceivable. No one should see his face. A black covering made of stretchy fabric sitting on the ground, next to his feet. Tobi picked it up, giving it a once over. There were no eye-holes. Tobi slipped it on top, so it stuck to his own swirly mask. The fabric clung so tightly to the orange clay, it was practically a second skin. He cut a small slit where his eye hole was, letting the pressure on the fabric stretch it open to just the perfect size. If Tobi were to look in a mirror, he was certain he'd still see the bumpy slopes from the swirls under the black fabric.

Gloved hands picked up the sheathed katana laying on the floor, tucking it into his sash. Tobi knew that when he went back to see Deidara, he would have to amp up his 'blockhead' act. This costume made him look threatening, so he'd have to ensure the blond was reminded of Tobi's idiotic attitude.

Slipping a pair of brown sandals and armband, Tobi burst out of the room.

He ran back down the halls, turned a corner, and was not surprised when he saw Kisami standing there with his arms crossed. Tobi twirled, ignoring the raised brow, "How do I look? Cool, no? I feel like a warrior! I bet I scared you, haha!"

Shark teeth revealed themselves when Kisami grinned, "Sure. You look fetching, Tobi."

"Duh," Tobi waved, skipping down the halls back to Deidara.

•

"I don't know why _you_ get to dress like a strong mercenary," Deidara huffed, crossing his arms.

"It's because I'm not short like you," Tobi patted him on the back, "Kouen-sama, you're not a very polite lady."

Asshole. You're an asshole, Tobi, Deidara thought. He let out a strangled hiss, "Wanna say that ag – ! ...Nevermind."

He suddenly stopped, pausing to think. His height was a touchy subject to bring up. Damned right Tobi deserved a bomb up his ass. It was too bad both of their chakra's were sealed, figuratively and physically. This time the idiot was lucky. Deidara could always strangle him, like last time after the battle with Kakashi, the silver-haired Sharingan-user. Speaking of strangulation and explosives, Pein needed several of them. Why couldn't Konan take this role? Wasn't it more, you know, sensible? Deidara told himself she probably had other assignments, because if he continued thinking like this, he'd lose his cool.

Then he sighed.

Right. Right. Deidara had to act in character now. This mission would be the end of him! At least – and this made it all the better – Itachi apparently also had to disguise himself once, before Deidara joined the Akatsuki. Though not just as a female, but a waste of a whore to top it off. He could understand why they chose him for that mission. With dark hair and dark eyes, members of the Uchiha clan were undeniably pretty. The brothel must have been quick to grab him, despite how small and young Itachi would have been. How many other children were being used every night? The notion was unsettling. Humans were quick to forget their morality, especially when money was involved. Whoever was unlucky enough to hire the kid Uchiha for the night got what they deserved. If Itachi suffered through this, then so could he. Deidara was more strong-willed than that manifestation of heartlessness, anyways. Knowing this was the only thing keeping him sane.

They were nearing the border, riding in a carriage that was very warm and cozy. If Deidara screwed up his role before he got close enough to the feudal lord, the entire mission would be a bust.

The coachman could probably hear them the entire time. Great.

He exhaled out, raising his voice by several octaves and keeping it breathy, "Please forgive me, Yuudai-san."

Tobi nodded, whispering, "You sound like a girl, senpai."

Yes, Tobi, that was the point.

"Well, you don't sound like a trained guard, hm," Deidara frowned, "Try to deepen your voice a little, stop calling me senpai, and be mysterious. Don't screw up, hm."

The kid remained silent for a while, fidgeting with his katana. In the meanwhile, Deidara pulled out the puukko Tobi had given him a few days earlier. The blade glinted in his hands. It was beautiful. He could hide the knife in his kimono. If Uesugi caught it and asked why he was carrying a weapon, Deidara would brush it off and say it was in case someone attempted assault and 'Yuudai' wasn't there. It wasn't uncommon for civilians to carry around hidden weapons.

Opening his right palm, Deidara frowned at this sight of his closed, practically invisible mouth. The seal Pein had used made the both pairs of lips stitch tightly shut together. Memories of all the wonder battles he had flashed through his mind. These two hands of his were his babies! Deidara wanted to stuff a bomb down the bastards throat for shutting away his chakra and taking his abilities to make true art! It was like being trapped in a cage. He was pining to get out, yet all his struggles ended up being futile. The bars were too thick and the lock too secure. Damn the rules, Deidara was going to destroy the Akatsuki base when he got back! The sooner this mission was over, the better.

Realizing he needed to calm down, Deidara surveyed his partner.

To him, it felt as if Tobi was a stranger. Without his swirly, orange mask, the man looked alien. The armour he was wearing didn't suit him, the Akatsuki cloak did. That being said, Tobi pulled off black pretty good. Deidara's cheeks stained a bright hue – mostly in envy and anger, mind you – when he noticed his stare lingered on the man's arms for four seconds longer than necessary. The material clung tighter than his old sweater, unnecessarily making the toned muscles more prominent. Fuck, how come Deidara never noticed how built Tobi was? It was such a... such an eye sore!

Then he spoke, and Deidara could have fainted,

"Understood, Kouen-sama. I will do my best to please you," Tobi sat straighter, squaring his shoulders and lifting his chin.

Holy shit.

That voice.

Deidara stared wide-eyed at Tobi. Then he gracefully sputtered, "W-wh-wha..."

With a smile practically shining through his black mask, the armoured man gave Deidara a double thumbs up. Tobi lowered his voice by dozens of notches! And he made it sound so, so... so natural! If Deidara wasn't aware of the truth, he really would have thought this baritone was his real voice! Who knew Tobi was so good at voice acting?

Tobi deflated, slouching once more and talking as stupidly as he usually did, "How was that?! Amazing, right?!"

Deidara looked at his sealed, clammy palms, "It was fine, hm."

That was such a lie, it was more than fine. Because sweet clay it sounded like the wonderful, addictive, lucid white-noise that disoriented his opponents after a devastating explosion. Simply put, it soothed his nerves. Not that Tobi would ever know Deidara was thinking such horrifying thoughts. He even added,

"I think I prefer your fake voice over your shrill screams and girlish squeals anyways, hm."

"What a shame. It's disappointing to know you think that way," Tobi commented, dropping his tone again. His standard, everyday sarcasm slipped out, despite everything. Tongue still sonorous, he continued, "My inspiration is Zetsu, or even Pein, my lady."

If he was going for Black Zetsu, Tobi was totally off. That guy... that Black Zetsu was pure evil. If Tobi trusted someone like him, something was wrong.

“You're tense. Relax,” Tobi leaned back against his seat, “My lady.”

It was like hearing a completely different person. Only traces of Tobi's personality would occasionally spill out. Deidara couldn't ignore the unfamiliar shiver running down his back, gnawing at his lip in distress, "Keep it up, hm."

An hour or so passed, morning reaching its limit. The temperature was noticeably colder inside the carriage, if the snow outside the windows didn't say anything to prove otherwise. Beautiful spirals of frost clung to the corners of the thin glass plate. They had reached the Land of Iron.

Moving through the gates of the small village proved to be rather difficult, the samurai defending the doors questioning them mercilessly. Lucky for the disguised criminals, however, the guards were eventually fooled by 'Satomi's' charm and let them through. Deidara had to give himself a pat on the back for that one.

* * *

Deidara had been escorted into the daimyo's palace's court, through various halls, and into a guest room. Tobi had followed, saying nothing.

He was busy observing his surroundings, counting the soldiers in each room, scrutinizing their routines. The rooms were filled with samurai, servants, and nobles alike. There was an armed soldier behind him and one in front, leading the Akatsuki members to their ruler. Deidara had kept his temper in check, which astonished him. He'd do well not to underestimate the younger man from now on.

"Wait outside," a soldier had said gruffly behind him. Deidara cast him a glance, before returning his attention back to front. They were now about to take a seat inside of a clean room with minimal furniture. A bonsai stood near the opposite shojo screen from his position. It was the first plant life Tobi had seen in the frozen lands, excluding pines.

He could now speak as a man carrying intelligence without raising any suspicion. This was a nice change. Tobi turned to the samurai, "I follow orders from no one but Lady Kouen."

"I wish for him to stay, at least for the time being," Deidara breathed, "I apologize if it serves as a hindrance to you."

After a few moments of hesitance, the few soldiers nodded curtly, leaving with a sharp turn on their heel. Tobi, Deidara, and two servants were now the only occupants of the room. One of the ladies bowed her head to the disguised noblewoman, dark hair dishevelled and eyes tired.

She voiced, "Lord Uesugi will arrive shortly. Would you enjoy some tea?"

Deidara smiled, one so sickeningly sweet, "No, thank you."

That was when Tobi realized Deidara's mouths on his hands were exposed. Previously sealed closed, with only marks resembling scars running across his palms, had now begun to rip open. Both hands were rough, calloused, and his fingers were scarred. Some of the flesh was burned from previous missions and unstable experiments. They were not the hands of a spoiled noblewoman; they were the incredibly appealing ones of an explosive specialist. As much as Tobi found Deidara's hands to be the most enticing pair of things in world, he knew they could be a cause of this mission's failure. Uesugi would notice all of it, unless he was a complete blockhead.

Something disturbing settled in the pit of his stomach. Tobi knew they were not in any important village, only a minor one. It held average political power in the Land of Iron; however, their lack of safety measures were pathetic. Either Pein did an excellent job with the admission, Deidara and him were falling into a trap, or these samurai were naive fools with a pitiful security system.

The Uchiha would not be idiotic enough to just assume these famed warriors didn't question 'Yuudai' and 'Kouen Satomi' even the slightest; better safe than sorry, as they say. Not that Tobi felt threatened by the samurai and their dull swords. It would be a hindrance, nothing less and nothing more.

These samurai could not follow their own free will, forever trapped by the honour of serving their lord. Even if they did sense something fishy, they could not act on it before informing their ruler. Tobi despised them because of this. These samurai held more strength than their lords, the fat men who did nothing but drink sake and eat off a silver platter. Such strong warriors bowed down to the pigs of their nation. It was pathetic. Humans differed from animals because they were given the ability to choose. Animals did what they had to do to survive; humans were given the ability to reason, gifted with a superior conscience. Why not use it? Hogs, pigs, and dogs, they were everywhere he looked.

A true leader did not throw commands and expect his soldiers to follow blindly. A true leader morphed and meddled with their thoughts, changing their false beliefs to ones that abided by his rules. It was the way to ensure the warriors following weren't dragged out with a chain tied to their wrists. It was vital they took the willing steps themselves. Unlike those wretched fools who used status and money to attract followers, Tobi won over his soldiers by showing them reality for what it was: despair.

The world's hierarchy would be its downfall.

Tobi let out a soft breath. Should Lord Uesugi display signs of suspense, he'd encourage Deidara to kill him sooner. But, if Uesugi remained oblivious to Deidara's true intentions, then the assassination could be done quietly. From the looks of things, he'd have to use Kamui at some point or another. Nonetheless, the mission would get done, he'd make sure of it.

That was when the lord entered. The shouji door snapped open to reveal a man dressed in plum robes.

Behind the mask, an eye flashed red.


	6. Washed Oranges - "Claiming Free Will"

Civilian lords were known to be old and greedy, inheriting their title much later in life, once upon their father's death. Royal faces were wrinkled and eyes beady. Every last one of them had a mouth sealed in a neverending frown, their thoughts on war, profit, and possession. Tobi had come across many lords within his lifetime, and each carried a face more hideous than his own. Yet this one, this Lord Uesugi, possessed a face so aesthetically pleasing, Tobi wanted to rid the world of it. It was impossible an artist like Deidara had not noticed the sculpted features.

He risked a glance at the golden haired boy and instantly regretted it. Deidara looked enraptured. A soft hiss escaped between Tobi's lips.

Lord Uesugi grinned, teeth like pearls and cheeks dimpled, "Ah, Kouen, my Lady! What a fair creature you are!"

"Uesugi-sama," Deidara bowed low. Tobi could sense the frustration radiating off of the artist. It was embarrassing, having to kneel for some weakling, "I am honoured. Please, Satomi is just fine."

The artist's face was flushed. Under a sea of vanity, Uesugi would have taken it for attraction, but Tobi could see it for what it really was. A deep anger initiated by one of Deidara's greatest fears, the notion of something taming his chaos. The bomber depended on attention, and being in control. Deidara rose from his bow, eye intense.

Even Uesugi could not look away. He purred, "Satomi. If you would pardon my lack of manners, but what happened to your eye?"

Deidara's lip drew down into a sneer, which he quickly used to feign sadness, "A suitor did not appreciate my declination, hm- Him. He. Oh, I'm so sorry, it brings back terrible memories. The pain was excruciating."

"I hope you have dealt with the suitor," the lord commented, "Should I have been there, he surely would have received the appropriate punishment for hurting an unarmed Lady."

"He has been dealt with," Deidara tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Tobi thought it worked out for the best, given their topic of conversation.

"I was very worried about our deal. It was so out of the blue, so of course I had my suspicions. Thankfully for the both of us, there was no ambush."

Deidara gasped, "Ambush?"

"Yes, yes. There have been several occasions where guests have entered my castle with dozens of shinobi hiding behind them. I do not take kindly to those who betray my trust; hence why I have had my guards scout the area. Not to fear. They will be returning to the castle shortly, so you can be better guarded."

This was excellent news. It only meant they would have to act soon and escape before the guards returned for their rounds. Tobi couldn't sense any deceit from Uesugi. He made a weak Lord. Trickery was a way to survive. Honour was useless. It was probably best if they waited until Uesugi sat down. If Deidara stabbed the man at close-range, Tobi could kill the two servants and rid of all witnesses.

Deidara's feminine voice echoed in the barren room, "I feel very safe here, Lord Uesugi."

"I've noticed you did not say it was because of me, as any other woman would, in a foolish attempt to gain my affections," Lord Uesugi smiled, "Something has been on my mind for some time now. How close are you to your guard?"

Tobi felt Deidara's stare at the side of his head, "Yuudai and I have overcome great pains together."

Not lying, yet evading the truth. Well done, Deidara. Tobi nodded his head to agree with Satomi, crossing his arms.

Lord Uesugi inspected Yuudai, "I wish to test your strength. If you fight well, I will reward with a position in my army."

Such arrogance, as though his military was anything impressive. Lord Uesugi was smirking. Tobi suspected envy was laced in the smile. While Uesugi was beautiful, with long brown hair and green eyes, he was the same as every other lord. He was greedy, possessive, and expected to have things handed to him on a silver platter. Uesugi lived the luxurious life. Joining his army would, in theory, place Tobi under Uesugi's command. He would be treated as a slave, with little entitlement of his own opinion. The life of a mistress could only be worse. Gifted with riches and physical pleasure, only to be stripped of one's power and rights as a person. Nothing in the world could tame Deidara, not even death. Taming Tobi was something else entirely.

Tobi asked, "If you are not satisfied with my capabilities?"

"Hm," the man in plum feigned thinking, "I suppose we will have no use for you here. Whichever route you follow, you should not expect to see Lady Satomi for much longer. I want her. She is mine now."

Satomi may be his, but _Deidara_ belonged to nobody. The person under the makeup and pink silk was a man of freedom. Gloved fingers clenched tightly over thick biceps.

"...I see," Tobi replied, voice dark.

The soldiers could wait. The mission could wait. Uesugi was __going to rot__. He'd bleed. Tobi needed to see the wretch's misery under his fingers as he squeezed, feel the mortality of his innards, and hear his dying breath.

"Lady Satomi, will you accept my invitation to attend our spar? You will be out of harm's way."

Deidara cast a glance to Tobi, his thoughts blatantly apparent. Tobi could imagine the terrorist visualizing all of the cruel and vicious ways Tobi would get stabbed. Deidara didn't know he could wield a weapon without accidently getting his blade stuck in a tree. Surely, to him, Tobi didn't stand a chance against a soldier who's only weapon of choice had been a sword.

His partner had been silent for too long. Tobi knew what his response would be before it was confirmed.

"I would like to accompany you, my Lord," Deidara finally whispered. Perhaps Uesugi believed the woman looked eager, but Tobi could see the words never reached those blue eyes.

Deidara was being treated as an object being bought. Merchandise never said no to their owners. Therefore, he was expected to say yes. The system was terrible. It was cruel. Everything was so evil. It had to be fixed.

That was why he was here. Cleansing the world of wicked sickness was his responsibility.

Tobi would have to drop the act to kill Uesugi, because the swirly, orange mask did not know how to kill. He resisted the urge to sigh. It would take some focus to find a balance between idiot and bodyguard.

They stepped out into the halls. Tobi kept close to Deidara. He had to warn him about the extra set of mouths on his hands. As though the things had minds of their own, they had completely broken through the stitching of Pein's seal. It was curious. The mouths must have completely merged with his explosive-release kekkei genkai. No matter. The little tongues could reveal their disguises and jeopardize them.

Lord Uesugi took the initiative to walk ahead, so the Uchiha grabbed the mercenary's hand and slipped his thumb through the opening.

Deidara visibly tensed. He gently tugged on his hand, but Tobi didn't let go. There wasn't much else Deidara could do without causing a commotion. People occupied the halls, and even something as minor as hand-holding had caught their attention.

It felt strange in there. The cavern was _hot_ and _wet_ , ideal conditions for molding clay. Tobi dragged his thumb over the tongue, grateful Deidara kept his real mouth quiet. The texture was rough, but not ridged like the regular muscle. It likely lacked taste-buds.

Upon inspection, Deidara was glaring heatedly at him, face flushed. Tobi locked in the sight, wondering if these mouths held sensitive nerves, or if the boy was purely angry. Tobi gestured to the lord with a flick of his head. It took a few moments, but Deidara realized there would be trouble if Uesugi caught sight of his palms. Tobi knew the very instant his partner came to the realization, because the man nearly tripped over his girlish robes.

Walking side by side so closely was doing things to him. Tobi resisted his need to wrap an arm around the lean waist. It was horrid - he caught a whiff of his perfume, the tantalizing scent of oranges radiating in tandem with the artist's natural scent. To the Uchiha, Deidara had always been exotic - wild, free, and dangerous. Tobi would slice some of the citrus when they completed their assignment, if only so he could see Deidara swallow their burning juices. The last time had been tantalizing, complete torture. Tobi could close his eyes and still feel a different mouth nibbling his thumb, lips stained with peaches. He would never forget the feeling, the sight. Never.

Tobi could feel the heavy muscle of Deidara's tongue attempting to mold his gloved finger. Obviously, it was struggling. It never ceased to amaze Tobi how Deidara could sculpt with his _mouth_. People spent hours creating one piece with their bare hands. Heat pooled low in his stomach in an instant.

He couldn't control the direction of his racing thoughts. Deidara on top of him, under him, and touching – so much touching. Tobi wanted to rake his fingers over the warm skin, gloves off and nothing between them. He'd do anything to have him. Sometimes Deidara's presence was all it took for him to get all hot and bothered. Moments like these had him boiled over.

Damn the mission. He should just rip off the layers of unnecessary fabric and fill him—Tobi stopped himself. This lust would drive him mad, this... love would-would...

Tobi wasn't inside Deidara for long, though a century could have passed and he wouldn't know. He pulled his fingers out of the mouth, only moments before Uesugi halted and turned his head, "You will use the katana at your hip, I take it?"

Tobi confirmed, "Yes."

A servant slid open the shoji screen. They entered a very large room, bare, save for the weapons hanging on the walls. Deidara sat near the exit. It was a good placement. If something went wrong, he could quickly slip out.

Uesugi told the servant, "See to it that we are not disturbed."

"Yes, my Lord," she bowed low and disappeared behind a shutting screen.

They went through sparring pleasantries before both men had their swords unsheathed. The best way to approach this was to play defensive, act hesitant, and ensure Yuudai resembled the Tobi who always dodged bombs. This way, Deidara would not get suspicious.

Would killing Uesugi here be a good idea? No. There was no where to dispose the body.

Tobi lifted up his sword and met the lords eyes. The man was poised well. Clearly, he had been trained proper form. Tobi wasn't. Yudaai was.

In the end, Tobi chose to be Yuudai. He could impress Deidara and gain some respect from him as an Akatsuki member, kill the greedy Lord to satisfy himself, and free the soldiers working here.

What was Pein planning, with Uesugi's death? These people had little to do with shinobi. He would investigate at a later time. And should Deidara feel tempted to spread tales about Tobi having skill, no one would believe him. How could foolish Tobi ever land a hit on anyone? It was a blessing most of the members knew him for several years now. They were so accustomed to his idiocy, they no longer questioned him and dropped their guards.

Lord Uesugi shifted his footing before striking a glance towards Deidara.

Tobi changed his mind. Killing him here would be a great idea.

Not a single servant would suspect anything if they heard the sounds of blades clashing. They could spend hours in here before someone came in to check on them.

They were physically unable to use chakra, so where to dispose the body?

...Under the floor.

Tobi broke one of his rules and attacked first. Uesugi must not have expected this, scarcely prepared for the sharpened blade rapidly closing in on his neck. The katana was blocked - in the nick of time - otherwise Uesugi's head would be rolling on hard wood. Tobi did not waste a moment; he released a series of strikes, a slash, slash, jab, slash, jab, and each were thwarted. The clang of metal rung in his ears.

When was the last time he fought with a sword? He could not remember. Chains were his specialty and preferred choice of weapon. Blood was messy. Strangulation was just as painful as cut wounds, if not more fear-inducing. His victims were immobilized when their airways were blocked. Chains were versatile. Their fight would have been a lot more interesting with his old tools back.

Lord Uesugi was agile, but even without the use of his Sharingan, the lord was predictable. Tobi let himself be pulled into defensive, if only to prolongate the fight. _Let him have a taste of victory._ It would end soon enough.

Just before the lord's katana swung through the air, Tobi twirled out of the way, only to see it land where his neck had been. He struck back against Uesugi's next swing with a kick, pushing the lord's blade away with his foot, then twisting in the air to strike back. The blade hit his shoulder, leaving not more than a nick.

They both lowered their swords. Lord Uesugi was panting. Tobi stood rock still.

"You fight very well," Lord Uesugi sounded astonished, "No one has ever touched me before."

Deidara snorted, but quickly covered it up with a clap. Tobi didn't dare look at him. Things weren't going according to plan, or at least, it wasn't what he and Deidara agreed upon. Tobi would deal with the consequences later. Right now, he had to shake up Lord Uesugi.

He raised his katana, and Lord Uesugi mimicked his movements. Not only did the mongrel crave attention, he also imitated those better than him. He was like a lost pup.

The next sequence was quick. Tobi was relentless. Attack after attack, he did not give the fool a chance to breathe. He could sense the fear growing in the green eyes. Uesugi was crying out in panic, releasing little grunts and whines. It was delicious being in control of some pathetic pig. Heartily conscious of Deidara watching him, as he forced the idiot to squeal like a dying hog, it grew something _wicked_ in soul.

Was this how Deidara felt before an explosion? He felt powerful being in control of something so chaotic. He was bloodthirsty.

Tobi let himself get disarmed. He was going to kill the man with his hands; he had to. Tobi needed to feel the life drain out of Uesugi. The lord's cause of death had to be from his own touch.

Without another thought, Tobi dodged, kicked, ducked, and grabbed the sword mid-strike. A fist to the stomach and Uesuagi's grip loosened around the hilt. Tobi flung the blade across the room while kicking the lord in the jaw.

Breathe stolen from his lungs, Uesugi wheezed in outrage, "How—how _dare_ you attack m – !"

Tobi flipped the man onto his back, feeling gratification at the crack of a skull being crushed, and the sight of his head bouncing off the floor. He put a leg on each side of the man's hips, bending down to grip Uesugi around the throat.

Always acutely aware of what Deidara was up to, Tobi sensed the man rise to his feet. He must have recognized the act was over.

Fingers wrapped tight around the thick neck, Tobi lifted the body up with one arm, using the other to latch onto the lord's polished cock over the plum robes. He wasn't smiling under his mask, "You won't be needing this any longer."

He cut the organ off with a knife hidden in his sleeve, grip around the pulsing throat only tightening as the man lashed and attempted to scream. Tobi was not fond of torture, not in the bloody way Hidan did it. Those methods were sickening. However, he couldn't help himself. Uesugi was his least favourite type. He took and he took, things he didn't deserve. Gloved fingers clenched around the bare, bruising neck.

"What the fuck – ," Deidara's voice shook Tobi from his thoughts. He wasn't Satomi anymore, and the lower timbers sent a pleasurable shock down his spine.

Uesugi froze in his hands. Lips blue, he was staring at Deidara in horror.

Deidara noticed this and smirked, "Heh, surprise. Bet you didn't see that one coming, hm."

Tobi had to be Tobi now.

He cried out, tears in his eyes, "Senpai, I'm too scared to kill him!"

Deidara's lip sneered at the sight of the bloodied plum fabric on the floor, covering a noticeable lump. He stepped away from it, moving into Tobi's direct line of sight, "What you did to him is worse than death, hm. Just choke him harder."

"Yes, sir!" Tobi saluted, arm shaking, dropping his hidden knife in the process. The small blade clattered to the floor, blood splattering with it.

He forgot about Uesugi, still squeezing, but opting to observe Deidara's expression. The shock was most prominent, and there was disgust as well, but it was from the flesh on the floor. It must have been quite difficult to see such a grotesque picture. Explosions didn't often leave room for intact body parts, pieces disintegrating into unrecognizable ash. Other than nausea, something Tobi dare not say aloud lingered on the expressive face. It was awe.

Tobi took a moment to bask in the attention, wishing things were different.

Uesugi died, body going limp in his hand. This wasn't his first kill and it wouldn't be the last. Unable to feel anything towards the corpse, Tobi released it. Uesugi's remains hit the floor with a soft thud.

Tobi promptly wailed about how gross it was, "Ew, senpai, ugh, gross. It felt so heavy in my hands, and then it was on the ground, and bleh, it smells so bad, ah!"

"Shut up, Tobi! We need to leave now," Deidara hissed.

Tobi put a finger to his mask, "Senpai, I was thinking we should hide the body under the floor."

Deidara stared at him for a long time. Then he nodded, "Yeah, hm."

Tobi opened his mouth, but Deidara cut him off,

"Don't say anything else. On the rare occasion you suggest something remotely intelligent, you go about ruining it by saying something stupidly idiotic right after, hm."

They went about discarding the corpse. Cutting through floor-boards with minimal chakra wasn't an easy task. It took almost an hour, but the body was safely hidden.

The people of the castle would eventually smell the foul odour of rotting flesh and come to investigate, but that would be long after they left. An autopsy would prove no shinobi had killed their precious lord, as all wounds were inflicted by a blade, which they had thrown in with the body.

Escaping was an easy feat, seeing as both infamous men avoided enemies for a living. They had been stopped once or twice on their hasty retreat. When questioned, they explained they were requested to meet the lord in the courtyard for a tour. Some even offered to escort them, but Satomi was quick to remind them that she didn't think Lord Uesugi would appreciate his soldiers flirting with her. Passing the gates required knocking out the guards and making a mad dash out of the area.

Tobi prepared himself for an interrogation. Deidara was not one to let his curiousity go. The man was cunning and sly, despite his reckless front. Tobi did not know what to expect from the artist, nor what actions to take in response. Soon he would be sitting on a clay bird flying for several days with only Deidara as company, before they returned to the Akatsuki base. He would have to think of something, and something fast.

It was also time he had a discussion with Nagato.

  
  



	7. Plums - "Death"

His chakra was now mostly unsealed, almost as though the jutsu recognized the moment when it was no longer needed. At least it meant he could make his clay birds fly him back 'home'. Deidara had felt more bare without the energy pulses in his limbs and tongues than he did right then, standing naked under the shower. How had Pein even done it? It would be a useful jutsu to use in combat. He closed his one eye.

After the crazy high of playing stealth, the fact that he was cross-dressed as a _woman_ really sunk in. His potential was put to shame. Pein knew very well he was not a stealthy man. Hear that? _Man_. He had a penis. In fact, he was looking at right now! It was all in spite, had to be. Pein knew he hated doing anything Sasori would of liked. Sasori would have gladly sent off one of his puppets as Satomi, without hesitance. Hell, he would have gone himself. All for eternal bullshit.

Deidara had to find Tobi, to make it very clear that if he blabbered about the mission details to anybody, bad things would happen. Crap, shit, hell. Deidara bowed down to some worthless garbage with a pretty face, like some whore. He whispered to himself, his voice lulled out by the sound of water hitting the tile floor. It was all pretend. It was pretend.

Not even the mantra helped. He was absolutely sick of people forcing him to withdraw, to kneel. Deidara inhaled sharply.

Not to mention he was outbested by the fool, Tobi! The twerp who couldn't hold a kunai, even when his life depended on it!

The shriek of glass smashing did not deter him from his thoughts, nor did the blood quickly seeping from his knuckles.

That brat stole his kill. He stole it, embarrassed him – Deidara inhaled again, deeper, and breath shuddering – and did it with some semblance of skill. Tobi's taijutsu was incredible, and it pissed Deidara off. He knew exactly why it pissed him off so much. Tobi waltzed around, pretending he didn't know shit, and making Deidara do all the dirty work. The man was mocking him. He sat around in frilly pink robes batting his lashes while Tobi effortlessly took his kill. Right after Tobi showed him the seals on his hands were disintegrating, Deidara tucked his puukko deep in the cavern of his hand, ready for murder. He figured if he couldn't use his bombs, he'd make the blood burst open from Uesugi's veins. A silent, red explosion.

Except, _that didn't happen._

Deidara shut off the shower and stepped out, not caring for the shards under his feet, nor paying attention to the water dripping onto the floor. Hell, he would walk out nude if he didn't have the not-so-sneaking suspicion that Tobi would freak out at the sight of someone else's dick. Barely paying attention, he wrapped a towel around his waist and desperately hoped Tobi hadn't wandered off.

He hadn't.

The man had sprawled across on one of the beds, orange mask facing the ceiling, an arm dangling from the side of the hotel mattress. He was still dressed in the same shirt as two days ago, Uesugi's blood drying thick on the dark wool. He wasn't asleep. Tobi looked so relaxed and comfortable, Deidara's urge to kick him in the head only grew stronger. He wasn't playing games this time. Tobi had secrets and there was no way in hell Deidara was going to respect them.

He hissed, "Hey, fool. We've crossed the border, hm. No more stalling. Now talk."

Tobi flinched.

He rose up slowly from the bed, socked toes moving to rest on the ground, fingers fiddling nervously.

Finally, the idiot said, "Yay, I'm talking, senpai."

Deidara didn't miss a beat, "Yeah, and you're going to keep talking. You're going to answer my questions, and you're not going to joke around."

"Yes, sir!" Tobi mock saluted, never rising from the bed to stand up. What was the dipshit doing? Baiting him?

"You've never killed a target, not once, within every wasted week I've spent with you, hm. So, why did you take my kill?"

A gloved finger went to touch the chin of his mask. Deidara's wasn't an idiot. Tobi wasn't thinking about his question. He wouldn't be surprised if his partner was daydreaming about rainbows. All of a sudden, Tobi's head fell between his legs, hands covering his mask in a gesture of shame, "Tobi's sorry. I only wanted help."

"The plan was to seduce him and stab him in the back, hm," Deidara snapped, "You could have ruined everything. We could have been discovered."

"I'm so sorry, senpai!" Tobi wailed, "You looked so sad wearing girls' clothes. I thought it would end the mission faster and you could be a boy again!"

" _Man_! Man, Tobi! I'm not a boy, hm," Deidara crossed his arms, "You're always against killing, whining about this and that, hm. So... care to explain?"

Tobi shrugged, "He was being rude to senpai."

Whatever. He wouldn't ever understand Tobi's thought process. Tobi got a kick out of seeing Deidara miserable, but got defensive over him when Uesugi crossed a line. While his excuse seemed valid, it was still against Tobi's nature. Even so, he would have to be stupid to lie to Deidara. Maybe Tobi explained the "why", but the "how" was still confusing as hell.

"Is my apology accepted?" Tobi mumbled.

"No!" Deidara grabbed the man's shoulders, wet and bloody fingers soaking through the wool shirt, "Why didn't you tell me you could fight? Why hide it? What else can you do? If we're going to be partners, I deserve to know this stuff, hm."

Sometimes Deidara felt like the only one in the Akatsuki, besides Pein, who believed Tobi was hiding something – something big. It didn't matter if it was only him who thought so. Deidara was going to figure it out before his grand finale.

Gloved hands snaked around and gently landed on Deidara's wrists. Tobi sounded like he was smiling, because he practically sang, "I can fight! Zetsu taught me. Pein didn't only make me part of the Akatsuki because I was so good-looking. Pein said I was fast on my feet!"

Deidara shoved Tobi away, livid because Tobi was a mysterious little shit just like Itachi, Pein, Sasori, and all of the members - each vain and overconfident shinobi who didn't understand chaos.

Tobi's back hit the bed and the man let out an 'oof'. He lifted his head up in a way that made the bomber think of a dolphin sticking its nose out from the sea's surface.

Maybe Tobi's brain was the size of a peanut, but that didn't mean he couldn't have powerful ninjutsu. Look at Hidan. That guy was batshit insane, and he was as close to immortal as anyone would ever get. It had to be something that Tobi only unlocked on special occasions. Like those crazy psychopaths in his childhood stories, where the innocent little girl was actually a walking, talking manifestation of evil. She just needed a trigger, like a memory or anger.

Tobi had to have that certain something that caught Pein's interest. He refused to believe this idiot could take Sasori's place because he was a "good-looking" guy who could run away with his tail between his legs. Hell, he was probably hiding something hideous under that mask.

He had to pry out more information. Deidara let out something else on his mind, "You've been making me do all of the dirty work, you lazy fat fuck!"

"I only wanted to see your art, senpai!" Tobi wailed, sounding absolutely devastating.

Deidara snarled, "We're going to spar later, and you're going to fight me the way you fought Uesugi. You can keep your jutsu all to yourself, hm. Fine, be a snake. But you can't hide your swordsmanship from me. I already know about that."

Yeah, he was a long range fighter. Fighting against a sword would be bothersome, but it'd be worth it. Deidara turned on his heal, ready to blow something up.

Oh, yeah. He looked over his shoulder, hissing, "And if you tell anyone. Anyone. Even yourself. That I wore a kimono and pretended to be female, hm, I will personally see to it that each of your limbs go missing before the rest of your insides go boom."

He stormed out of the room.

* * *

Tobi let his head hit the pillow, sighing loudly, "Senpai is so mean!"

He dare not move another muscle, fighting down the wave of lust which had washed over him. The sight of Deidara fuming like his lethal bombs, clad in nothing but a thin towel, implied something far more physical than what Tobi was comfortable with. He tried to focus on something else, tried to worry about their 'spar', about Deidara's incessant prying to learn the truth. Tobi strained to think about the plan, about the future, and eternal peace, except such thoughts brought acid to his stomach. Something vile was gnawing at his veins, and he couldn't place the feeling for what it was.

Deidara was in the bathroom, most likely picking shards out of his skin. Tobi stood up, going after him. He had to maintain the role of an annoying idiot, after all. And he craved some comfort, of something familiar. Bugging the hell out of the bomber was one way to go about it.

Scampering across the room, he called out, "Senpai! Senpai!"

The reply sounded exasperated, "What do you want now?!"

When Tobi entered the washroom, he caught sight of the Deidara, who was carelessly tending to his cuts, glaring intensely at the bright red blood. If looks could kill...

Tobi squanted down next to Deidara, "Do you want some help?"

"Go away, hm," was the curt reply. A tan hand shoved at his shoulder. It wasn't forceful enough to stagger him, but Tobi gasped and fell over anyways, head crunching into glass shards.

He yelped – exaggerating, obviously – in pain, "Itatatataa—ow! That hurt!"

Deidara ignored him, silently standing up, towel slipping dangerously low. Tobi's eyes immediately latched onto the patch of skin below his naval. Thin scars littered his body, some clearly more recent than others. What soon caught Tobi's attention was the thick line of stitching across his chest. Tobi did not know its exact purpose, but it certainly was not an old wound. If his assumptions were right, that thing glaring across his skin suggested something disastrous.

Interestingly enough, Deidara could feel him looking, despite his mask being directed to the side.

"Stop... stop staring at me, hm," he mumbled, his face flushed. His lashes were thick and wet. Hair down. Face sharp and angular, eye a mayhem of emotions. Breathtaking.

Tobi exhaled lightly, wondering when the cravings would end. It was bad enough having to carry the piteous feelings of treasuring someone, of wanting to protect the man from danger and lavish him with everything he wanted. It was much worse craving for his touch. How could Tobi possibly hope to stay away when his hunger for the man only grew with each passing day, and every red face and wild expression?

Tobi let it out, "Sorry. You're just so beautiful."

Deidara froze. Tobi recognized his blunder, mentally berating himself. His tone had been abnormally earnest. It was no surprise Deidara's skin morphed into a darker, angry shade of red.

"An – And I was wondering about your chest. Who hurt you, senpai? I'll go beat them up for you!"

"No one you idiot! Piss off, hm," Deidara left the washroom, falling for his recovery.

Tobi remembered to breathe.

The man seemed crankier than usual. He must have been starving, to top a monotonous mission. Tobi stepped out of the washroom, casting a quick glance at Deidara. He was stark nude, ass on display, with a kimono shirt over his head. Tobi was quick to leave their hotel room. Shutting the door behind him, he entered the deserted corridor. Lights hung off the ceiling and there was a gentle whir serving as white-noise, coming from someone's cooling device or another. Opting for the stairs to his left, he made his way outside, choosing to forget about Deidara's body. There was more to the man than the shell he was contained in. It was perplexing. Tobi was very attracted to the man's physique, yes, but it was the man's behaviour which wrenched him in like a magnet.

He shook his head. There was a market two buildings South of their position. Tobi was especially aware of the blood and dirt on his clothes, the weapons on his person, and his swirly, orange mask. To the common civilian, his appearance was quite menacing. He hoped it would aid him when he approached a salesperson. His pocket money was very low, so low he had none. It would be pathetic to have to resort to stealing. He didn't want to bring attention to himself either. Tobi skipped down the dirty path, swinging his arms under the sunlight.

In the non-shinobi dominant villages, it was less risky to steal. The vendors would not see quick movements during theft. However on the other hand, these civilians were used to foreigners, and would not be afraid to cry for help when threatened. Tobi found a vegetable stand, using sleight of hand to snatch some carrots. He casually walked away, striding past a fruit stand. He snagged some plums.

Fucking Uesugi.

The trip back to the hotel was uneventful. It wasn't until he found Deidara that things suddenly grew interesting. The man was dressed in the green kimono layer of Satomi's formal wear, the flowers at the bottom savagely cut off with the puukko, weapon left stabbed into the hotel desk. Either the shards from the bathroom had found a way to span the entire floor, or Deidara had smashed more things. Said man was running through sit-ups – up, down, up, down, up – and aggressively talking to himself about his old sensei. It was charming. Tobi had to wonder how the neighbours had yet to file a complaint on the ruckus.

Tobi shut the door behind him, giggling, "Senpai, you're so silly! You should have worked out _before_ your shower."

Deidara didn't stop, but his brow twitched, "At least I'm working out, you lazy ass."

"I work out!” he protested, “Whenever you make me go on errands or try to blow me up, I run for my life! It's tough being me."

"Might I help you start a workout right now, then?" Deidara hissed, fists clenching.

Tobi 'eeped', stretching out his hands, "Wait, wait! I brought food! You must be hungry. I know I am!"

Deidara finally halted his sit-ups, standing to his feet. He was panting, eye bright. He grinned, "Damn right I'm hungry. Give it here, hm."

Tobi slipped the organics out of reach, just before Deidara's fingers touched the plums, "Nuh uh. What do you say?"

Deidara glared. Tobi knew what was coming. A very slick hand made another reach for it; they were shinobi, above all. Deidara was excellent with his hands. The grab was accurate and quick, so fast he wouldn't have seen it without his maximum level training. Only, Tobi was ready for it, and faster, stepping back.

" _Tobi_!"

" _Senpai_!" Tobi mocked. He really couldn't help himself.

The man snarled, lunging, but Tobi sidestepped. He hoped Deidara didn't accidentally step on more glass. His feet were bare.

"Just give me something, hm! We haven't eaten in days!"

Tobi shook the carrots, their leaves rustling at the movement, "Just say it!"

Deidara groaned in frustration, "Please! _Please_ , Tobi! Fuck!"

Tobi's bones felt cold and hot, so he dropped the food on the bed behind him. He wanted to see how far he could get away with it. For a moment, he felt like he was treating Deidara like a dog. The thought disgusted him. Regret and shame put a weight on his shoulders. On more than numerous occasions, Tobi held his pawns' deepest desire in front of them, dangling what they wanted most just an inch away from their fingers. He never felt anything for them. Now, doing it to Deidara in the most petty way possible, had him feel sick.

Taunting Deidara was incredibly intense. He wanted more Deidara. More, more, more. There was something absolutely delicious about the man. He couldn't get these salacious images out of his head. He didn't want to.

As it turned out, the bomber surprised him. The boy shut up, ice engraved to his face, not moving an inch to cross the prickly floor. The expression was a slap to the face.

He must have become conscious to the situation. Must have felt he was being pushed around and told what to do, crawling, begging for food, similar to a pauper. He would have compared himself to an imprisoned weakling rotting away, chains shackled to his ankles. Especially after their last mission. Tobi made a mistake. He'd been making so many recently.

Tobi stepped forward, sandals crunching with each step across the floor. Deidara did not move, arms crossed and eye frigid. He placed his hands on the man's shoulders, grateful his partner was familiar with "Tobi's" lack of understanding for personal space. He didn't enjoy treating Deidara like a bomb about to explode; he felt this compulsive need to give the man everything, for he was a shining masterpiece. Tobi leaned low, mask almost touching the man's nose. He kept his eyes closed, should the man see anything within.

Tobi spoke, "I'm only teasing. You know I know you're the best senpai ever. And from now on I promise when you say 'do something Tobi', I'll do it. Or I'll try to anyways. Promise. That's what friends or for, right?"

All Deidara got out of the ramble was, "Friends?"

Friendship. It was useless. They ended, be it by death, feud, or some other triviality, leaving pain and suffering in its wake. Friendship gave motivation to many shinobi, but how many times did it distract them in battle? How many times did someone die protecting their friends, leaving them to mourn and feel guilt for the rest of their lives? Allowing Deidara to be his friend would be a disaster waiting to happen.

Tobi shook his shoulders, opening his eyes, careful about catching the light, "We're friends, right?! You're my best friend. More best than Zetsu."

Deidara resembled a ghost, features blanched and solemn. His face turned away, baring his sweaty neck. Tobi nearly flinched at the display, the depressing expression on Deidara's face igniting a strange sort of nausea. Sorrow was not something the boy should be associated with.

"Friendship should be fleeting."

The whisper was so breathy and quiet, Tobi was left wondering if the boy was in a distant memory, lost and wandering. Tobi understood, but didn't fully understand. Did Deidara not believe in friendship, find it fruitless, or had he never experienced it? Maybe a combination of all three?

Tobi hugged Deidara, "Our friendship will be a never-ending explosion!"

The slim waist in his arms, lithe shoulders, and trembling figure soothed his very core. He yearned to stay like this forever. Would a genjutsu feel like this? The scents of blood, sweat, clay, and bombs, combined with something so very Deidara. Would the artist he conjured quiver from feeling? The man had passion and mountain of piled emotions, stacked and stacked with complex layers. Tobi feared the genjutsu would not be enough. He would see right through it. He ran one of his hands up Deidara's spine, the leather of his glove clinging helplessly to the pale green silk. Deidara didn't say anything as Tobi began petting the ends of his hair, the strands possibly even softer than the kimono. He couldn't tell. His fingers were covered.

"Tobi... Why are you acting so strange? You've been weird lately, hm," Deidara's voice was shaky.

Tobi continued petting him softly, the smallest of strokes, slow, attentive. He replied honestly, "I care about you, senpai. You flipped my world downside up."

He did care, he does, and he would for a very long time. There was a bead of hope somewhere in his heartless soul. It was causing him to re-evaluate everything. Anything. He had to make a decision soon. He would have to choose between squashing out the flame while it was still thimble, or allowing the fire to grow, so it could light his path on his journey to greet Death.

Deidara pushed him away, but it was a light half-hearted gesture, "That's great, Tobi, but as your 'senpai', heed my advice when I say don't care for anyone, hm. Everything ends with a bang."

"The span of life is an explosion," Tobi detached himself from Deidara and tossed him a plum, "To die is eternal."

He watched Deidara's expression shift to something unidentifiable. Perhaps the words hit close to home.

Tobi laughed as though nothing happened, "I already ate on the way here, senpai. So, I guess you can have the rest of the food. When we return to report we'll get fish. I saw a vendor selling some. They looked so tasty! Hey, maybe I'll go buy some right now. We don't have a cooker though. Huh. Oh, well. Be right back senpai!"

"...Yeah, hm," Deidara was staring at the dark fruit in his hands.

Tobi strode out of the room, knowing Deidara was contemplating life and death. He swore he would protect his last ray of sunshine. If the sun exploded, not only would the leaves on the plant stem wilt, but the world would burn.


	8. Apples - "Knowledge and fertility"

Deidara hissed in pain and disbelief when the sharp edge of a kunai sliced through his shoulder. A rush of excitement had him forgetting the rules and a handful of explosive tags were thrown at the other. Tobi yelped and ran out of the way, just in the nick of time. The thunder of the explosion shook the ground beneath their feet and left his ears ringing. Pleasing as the sensations were, Tobi's shrill voice never failed to be heard from miles away, putting a halt to his euphoria.

"You said no bombs, senpai!" the man sounded like he was on the verge of sobbing, "Cheater! Cheater! Pumpkin eater— _Oh!_ Senpai! My mask looks like a pumpkin! Are you going to eat it too?"

"Shut up and take it like a man, hm!" Deidara grinned widely, absolutely high on the thrill of his art, throwing a rigged kunai at Tobi's head. Despite the graying clouds, the metal didn't fail to glint menacingly under the waves of sky.

Time always seemed to slow within the seconds before an explosion. It left his soul feeling ignited, hammering for freedom and _release_.

The bomb didn't hit Tobi. Somehow the tall man avoided the ripple of force and heat, evading the detonation seconds before it blew. Deidara bit his lip to stop himself from shouting in outrage.

Tobi did end up tripping over a rock – _of fucking course_ – that sent him toppling to the ground close to Deidara's feet. Tobi scrambled to get up, dodging the aggressive side kick aimed for his head. He retaliated with his own set of kicks, each easily blocked or evaded by the arsonist. While even Deidara could admit close-combat was not his specialty, he still kicked ass. He avoided using his hands. Those babies were for more important things.

They had killed a rogue earlier, a grubby looking guy with yellowing teeth. Deidara stole his clothes so he could finally burn the disgusting kimono he'd been forced to wear. The rogue had carried so many explosive tags, it lead them to believe they were stolen from some village. Deidara hadn't complained. It had been days since he last had a chance to blow anything up, seeing as the small handful of clay he'd been able to bring was for their clay bird. After the bird's life ended, Deidara had been left with nothing. While the tags weren't his clay, he would take what he could get.

Tobi attempted to feign a swing of his kunai, but Deidara saw the slight hesitance, dodging to the left instead of the right. He grabbed the man's wrist and pulled it close to his chest, mercilessly twisting the thick arm and landing Tobi on his back. The pain in this hold would have been excruciating.

It was no wonder Tobi sent a kick his way; it was a surprise that the quick was sharp and flexible enough to hit. The breath left his lungs as a sandaled heel dug into his cheek.

Tobi leapt back, "Ha! Ha! Dei-dei didn't see that coming, did he?"

God, Tobi needed to shut the hell up.

Something dripped down his cheek, lingering between his lips. He didn't have to lick it to know it was blood. While sweat was wet, this rich, red fluid was stickier and warmer. Unlike the other fucked up members of the Akatsuki, possibly excluding the sunshine-and-rainbows Tobi, he didn't get turned on by the sight of blood. Those sick fucks got a kick out of gore, Hidan especially. Who wanted to see the entrails of a person? Some of the insane crap Hidan did for immortality made him want to vomit.

That didn't make him a wuss. Blood was blood and it was meant to be burned. There was nothing like the sight of a body charred and blown to unrecognizable pieces, gone from the world, never to be returned to its natural state ever again.

So lost in thought, and having never really considered Tobi a threat, Deidara failed to move out of the way when the idiot tackled him. He did manage to flip around their positions before his back hit the hard ground, making sure Tobi took all the impact. With the man under him, Deidara sent a fist flying. It was the one raw from the shards of glass and it stung when it met the side of Tobi's head. The skull was tough, but the neck wasn't. Tobi's head crack to the side upon impact. His knuckle grazed the edge of the hard mask, slicing through his skin like flesh was water.

He couldn't think about that though, not when he was sending another punch to the man's head. Tobi wasn't shouting for once in his life. He was out of breath when he dodged the next blow; Deidara could feel the broad chest heaving under his palm. Without giving anything anymore thought, he had a tag planted under Tobi's chin, the light paper sticking to the fabric like glue.

Tobi didn't seem to notice, much to Deidara's satisfaction. The idiot whined when Deidara tossed another punch, but it was half-hearted and meant more for distraction. Just as Tobi tried to push him off, Deidara flung back and smirked,

"Katsu!" he didn't have to say it. The tag wasn't his clay, but he could pretend it was.

It was a milder explosion, but knowing there was no way Tobi could have wormed his way out of this one made it all the better.

When the smoke cleared, Tobi was gone. He had vanished into thin air. There were no trees for miles, just rock and boulders. Was Tobi underground?

Deidara immediately tensed. The fuck? How did he _always_ do that? There was no chakra signature anywhere. While he had no bloody Byakugan, he was still a long-range fighter and could sense shinobi from whatever distance they ran off to.

If he was in the same situation a few days ago, he would have expected Tobi to be hiding in fright. Today was a different story. Tobi was waiting, ready to pounce, ready to retaliate. They were sparring – he wouldn't ever get used to saying that, even in his own head – and Tobi wasn't half bad.

Tobi's sword was stuck in the ground somewhere, having been flung from his hands by one of Deidara's kicks. The idiot was actually terrifying when carrying a sword. He had a weird style. Sometimes his swings were controlled and expertly swung, each move so swift Deidara was forced to avoid him altogether. Other times he was wild, stumbling, and useless with the weapon. It was like Tobi couldn't decide if he wanted to be a good swordsman or not.

Deidara didn't understand why Tobi would try to hide his skills, especially when the entire world associated the Akatsuki's insignia with power, and would immediately assume the idiot knew how to fight. What use was it pretending to be a craven and feeble whilst living in a world where the strong preyed on the weak? You'd only lure in more enemies.

He'd come to accept the fact there was more to Tobi than what met the eye. No shit the man was still an idiot. There was no way _anyone_ sane could stand acting like _that_ for even a day. It just left Deidara wondering... what else was Tobi hiding? Why did he even bother keeping it a secret? Did Pein know? Did Zetsu know? Tobi was always hanging off of Zetsu. Those two were close, probably fucking in trees and under potted plants in broad daylight, capturing as much sunlight as Zetsu could swallow.

It took some effort, but he finally brought himself back to the present. Deidara couldn't sense Tobi anywhere, not even underground. He called out, "Stop hiding, hm!"

A voice slurred words into his ear, "Sure thing, senpai."

Heart leaping out from his chest, Deidara violently flinched, "Holy shit!"

"Boo!" Tobi held a kunai at Deidara's throat, the edge pressed lightly against his skin.

While the grip on the weapon was strong, it was also limp and not very threatening. The presence of the metal was far too real though, and Deidara hated how they both knew he lost. Bested in a spar with Tobi. _Tobi_.

He pushed the blade aside, scowling, "Fine, you win, hm."

Even with his swirly, orange mask, Tobi looked confused, "Uh—you're not mad?"

"No," he lied, "Because you're going to tell me how you do that."

A pause.

"Do what?" Tobi asked, walking around Deidara so he could face him.

Deidara couldn't tell if the man was feigning his ignorance or if it was genuine. Either way, he'd get it out of him, "How do you avoid my bombs? No one experiences my art and walks away unscathed, hm. How the fuck did you... did you not take any damage—not even a scratch? Back then, all these times, just now?"

He was shaking, tan shoulders quivering from so many subtle emotions, he couldn't place them. A hand shot up and gripped his shoulder. It turned out to be his own. He took a few steps back, not wanting Tobi to see how his body wasn't listening to him. Everyone somehow managed to accept the fact that Tobi could vanish, the movements as quick as flash. Not once did they question how he never used hand signs or conscious thought to run away and _get away_. Successfully. Every. Single. Time.

Deidara watched him, dark clouds hovering over their heads. They weren't far from base and that meant the weather just got gloomier and gloomier as they closed in. The heaviness of the clouds were suffocating.

Tobi hadn't moved much, feet firmly planted on the ground. If he had worn the Akatsuki's cloak, it would have blown with the howling wind, the fabric snapping against the tall figure's body. Except he wasn't wearing it, and now he resembled a statue, a sturdy and dark silhouette unmoving in the gray light.

"Ah... Well...," Tobi's voice carried through the sharp whistle of the wind, "I can phase through attacks and things. Stuff."

"How?" Deidara frowned. Weeks ago, he thought that might have been the case but had shot the idea down. It would have meant Tobi was using an overly complicated jutsu. That, or he was some kind of regenerative glob like Zetsu.

Tobi sounded like he was smiling as he explained, "Things go through me."

"I got that, hm!"

He did, and it was impressive. For someone like Deidara, it would have been such a useful ability. He could use his explosions close range and not have to worry about the repercussions.

"Senpai will learn the _how_ if he's a good boy," Tobi said, walking towards Deidara. The bomber tensed, but the other continued walking past him, "Because if I tell you, I'll be in big, big trouble."

Trouble? Deidara swallowed, throat dry, "By who? Pein?"

"Worse."

"I hate being in the dark, hm," Deidara followed Tobi back to the camp, "You know things. Tell me."

Tobi repeated, "If senpai is a good boy."

"So you do know things," Deidara couldn't believe it, "Is it about the Akatsuki? How do you know? Is it Zetsu who tells you? He's our spy, hm. And you two are close. He's told you secrets, hm."

If Tobi knew shit, then maybe he could help Deidara get the hell out of the organization—without having a crap load of S-Ranked nin hunting him down. What had he been talking about though? Who could possibly be a bigger threat to Tobi than the Akatsuki _leader_? How could revealing something as insignificant as one's abilities make Tobi scared? A stupid question, seeing as everything made Tobi scared. Though maybe Tobi wasn't going to be in trouble because of another _person_ , but because of some _thing_. Like losing a fight. Death. Maybe he didn't trust anyone with that sort of knowledge. Shinobi kept their secrets.

Deidara calmed down. He'd get everything out of Tobi.

* * *

Red escaped from the hole of his mask, the tomoe swirling lazily around his pupil.

Deidara was fast asleep in his sleeping roll, his chest rising and falling steadily. If Tobi made the slightest of noise, the man would wake with a set of bombs in his hands. Should the artist be greeted with an enemy or even just Tobi, he'd use his explosives either way. Tobi did what he could to stay quiet and let the man sleep. His mind would have to be buzzing like a bumblebee after the information Tobi had slipped. It would be best for the both of them if the man slept on it.

Let him figure everything out for himself, Tobi thought.

His gaze trailed down Deidara's shoulder, following the dirty skin, and landing on the hand attached to the limb. The sentient mouth was asleep, tongue deep within the palm and hidden behind the closed lips. Dark crusts caked the tan knuckles.

Something within him, something obscure and foreign, yearned to grab a wet cloth and gently wipe away the dried blood. Tobi let the feelings linger for a while, enjoying the innocent desire for what it was. It was becoming harder and harder to remove sentimental emotions. Eventually, Tobi squashed the craving away. While he was willing to accept his connection with the other, he wouldn't let himself soften. Blood and dirt was expected in their line of work.

He closed his eyes, but the red never left. He could see it clear as day; his future was an endless red. Be it a fate filled with peace, war, love, or hate, there would be pools of blood.

Tobi's eyes opened once more when Deidara sat up from his makeshift bed, rubbing his eye and evidently awake. Tobi hadn't made a sound, so odds were Deidara had woken up from nightmares.

"Go back to sleep, senpai," Tobi whispered, "It's not your turn for watch yet."

Deidara didn't say anything, eye a blank slate as he stared down Tobi. He pushed away the blanket, getting to his feet. Tobi waited to see what the man would do next. It was dark and the arsonist would be having a hard time seeing under the cloudy night sky. Neither spoke, Tobi sitting with his back against a large boulder and Deidara standing with nothing behind him.

"I can't sleep, hm," he didn't whisper, "Get up and go to sleep, Tobi."

The man was lying. Deidara had been sleeping earlier, and he didn't have any troubles falling asleep either. It could only mean he had a nightmare and now wouldn't fall back asleep. What would Deidara dream about? What could possibly scare _him_? He had never met anyone more fearless, not when they had everything to lose.

Tobi didn't remember what nightmares were, only what reality was. He reached out a hand and said, "Please help me, senpai. My legs feel like jelly."

The man rolled a blue eye and slapped Tobi's hand away, choosing to grab him by the scruff of his neck to lift him to his feet. Tobi patted his knees, getting rid of the dirt. Finally, he turned to Deidara, "Okay. I'm ready!"

He grabbed Deidara's elbow and pulled him along, ignoring the startled shout sent his way. Tobi spoke as if nothing was wrong, "We're going to go on a stroll. Maybe there are fireflies out here! They're all over Fire Country. Oooh, senpai, senpai! I heard one of the trails around here has strawberry bushes. Or was it apple trees? "

"The hell, Tobi? It's the middle of the night—and how in Kami's name do you confuse strawberry bushes for apple trees – let go of me," Deidara shouldered him but Tobi didn't let go.

He patted the man's arm, "You can't sleep, I can't sleep, so why waste time here? Maybe we should just pack up and get to base earlier..."

They had set up camp at the country's border, a day away from reaching Amegakure, where Pein was now located.

Deidara sighed, "That's not a half-witted idea, for once. Fine, hm. And let go!"

**.**

It was a few hours later when Deidara popped the question, "Hey Tobi? What do you look like?"

He didn't know how to feel about Deidara's questioning. Was this a step in the right direction? Or would this make everything worse? Tobi did know it was something that he'd seen coming. He responded easily enough, "Good question, senpai. Hm, I have black hair."

Deidara sounded like he was struggling to be polite, "Okay. What else? I can see your hair, hm."

He didn't have to see Deidara's expression to know the man was frustrated.

"That's not fair, senpai. How come you get to ask questions and not me?" he pouted, mouth hidden under the mask, "I'll answer only if you answer mine."

Deidara brushed his tangled hair away from his face, "Deal, hm. First answer my question properly."

The sun was rising; it was dawn. Tobi turned his head to face Deidara, "I have scars."

A vivid blue eye stared deep into his mask hole, as if it would somehow reveal his skin. Deidara nodded, a bit shaky, "Cool, hm."

There was no harm in revealing that, Tobi told himself. It was better this way. Even if Deidara did share the information with anybody, it would encourage them to assume he hid his face because he was embarrassed of his disfigurement, and not for _other_ reasons. He wondered what Deidara was thinking. He was likely trying to visualize the scars. Did they resemble Kakashi Hatake's scar? He would be thinking. Or would they be burns? Were they stitched up? Was Tobi hideous?

Deidara's curiousity was down-right endearing.

A hesitant voice drifted into his thoughts,

" ...Anything else you want to share?"

_Yes. Everything._

Tobi scratched the back of his head, "I forget."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't remember what I look like."

Deidara stopped walking. His expression was one of confusion, "You're not serious, hm."

It was the truth. He had become his mask. Tobi didn't see any reason to care about his appearance, nor could he risk taking off his mask in the light. He couldn't handle seeing Obito. He didn't want to know the face under the orange.

Fingers touching the swirly, orange mask, he said simply, "Tobi's face is this."

They walked in silence, but not for long. They stopped when they came across an apple tree. Deidara hadn't eaten anything since before their spar yesterday and would have been starving, without a doubt. He picked the reddest, juiciest looking one he could reach, handing it over to Deidara. The man took it without a word, using a water jutsu he often used to wet his clay on his apple.

"Guess it wasn't strawberries... " Muttering, Tobi picked one for himself, holding it in his left hand. He nudged Deidara, " _So_."

"So, what? Hm," Deidara bit into his apple, chewing loudly. They sat down on some logs.

"It's my turn to ask a question, and you have to answer truthfully, senpai," Tobi said. He stretched his feet out, wondering what he would ask first.

He should start of easy and warm Deidara into it. There was little point in asking Deidara about his history. It was his duty to look into every Akatsuki member, to learn their background and their weaknesses. Despite having all of Deidara's cards on the table, piecing together the man was something far from his reach. It was as if the bomber had a million and one branches, each with a million vines, and each vine with its own leaves.

Deidara was quiet, eating his fruit and staring at a flower sprouting from the ground. Tobi took his silence for a yes.

He asked Deidara, "Have you ever fallen in love?"

"Only with my art, hm," Deidara shrugged, "Why'd you ask? You crushing on some girl? Hm."

Relief flooded through him. At least there was no one else. But this also meant Deidara didn't feel anything romantic towards Tobi, not that this surprised him. It was sickening to have it confirmed, anyways. Tobi tossed the apple to the ground, watching it roll across the damp grass. The clouds had cleared earlier, but only after an hour of rain. The sunrise bled through the clouds.

Tobi frowned, "Is that _really_ the question you want to ask, senpai?"

"Look," Deidara finished chewing, "I want to know everything, but you won't tell me anything."

"I have an idea!" Tobi said, wiggling his feet. They wouldn't get anywhere if Deidara asked things he couldn't answer. He continued, "I'll ask you a question and we both answer. This way Tobi can reveal the secrets of his choosing."

Deidara nodded, understanding, "Okay, hm."

"What's senpai's biggest regret?" Tobi reached down and picked the yellow flower in front of his feet.

"I don't have many, hm," he replied, "Everything I've done has made me as strong as I am today. Hell, I don't regret challenging Itachi the day the Akatsuki recruited me, hm. Why? Because now I've found a way to counter genjutsu. What I'm going to tell you... I swear if you tell another soul, I'll rip your heart out, hm."

Deidara paused, and Tobi's heart beat in his chest. Deidara was opening up to him. He struggled to regain control of his pulse. It was strange how he was recalling all the insignificant details which were never really insignificant. Such as how the artist's head would dip ever-so-slightly, in the slightest of hint of a nod, every time his grunt surfaced.

"When I was younger, I was well-known in my village, hm. I was rowdy, but the kids didn't mind. They looked up to me," Deidara continued, sounding terribly proud of himself, "I made the greatest art, hm. My sculptures were masterpieces and my explosions louder than thunder. It was a matter of putting them together. By doing so, I betrayed the village, hm. I left the kids too. They were like the little brothers and sisters I never had. My biggest regret was leaving them without saying a proper goodbye."

The vision of a younger version of Deidara running around with even younger children was charming. Tobi wondered aloud, "Do you want to see them again, senpai?"

He could make it happen, if that's what Deidara wanted.

Deidara sighed, "No, hm. The past is the past. You can only think about the present, hm."

"Not the future?" Tobi asked, twirling the flower between his gloved fingers, very interested in Deidara's response.

"Not the future," he confirmed, "The future is beyond our reach, hm. Sasori no danna went on and on about living forever; when he opened his mouth, everything that spilled out was about that kinda crap, hm. 'We're wasting time' he'd say. You can't waste time if you don't worry about what comes next, hm. Anyways, your turn."

_I see._

Tobi chose his words carefully, "Tobi regrets his old life, when he had friends and people who loved him, people he could love back. Bad things happened and now he wishes he wasn't so scared to feel like that again."

He was remembering Obito, the boy who wanted to be Hokage. Rin. Kakashi. Minato.

"What are you scared of?" Deidara frowned, "Losing people you care about? If that's the case, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that life is short. The best things are fleeting, hm. We all die, sooner or later. Accept that and you won't be so scared anymore. And when you're scared of having a passion for someone, something, then you're missing out, hm. There's nothing I hate more than someone who can't express themselves, someone who has no emotion."

When Deidara looked in his direction, Tobi could forget about everything and remember everything else in an instant. It was driving him mad. He took in the words said to him, understanding where they were coming from, but unable to accept them. Life was all there was. Once you died, there was nothing waiting for you, nobody there to welcome you in the afterlife. There was only nothingness after death, and it was eternal.

Diving into his passion for Deidara wouldn't give him happiness, just as avoiding it wouldn't give him anything either. He would be left with nothing, in the end.

If worrying about the future lead to feelings like this, perhaps Deidara was right. Thinking about the present, how he was sitting beside his light, each learning about the other, opening doors that weren't there before, was more than he could ever hope for. Tobi stopped thinking about what would come next, put a halt on his thoughts for a few minutes, so he could drown in the pleasant pool of emotions rising deep in his chest.

They didn't ask each other anymore questions, getting into the familiar routine of bickering as they made their way back to Amegakure.

He wouldn't change for Deidara; he couldn't. Obito was long gone and nobody was left but Tobi. Tobi, who was learning to love an insane man with a death wish.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. He had dedicated the greater half of his life to the creation of an emotionless mask, all in efforts to avenge the death of Obito's loved one and bring eternal peace to a new world. Now here he was, an emotionless mask feeling emotions for a man who loved destruction and endings.

Where had these feelings even sprung from? It was so sudden, something one would expect to find out of Deidara. The arsonist was explosive, bursting from one feeling to another without prior warning. Tobi wasn't like that. It had to have been a gradual build-up, so why did it feel like everything was moving so fast?

Yet looking at Deidara and seeing the expressions which lit up his dim world, feeling every raw wave of passion emitting from him, hearing every breath of life escape his frail, human body... time seemed to slow and rush by all at once.

**.**

Tobi shifted to Pein's location, the teleportation technique coming as easy to him as one knew how to breathe. Akatsuki's recognized leader stood with Konan atop a tower looming high somewhere in the depths of Amegakure. The endless rain gave the village its name, something somber to add to its loneliness. It was always a pleasure returning here. Pein stood several paces ahead of him, staring out into the distance, hair dripping wet. Konan was next to him, as dry as he expected. It was in her nature to detest water. His two soldiers were excellent, yet they did not immediately feel his presence. He did not want them to be aware, so they weren't. Upholding the image of darkness and mystery had its benefits. The less known about another, the more there was to fear. People feared the unknown.

It wasn't Tobi who spoke, but Madara, "The mission was successfully completed."

Pein didn't flinch, instead slowly turning his head, chin over his shoulder, "Tobi."

"You know why I'm here."

"Our focus has been on solely shinobi," the pair of Rinnegan moved to gaze at Konan before they landed on him, "The Land of Iron remains a neutral party. In time they will be forced to make a decision, or none at all."

Pein let him mull things over. The Rinnegan host had kept an eye on their activity. Approaching the war, Lord Uesugi would have voted for an alliance with the enemy and proven to be an unnecessary hindrance. Even so, it would take a single S-Raked nin to wipe each and every last one of them from existence, if enough strategic measures were put into place.

"A waste of time. What was your reasoning for sending two of the loudest members we have on a stealth mission?" he asked.

"Training," was the immediate reply, "He needs to learn how to rein in his temper, should there come a situation that calls for it. Unlike some of our other subordinates, he isn't a lost cause."

Deidara wouldn't ever learn to 'rein in his temper'. You couldn't reign in an explosion, only prevent it from happening or deal with the mess it left behind. A bitter taste festered in his mouth, the tang brought by Pein's words. Wanting to get off the topic of the artist, Madara returned to the earlier topic of discussion, "You propose mere samurai will get in our way? Our focus is on the jinchuriki. We should not wander far from the path to peace, otherwise we are bound to get lost."

"There are many paths," Konan spoke. Very much like Pein, her emotions were near impossible to detect. They held a cold hatred for this world and a deep love for the other.

Were there multiple paths to peace, to love? Tobi had walked down the darkest road he could because the results were guaranteed. If he made it through, overcame the obstacles and bled in the world of hate, reaching the end of the path would be a new beginning.

Perhaps there were other paths, ones with fertile soil and less blood, less hate. However in this case, the ending wasn't guaranteed to be just that - an end, or the beginning of something more. During some point in the past year he'd stepped off the path and wandered off into the woods, unclear of where he was going, unable to see what lay under his feet, too focused on what lay ahead of him. Maybe he would finally find another trail to get back home.

Deidara had chosen his path. It lead to a dead-end. Unless Tobi created a fork in the road, there was no deterring the man from his purpose.

It was only fair; the same had been done to him.

He felt more than apprehensive that he and Deidara could live together in a real world, and live happy. Reality was corrupted with greed, hunger for power, and hate. It would be a constant struggle for survival, assuming they ever formed any intimate relationship. Deidara would never return his feelings. There wasn't much room in the man's heart for any sort of love beyond art, much less one as intricate and complex as romance.

Tobi had not come to a decision and likely would not for a long time. Yet, he prided himself as a tactician and would prepare for either route he found himself in, Deidara or the Moon's Eye Plan. He hoped what reached him in the end was something he could find peace in.

Madara spoke over the pitter-patter of rain, "This conversation has been insightful."

"You haven't commented on the jutsu," the Rinnegan was directed towards him, seeing everything and seeing nothing.

"It was weak," his voice was like ice, "And you were well aware of that. Calling your bluff was all it took to break away from it."

Pein was unshaken when he replied, "Deidara is likely to refuse any orders until he has had some time to himself, so I will have the both of you free to do as you please for the next week. You will be working on the jinchuriki the following week."

"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!" Tobi took the last word, vanishing from the thick, humid air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was recently informed of TobiDei appreciation week being hosted and held in October. We should all participate! Check out tobideiweek on tumblr for more info.


	9. Pineapples - "To Welcome"

"We need formations, hm," Deidara said.

"More? But senpai, we have so many already!"

Deidara shook his head. They had plenty, but they needed more. Why couldn't Tobi see that? He had to get stronger, and he needed more approaches to counter genjutsu. He wouldn't make the same mistake of underestimating Itachi Uchiha ever again. If the rumours were true, the ex-Konoha shinobi was a genius, so Deidara had to be even smarter if he ever planned on winning against the Uchiha. He felt very confident in his ability to recognize genjutsu, including more advanced techniques such as the ones used by the Sharingan. Now he had to learn how to counter the genjutsu, not only recognize it. The C4 was one of his most greatest works, but it consumed too much of his chakra. He needed something that had the same element of surprise, but used minimal energy.

More importantly, discovering something new about Tobi allowed for better strategy. It was one thing to assume Tobi was as swift as the wind, but another to know _nothing_ could hit him. Could genjutsu somehow pass through Tobi? In other words, if the man ever faced a Sharingan, he would be unaffected. Would Tobi be able to phase through his C4? His final technique? It would be one less worry knowing Tobi couldn't get hurt, should he get caught within the blast radius.

Deidara remembered to reply, "Tobi, you can do things I didn't know about before, hm. That means _we_ can do things we couldn't do before. So, if you're hiding anything else, spit it out now, hm."

Tobi responded as if he never heard him, "Senpai, where are we going? My feet hurt."

 _Way to dodge the question_ , Deidara scowled. He wasn't falling for it, never did. After years of knowing Tobi, he learned it was useless trying to get the idiot to stay focused. It was even more useless trying to pry the man's past out of him. He sighed anyways, "The lake, hm."

"Why?"

"Because it's a safe place to do our formations," Deidara droned out. This was exasperating. He was hoping Tobi could put two and two together. It wasn't even a minute ago Deidara said they were going to train.

They were walking in Fire Country, and the dense forestry didn't do much to hide the insane heat radiating from the sun's rays. Deidara was sure that if he closed his eyes, he'd be wholly convinced they were in Suna. So maybe they could train basically anywhere—the lake, on the other hand, was very tempting for very obvious reasons.

"I have an idea," Tobi said suddenly, "How about I lead and you be the one distracting the bad guy this time?"

He laughed, "Haha! As if! You'd be defeated before you even start, hm! Although, maybe—hey, Tobi, can I stick my arm through you?"

Ever since finding out about Tobi's unique skill, he'd been wondering if it could be put to good use. He was especially curious about how it worked.

"Eh-heh heh," Tobi chuckled nervously, hand at the back of his neck, "Are you sure about that, senpai? What if it tickles?"

"Then it tickles, hm," Deidara nodded. Odds were, he could do it. He explained his reasoning, "If it's some kind of messed up rare bloodline limit you have and you don't want people to know, just fake some hand signs or something, hm. You figure yourself out, because I have an idea."

"Your plan sounds dangerous!" Tobi whimpered. He was patting and poking at his belly, as if he was imagining Deidara's arm coming out of it. It was funny to watch Tobi's nervousness, but it weird to visualize the scenario also. Then all of a sudden Tobi was laughing, "Is your eye still there under your eye scope?"

Deidara was a bit miffed at the utter randomness that was Tobi, but shrugged it off, "Yeah, hm. My eye feels like it's burning to a crisp when I take it off though. It's hard on the eye when I go from long-range to close-range without the support, hm. But the scope is worth it. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make room for improvement."

"So... during our last mission, were you in pain?"

"I guess," Deidara shrugged, "You didn't hear me complaining about it though, hm."

Tobi went silent.

Now Deidara could enjoy the approaching sound of moving water. He breathed in the thick humid air as the lake came into view. Water was one of his best friends. It kept his clay wet and perfect for molding.

Tobi began shouting about how pretty the lake was, and for once, Deidara let himself agree. There was something refreshing about this place. It was even better not sensing any shinobi within their perimeters. Smart shinobi didn't enter wide clearings. However, even smarter shinobi entered, because they knew no one would be there. There would be no hiding places for enemies to utilize.

They began training again, thinking up of scenarios and ways to get out of bad situations.

Deidara wouldn't ever forget the first time he stuck his arm through Tobi, mouth filled with sticky clay, ready to be used as a surprise close-range attack. For the briefest moment, it felt like his arm was being sucked into and forced out of quick-sand, but then it didn't feel like anything. It was as if his arm was in air; nothing felt different between the part of the arm inside Tobi and the part sticking out of his chest. It was a good thing this formation had Deidara behind Tobi, resulting in a greater capacity for surprise against enemies. If he had been facing the man, Deidara would have never been able to live it down. He'd never been all too good at hiding his emotions.

The first time he stuck his arm through him, Deidara really didn't want to step away. When was the last time he was impressed by another person's technique? Not since his introduction to the Sharingan. The urge to play and mess around with Tobi's unique ability surprised him at first, too. He loved letting loose, but wanting to _play_ of all things? How old was he, nine? The urge to experiment was overwhelming. Deidara gave in. Unable to shake away the feeling of Tobi's watchful eye, he tried swishing his arm around, creating meaningless patterns across the wide planes of Tobi's back. Deidara didn't know if he wanted to vomit or cry out in awe. This was so bizarre. Tobi would have felt like a ghost, someone who was a figment of his imagination, or a genjutsu even, if it wasn't for the solid body everywhere else.

Tobi twitched.

"Tobi," Deidara gasped. His other hand was gripping tightly on the man's upper arm.

Tobi stepped forward and Deidara's arm slid out of him. Tobi patted the tan hand latched to his shoulder, "Let's not do that unless we have to, senpai."

"Y-yeah, hm," he agreed, wondering what Tobi had felt. Did it hurt? Did he feel nothing? Or did it tickle like he said it would?

It took a few hours, but they finally formed new formations and had more strategies to use in battle. This was something he never really had the opportunity to do when he was partnered with Sasori. The old puppet master never truly appreciated Deidara's talents, nor did he ever willingly train with him. At least Tobi saw the beauty of his art. There was nothing like that familiar crackling roar trailing behind just slightly after a blinding light. Nothing was more satisfying than the pitter patter of debris falling to the ground, dust quickly filling up lungs and choking lungs, all for it to end with a deathly silence that was louder than the explosion itself. Tobi saw that. Maybe he didn't dive into the abyss, but at least he could see its depth.

Deidara brought himself back to the present. They lingered here for too long. It was time to keep moving.

"Come on, Tobi, it's time to go!" he shouted.

Tobi was lying down in the grass, away from the wet mud and mosquitoes that clung to the water's edge. Deidara walked past him, but stopped when a hand latched on to his ankle.

He stared down into the swirly, orange mask, "What? Hm."

The man sounded shocked, "I just realized something."

Was the sky blue? Maybe this time, Tobi noticed the sun rose every morning. Deidara's eye twitched, "What?"

"I want to show you my face."

A pause. Then, "What?!"

Tobi laughed, "But I won't!"

The man let go of Deidara's leg, scrambled up to his feet, and skipped back the way they came.

Deidara stared stupidly after him, squashing the disappointment he was feeling. He trailed after his partner.

He didn't see the point in hoping for anything. It was exciting knowing Tobi was at least considering it. Though something in him told him that if Tobi were to ever reveal his face, something disastrous had to be happening; the world had to be ending. Deidara couldn't exactly say he didn't like that thought. If the world were to end... that would be wonderful, in a way.

"Ehh, what's with that look on your face, senpai?" Tobi was in front of him, "You looked really happy for a second there."

Deidara shoved him away. That guy had no sense of personal space! And call it petty, but if Tobi wasn't answering his questions, then why should he? No scratch that! He wasn't obligated to say anything, even if Tobi was being obedient!

If the world were to end, and it would, someday, it would be the greatest beauty of them all. Everything would cease to exist and nothing would be left. In that last second, the very instant before everything came to an end, it would be the most sublime moment in time. But who was to say it wouldn't be a slow trickle? Like an old man aging by the day, slowly coming closer to his limit. Deidara couldn't imagine that though. The only way to finish a world as large, grand, and constant as the universe would be by some unfathomable force. The end? It had to be big.

Deidara thought about Tobi and wondered if the same logic could be applied there. What force could possibly get Tobi to take off that loathsome mask?

And it wasn't just the mask, not the physical one anyways. Deidara wanted to see under Tobi's _other_ swirly mask, the one that left the man intangible and Deidara slightly dizzy. It was like Tobi had a switch and something triggered it. It was subtle, something only Deidara seemed to notice. The man wasn't who everyone thought he was. Deidara couldn't put his finger on it. Something was... _off_ about Tobi. Who was under there?

* * *

Tobi sat cross-legged on the cavern's hard ground, back facing the entrance and his partner. There was nothing but darkness ahead of him, where the cave led deeper. The air was thick and hot, cold and too thin all at once. It was raining outside, the sky's heavy tears producing their own thunder as each pellet hit the ground. The ambiance was unsettling. It lead his thoughts astray.

Obito. Madara. Tobi. _Tobi_. He was each man, but not quite any of them either. Who was he? Nothing. No one. Yet... He turned around and eyed Deidara's prone body, limp from exhaustion, but still alert for threats. The man's gaze was directed towards the entrance, expression grim. His hair was wet, clinging to his skin and the rock wall he was leaning against. Yet, somewhere, deep in the entanglement of his self, there was a core, slippery and hard to grasp. It was his centre. What was it? Peace? Love? Or should the more pronounced pessimistic side of himself admit it for what it was? Hatred.

"Hey, hm," Deidara's voice was soft, barely heard under the thrumming rain.

Nonetheless, the noise cause Tobi to flinch. He replied just as quietly, "Senpai?"

"You're thinking too loudly," he said, head lifting and blue eye landing on him, "Shut up."

Tobi spun around on his butt. He watched the steady rise and fall of the man's chest. There was so much life in Deidara. Tobi ignored the demand, instead speaking, "I was wondering..."

Unable to help himself, Tobi paused dramatically, waiting, waiting. Minutes flew by and Tobi was caught watching the sparks dance in Deidara's eye. It was no ruthless fire, yet it pleased him all the same. Deidara was quick to annoy.

Tobi wasn't sure if he was ready for this; in fact, he may never be. No matter how many scenarios he had run through, planning was futile. This could go either of hundreds of ways. It was impossible to know the full consequence of what he was about to do. The future depended on both his response and Deidara's. If Tobi didn't do something – anything – soon, he would go mad. And if that didn't destroy his plans, his procrastination inevitably would. He breathed in deeply. Where to start? What to say? There was very little he could reveal, and copious amounts he wanted to.

There was an endless wall between them. Its height was so great, the stones touched the clouds, and its roots so deep, it put the rest to shame. The only way they could pass through to each other would be if Tobi directed Deidara to the grand wall's weak spot. The bomber excelled with destruction, so the rest would be a matter of time.

Here it goes.

Lowering his hands onto his knees, _Tobi_ raised his voice, "I'm afraid I've mislead you, Deidara."

It was hard to miss the change, from the octave to the awareness in his tone, especially by someone as sharp as the bomber. Tobi did not let a single reaction escape his sight. The blink, the slackened jaw, the jolt of fingers, the breath frozen in time. There was no denying his fix for Deidara's reactions, particularly when Tobi was the very source of the terrorist's shock. There was very little which could rattle the man, and it was indubitably utterly addicting having this sort of faculty over him. While the physical desire was there, it was comforting to know he could be _someone_ of significance to Deidara.

The moment of silence did nothing to deter his sudden feeling of weightlessness. Something heavy, dark, and painful shed itself off him. He did not understand how doing this – unveiling himself in bits, losing control in pieces, foiling the plan every so excruciatingly slowly – could give him such serenity. It should not feel this way; he was very well aware of the odds. The ache, a persistent sort of pang deep in himself, would never disappear too.

The lower, darker pitch of his true voice sounded foreign to him, but undeterred, Tobi continued, "I would like to give you the chance to see who I really am."

Deidara was shaking, the movements slight, and eye wide. The rest of his body seemed unable to move, "Who you really are—what the fuck is going on?"

"The foundation was a lie," Tobi explained, "Let go of it. Grab a hold of something real."

Brows sharp, Deidara was silent, save for his heavy breathing.

"If you cannot, I will hold on to you," Tobi admitted, mind numb, "Until you see your hands are desperately clutching thin air. If you ever choose to accept my reach, before it's too late, I won't let go of you."

It was no confession, he did not reveal his bloodline, nor his past, nor his future, but he could offer his present.

"What happened? Before, and now! Why have you been acting like – like — !" he paused.

"The Tobi you have come to know is nothing but a false personality covering someone else."

"You... you're..." Deidara trailed off, thinking.

Tobi saw the moment Deidara pieced things together.

There was a pause, before Deidara nodded to himself, looking angry, "I see, hm. Explain then. _Who are_ _you?_ "

Tobi ran his hand across his mask, "A question with no answer."

Deidara took in a breath, let it out, and repeated the motion, "Alright, hm. Whatever floats your fucking boat. Who else knows your act?"

"Pein, Konan, and Zetsu, among some," Tobi said, "However, only one knows the entire truth."

"Entire? What else are you hiding? Hm," Deidara asked.

"More than you could imagine, I'm afraid."

He'd chosen not to reveal the Sharingan or his emotional state until they could put aside their differences. It was a safe move.

"And? Why me? Hm."

Tobi shrugged, temporarily reverting and giggling, "Because, you're my senpai!"

He stood up, towering over the little bird on the ground. He knew, from a strategic stand point, Deidara wouldn't tell a soul about this. Whilst severely impulsive, the artist was a tactician in combat, and surely in his mind's eye this was another battle. If Deidara wanted more out of him, he would keep it to himself. The past events have been proof enough. Tobi's occasional – now more frequent, if he was being honest with himself – slip-ups were definitely caught by Deidara, but never mentioned to anyone else. Not once. How strange, one would think. Except, Tobi could see the wheels turning in that head of his. The man who defined spontaneity was planning, of all things.

Strategy aside, Tobi also believed Deidara _couldn't_ tell anyone, because he wouldn't _want_ to. Anyone else might have assumed Deidara would tell the world his secret, be it for the attention or out of spite. However, beyond his art, he was a relatively private person. Like a bomb, everything was densely packed in a container. Only when sparked did Deidara really let go.

Tone light, he told Deidara as much, "You won't tell anyone about this."

"Yeah?" Deidara's brows shot up, the edge of a smirk gracing his lips, "What makes you think I won't? Hm."

"Easy! Because I trust you. Besides, even if you did, no one would believe you!" Tobi peered down at Deidara, arms crossed.

"Y-yeah, hm," Deidara's eye crinkled in a strange expression, "But trust isn't a word that should be used between rogue shinobi, Tobi. Least of all between me and you, hm."

Yes, the man had a point. Tobi grew serious, "There is more than one form of trust."

"Hm... you might be right, hm," Deidara leaned his head back, closing his eyes, "So then how do you trust me, Tobi? You know I'd kill you, if you got in my way."

Tobi knelt down beside Deidara, dropping to sit next to him. The heat radiating from the man's body was welcoming, even with the inches of space between them. He thought about Deidara's words. It wasn't as if the idea never crossed his mind; it did, on countless occasions. Deidara would be _happy_ if he died, or at least a part of him would. The terrorist's fire for destruction was a piece of his being, comparable to the human's innate thirst for water and desire for sex. Knowing Deidara was permanently fixed to the notions associated with his art, and asking for it to be ripped away from him, hurt Tobi.

He could accept that a part of Deidara would find pleasure in Tobi's explosive demise, but he could not accept that the artist was entirely immune to him. Somewhere, somewhere deep inside, Deidara cared for him. They shared something, however slight it was. Deidara may not have recognized it yet, or perhaps he was refusing to acknowledge it, but it was there. Tobi had been observing humans for as long as he could remember. Something was very apparent, and it separated shinobi from civilians like a blade cut flesh. One didn't have a partner at their side, whilst facing countless life or death situations, and not build trust. Even Akatsuki members—Orochimaru excluded. That snake was an exception to all rules.

"Upon my death, I trust you will find it in you to feel grief," Tobi said, stretching his fingers, "To remember my presence. I trust your decisions. Most of all, I trust your sincerity."

"You talk about trust," Deidara finally replied after a long moment's break, "Tough luck then. I trust you less and less by the day, hm."

Tobi eyed the entrance of the cave, noticing the rain was now a downpour, each droplet hungry for a solid surface. Tobi breathed in deeply, "I know. You may never trust me."

_I promised to protect you._

That wasn't something Deidara wanted though, was it? He was determined to end, one way or another. He couldn't promise Deidara to trust him with his life, and that was the brutal truth. The very essence of his being called out for peace. War was sick; evil was a constant. Tobi wanted the hate to end.

"Say I do eventually learn to trust you," Deidara started, "What's in it for you? Hm."

Tobi languidly traced the swirls on his mask. He said, "That is for you to decide."

He didn't say another word, allowing Deidara to digest the past several minutes. The man was likely thinking of the months, years even, that they've known each other, connecting clues and hints he missed. Though tempted as he was, sitting so close to the artist, Tobi did not touch him. Now was not the time to forget himself. The dam was breaking and he needed to find some semblance of control.

"Tobi?" Deidara looked annoyed, "How strong are you? Hm."

"A touchy subject," Tobi stood, cloak whipping behind him, "We'll avoid it for the time being."

"Tsk," Deidara glared at the wall, "When you aren't butthurt about your feelings, we'll spar, for real this time, hm."

How in the world did he fall for this man? A man passionate for war, with a heart filled with destruction? Deidara was fervent for fighting, gaining strength, and killing. Perhaps Tobi was fascinated with such behaviour because unlike the rest of the world, there was little hatred in the terrorist's motivation. It stemmed from love, a love for his art. That did not make the act any less severe, but sacrifices had to be made. It was not reasonable to take, take, and take. At times, it was necessary to give. It was a flaw in Deidara which he could not ignore, but accept. There was no sick pleasure in the kill itself, nor any love for causing misery to his victims. Deidara simply saw beauty in his art and lived for it, Tobi reasoned. Like the tangy sweetness of the inside of an exotic pineapple fruit, Deidara's centre was protected by the wildness of his skin. Tobi would still welcome Deidara into his life, no matter how sharp the leaves were.

"I'm glad," Tobi told him.

"Don't mistake my patience for tolerance, hm," Deidara looked up at him from beneath his lashes, the gaze confrontational, "If my hunch is correct, your digging me deeper into the Akatsuki. I don't want that, hm. I don't know what the hell is going on, why you're so concerned with me, or what your goal is, but cross any lines, and I will kill you."

Tobi nodded, "Fair enough."

An hour passed by, and neither of them uttered another word. It was only when Deidara noticed the rain had stopped did they get up to go. Tobi watched Deidara run his hand through his drying, tangled locks. The man was a dark silhouette against the light from outside, movements rough and graceful all at once. Tobi hadn't realized he was staring, so enraptured by the sight. It was the sharp inhale he heard that brought him back to his senses. Deidara was flushed red.

The bomber sharply turned on his heels, ready to step outside.

"Wait."

After another step, Deidara went motionless.

"The instant you leave this cave," he walked to stand behind Deidara, leaning down to murmur in his ear, " _I am Tobi_."

* * *

Deidara's heart hadn't stopped pounding erratically since. Mind numb and eyes unseeing, he moved one foot in front of the other. Grass tickled his toes, the breeze further cooled his wet skin, and birds chirped from their perches. He barely noticed, having gone deaf to his surroundings.

Everything that just happened... It couldn't be true. He'd known – thought he'd known – Tobi since his first Akatsuki meeting. That was years ago. The man was supposed to be a goofball, an idiot incapable of taking anything seriously. Was this another one of Tobi's jokes? Prank or not, if Pein was involved, Tobi was likely another tool being used by the organization. And if it was being kept a secret, the situation had to be dangerous. Was Tobi involved with the jinchuuriki somehow? Another sacrifice? Deidara couldn't wrap his head around it. The nausea wasn't helping either.

Deidara was a fool. It had been _years_ of seeing the idiot as an idiot. To find out the man was just like other rogue – solemn, obscure, and _scheming –_ Deidara felt stripped bare. It was if all of the layers covering him were lies. He wanted to vomit. At least Deidara wasn't the only one falling for Tobi's tricks; it made this whole mess more impersonal. Deidara could deal with that. He could play it cool. He could accept this, whatever it was. It was just a matter of _why_. What was Tobi after?

He cast a sly glance at Tobi, who was skipping around and swatting away mosquitoes. Could Deidara have just been hallucinating? A genjutsu, maybe?

But everything added up. This explained why Tobi was so readily accepted into the Akatsuki, despite the common knowledge that there were plenty more skilled candidates out there. And then there were the hundreds of instances when Tobi would fall silent instead of making a stupid remark, as if he was observing and thinking deeply. Even before the man replaced Sasori, when Tobi went quiet, something about the air would make his skin crawl. It wasn't quite the sinister feeling he got while in Hidan's presence, nor the disturbing one with that snake he briefly met; the feeling was just ominous.

If Zetsu was the one who knew the entire truth – something Tobi hadn't confirmed, but Deidara's guts were kicking – about Tobi's intentions, then he was left wondering how much information Pein had. Was it going to lead to a betrayal against the Akatsuki, against Pein? Though, Pein _was_ aware of _some_ things. Was Zetsu planning on taking over the Akatsuki? Was Tobi a double spy? No. That couldn't be it. If anyone was going to gather information, it would be Zetsu. Maybe, Tobi was the one planning on betraying the Akatsuki.

Tch. Deidara wasn't sure if anything even centered around a betrayal.

Tobi and Zetsu had some sort of bond, possibly even a friendship. It wasn't too long ago when Tobi said he was Deidara's friend too. Back then, the statement sounded like all the other flowers and rainbows Tobi spit out on a regular basis. If he was being genuine, and Zetsu was his 'friend', did that not suggest Deidara was bound to end up tangled in all of this? He wasn't sure how he felt about friendship, but he did feel companionship towards Tobi – the old Tobi. The man beside him right then was a stranger.

"Ehh, senpai? Why did you stop walking?" Tobi's voice cut him from his thoughts.

Deidara's head snapped up. He was irked to find that yeah, Tobi was right. He'd gotten distracted. Tobi was paces ahead of him.

He grimaced, "Stop prancing around like an idiot, hm. You're making my eyes bleed!"

Deidara remembered the threat from earlier and shrugged it off. It didn't take much acting to be himself around Tobi, especially when he was being his usual, idiot self.

"But Dei-dei – !"

"Don't call me that!" Deidara cut in,

"– Your blood must be transparent! I can see right through it!" Tobi brought a finger to his mask, where his lip would be. His tone went quiet, voice like bells, "Or... are they tears? Heh hee."

"I'm not crying!" Deidara snapped, "Keep walking, I want to find some shelter, hm."

Bastard! Implying he was an over-emotional softie... that conniving son of a—! Only a deaf man wouldn't hear mockery under the question. Tobi thought he couldn't handle his little secret? Fuck that! Deidara had seen it all, every last shred of insanity out there! This was nothing! Tobi was overestimating himself and underestimating him.

By the time they caught sight of a village, it was already approaching sunset. The place was a dump, if he was being honest. Everything was filthy and the people were poor. Rotting bodies of street animals littered the grounds, only recognizable by the flies buzzing over their carcasses. Everything smelled like piss. In some of the alleyways, Deidara saw blood stains from brawls that must have gotten out of hand. The people were thin from malnutrition, some with swollen bellies from lack of protein, and others with infected wounds.

The civilians had their eyes glued to the two foreigners dressed in strange clothing. At the same time, they seemed to recognize Deidara's headgear and the meaning behind the scratch etched deep into metal. Like many other impoverish villages, the people cowered and hid behind closed doors, peaking out the windows. They had no shinobi to call for help, and no courage to face a possible raid.

Lucky for them, Deidara and Tobi just wanted a place to sleep. Unfortunately for the two Akatsuki members, the inn was as equally as shady as the rest of the village. Deidara sighed for the hundredth time that night, pulling out the futon and laying it against the wall. Tobi was struggling to do the same to his own futon, against the opposite end. The corners of the room were moldy and a thin layer of dust covered the minimal items in the room. There was no heating, which didn't help at all, seeing as they were still wet from the rain. Not to mention how they were recognized as Akatsuki by the inn keeper. The old granny said she'd let them stay for free, in exchange for sparing their lives.

Deidara turned to Tobi, "Stay on your side, hm."

"Yes, boss!" he replied.

Deidara watched him pull off his cloak. Somehow it was worse now, knowing Tobi flat out knew he was being annoying. The black fabric was still soaking wet, creating a puddle of water right beside the thin blankets. Tobi would be freezing all night if he kept that up.

"Careful! You're going to get everything wet," Deidara warned, "I'm not sharing my futon with you. Go step outside and change first, hm."

As if Tobi would undress in front of him. Ever since Tobi confirmed his face was scarred, Deidara would briefly wonder if the rest of man's body was as well. Tobi didn't try to hide just his face, but everything. The only skin Deidara ever saw were his toes, after all.

Deidara groaned softly, getting into bed. It was nice being able to rest his feet. He'd taken off everything so they could air dry, but kept his clay and weapons within reach.

"Stop staring at me, hm. I won't peak. And dry up the mess you created, hm," Deidara said. Before he lay down, he undid the string holding his hair in place.

Tobi looked down at the puddle, "Uwaah! My bad! Be right back!"

He ran out of the room, noisy as ever. The door slid shut with a quiet snap. And the silence that stretched after suffocated him.

Nothing was the same now.


	10. Bananas - "Illusory"

He opened his eyes and was greeted by darkness. The sun had yet to rise; it was still very early in the morning. Deidara had fallen asleep on his stomach that night and clearly hadn't angled his head right. His neck was already sore.

Waking up to the feeling of something heavy loosely draped over his waist wasn't unfamiliar, frustratingly enough. This wasn't the first time Deidara woke to one or several limbs spread all over him. Tobi had a knack for finding his way to Deidara whenever they were both asleep. It didn't happen often, usually because they took turns on watch duty and rarely slept at the same time. It was when they felt safe enough and shared the same room that Tobi would find Deidara in his sleep. At first, it had been annoying because Deidara didn't like it. But as time flew by, Deidara found comfort in waking up to the presence of someone else sleeping next to him. _That_ was even more annoying.

Even with Tobi's futon pressed up against the opposite wall, the man had somehow found his way to Deidara overnight. The image of Tobi rolling all the way across was... interesting.

He was acutely aware of the appendage touching his back. The fabric was not particularly soft, but the hold was gentle. The heat radiating from the skin underneath felt good, but that just made it all the more unbearable, because it was _Tobi's_ skin. Tobi, who wasn't Tobi. The stranger sleeping next him was not clueless; he knew where the lines were, but crossed them anyway. Nothing could be a childish gesture anymore; it had to be intentional.

Deidara turned his head to come face to face with Tobi's mask. He just looked at it for a few long moments. It was too dark to see anything but the gentle sloping of the swirls. Could Tobi really be blamed for what he did in his sleep, though? Deidara wasn't sure.

Hold on... was Tobi even asleep?

Closing his eyes, Deidara held his own breath and tried to listen to Tobi's breathing. After a few moments of listening, he concluded yes, Tobi was unconscious. Or he was very, very good at faking it.

Deidara didn't really have any more time to worry over it, because the ceiling above their heads collapsed. Wood and rock caved in. The sight of it, from his lazy, horizontal position on the floor, was startling enough to get his adrenaline going. Several perfectly spherical boulders dropped from the heavens - a jutsu no doubt. Deidara had just enough time to shove his partner out of the way before one of the monstrosities smashed into the spot where he was sleeping.

There wasn't a chance to celebrate - Deidara got struck by a split plank of wood, the teethed edges ripping through the flesh of his ribs. Before his body could register the pain, he was forced to dodge out of the way again from another falling plank.

Tobi had woken and was hysterical, but he was okay. Deidara let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Maybe objects could pass through Tobi's body, but that didn't mean he could activate his ability while he was unconscious.

Deidara had just grabbed a hold of his clay when three shinobi came into view, peering down from the gaping hole in the roof. Their chakra levels were puny, and their patterns untrained. Never mind that he was as nude as the day he was born; these guys were going to pay!

They seemed to have a similar idea in mind, because all three of them leapt down with kunai in their hands.

"Who are you guys? Hm," Deidara asked. He was already sculpting, hands hidden from sight.

The one in the middle, likely their leader, twirled the kunai in her hand, "You won't live long enough to find out."

"Senpai!" Tobi yelped, running to cower behind Deidara.

_He's not scared. He just wants me to do all the work. That lazy -_

The glint of moonlight reflecting off weapons was hauntingly familiar, and once again Deidara was reminded of the path he chose to follow in life. There was a special sort of gratitude he carried, one for his past-self and the decisions he made. His soul was meant to soar.

The fight led to outside, so Deidara could get out of the blast's range when the opportunity arose. He and Tobi were flying high. The battle didn't last long, since his heart was fully in it. Two sets of teeth gnawed away on clay, hungry to shape and mold weapons of absolute destruction.

Dozens of birds latched onto sets of thighs, arms, and torsos. It was overkill, but when was it ever not?

The three shinobi had frozen in fear.

He was about to yell out his command, when Tobi started laughing, "Bwahaha! I figured out who you are!"

"Huh?" Deidara blinked, confused. He didn't think he could ever get used to Tobi interrupting him.

"They said - they said, we won't live long enough to - ," Tobi was still laughing.

Deidara could have shrugged. It didn't really matter who they were or where they came from. They were going to experience his art first-hand. The three of them were trying to pull the bombs off their bodies. Key word: trying. He smirked, "Katsu!"

The sight was glorious, and he couldn't really take his eyes away from it. The view during daylight was superb, but at night...

Over half of the inn was destroyed, most of it Deidara's work. Whichever Earth jutsu the three had used, it was child's play compared to his. The evidence lay before them.

Deidara kind of felt bad, like he usually did when civilian lives were thrown into the mix. Only just a bit! He didn't care, not really. It was just that he didn't get a sick pleasure out of seeing defenseless people suffer. What he did enjoy was the sight of people dying, their lives ending abruptly. It was especially beautiful when they weren't afraid of death. Civilians didn't have that acceptance; they feared death.

All of a sudden, he became very physically aware and shuddered. He was naked and it was cold. More importantly, his side was injured and bleeding heavily. On closer inspection, the several cuts weren't deep enough to be lethal, but he'd still need stitches for them to heal properly. The wounds stretched to his back where he couldn't reach himself. That meant they'd have to visit Kakuzu.

Tobi crouched down next to him on the bird, just after he felt the touch of fabric settle over his shoulders. It was his Akatuski robe. He looked up to see Tobi throwing on his own set. It was such a small thing but it meant the world to him right then.

He grinned, "You managed to grab these! Hm."

Tobi giggled, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, "I got everything when they weren't looking. Even the rest of your clay!"

Tobi was pointing behind him. Deidara turned around and his eyes widened. Lo and behold, everything was there... plus more. Hell, it looked like Tobi ransacked the inn while Deidara was fighting those goons. Clothing, weapons, sandals, food, coin, and a medical kit were all piled onto each other. Deidara immediately controlled his clay to engulf everything before it was all whisked away by the wind.

"When?" Deidara exclaimed, "How?!"

He couldn't believe how quick Tobi was!

Tobi waved a hand, leaning in closer to look at Deidara's ribs, "That's not important right now. We need to get you patched up, senpai. You could bleed to death."

"I've had two arms severed from my body, this is nothing, hm," he said. Deidara pushed him away, but the movement was half-hearted.

His pride had been damaged more than his flesh. Three weak shinobi managed to hurt him with a piece of wood. It may have been an ambush, but that was no excuse. He should have been prepared for something like that. He always prided himself in being quick on his feet. Defending himself was easy. Tonight proved that protecting someone else was burdensome, and it could get you killed. You had to throw away your own defenses for it to work.

He had been compelled to keep Tobi safe, and this sort of experience was new to him. Deidara hadn't ever really cared about the wellbeing of others before. But the thought of losing Tobi upset him, especially if Deidara could do something to prevent it from happening. This completely contradicted how he wanted to maim his partner over half the time. Deidara shook his thoughts away.

They landed somewhere away from the village. Tobi started making camp as Deidara sat down against a tree. He cleaned what he could reach with the tools provided by the ancient medical kit, though it was becoming obviously apparent that he was spilling out too much blood. His arms were shaking and he felt faint. Little stars were pinching in his field of vision.

Tobi, as though he could read minds, abruptly stopped his whistling and asked, "Are you alright, senpai?"

"Yeah, Tobi. I'm fine, hm," Deidara said. He cursed his luck when his voice cracked towards the end.

As expected, Tobi didn't let it go, "You don't look fine. Let me help you."

"No, hm. I've done this before," Deidara reminded him. He was picking out splinters from his side.

"Pleeeeease!" Tobi was in his personal bubble in an instant, hands clasped together, "Pretty please! We're friends remember!"

Deidara paused his movements. He forgot about that. They had come to an agreement in an attempt to get along, but could Deidara still look at it the same way? Was Tobi joking when he said it? Thinking back on it, the whole conversation seemed forced. It was like Tobi just wanted to make sure his persona appeared ditzy and lovable.

He'd never admit it aloud, but he'd grown accustomed - he says that word hesitantly - to the goofy Tobi. There was something so innocent about his persona. You were forced to pity him. Deidara would feel off-kilter for a while if the man died in battle. He couldn't say that about a lot of people. He hardly blinked when Master Sasori died.

Tobi's mask was inches away from his face, so Deidara pushed Tobi's head away.

"If you could help me get these shards out, I'd appreciate it, hm," he gave in. It _would_ be easier to get the back pieces out with Tobi's help.

"I'll be quick!" Tobi waved wildly, "We need to stitch you up or you might bleed to death!"

"You're being drastic, hm," he sighed.

Deidara handed Tobi the tweezers and watched attentively as Tobi picked out the wood fragments. He didn't know how Tobi managed to see so well in the dark. It must have something to do with his mask. The orange thing blocked his peripherals, and he only had one eyehole. Maybe Tobi was less dependent on sight and more on touch or instinct, like him. Or maybe he had one good eye, also like him.

A loud and painful grumble from his abdomen caught his attention. He really needed to eat. Deidara grabbed a banana from the pile of stuff Tobi had collected. Luckily, he was smart enough to have set everything within arm's reach before collapsing onto the tree roots. He was in that state where once he sat down, he wouldn't want to get back up again.

"Tobi, you should eat, hm," Deidara reminded, peeling the banana.

Tobi looked up quickly, as if startled from his thoughts, "Oh, I'm not hun... gry."

Deidara took a bite out of the banana, chewing thoughtfully. He swallowed, "You know I'm feeling okay if you want to go back to sleep after this. We have a few hours before daylight. I can take watch, hm."

Tobi was quiet, mask directed towards him. Then he looked down, going back to plucking out pieces of wood from flesh, "No. You sleep. I'll take watch. Senpai, you need to rest."

"If you say so, boss," Deidara scoffed.

He finished the banana in two more bites and tossed the peel away. It was Tobi's loss. Deidara wasn't following Tobi's orders; he wanted to sleep. He only offered because he felt bad for Tobi. He looked so content back in the inn, Deidara remembered how little Tobi slept in the first place. Even for a shinobi, Tobi's circadian rhythm was terrible. Kami knew how many winks of sleep the man got each night.

The stench of iron was nauseating.

Deidara became momentarily distracted as Tobi lightly pushed against his side, an effort to get better access to the wounds on his back. Deidara helped him out by leaning over as he picked out the splinters. Tobi's ring was cold against his skin, so Deidara focused on that to keep his sanity in check.

"This is gunna hurt, Deidara-senpai," he whispered, after several minutes.

" _Tobi_ ," Deidara warned.

"It'll be okay. Hold my hand, Dei-dei-chan," Tobi didn't wait, grasping the bomber's dirty palm and threading his fingers through.

"Shut up. Want me to call you To-to? Wait - never mind, don't answer tha - ah!" Deidara yelped, gripping onto Tobi's fingers harder. He couldn't feel anything but the antiseptic for many minutes. He just held his breath and waited for the pain to wash away.

Tobi kept wiping down on the raw flesh, the rag in his hand wet with chemicals. Deidara breathed hard, watching him lean down to further inspect the wound. It must have been clear of splinters and dirt, because Tobi tossed the fabric to the side. It landed in a puddle of dark liquid, soaking the rag.

"What a good boy! You handled it so well," Tobi patted an unwounded area on his chest, "Let's do some stitching! I'm not as good as Kakuzu though. Um, heh - don't worry, I'll be careful. You're in good hands!"

Deidara grunted, letting go of Tobi before the man threaded the needle. The banana had enhanced his fatigue and made him really drowsy. Vaguely, he could remember someone recommending bananas when you were having a hard time falling asleep. Looked like that tip was a solid one. A few moments of silence passed and his breathing started to even out.

"So?" Tobi said out of the blue.

Deidara's eye snapped open.

_Effin-eff, Tobi._

"So?" he echoed, side-eyeing him.

"Don't you wanna know who they were?" Tobi sounded like he was smiling. Deidara could probably figure it out if he put his mind to it. He just didn't feel like thinking right then. At his silence, Tobi continued, "The inn keeper hired them."

That sounded logical. He agreed, "Because we're Akatsuki, hm."

"Yup," Tobi popped the 'p'. "Wanna know what gave it away?"

Deidara didn't have the strength to formulate anymore words. He tried, "Hm."

"They were terrified of your clay before it exploded! They wouldn't know your clay was explosive unless they researched us. And I thought it was weird how the inn keeper didn't come in to check on us when we were fighting. After I searched the building, everyone else had been evacuated. I guess the Akatsuki's getting pretty famous huh? This is great news!"

Not really, Deidara thought. This meant they were going to be hunted down. Now they'd have to keep an eye over their shoulder at all times.

He closed his eyes as Tobi went about mending his skin together. If Tobi had asked to do his stitching a few weeks ago, Deidara wouldn't have hesitated to refuse him. How could an idiot like Tobi ever handle such a responsibility? Now, however, he recognized the experience behind the man's work. Everything he said had a hidden meaning. Every action he took had a purpose.

He wished he was never told about the alternate persona. It was so much easier when Tobi was your average halfwit. Maybe Deidara should just pretend he was still the same simpleminded Tobi that he babysat twenty-four seven. Yeah. Tobi was a moron who was decent at stitching together skin because he had experience fixing up the scarred face he apparently hid under that mask. This is what Deidara would tell himself until he passed out.

He could feel the prick of the sharp point entering and leaving, again, and again, and again. It didn't hurt. Instead, Deidara found the sensation of Tobi's gloved hands left his skin feeling tender. The touch was rough when it had to be and gentle when it didn't. His hold was a good distraction from the confusing situation Tobi had put them in.

"Don't move. I'm going to turn you onto your side now, senpai," Tobi's voice startled him.

He let out a breath, "Yeah."

Tobi's hands gripped his hip and pushed him until his back was exposed. The needle and thread still hung off half of his wound, the stitches unfinished. Something warm pressed against his sides and Deidara recognized the feeling for Tobi's leg. To his annoyance, it supported some of his weight and made the position more comfortable. Tobi wasn't supposed to be _this_ good.

His partner returned to fixing up the tear in his back, humming in tune with his movements.

Deidara didn't know if it was the loss of excessive blood that made him pass out, or the rhythmic pattern Tobi had developed which put him to sleep.

**.**

This time when Deidara woke up, Tobi's body wasn't pressed against his, nor were there shinobi trying to put them to eternal sleep. The sun was up high in the sky, warming the stretches of his skin which had cooled from the coming autumn breeze. An ant was crawling on his forearm, so he flicked it aside carelessly.

"Uhrgh!" he groaned, his arm gripping around his torso reflexively.

Well, moving was clearly a bad idea! Scratch that - saving the idiot's hide was a bad idea. He wouldn't be injured in the first place if Tobi was more _Tobi_ and less... Tobi.

Was Tobi's other persona, the less stupid one, a whole other person? Like Zetsu's duality. Or had Tobi been acting like a fool for years? Somehow the latter seemed more believable. There was no way anyone could possibly be anything like Zetsu and not have been a victim of severe brain trauma or experimentation.

Speaking of Tobi, where was he? Deidara looked this way and that, but couldn't sense him in the perimeters. He struggled to stand up, all the while checking for signs of enemies. Nothing seemed amiss. He looked down to see his chest was bandaged expertly. He could even feel a medicinal ointment cooling his skin under it. Tobi did a decent job, Deidara smirked.

Rummaging through their pile of stuff, he picked out his clothes and pulling them on. Somehow he managed to keep warm last night, despite being shoeless and dressed in only his Akatsuki robe.

That was when Tobi's voice pierced through the quiet of chirping birds and ruffling leaves,

"Deidara-senpai! You're awake!"

Deidara flinched, turning around. Deidara couldn't figure out which direction he'd come from. Tobi did that frequently. He would appear out of nowhere, without leaving any trace behind him. Tobi would be a hard man to fight if he ever took things seriously. He was harder to detect than Zetsu, on occasion.

"Really? I didn't notice, hm," Deidara rolled his eye, shoving the topic to the back of his mind. He'd rather not think about his situation with Tobi first thing in the morning.

"How could you not notice you're awake, senpai? Don't you think that's quite dumb of you?"

Deidara's eye twitched.

Tobi took a step back, recognizing the look.

But then his anger flew away and Deidara deflated. Tobi's jokes were actually... not half-bad. The man had wit. And his one-liners were always well-timed. If only they weren't directed towards him and his art.

Tobi twirled on his feet and struck a pose. He sing-songed, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"I wouldn't be surprised if a picture of you lasted a long time, hm," Deidara said, "Only true art is fleeting."

Tobi fell out of his pose, whining, "Senpai! Are you _trying_ to hurt my feelings?"

"Is it working?"

"Yes!"

"Good, hm."

Tobi flailed about angrily for a few moments before a bumblebee distracted him.

The balanced had been tipped. Deidara didn't know how to act around Tobi. The man had to be a genius. He's played the Akatsuki for so long. Should he joke around and throw insults at him? He was compelled to; he'd been doing it for years now. But now Deidara carried an ounce of respect for the man. Deidara wanted to talk to Tobi seriously. He thrived on deeper, more meaningful conversations, especially ones which carried philosophical implications. These sorts of discussions improved the meaning of his artwork. He couldn't have these exchanges with this guy.

Needing to know when Tobi would take of his mask, both in the literal and figurative sense, Deidara questioned carefully, "When do you think we'll get to spar? _For real_. Hm."

Tobi did not need even a moment to read between the lines, saying slowly, "Maybe after we've captured all the tailed beasts. Our masterful Leader would want us to follow the plan!"

Deidara nodded. That would be soon. There weren't many jinchuuriki left to catch. Satisfied with Tobi's response, his mood lightened considerably. He replied, "Thought so. I've always known you were too scared to face my art. Hm."

They headed East with no objective in mind. Orders had yet to arrive, but Deidara could guess it would be a direction to hunt down the tailed beasts. They had been assigned the task of extracting them upon moment of membership to the Akatsuki, but timing was essential. Rumors spread fast, unless they were guarded secrets like the precise locations of powerful human weapons, unfortunately. It wouldn't do to capture one beast and have the rest on high alert while the Akatsuki still needed information. That was why Pein instructed them to wait for clearance before the beasts could be captured. Now it was almost time.

* * *

A frustrated Tobi ran a hand through his hair, hardly aware of the beautiful ocean view in front of him. It was a moonless night. He was sitting on the edge of a wide cliff, legs dangling dangerously and body damp from the strong, moist winds. Tobi stood to his feet.

He couldn't say he regret the events which transpired recently, of him revealing a small portion of his identity; however, he was worried about what would happen next. The stress it left on his mind was numbing. His plans were a large, organized, lethal web and Deidara was his prey caught in the middle of it: a large thing which appeared from nowhere, simultaneously tangling the delicate structure and being everything he's ever wanted - the perfect meal. So much desire coursed through his veins.

He sensed Deidara approaching before he heard the quiet sound of feet stepping on dirt.

Deidara spoke from behind him, "Tobi."

He looked over his shoulder, "Senpai?"

"We're leaving."


	11. Elderberries - "Mutable"

The report had reached him, Zetsu blunt to deliver how Kakuzu and Hidan had both been defeated by the Leaf. The news was disheartening. Hidan's body could still be saved, but it was not worth it. With Kakuzu dead, Hidan would be untameable, uncontrollable, and therefore unusable. Unable to perform his unsavoury rituals, the man would soon lose his immortality. It was better to let him die and rid the world of filth like him. Nonetheless, Tobi would admit the deaths of Kakuzu and Hidan were a huge loss; they were terrifying together, if not powerful.

They had been walking for hours, having been directed to hunt down the three-tails. Deidara's wounds were healing nicely, as expected. The man didn't have Senju DNA, but at times like these it felt like he did. He shook off wounds as though they would heal painlessly. Tobi remembered the day Sasori had been defeated. Somehow Deidara managed to evade Kakashi Hatake and his team, surrounded and armless. It had been impressive.

He picked up a sparkly, pink pebble from the ground and inspected the array of colours. It was pretty, something Tobi would enjoy. He didn't waste the opportunity, "Deidara-senpai! Look, look!"

Deidara didn't stop walking, though he did turn his head, "What? Hm."

He ran to catch up, gesturing madly, "I've never see one so pink before! Do you think I should start collecting rocks?"

Tobi could hear the deep inhale and slow exhale Deidara let out.

"What if we go to the Hidden Stone Village? I'll find hundreds of rocks there!" Tobi skipped ahead of Deidara, walking backwards as he spoke, "More pink ones, maybe blue ones, and green ones, and orange ones!"

"We have an assignment, Tobi."

"Hey, isn't that where you're from?" Tobi tapped the slashed Iwagakure forehead protector which was somewhat hidden under his golden hair. Deidara swatted him away.

Tobi looked into the sky-blue eye and something inside him jolted. He nearly tripped at the feeling. All of Deidara's focus was on him, and he looked contemplative, as if he was trying to figure him out. Kami, who knew one look could mold him into this klutz.

Tobi reassembled himself, rubbing his stomach to emphasize his next point, "Gosh, I'm starving!"

"When aren't you? Hm," Deidara muttered to himself.

Always. He didn't need to eat. Food only irritated his body, and it flushed right out of his system. Hence why he avoided intaking food as often as possible. Tobi asked, "Did you say something?"

"You definitely heard me," Deidara gestured vaguely, "You don't need to pretend all the time, hm."

"- _Deidara. ..._ Senpai." Tobi warned. That was far too close for comfort. It was unlikely Deidara would reveal him, but there could be ears anywhere at any time.

"Yeah, yeah," Deidara said, "I'm not sure why you tell me all your secrets Tobi, hm. You shouldn't trust anyone with them, even your... _senpai's_."

Deidara looked a bit sick saying the last word. Was it really that hard for him to say senpai? Tobi smiled. How cute. Still, their topic of discussion was forbidden.

"Shh! I don't want anyone to know you're my favourite Akatsuki member! Zetsu will be heartbroken if he finds out!"

_Be quiet. Zetsu is the Akatsuki spy for a reason. He can't know you know._

Zetsu was loyal to Madara, not him. If he ever found out Tobi had a weakness, that he found something to fill the nothingness in his heart, it would be the end for them.

The bomber seemed to understand. Recognizing warnings when they were given was a skill the man learned after having spent most of his years surrounded by S-Ranked rogue. Tobi remembered the younger Deidara, a foolish little brat with a wild temper. Despite it, the boy's potential had been apparent. At such an early age, Deidara had successfully stolen and merged a forbidden jutsu with his own kekkei genkai, then mastered the technique to create an acutely controlled destructive force, all within a short time-span. His reckless nature only improved since then. Now he was no longer an impudent boy at risk of eruption, but an audacious man who could use his explosive nature to his advantage, by respecting himself.

Deidara wouldn't out him. From his perspective, there were too many unknowns. He didn't know what the consequence of his actions would be, therefore he couldn't decide if it was worth the risk or not. Deidara was a strategist when he wasn't blowing things to pieces. He also did not care to invest time in secrecy. Even so, Tobi could work around being revealed. It wasn't just for shits and giggles that he was posing as Madara. The world would fear him enough to stay back. Temporarily.

Madara would have been equivalent to a god at his time. Bringing him back to life would mean the end of the world. The Moon's Eye Plan was nearly guaranteed to succeed, with or without him. Siding against a revived Madara Uchiha would be disastrous. Perhaps... perhaps if he didn't revive Madara, there would still be a chance to reverse what has been done, if he changed his mind. He could still stop the continuation of his plan, his life's work, if he so pleased.

"You make it sound like Zetsu's got the hots for you, hm," Deidara's voice distracted him.

Tobi's blood rushed in his veins, leaving his skin tingling and insides numb. Deidara meant the world to him. If he lost Deidara _and_ the Moon's Eye Plan, he would be left with nothing again. He wanted it to stay like this forever, with them bantering and arguing with no real destination in mind. But he could have that, with the Moon's Eye Plan. He could have that and more. He could wake up from a dreamless sleep in the middle of the night and be greeted by the sight of golden hair next to him. He could look down into beautiful eyes as they made love under the pale moonlight.

"Jealous?" Tobi patted the bomber's head lovingly, "Don't worry. Zetsu's nice but he's not really my type. His leaves are too sharp. How do you kiss him? You'd just get thorns in your face. Oh and if you think those are sharp, wow you should see Kisame's teeth! I feel bad for anyone who's tried to smooch h _i_ m."

He got pushed quite forcefully away, as Deidara replied, "Why are we even talking about this?!"

"Why are we talking about your jealousy?"

"No! Making out with the other Akatsuki members, hm," Deidara crossed his arms, "Besides, I don't get jealous. Jealousy implies you're afraid to lose something or lose _to_ something, hm. I admit I have been envious, but jealous? It's been a long, long time."

That was an interesting way of putting it. Deidara was particularly resentful of the Sharingan, so he must be referring to his first encounter with Itachi. Tobi nodded thoughtfully, "Okay, I understand. Let's say I try to cut off your arm. You'll be jealous, right?!"

"That's - that's not how it works, hm."

"What if I was secretly better at making your clay bombs! Would you be jealous?" Tobi giggled.

Deidara laughed, "Haha! No one can make better explosives than I can! Hm!"

His skin chilled at the sound of Deidara's laugh. It was rare hearing it outside of battle. Tobi let it ring in his head for memory. The bomber's claim was likely correct; Tobi had never heard of another shinobi capable of creating such versatile, destructive, and polished firepower. Not only were his designs capable of precision, but there was a seemingly endless supply. A small chunk of clay could provide enough catastrophic damage to unearth acres of land.

"I'll work hard to be a worthy artist!" he tossed the pink pebble away, "But let's say I had the Sharingan, how would you feel? Jealous?"

Deidara would prove useful should he declare war. Be that as it may, Tobi didn't want him anywhere near it. The risks were too great. If he lost Deidara in a war he started...

"That's impossible, hm," Deidara said matter-of-factly.

Tobi pouted, "Eh, why would you say that?"

"The Uchiha are all dead. Besides, even if you managed to steal one, it'd reject your body to the point of the Sharingan being useless. Bloodline limits are called limits for a reason. Even you should know that. You'd have to consistently practice to get comfortable with it, and I've never seen you train in your life, hm."

"I wonder why you know so much about them. Maybe you've done your research so you could get yourself a pair?" Tobi accused, "You go on and on about how much you hate the eyes. I bet you secretly wish you had them."

Deidara waved a hand to the side in a careless gesture, "The Sharingan is overrated! Hm."

"Eh, that's not true! It'd be so much fun to use it! Imagine all the genjutsu you could do. I'd surround myself with lots of sexy - !"

"Okay! Fantastic! That's good to know, hm," having sensed where he was going, Deidara cut him off, face red.

How baffling. Deidara was a professional terrorist, arsonist, and eradicator. Yet somehow, any mention of anything intimate had him feeling shy, if not embarrassed. With a genuine grin, Tobi teased, "Did you think I was going to say 'girls'? Get your mind out of the gutter, Deidara-senpai! I was going to say lots of sexy senpais, before you so rudely cut me off."

"Wait, what?! That's never going to happen!" he shouted, mortified. The expression etched into his lovely features was glorious.

"So mean, senpai," Tobi whimpered, pretending to cry, "You're so good at destroying villages, I should have expected you'd be this good at destroying dreams too."

"I never took you for a perv, Tobi," Deidara glared at him.

"No fair! I never said you were going to be naked or anything like that! You can have clothes on, that's okay. As long as I have my precious senpai with me," Tobi quickly explained himself before Deidara decided to throw clay bombs at him, "And didn't you know? You have this _sultry_ air around you, even with that hideous shirt of yours. I don't know how you do it. See, I go for a more adorable vibe, you know what I mean? I think girls are more into it now. Being cool and mysterious was so last year."

"What's wrong with my shirt? Hm," Deidara glanced down at his chest, probably blatantly ignoring the rest of Tobi's nonsense.

The navy-blue fabric was covered by the Akatsuki robes, unseen but not unforgotten. There was absolutely _nothing_ wrong with his top. Tobi loved every bit of it. The subtle way Deidara avoided remarking on anything else he mentioned wasn't lost on him. Deidara was truly flustered. Tobi's heart started beating wildly in his chest. Getting a rise out of Deidara always did this to him.

Happy, Tobi replied, "I was just kidding! You always look dashing, Deidara-senpai."

"The aesthetic of my power is more important than my body's, hm," Deidara said seriously, then smirked, "You on the other hand, have nothing going for you."

"You can't mean that!"

"Oh, it's true," Deidara nodded his head, still smirking widely, "Orange clashes with everything."

Tobi cried out, "But Zetsu told me orange suits me!"

"He's right," Deidara nodded again, "You clash with everything too, hm."

"So you _do_ hate me," he gasped, playing along.

Deidara shook his head, "I don't hate you, idiot. If I did, you'd be dead by now, you can be sure of it."

"So you love - !" Tobi began excitedly, but Deidara interrupted him,

"You're still really, really annoying," he said, "Don't get carried away, hm. The mask does suit you, though. I can't imagine you with a different one, hm."

"Senpai is so kind to me," Tobi clapped his hands. Those words warmed him up, seeing as they were sincere. He continued, "I hope I'm a good kohai."

Deidara closed his eye. He said simply, "You're... special, hm."

"I want the Rinnegan!" Tobi exclaimed, not lying one bit. The idea was thrown out there, of his Uchiha lineage and his plans. He hoped that one day in the future Deidara could look back at this conversation and remember that Tobi left him clues. Perhaps his senpai would be more forgiving. He finished, "Or maybe one of each! Imagine how powerful I'd be with the Sharingan and the Rinnegan! I'd be stronger than even Leader-sama!"

" _I_ don't even know true capabilities of the Rinnegan, hm. How would you know about them?"

"Because I have it, duh!"

Deidara's brow twitched, "You just said you wanted to have it, not that you do have it! Hm."

"Oh, I did?" Tobi smiled under his mask, "No I didn't."

"Yeah, whatever, Tobi," Deidara sped up his pace, walking ahead of Tobi.

Then all of a sudden he stopped, and Tobi bumped into him. He latched onto Deidara's shoulders before he could fall over, "Senpai! Careful!"

Deidara asked firmly, " _Do_ you have the Sharingan?"

"Eh, maybe, teehee! You tell me. Am I the supreme leader of the Akatsuki?" he countered.

He sort of, figuratively, mostly _was_. The Akatsuki wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Madara implanting the Rinnegan into Nagato; however, the organization wouldn't have thrived if it wasn't for Tobi. They would have fallen apart, one by one. They needed guidance. Nagato and, by extension, Konan, were at his fingertips. Deidara didn't have any sufficient information on Tobi, definitely not enough to consider how very capable he was of manipulating Pein. The more damaged the human mind, the better it could be exploited. As predicted, Deidara wasn't aware of his influence on their "leader".

"No," Deidara said after a minute, nodded, then looked hesitant, "So then, how can you see so well through your mask?"

Needing to change topics, Tobi whispered seductively, ""I'll tell you for a kiss."

He felt Deidara cringe under his fingertips, "No, hm! And how many times do I have to tell you to let go of me?"

"Wa! I'm sorry!" Tobi paused, "Oh and senpai?"

Deidara sighed, "What? Hm."

"I really, really like spending time with you."

There was a moment of hesitation, before, "...I know, hm. You always tell me that."

"It's the truth," Tobi shrugged, skipping ahead and leaving Deidara trailing after him.

They walked for a bit more, following a dirt path until a dango shop appeared in the distance. They had been hiking for a while, enough for Deidara to have gained an appetite. Dango wasn't as nourishing as some foods, and Deidara wasn't one for sweets, but it would give the man some sustenance. Deidara wasn't one to admit he was hungry until his stomach was protesting loudly.

They had passed an elderberry tree on the way, but they fruit wasn't ripe enough to be edible. The trees were rare in these parts of land. Not to mention the arcane implications of seeing one. The disturbed were reliant on its properties to ward off evil spirits, and the spiteful to lure darkness in. There was too much contradiction, too much inconsistency and risk; it was best to leave the tree be.

Tobi pointed, "Oh, senpai! Over there... There's a dango shop!"

He was at such an experienced stage in his Tobi act that he could pull off an excited tone of voice without smiling. Thank the gods, otherwise he'd have lean, hard muscles grown into his jaws from all the grinning Tobi required.

After yapping about some more he ran off to the shop, knowing Deidara would follow. The man needed to eat as well. He sat down and patiently waited for Deidara to arrive. His partner wasn't one to care about food, eating when his stomach demanded it and never sooner. It was Tobi's job to make sure the other didn't accidentally starve himself. He kicked his feet back and forth, asking the baker to make enough for two. She smiled at him warmly, likely familiar with strange looking travelers visiting her shop. Unlike the innkeeper, he didn't sense any horror radiating from her, so he could safely estimate she was unaware of the Akatsuki organization.

He became suddenly distracted by the sight of Deidara approaching him. He looked unusually enigmatic. Only one thought was crossing Tobi's mind at this point.

_Gorgeous_.

...

Really, really fucking gorgeous.

For some reason a hint of nervousness crept into him, though it had no reason to. He laughed off the feeling, beckoning Deidara over.

"Senpai!" he screeched.

The man gave him an annoyed look and sat down next to him. Their knees touched and Tobi held his breath. Tobi's leg was so tensed, he knew Deidara would physically feel him relax if he tried to. The only thing that could distract him from the contact was Deidara's signature scent. The smell of clay and denatured earth took over the sugary aroma wafting out of the shop. He couldn't handle this. Tobi pulled his leg away, pretending to stretch it. With the small space between them, he could breathe easier. Deidara willingly touching him was a lot different than when their roles were reversed.

Words came out of Tobi's mouth with every intention of agitating Deidara. He hardly paid attention to what he was saying. It not only prevented him from overthinking his lines, it also made the act seem more genuine. Not that it mattered with Deidara; Tobi didn't have to pretend to be someone else around him anymore. He was able to expect consideration of the words he shared, or what was said between the lines at least. Just that thought alone made him feel a tad weightless. It took some time but he was finally comfortable with himself, for having let Deidara know he had two personalities.

He was pulled back to reality when Deidara answered a question he must have asked without thinking, "The Three-Tails!"

And he always knew Deidara had a nice voice, but it was particularly attractive today. Tobi couldn't think of a special occasion, or any other reason why it would sound different.

The kind woman from earlier returned with a batch of hot mitarashi dango, the balls soaked well in sauce. They scooted away from each other so she could place the treat between them.

He picked up his serving and brought it close to his mask. Was he going to eat this or send it to the other dimension? He didn't really want to risk Deidara seeing the ripple effect, especially after he'd seen Hatake use it. Tobi also did not have any appetite what so ever.

Deciding quickly, Tobi put a hand to his mask. He heard Deidara's breath hitch and smirked, knowing the effect he had on Deidara. As seriously as he took his identity, Tobi found he was able to relax and have some fun with the artist. After turning away, he pulled off his mask, letting fresh air hit his face. The dango did taste delicious; he had taste buds, after all. It would be too cumbersome having to vomit the food out later. Instead, he would send it to the other dimension once it entered his body, since that method had no ripple effect.

It was even more cumbersome getting blown a mile away, but figured it was worth it. Nothing got Deidara's attention more than a snarky remark on his - other than his art. That being said, Tobi had begun to notice that Deidara was a lot more fixated on him than a year ago. It wasn't even because of the incident in the cave, when he revealed himself. It was before that. Bonds grew stronger as time passed, yes; however, this was only true if you let bonds form in the first place. Kakashi was a prime example. Deidara had to have _accepted_ Tobi some point along the way.

He wondered if it would ever be an opportune time to tell Deidara. Maybe once Tobi could trust himself, in his decisions and his future, to guarantee the best for the both of them. Deidara wanted to end with a bang, and Tobi wanted to have him forever. The plan would benefit them both. Except, Deidara would be dead. Genjutsu Deidara would be predictable and not _Deidara_. He would be a memory, never growing or changing. Deidara wouldn't be the artist anymore; he'd be the art and Tobi would be the one molding him.

It wasn't much later when Tobi and Deidara parted ways. He could sense commotion in the distance, strange chakras that had the air tremble in a subtle melody. Someone like Deidara, who was used to feeling the air shake, would have sensed it. If not for his one weakness in combat, his hot-temper when his art was questioned, he would have noticed the mild differences.

He figured it was best to check on the tailed-beast alone, to see what they were measuring up against. He did not expect to see Kakashi Hatake with the Sanbi. Whatever rag-tag group he was assigned to, it was clear they were attempting to tame the beast. Tobi's thoughts turned dark at the sight of him. Obito had given up his life, everything, in the hopes that Kakashi could pass on his beliefs and learn to put friendship before shinobi. He had entrusted that man with Rin's life. He failed.

A part of him, the small remainder of Obito that was left in his body and soul, craved for the closeness of his old team. It was a piece of his whole that was stuck in the past. He still missed Rin. After all, love never fades. Obito wanted to see her again, one last time. He needed to apologize for so many things. For letting her die the way she did. For replacing painful memories of her with ones that made him happy. For wanting to be with this person he was in love with as life blew up under them. For being Obito, but not really, not anymore.

He was lost.


	12. Avocados - "Love"

Capturing the three-tailed had been easy, in spite of Tobi messing around during the whole operation. He _did_ find their target, which saved them a lot of precious time searching for it, so Deidara went lax on him. He mused on the possibility of Tobi secretly had enough strength to take-out Isobu on his own. It was why he made Tobi try and catch it. It seemed the man was adamant on not letting his identity be known, because Tobi had made the biggest fool of himself yet again.

Something inside him was cracking. Whatever the feeling was, he couldn't put a name on it. What he did know, he didn't like. He was starting to obsess over Tobi. Even he could see that. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, his thoughts would always drift back to his partner. It was never like this before. A year ago, nothing was on his mind more than his artwork. Now his drive was directed towards something so... so... frustrating.

Every time Tobi stopped moving, Deidara's eye would latch onto him. Usually Tobi was prancing around like a rabbit, so when he stilled or went quiet, Deidara was left speculating. Sometimes he caught Tobi staring off into the distance, other times right at him. Whenever Tobi said absolutely anything, Deidara was dissecting every last syllable down to the finest detail. Which Tobi was speaking? Why would he say that? Was there a hidden meaning? Were all questions that raced through his head during their conversations. And when Tobi occasionally disappeared at odd hours in the night, Deidara wasn't able to fall back asleep until he returned a few hours later. Where did he go? How did he vanish without a trace? Deidara wanted to follow him, but forced himself not to because _he really shouldn't care._

This wasn't the same feeling someone got when they were afraid they were about to be betrayed. What had Tobi said in the cave? Something about trust. It had been some time since then. Before that night, he had been able to trust Tobi to follow him around like a lost puppy. After thinking about it more, he was starting to think he could still could. Tobi had trusted Deidara of all people with crucial information. That had to mean Tobi really did trust him and wasn't playing around. He was _still_ following Deidara around like a lost puppy.

And Deidara liked it.

He really, really did. Because knowing Tobi was skilled and patient enough to fool nearly the entire Akatsuki, including Deidara, without a genjutsu of any kind, was admirable. Deidara got the sense that Tobi was leagues ahead of him - though he swore he would prove against that in a future spar - if not because of technique, but because of his association with the Akatsuki leader. Pein and Tobi were either conspiring together, against each other, or for each other. Pein wouldn't waste his time with weaklings. Every member in the Akatsuki had a purpose. There had to be a reason why Pein let Tobi act completely useless despite knowing he wasn't. Tobi had even refused to talk about his abilities or strength. If that wasn't suspicious, what was?

Tobi had brought up the Sharingan and Rinnegan earlier, so completely out of the blue, Deidara was positive something was up. If his partner hadn't been tormenting his thoughts day in and day out, Deidara would have thought nothing of the discussion. Tobi also mentioned something that had been ringing in his head for a while. Behind closed doors, was it possible for him to be the Akatsuki leader? Maybe Tobi was stronger than he initially appeared to be, but Deidara didn't think anyone was stronger than Pein. The Rinnegan was powerful enough to keep ten S-ranked nin in line, all at once. Even if Tobi had the Sharingan, there was no way Pein would kiss his feet. He stored the information in the back of his mind, until he got more information. It was apparent he had no choice but to put together pieces of a black puzzle, with half the board missing.

Of what he did know of Tobi's kekkei genkai, he acknowledged. It was no explosion, but the man was untouchable, and that had to count for something. Imagine the number of lives Tobi could take, and walk away without a scratch. Compared to Deidara's sensitive long-range fighting style, Tobi could enter close-combat without fear of anything. There would be nothing holding him back.

Deidara wasn't blind. None of the other Akatsuki members respected his artwork, not for what it truly was. Even Master Sasori looked down on it, despite being a fellow artist. On the other hand, Tobi not only appreciated his work, but Deidara himself as well. Having someone obscure like Tobi pay special attention to him was mind blowing. It was irritating of course, being thrown into some dark plot that had very little to do with explosives and too much to do with secrecy.

Tobi would confess his admiration for Deidara countless of times. His words didn't really mean anything back then, because Tobi loved everything. It was recently, when Tobi had admitted he enjoyed spending time him, that Deidara took the words to heart. Now, Tobi was aware that Deidara knew how Tobi was _Tobi_ , and anything spoken between them suddenly mattered.

Except, Deidara held trepidation. If Tobi was so good at his facade, didn't that mean he could also easily pretend to respect Deidara as well? It was probable. Maybe the real Tobi wanted to get on his good side, fool him into lowering his guard, just so Deidara come to depend on the other.

This was all giving him a headache. Tobi wouldn't get out of his head and Deidara had better things to think about.

"Hey, Tobi!" Deidara called out. His partner was crouched low, busy staring at some bug in the grass some feet away. He looked ridiculous.

Tobi's head snapped up, "Yes, senpai?!" 

"Come here, hm," Deidara waved him over. It was nearing sunset and they still had to find a place to camp.

Tobi scurried to him, then slowed down as he saw the expression on his face. Deidara must have looked hostile or irritated, so he relaxed his eyes. This only seemed to make it worse because Tobi took a few steps back, "Oh please, I swear it wasn't me. I didn't do it, I promise! It was Hidan - wait, no, he's dead - it was Kisame! It's all his fault!"

"Shut up, hm. Nothings wrong," Deidara rose both his brows, "Is there?"

Tobi waved his hands frantically, "Haha, no, definitely not. What could senpai ever be talking about? Ha. Haha."

"Good. We need to - ." 

Tobi shushed him, "Shh! Do you hear that?" 

Deidara paused, listening carefully. He did hear something, like the sound of a crowd in the distance.

"Maybe there's a village! With a festival! We can eat hotcakes and find a hot spring! I can't wait until we get to sleep in a warm bed," Tobi exclaimed, bouncing on his feet, "Let's go check it out!"

"Hold on. We don't know if it's a village...! Or not. Hm."

Tobi had already disappeared, leaving nothing but dust behind him.

Deidara sighed. Tobi must have forgotten about the incident at the last inn. He'd have to warn him to take off his cloak before stepping into another one. Warm food and a bath did sound nice though. Keeping his hopes up, Deidara followed Tobi, heading in the direction the man sprinted off too.

As it turns out, they were in luck. It was a small village. The town was somewhat sizeable, meaning there would be more shinobi around. Deidara had to bluntly break it down to him that they wouldn't be sleeping here, completely apathetic to the crushed reaction and Tobi's tears.

"It's risky to stay here long, hm," Deidara explained to the grown man acting like an utter child, "Someone will eventually recognize us and if they do, we'll be followed once we leave. But we probably have enough time to eat before they catch on, hm."

The village was especially noisy this evening, and it wasn't because there was a festival like Tobi had predicted. There were just a lot of bars and shops set up in the open outdoors. The streets were bustling with life, and with the pink skies, brought about a very pretty picture. Deidara smiled, despite himself. These were the sorts of places he liked to visit from time to time. Maybe he'd come back here one day.

The moment was ruined when Tobi grabbed his arm. He was dragged from shop to shop, until one _really_ caught Tobi's eye. Deidara let himself be pulled into an unusually large izakaya.

"You plan on drinking? Hm," Deidara was skeptic. Tobi never ate where people could see him. It'd be near impossible for him to lift up his mask in this cramped place. Adding sake to the mix would only mean trouble.

Tobi nodded enthusiastically, "It'll be my first time!"

Deidara had to do a double-take, "What?!"

Having already entered the building, several heads turned Deidara's way at the commotion. He paid them no attention.

"You're not a minor, are you?" Deidara asked, blatantly ignoring how he began drinking when he was underage. Compared to some of the other laws he'd broken, it didn't really compete. He didn't know how old Tobi was, and always assumed he was older, but now he was unsure. The man was untarnished? Deidara was surprised.

"Nope!"

Ah, good. Deidara wouldn't feel guilty. He was curious about something though, so he asked, "How old are you, anyways? Hm."

"Huh. I can't remember, senpai."

It was easy to avoid the bar, because it was entirely occupied. They sat down at a booth near the back. A group of sleazy looking civilians were in the booth across from theirs. They smelled pungent and looked weak. Deidara bet they were discussing greedy deals to fill up their pockets. He'd caught plenty of civilians running illegal services, paying shinobi good money to act as guard dogs. The Akatsuki took out these kind of men and women more often than they did innocents, something Deidara was more than okay with. Some sold narcotics, others traded humans like coin, and the worst of them did it to kids. Deidara fidgeted. The urge to chew his clay clawed up his veins.

He wouldn't start a commotion, because he knew better, but damn if he didn't scare them off.

As annoying as it was having people listen in to his conversations, Deidara was more concerned about Tobi, who would have a hard time popping his cherry so to speak, in their presence. The man had always been self-conscious about taking off his mask in public.

Smirking, Deidara locked eyes with one of the civilians and brushed his hair out of his face. He saw the old geezer's eyes latch onto his slashed hitai-ate, then to the mouth on the palm of his hand, and then onto Tobi. It was clear that the lot of them were no match against two rogue shinobi. They were also too shady to cause a scene, which would likely bring unwanted attention to them. Deidara watched in satisfaction as the man whispered something to a woman with a cigar between her lips. Soon they all got up and walked out.

The other patrons thankfully either didn't notice or care. 

"Guess your age, hm," Deidara was seated across from Tobi. He leaned his cheek on his hand, trying to stare down his partner. Tobi's arms were somewhere under the table, probably on his lap. 

You know, Tobi had really good posture. At least when it was just the two of them. Tobi slouched a lot around other people, so Deidara blamed it on Tobi trying to impress his senpai. 

"Older than you for sure," Tobi said after a moment, "I was way taller than you when you first joined the organization." 

A pause.

Deidara knew what was coming, "Don't say it - !"

"Hold on. I still am taller than you! You're just really short, senpai!" Tobi saw his red face and assured, "It's nothing to be ashamed of! Your small stature makes you look especially cute. Oh but not as cute as me, of course."

He counted to ten, then let out slowly, "There's only one thing stopping me from severing your legs from the rest of you. Hm."

"Is it my dashing good looks?" 

Tobi was rewarded with a blank stare. 

A waitress came and took their order. Before Tobi could open his mouth and order the entire menu, Deidara got them some fish and sake to share. It was important to try and save money since they completed their main objective, capturing their assigned tailed beast. They wouldn't be sent on many more missions from this point forward. Even so, he figured it wouldn't hurt to treat themselves to some cheap sake to compensate for their hard work.

When the woman walked away, he continued the conversation, "I'm mostly curious. You act inebriated when you're sober. I wonder if you'll be sensible when you're flat out smashed, hm."

"Tobi doesn't plan on drinking _that_ much, senpai," Tobi then waggled his finger, "It won't be safe. How will I protect you if we get ambushed again? Our strength will be significantly weaker."

Remembering how useful a sober Tobi was, he scowled, "I doubt there'd be a difference, hm."

A different waiter arrived, carrying a flask and two small cups. Tobi stopped him before he walked away, "Wait, wait! Can you please bring me a straw?" 

The waiter nodded and returned quickly, handing Tobi what he was looking for. 

He couldn't stop the grimace from forming on his lips. Tobi was going to drink his sake with a straw? He wouldn't get a chance to really taste the flavour. Deidara thought about it for a moment. Then again, it would make the man more comfortable. Tobi wouldn't have to take off his mask, only lift it the slightest to get the straw under. 

Deidara poured a bit into both of their cups and placed the flask back on the table. Tobi was going to go first.

"Ahaa senpai, you're making me nervous," Tobi fumbled with the straw.

He crossed his arms, "Drink, hm."

When Tobi reached for his mask, Deidara's heart started beating faster. Even though Tobi only slipped the straw under carefully, it was enough to make him feel funny. Deidara shook it off. It was clear Tobi wouldn't ever reveal his face, not if there was a secretive, darker shinobi under the mask. That didn't stop Deidara from wanting. Intentionally or not, Tobi was a tease. 

The straw was translucent, so Deidara could see the drink slowly rise up as Tobi sucked. It was strangely gratifying to watch, and not because he was breaking or defiling Tobi's innocence or anything like that. It just felt good being able to introduce a fresh experience to someone who needed it. Deidara nodded. 

Okay, he was lying to himself; corrupting Tobi was definitely entertaining. 

He waited until Tobi's cup was empty before he sipped on his own. The drink too sweet on his tongue burned down his throat. 

After a minute or two, Deidara broke the silence, "So, how do you feel? Hm."

"It tastes bitter," Tobi's straw was still dangling from under the mask, and it moved with every word, "And I feel... tingly."

Already feeling at ease, he couldn't stop himself from cracking up. The straw, the confusion, and someone help him, how Tobi's vocab included the word _tingly_! Kami, this man was serious! How did Tobi pretend to be Tobi without losing it?!

"Dei-dei-chan-senpai! You're laughing at me!"

"No, no. Haha - ! Here have some more, hm," he was still chuckling as he poured Tobi and himself another set.

Both of them finished theirs at the same time, and just as their meal arrived. Avocados were sliced and served on the side with the fried seafood. He loved complex fruits like avocado's and tomatoes. They tasted like vegetables, but weren't. Avocado's weren't excessively sweet or sour, either. When they were good to eat, they were soft and filling. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he smelled the food. Deidara dug in, but noticed Tobi hadn't even touched his share.

Deidara pointed his chopsticks at him, "Take some with you on the way out then, hm." 

"Yes, sir! Can I have more sake?" Tobi didn't wait for a response, eagerly pouring himself another glass.

By the time he finished his share of the fish, Deidara was amused to see Tobi had gone through half the bottle by himself. Deidara had a total of five drinks, while Tobi had somewhere around twelve. First-timers were all lightweights. 

His assumptions had been correct. Tobi got quieter and quieter as the night passed on. The man was naturally a loud one, or at least he appeared to be. So it was disturbing, seeing him like this.

Grabbing his hand, Deidara stopped him before he could grab the sake again. He smirked, "I don't think your liver will appreciate any more."

Tobi nodded, not saying anything. The air around Tobi felt unnaturally sad.

Deidara sighed. It really was like taking care of a toddler. Now he had to comfort him like a mother would to her crying child.

"Come on, let's go find a place to camp for the night, hm," Deidara pulled Tobi up, who wobbled dangerously. Deidara asked for a carry-out tray, and tossed a few coins on the table.

They were walking down the streets, which had grown even livelier since they arrived. One hand was lugging a bag with Tobi's food and his other arm was wrapped around Tobi's waist. The masked nin was wrecked. Deidara was a bit woozy himself, and having Tobi lean against him wasn't helping at all. The man wasn't just tall, he was downright heavy too. Deidara had to throw his weight back against him as they walked, otherwise they'd both topple to the ground.

"Mm, senpai, I'm so happy I met you. You're magnificent," Tobi mumbled into his ear, voice gruff and a bit slurred. 

Deidara gripped the bag tighter, "Yeah, hm. You too, you're alright."

If he was blushing, he blamed the alcohol. Tobi, in all his sappy, affectionate glory, really didn't have a filter. It wasn't a good combination. Deidara wondered if his other self was like this too. Was _this_ the other Tobi? Deidara didn't think Tobi could keep up his act if he wasn't sober. Fucking hell, especially after a dozen drinks. It would explain why Tobi never had sake before. Or let's say Tobi wasn't an act, if there was a whole other person sharing Tobi's body... would he come out?

The sound of music grabbed said man's attention. Tobi separated himself from Deidara to stare at the commotion ahead of them. Tables, food, lamps, and other decorations had been set up. It looked like some sort of celebration. It couldn't have been a wedding. Everyone was dressed down and there weren't flowers anywhere. Upbeat music was playing from small speakers, and people were dancing to the sounds, completely lost in their own world. 

He knew what Tobi was going to suggest, and before he could, Deidara deadpanned, "No."

"Let's go all out tonight, ne?" Tobi, never one to listen, latched onto his hand and pulled him towards the party.

Maybe Deidara felt relaxed, for once. That didn't mean he had to like _dancing_.

Tobi moved to the music the moment he stumbled into the makeshift court, leaving Deidara to watch him make a fool of himself. It was probably best to pretend he wasn't associated with him, despite their matching cloaks.

Something tugged on his sleeve, urging Deidara to look down. There were two kids, a boy and girl, both around the age to begin training as shinobi. They had similar features, with big eyes and big noses. Siblings?

"You're not from around here," the girl said. She played with her brown hair, looking curious.

The last time Deidara spoke with a kid her age was years ago. He couldn't even remember where, or what they looked like. Deidara replied, "Lucky guess. You shouldn't be talking to strangers, hm." 

The boy crossed his arms, frowning. He didn't say anything to that, neither did his sister. They probably realized he had a point. They really were tiny. Deidara had forgotten how small kids were.

He asked them, "What's the celebration?"

"It's grandpa's birthday!" they both shouted, clapping their hands.

Deidara looked around one more time. Sure enough, most of the people here were elderly. Birthdays were pointless, if not fatuous. Other than being a marker for one's age, they didn't really serve another purpose. What was the point in celebrating them? Who cared how long you lived, as long as you lived well. But these two children were young and inexperienced. They would eventually grow to their senses. Right now, they were too naïve to understand sublimity. Kids were morons.

Deidara wasn't hostile every hour of the day, like how he preferred his enemies to believe. Actually... Tobi and Sasori were probably the only two people to have known that. And one of them was dead.

Making conversation with these two brats wasn't that big a deal anyways. With nothing to lose, he said, "Tell him we hope he has a good one, hm."

"Thank you! On behalf of grandpa too!" the girl grinned.

Yeah, they were definitely civilians. Kids training to be shinobi wouldn't waste time perfecting grammar. 'On behalf of'? That sounded like something their grandparents would say.

The boy uncrossed his arms, confused, "We?"

Sharp. Deidara pointed vaguely to Tobi, "My partner." 

The girl went vivid red, stuttering, "Oh. Oh! I-I see. Why aren't you d-dancing with him?"

He didn't know why the girl would be embarrassed. Deidara followed the direction of her gaze. Never mind, scratch that, he did understand why she was turning red. Deidara blushed himself, horrified, as he saw the moves Tobi pulled.

Was it even physically possible for hips to move that way?

Deidara swallowed loudly, "He's drunk, hm." 

He wasn't sure if he was telling the children, or if he was trying to tell himself.

The mentioned Akatsuki member waved, bouncing on his feet, as if hearing their conversation over the loud music and distance. Deidara was confident Tobi had an extra set of ears. That, or Tobi was a mind reader, because how else would he have such good timing?

Deidara didn't wave back, but the two kids on either side of him did.

"Don't encourage him, hm," Deidara advised.

The boy shrugged, "He looks lonely."

"Eeh? How come? He has _him_. I'm sure they spend lots of time together," the girl was pointing at Deidara, but talking to her brother.

"But he's not dancing with him," the boy insisted, "That's such a mean thing to do."

Deidara scowled, "I'm right here, twerp."

"Go dance with your partner!" the girl shoved him, but really, it was more of a tickle to him.

The boy kicked the back of his knee, "He'll find some girl to replace you with!"

"Ow!" Deidara's knee buckled and folded in because the kid knew where to hit. He half-heartedly moved to smack him, "What was that for?!"

Replace him with? What was that supposed to mean? Not to sound full of himself, but Deidara couldn't imagine Tobi replacing him for anybody. Especially for a girl. The thought of Tobi abandoning his 'precious senpai' to hook up with some woman was laughable. It wouldn't happen. Ever. Deidara imagined Tobi in a romantic relationship, but just couldn't see it happening. Like the rest of the members, Tobi was invested in the Akatsuki. Besides that, his personality was too fluttery and innocent for one-night stands.

However, he wasn't sure about the _other_ Tobi. That man was an enigma, dark and intense. They only had one short conversation, but it was enough for even someone like Deidara to feel vulnerable. It was a lot easier picturing _that_ Tobi laying a stranger, fucking her brains out. He wouldn't be gentle. She'd be holding onto his thick arms and squealing, unable to do anything but take and take. Was this what Tobi did when he disappeared some nights? Bed sluts who spread their legs for any well-built shinobi that came strolling by? It wouldn't surprise him. The idea pissed him off. He didn't know why. Tobi could fuck whoever he wanted. People who weren't enlightened to the euphoria that came with explosions relied on something inferior like sex to entertain them. Deidara never bothered with it. He held the real bang - literally - at the palm of his hands.

"Go!" high-pitched voices brought him back to reality. The kids tried to push him. Tried to. Moving a trained shinobi against his will wasn't a simple task.

"You guys are annoying," he said.

Deidara promised himself he wasn't following these brats' orders. Kids were irritating. Tobi wasn't even half as obnoxious as them. It was a shame this town was far too cheerful to destroy.

He left them standing there, walking towards his partner.

Initially, his plan had been to grab Tobi so they could finally leave. Instead, Tobi stepped in front of Deidara, swiftly wrapping two arms around his waist. Deidara's head hit Tobi's chest at the force and he dropped the bag of food.

"Tobi," he hissed, pushing against the built chest. Tobi only tightened his hold, and the movement sent a surge of shocks through his body.

Pressed against Tobi's frame like this, he could hear a strong heartbeat. Deidara noted how his head was perfectly aligned with where the man's heart should be.

"Dance with me?" Tobi asked softly, the vibrations from his chest deafening. He wasn't sure if this was Tobi or _Tobi_.

A mixture of emotions had him look up at the other. The motion was difficult to manage, with Tobi's grip being so tight. The sight had him tremble. A full moon served as a backdrop, haloing him and thickening the darkness in the crevices of the swirly, orange mask. Deidara now had no doubts; Tobi's soul belonged with the night, like his own with the day. Whoever Tobi was, he was dangerous.

Suddenly the song changed, cutting off mid-chorus, snapping him out of his reverie. Deidara saw the two brats next to the speakers, and they gave him the thumbs up. 

"Dance," Tobi repeated, his façade a complicated blend between personas. Tobi's hands loosened, moving to settle on both sides of his hips, easing Deidara into light movements.

Now, he wasn't shy, not by any means. It was just that this was Tobi. That, and Deidara never bothered to do anything like this since he was maybe six.

He didn't know why he was letting this happen - it was obvious he wasn't putting up much of a fight. Tobi, however, was not in his right mind; he wouldn't do this without the sake. They were both not-so-sober, but Deidara wasn't _that_ drunk. Maybe this meant he truly didn't mind if Tobi held him like this. Hardened shinobi didn't dance with each other; Akastuki members definitely did not dance with each other. Tonight was verification; they had come to a truce. It was hard to deny it. He was reciprocating what Tobi was offering: recognition, respect, and benevolence. Apparently, they were having a moment of companionship.

Breath shaking, Deidara was too stunned to say anything. There was so much to Tobi that Deidara didn't know about. No matter how many layers he pulled back, another one took its place. Despite this, on some level he could trust the other. Whether he was behaving like a child or... someone else, no matter the circumstance, Tobi meant well.

He gave in to the temptation, resting his head against the warm chest. Tobi's heartbeat was loud, strong, and racing. Fingers twined around his own as Tobi held his hand, tucking it close to his body and pulling them closer together. Their bodies had merged and Deidara was terrified to admit their understanding had too.

This felt right. Deidara didn't know what friendship meant, but he figured it was something similar to this. His heart was exploding.

Kami, he wanted to cry.

_This is art._

He didn't understand it. Deidara shut his eyes tight, confused with himself.

It took a few moments for him to notice the song was the slowest one to play yet, and the most calming. Wasn't this also what lovers did? Deidara turned his head to glower at the siblings, but found them dancing with each other. It wasn't just them; many people had paired off. Friends, couples, families... He watched them as he and Tobi swayed from side to side, unhurriedly rotating in whatever direction. They looked happy.

Deidara couldn't comprehend their laughter until now. They were just civilians, unexposed to art at its finest. They never experienced the mind-numbing rush the body went through in battle. But now, he thinks he sort of gets where these people are coming from. It was fun doing simple things with people you cared about, even if they were really annoying.

"It won't last forever," Tobi began, also watching everyone around them.

Deidara's attention shifted back to his dancing partner.

"Their happiness," he ended.

"There's beauty in that. Hm," his grip tightened around Tobi. Life was filled with build-ups, a peak, drops, and an aftermath. Repeat.

Nearly a whole octave lower, Tobi said, "A man who looks forward to his own demise. I've never met anyone like you."

It could have been the words, or maybe the way he said them, but the statement had him feeling lightheaded. He stuttered, "Y-yeah, hm."

Tobi's hand glided up the spine of his back. In response, a tightening heat seared down his body, settling somewhere low.

Deidara was very in tune with his emotions; he could always pinpoint what he was feeling, though he had a harder time explaining the why's. He wasn't stupid, either. He knew how the small movement affected him. He knew what it meant. He just didn't know why he'd be turned on by it.

They danced a bit more. Tobi tried to twirl Deidara, and in return he punched his shoulder, hard. Tobi feigned pain, then snickered, twirling himself instead, having to crouch because Deidara was two heads shorter. Deidara pretended not to notice.

The song finally ended. Tobi collapsed into Deidara, pulling him into a tight embrace. He had to take a few steps back so they wouldn't fall to the ground. Tobi smelled like earth and it was grounding. Deidara didn't say anything - neither did.

Drained, he breathed deeply, forehead protector touching Tobi's torso. He wrapped his arms around him, eyes wide. A wave of uncertainty was settling into his bones. The Tobi Deidara was comfortable around was the one he grew up with, a silly man with a carefree attitude. This Tobi was not that Tobi. This one was unfamiliar and unknown. But, he was still the same person, right? Another song started playing but Deidara didn't hear it.

He mumbled, speaking lowly against the hard chest, "Back then, you said you were pretending..."

He felt Tobi stiffen, then shift slightly. With no sign of a negative response, Deidara continued, "How real is - how different are you two?"

Tobi moved again, but for an entirely different reason.

"Hey, travelers," a recognizable voice brought him back to reality. As if woken from a dream or nightmare, Deidara blinked hard, erasing the fog in his mind.

The boy from earlier was beside them. Tobi disentangled himself from Deidara, looking down at the kid.

"Hi!" Tobi held out his hand, personality flipping like a switch, "I'm Tobi! Tobi's a good boy." 

The kid looked over to Deidara, brows raising in disbelief, "You're with this guy? Really?"

Feeling a tad offended, he got defensive, "Tobi means well, hm." 

The boy beckoned the two Akatsuki members closer. Tobi crouched down, and after a moment, so did Deidara.

He looked left and right, then said quietly, "I know who you are. You're the bad guys. So far no one found out but once they do, they'll kill you, or worse." 

"How come you didn't rat us out then? Hm," Deidara's eyes were sharp, but he was curious. Shouldn't a kid like him be running away and screaming?

 "You drunks don't look like you're here to hurt anybody, so I gave you a chance."

 Tobi scratched his head, "Senpai, I didn't know we were the bad guys." 

The kid pouted, "That's not what _I_ think. Shinobi are so cool! But I heard my neighbour talking about red clouds and bloodshed and other crazy stuff like that. You're lucky it's dark out and no one noticed those." 

The boy was pointing to their cloaks.

"You think we're cool?!" Tobi squirmed, sounding overjoyed.

He smiled, "Yeah, but you should still leave. Before they recognize you." 

Deidara nodded. The brat was smarter than he initially thought. He grabbed Tobi and stood up, "You're right, hm. Thanks, kid. Come on, let's go."

"Safe travels!" the boy shouted over the music and chatter as they walked briskly away.

The children were kind of endearing. They were still brats, just decent ones.

After half an hour of trudging through grass, Deidara remembered something important. He forgot to grab Tobi's food. Deidara cursed. He contemplated going back to pick up the bag, since wasn't sure if he'd be able to sleep tonight with guilt hanging over his head. Tobi was probably starving. And they said alcohol increased your appetite. 

"Hey, Tobi..."

"Yes, senpai?"

Deidara sighed, "I forgot your food, hm."

Angry with himself, he averted his eyes when Tobi looked over at him. After a moment, he got a reply, "That's okay."

"No, it's not," he grimaced, "You need to eat, hm."

Tobi patted his back, "I promise I'm okay for the night. Ink, pink, pinky promise!" 

"You sure?"

"Wow! Senpai cares!" Tobi gushed, "Don't worry! How about you owe me one, eh?" 

Deidara agreed half-heartedly. If their roles were reversed, he'd be livid. Tobi had the patience of a saint. It made up for his - probably fake - short attention span.

* * *

"I can't go on," Tobi wheezed. He held out his hand in desperation, doubled over and breathing hard.

Deidara stopped, turning back to look at him, angry, "We don't have time for your games. Hurry up! Hm."

Instead of obeying, Tobi chose to collapse where he was standing. The grassy hill they were climbing up was steep and high, completely unforgiving to his poor body. He rolled over to lay on his back. The ground was cold and the air colder. Winter was coming.

Once again, he was reminded of how small he was while staring up into the dark skies. Stars and stars, millions of them, touched the black canvas and transformed it completely. Humans were nothing in comparison, only small bodies of flesh with depraved minds to rule them. Unifying humanity was Tobi's responsibility and his only purpose.

Deidara's face blocked his vision. Golden hair fell off his shoulders and curtained a handsome face, the colour vibrant even under the night skies.

World peace had been the reason for his existence, at least until now. He was selfish. Deidara was all he wanted. Him and nothing more.

Tobi reached up and grabbed Deidara's wrist, yanking it hard so the man toppled down on top of him.

"Tobi - !"

 Even with their skin cold from the sun's disappearance, Tobi found warmth in Deidara. His presence was all it took for his icy veins to set aflame.

 "Re-lax, senpai. Let's look at the stars for a bit, yeah?" Tobi released Deidara, putting his hands behind his head in a carefree attitude. Transfixed, he was carefully aware of the extra weight on his torso and the hands gripping onto the fabric of his shirt.

Now that Deidara was lying down, it seemed he didn't want to get back up either. He copied Tobi's earlier movements, rolling to the side to lay down beside him.

Deidara's sigh was loud, "You're really lazy, hm."

They were quiet for ages, both unwilling to break the comfortable silence between them.

He'd been incessantly thinking about their clashing philosophies since forever, and the results of his internal debate were finally conclusive.

The earth under his body carried humans like a host to a disease. It never wavered, never complained. Humanity was just another lifeform playing house on a large, oversized rock. Obito had been a victim to the hierarchy; the unavoidable feeling of importance and worth engraved into him from birth. Being human put you at the top of a truthfully insignificant ladder, one that didn't matter in the long run. You could look down it and see endless steps. But to look up? There would be no destination, nothing else for you to grasp. And the world would keep spinning. 

That was why Obito failed, because that boy was so caught up in being human.

He thought Tobi was a success. It seems he was mistaken. Erasing humanity from a human body was unachievable. Humans were destined to climb a shaking ladder until the end of their time.

Both parts of him failed.

Trying to rise up a ladder that ended with nothing was pointless. Trying to fix a broken ladder was pointless, if there was nothing to reach on the other end. Humanity could continue in peace or end in hatred, and the sun would never stop rising every morning.

Why should he even bother with the metaphorical ladder? Why couldn't he just jump off and put his feet on the ground? It was real; it was endless. It was love, laying right beside him, breathing like a human, being a human. Why should he give it up? Happiness wasn't in the sky. It wasn't the final piece at the top of an imaginary hierarchy. It wasn't a goal. Like the earth under his body, it wasn't fixed, but it was solid, and it was there. Right next to him.

Deidara understood that before he could. He lived in the moment, never the past and never the future.

He wasn't going to make the same mistake Madara did.

"Ne, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi whispered.

Deidara whispered back, "Tobi, hm."

"Earlier, you asked me a question," Tobi began.

"Do you have an answer?" his partner perked up.

"Yes," he swallowed the bile building in his throat, "I'm nothing. I'm no one." 

"You've said that already, hm. And you're not nobody. You're someone. You're Tobi."

"My body, Tobi's body, was a tool for the longest time, senpai," he turned his head, so he could murmur quietly to Deidara, "I don't want it to be anymore."

"Then what's stopping you?"

He never felt more vulnerable, "My mind." 

Deidara turned to look at him, leaning on his elbow. Sun-kissed hair cascaded down his shoulders, and Tobi's eye never failed to follow. He was fixed on Deidara's features, and entirely addicted to the rest of him. This was torture. How was it possible for anyone to _want_ someone so badly?

Lucky for the both of them, Deidara was oblivious to his frenzied thoughts. His eye ablaze, "Whatever you want to do, do it. Live in the moment, hm. You'll never have fear, and you will always be your bestest self." 

"I'll try, then," Tobi's words were so quiet they sounded muffled under his mask. Deidara had to strain his ears to hear them.

Guilt washed over Deidara for the second time within an hour. He didn't think Tobi would be telling him any of this without the help of alcohol. Tobi was in some kind of internal conflict, and like the idiot he was, rather than trying out all his options, he stuck to one path. Tobi's identity crisis was the same one he had when he was unsure about betraying his village. Deidara just had to remind himself that home was where the heart was, and for him, his art was his heart.

The bigger of the two sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. He seemed deep in thought, so Deidara gave him some time to think. The crickets were chirping madly, and the sound of the wind was even wilder.

They said talking about your problems was always helpful, but Deidara wouldn't personally know if it made a difference. He never really bottled anything up, it was against his nature. Apparently that was all Tobi did. The man was going to burst, sooner or later.

Deidara opened his mouth to warn him, but the words died down on his tongue.

Tobi's ringed hand was latched to the swirly, orange mask.

_No way._

Deidara's eye was seeing and his brain couldn't keep up with it. The mask was being slowly lifted, revealing pale skin, scars, and a mouth, one by one. Tobi slid the swirly, orange mask to the left side of his head, the thick strap hiding his eyes from view. Deidara couldn't bring himself to feel disappointment. The skin he could see was jagged, almost tender looking under the starlight. The scars didn't take anything away from the moment, only enhancing how surreal it was to see Tobi's skin.

Like the swirly, orange mask, his skin rippled in the darkness when Tobi turned his head. Deidara was fascinated to see the other half of his face, the flesh unblemished. In the very back of his mind, he questioned why Tobi's working eye was on the damaged side rather than the other, but Deidara didn't have the strength to think about those things. He found himself distracted by the set of lips, to find their colour not quite porcelain, but the colour of his clay. The urge to touch the skin was painful, and it took everything to keep his hands at bay. Sometimes Deidara forgot there was flesh under Tobi's mask, and other times it was all he could think about.

"Tobi," he breathed, "This is you, hm." 

A gloved hand pressed against his jaw, the touch gentle. Tobi's sight was blocked, yet he had no trouble finding what he wanted.

Deidara didn't really process what was happening, but suddenly Tobi was leaning in. What was he doing? Deidara leaned back until he couldn't anymore, but Tobi followed like death after life. 

He froze, afraid to so much as inhale. Scarred lips hovered against his own, just a breath away from touching. The grass under his head tickled the skin on his cheeks. Their robes mixed in a seamless mess, the fabric soft against his skin. Deidara's senses were going haywire. He was keenly aware of every little sensation, despite his focus being on one thing only. 

It had to have been an eternity before one of them broke the spell.

"But not all of me," Tobi said. _Tobi_. His breath puffed out as he spoke, the warmth hitting Deidara's lips like a ki - no, no, he wouldn't go there, not when Tobi was _so close_. The breath, combined with that low, heavy voice, had him dizzy and beyond flustered.

Tobi was just inebriated. Yeah, that was it. He could smell the sake in his breath, in both of theirs, as the air between them mingled.

The hand left his face and glided down his arm. A cold shiver crawled down his heated body.

Deidara assumed right. If Tobi ever had a lover, they'd be left powerless.

"You're drunk," Deidara stated matter-of-factly. He was scared to talk, because what if his lips brushed against his?

Tobi leaned in again and for a heart moment, Deidara thought he was going to do it. Voices roared in his head as Tobi simply pressed a scarred cheek against Deidara's, right were his hand used to be.

The light, constant breathing in his ear had him on edge. It was another reminder. Tobi had a face. Why was he doing this? What was Tobi after? The skin touching his was foreign, but just the knowledge of who's it belonged to had him paralyzed.

Tobi murmured into his ear, tone grim, "Are you sure?"

Deidara furrowed his brows.

The man inhaled, shaking, "Perhaps... I didn't swallow a single drop."

What? How? There was no way Tobi could have faked it. There had to have been half a liter to spit out. Hold on. Objects could pass right through him. Then were did all the liquid go? There was no spill or anything remotely similar to one when they left the izakaya. 

And what reason could Tobi have for masking his sobriety? It was possible he did it to enhance his laidback persona. It worked, if he thought about it. The kid-boy didn't take them as a threat, and it was because of their soaked-up state. 

It would mean he was never drunk to begin with.

Deidara wasn't sure how he felt about that. If anything, he was mortified. Tobi always pulled this kind of shit; he should be used to it by now. But the fact that Tobi had been sober throughout the entire night...

He exhaled through his nose, momentarily distracted by Tobi's firm touch. A strong thumb was massaging into his wrist.

Tobi would be sober now too.

Doing this.

"Is this a game to you? Hm," Deidara blurted out, panicking.

"No," Tobi frowned, and it was the first time Deidara saw it. He couldn't believe he was seeing a mouth move with each of Tobi's words, "Never." 

All too soon, and not soon enough, Tobi moved away. The porcelain mouth vanished and the swirly, orange mask was back in place. Tobi's black silhouette lifted off the grass, standing tall and looming over him.

A covered hand reached out to him, the silver ring on his thumb glinting.

"What are you doing down there, senpai? You can have a nap _after_ we make camp!"

It was too late now to get any answers; Deidara missed his chance. But this was progress. Why Tobi couldn't just reveal everything all at once, he didn't know. The lies were getting tiresome. After their conversation, however, he had hope. Maybe Tobi would heed his advice. Tobi would find himself; he could feel it in his bones.

He grabbed Tobi's offered hand.

**.**

Throughout the length of time it took Deidara to set up camp and lay down between some large tree roots, he was in a complete daze. If anyone asked him what his name was, he probably couldn't give a coherent answer. It didn't help that the cause of his emotional turmoil was sitting just a few feet away, drawing patterns into the dirt with a stick.

With a mild headache from the after-effects of sake, Deidara closed his eyes.

He thought about Tobi's face, the half he'd been given permission to see and, someone pinch him, _feel_. The scars were curious, but most shinobi had them anyways. Somehow Tobi's right eye was working, despite the disfigurement. Tobi never used his left eye, in spite of his face around there appearing to be in good shape. The injury was especially different. 

Tobi had shared a glimpse of his past once, of how he had lost meaningful people in his life. What if the scars were connected? The story sounded tragic; however, Deidara had no room for pity in his heart. 

Then, there was Tobi's unique ability he was dead set on not divulging about. Deidara could respect this, since it would be really fucking stupid to reveal the secrets of your ninjutsu with others. But Tobi had to go around flaunting it in front of him - so of course it was going to spark his interest! Tobi could phase through objects _and_ make them disappear. How?! 

"Senpai, I'm trying to relax. You're thinking too loud," Tobi said.

Deidara opened an eye, flabbergasted. Tobi was still playing with his stick, making more noise than he was. He hadn't said a word since Tobi put on his mask, so his voice was hoarse when he replied, "It's your fault, and you know it, hm."

Tobi didn't respond, either because he was giving him a chance to think and had been joking, or because didn't have anything to say.

Deidara closed his eye in an effort to fall asleep. It was in vain, obviously. The whole day had passed with him giving it his all to fight off this budding obsession, and he'd hardly thought of anything but his partner. With Tobi revealing part of his face, saying the things he did - doing the things he did - how was Deidara supposed to think about anything else? 

The man under the mask was a stranger to him, neither Tobi nor Tobi but by some means, all of Tobi. He could still feel the whisper of air on his mouth, its physicality warm and everything else about it cold and unknown. For a minute there, he really thought he was about to be kissed. But that was impossible, especially if he considered how Tobi hinted towards being sober.

Deidara could see him trying to spread his affections while under the influence. A clear-headed Tobi, on the other hand, was far too controlled. The man was on constant vigilance, under the pretense of aloofness. He did everything for a reason. So what reason would Tobi have for wanting to kiss him? None that were logical. Deidara was more comfortable with assuming Tobi misjudged their closeness because he couldn't see well.

Maybe Tobi was trying to drive him crazy. He wanted Deidara to lose his mind; that had to be it. Because here he was, almost yearning to know what would have happened if one of them closed the gap. He didn't think Tobi was going to do it, but Deidara... sort of... wished he did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, for all that is holy, marvel at gensing's sublime fanart for this chapter: https://gensing.deviantart.com/art/Dancing-713997720


	13. Pears - "Endearment"

"I want to tell you something."

Deidara wasn't getting used to the sound of Tobi's real voice, but now he was less surprised whenever he heard it. Ever since two nights ago on that hill, Tobi had been making off-handed comments as _Tobi_ , at least whenever there was no one in the area. It was unnerving. As much as he preferred the company of a quieter partner, this new guy made him feel not exactly uncomfortable, but something like it.

Tobi muttered something unintelligible under his breath, then corrected himself, "No, I want to show you something."

Everyone had a fuse, including Tobi. He resembled an old, battered sculpture, locked away and forgotten under years of pretense. If there was existence, there was chance for art. Even someone like Tobi, broken and dusty from lack of use, had the ability to bring one-of-a-kind, remarkable things into the world. He was denying himself his right to kindle his inner fuse. Nothing, absolutely nothing frustrated him more than someone opting to live without their spark.

With the possibility of enemies nearby, it was astonishing to hear Tobi speak so freely.

Distracted, Deidara took a few moments to process Tobi's words, then replied, "Then show me, hm."

Their simple scroll-hunting mission had them walking down the underground tunnels of a rotting, lost and forgotten temple. It was a perfect place for other shinobi to use as a hideout, and odds were that was exactly what was happening. Deidara was on high alert, because he couldn't fight long-range in these conditions, nor could he blast his way out without the risk of the dirt above their heads crumbling down. The caverns looked frail with old age. And if the sight wasn't proof of it's ancient conditions, the stench of rotting life was. Strangely enough, dead - _chained -_ skeletons littered the tunnels. A sacred temple was hiding a prison under its floors. Charming.

Tobi, being a few paces ahead of him, turned his head just enough to catch his attention, "Follow me."

Their intel instructed them to make a left turn, but Tobi directed them to the right. A torch was trapped against Tobi's palm, his fingers tight around the wood, yet wrist loose. To the untrained eye, that observation meant nothing. But Deidara recognized the grip of a swordsman.

"You've been here before?" he broke the silence, spotting Tobi's familiarity with the tunnels.

The man didn't pause, "Once."

Their pace was languid and their steps silent. The tunnels were damp. Water dripped from the ceilings and formed puddles under their feet. The other Tobi would have been making a big deal out of his toes getting wet, or he'd be jumping and splashing around in excitement. Or both. Deidara didn't take his eyes off the cloaked figure ahead of him. The fire of the torch darkened the silhouette.

For some reason, he missed Tobi.

"Here," Tobi's arm stretched up and the flames lit up the wall of a dead-end.

Deidara breathed out, "Woah."

Across the entire span of the ancient, rock wall was the reflection of a story. The paint was faded, at least several thousand years old. Reds, greens, yellows, and blues shaped different people, gods, mountains, and rivers.

He stepped closer, falling into place to Tobi's left.

The plot was of a human who became a lover to one of the gods - Deidara couldn't decipher which one. The mortal was vile, murdering innocents and raping the vulnerable. As punishment, he'd been caught in one of the fires he started, cursed to suffer paralysis and severe burns for the remainder of his life. The god, however, was a lover of humanity and believed there was good in his heart. It watched over him and they fell in love. Deidara couldn't make out the ending, since the edges of the wall had faded out.

Deidara struggled, "Why are you showing me this?"

"Eternity may not exist, but you cannot deny the preciousness of life withstanding its destiny for as long as it can," Tobi moved the torch to focus at the end of the painting, "Once the physicality of this piece finally withers away, only those who've seen it will remember it. No one after will understand its existence. It will be gone forever. Death is a tragedy."

Tobi lowered the torch, directing his attention to Deidara.

"And since the day the artist spread paint along these walls, every person after has had a different memory of it. The ones to see this in its prime would have died long before they could see it at its most precious moment, right now," he continued, "This painting is at its best state the way it is here, molded and disappearing, because it has offered everything within its limits."

Mouth dry, Deidara had to take a calming breath. It was compelling enough to hear him make brief and cunning remarks, but this was something else entirely. Hearing him care about something considered nonsensical to the majority, even if his opinion differed from his own, was so damn refreshing, Deidara was tempted to - to - ...

"You're right, hm, but you're also not," Deidara pointed to the painting, not letting his fingers touch it. He'd never heard of anyone who thought like that, or at least, voiced it out loud.

Tobi might have sighed, though Deidara doubted it, when he replied, "Stubborn brat."

The tone was light, and Deidara was too much in high spirits to be offended. Tobi's words did remind him of Sasori, bittersweet memories of a fool. He vaguely wondered how old Tobi was, if he was referring to Deidara as a brat.

He was more worried about proving Tobi wrong when he explained, "When you fear death, you spend your entire life trying to run away from the master hunter, hm. Life is art, yeah. You said so yourself. But when you cling to eternity, your canvas loses its vibrancy. It's no longer art, but a memory of art, hm. For us humans, when we're stuck in that state, all we want is to be someone else, because our lives aren't _enough_. And when death finally catches us, we'll be remembering the times we were happy - when we were art."

Deidara grinned. He could talk about this _all_ day.

Thinking back, Sasori had been an emotionless rock. Deidara respected his artistic nature, but was quick to find out how dull it was to talk to, and not with, someone. That was exactly why he tended to recklessly initiate debates on their art style, because their discussions frequently got heated. Who cared if it pissed off the man, at least he was getting feelings out of him. Obviously, in the end, Deidara won. Master Sasori's eternity ceased. Maybe he'd already lost before his demise. What use was it to have a living body if you were already dead?

Since the revelation in the cave all those weeks ago, a small bit of Deidara feared Tobi would be just like the rest of them: unfeeling, impassive, _lifeless_. He proved him wrong. Deidara couldn't even compare Tobi's heart to Sasori's. There was so much going on in the man's head. That mind wasn't just a chaotic storm, it was the never-ending ocean under it too.

Tobi clung to his last sentence, "What if someone has no happy memories? What if there was so much pain, everything good faded away?"

"They may as well be dead, hm."

"How miserable," Tobi commented. He was distant, not physically, but mentally. Deidara could tell, even in the dim lighting.

He wasn't referring to himself, was he? How rough was Tobi's past? Deidara frowned. He didn't let the conversation end, "It's never too late to bring excitement to your life, hm."

"Yes," Tobi agreed, "I believe you."

"All you have to do is make a change, hm," Deidara thought aloud, then redirected his focus to Tobi, "Which you said you'd do."

Back on the hill. When they almost kissed. Deidara half-heartedly kicked a rock.

That night, Tobi told him he was being used. As what and by what, Deidara didn't know. The thought of it infuriated him. No one should be shackled, by anything. Even themselves.

"And I am. However, I need to take precautions," Tobi said, stepping past Deidara and heading back the way they came. It took a moment for Deidara to remember they were on a mission.

The walk back towards their real destination was considerably less tense. It wasn't his imagination; Tobi was relaxed now. The shoulders Deidara had been keeping an eye on weren't raised as high, and the conversation between them was less forced.

He smiled.

The scroll they were after wasn't on a pedestal in the center of a throne room, protected behind ancient traps left by those before. Whoever hid the scroll was smart. They buried the scroll in an unmarked edge of a tunnel, lost in its maze and impossible to find without specific intel. They had the general area given to them by an Akatsuki spy, but pinpointing the precise site in a two-hundred-foot radius stretch of tunnel was irksome.

Tobi, however, seemed to know exactly where to go. He didn't pause or move his head to look around. At about the hundred-thirty mark, Tobi stopped and brought his torch down to the ground, crouching low with it. Deidara didn't see anything interesting about that spot, at least not at first glance. If he hadn't been an expertly trained shinobi, he would have completely missed the subtle sign of unrested dirt.

His eye snapped to Tobi, "How did you know?"

Tobi was pulling out a kunai with his free hand when he responded, "I was the one who left it here."

Deidara did a double-take, "What?! That would mean this mission was..."

"A hoax," Tobi finished for him, stabbing the kunai into the ground to upturn the soil. It made a loud clang as it struck against some stone of the cavern.

Deidara grabbed the torch from his hand, so he could maneuver around better. Pein had sent them on this mission, which he wouldn't do if he knew Tobi had the scroll all along. Just how stealthy was Tobi? More importantly, "Why? Hm."

"I wanted to remind you that I am a liar," Tobi pushed aside the soil with the kunai, "And I'm good at it."

"Yeah, I figured, hm," Deidara watched the man's fingers wrap around a dirty handle. He didn't miss the implications. There was more to uncover, much more.

"It was also a test. I had to see if they still trust me," he said and yanked hard. A small, rusted, metal chest unearthed itself.

Deidara didn't know who 'they' were, and probably never would, but asked, "Do they?"

"Yes, to a degree. I still need to be careful," Tobi inserted his chakra into the box and the lid popped open, confirming his earlier words. That was an identification lock. So, the scroll really was Tobi's. He continued, "Mostly, I wished to speak with you."

Deidara straightened, "Again, why?"

"It's been a long time since I've looked forward to anyone's company," Tobi's baritone echoed through the tunnels, and he grabbed the scroll, tucking it under his cloak, "So it's imperative you meet all versions of Tobi."

Embarrassed at how corny and tactless Tobi was - traits neither personas could get rid of - Deidara ground his teeth together, "How is it 'imperative'? I told you I don't want to be dragged into whatever plot you're scheming, hm."

He didn't want to be involved, but he wanted to know more about his partner. It was becoming readily apparent that Deidara couldn't have one without the other. Tobi stood up again, and now that he was angry, Deidara immediately noticed their height difference and hated it.

"Then we're on the same page. I don't want you in this mess either," Tobi said. His tone was soft, and it didn't match his natural, hard voice. Still, the gentleness of it all, accompanied by his words, eased Deidara's vexation and calmed him down.

He refocused on Tobi's other declaration, once again reminded that his partner was weirdly invested in him. Clearly Tobi cared _about_ him, but could it be that Tobi cared _for_ him? Deidara wondered if there was enough evidence for this, or if it was just his imagination - his desires playing with his mind. Maybe he didn't want Tobi to just appreciate him, but depend on him, need him.

The thought struck a nerve and Deidara faltered. How desperate was he for attention? Deidara scowled, "Let's head back, hm."

There was only one entranceway, so it also served as the only exit. Deidara was ready to turn around and take the long trek back when Tobi stopped him, raising a hand, "Hold on."

Deidara normally would have brushed past an outstretched hand - especially if it was Tobi's - but he caught himself hesitating. The dynamics in their relationship had changed so drastically. This was proof of it. The nauseating feeling of unfamiliarity was still there, and if not for his sharp attitude, would have left him ill. Now, his focus was on a possible threat. Deidara recognized the signs of his partner sensing danger up ahead, back in the direction they came from.

Referring to their entire conversation, Deidara commented, "They heard us, hm."

Tobi took a few paces forward to step ahead of Deidara, until his swirly, orange mask couldn't be seen.

There were two shinobi down the tunnel, the darkness masking their bodies completely. They were good at hiding their chakra, but not good enough to hide it from the Akatsuki. Avoiding confrontation wasn't an option, seeing as they were in the way. Maybe they could have negotiated a peaceful compromise, if it wasn't for the fact that these strangers heard highly confidential information - specifically, Tobi's other persona.

Said man let out a noise, the sound lower and darker than anything he's heard from him before.

A light shiver crawled up his back, because something in the air changed after that. It was the tension you felt before a battle was about to commence. Now _this_ was a more familiar territory.

Grip tightening around the torch, Deidara called out into the shadows, "Come on out, hm!"

The sound of shuriken buzzing through the air had them dodging the assault. Deidara dropped the torch into a puddle of water, seeing as it was giving away their position. The flames sizzled out, hissing. The moment the only source of light in the cavern disappeared, Deidara sensed the shinobi running away. Tobi did too, sprinting right after them.

He cursed, following his partner. Deidara clung to Tobi's chakra signature, because once again, the man proved he could see in the dark. Tobi was incredibly fast, for once not hiding his ability to keep up with Deidara. Only this time, their roles were reversed. Deidara wasn't having a hard time matching his stamina, but his speed was a different matter all together. He'd always known Tobi was slick for his size. This was something else. It was a good change seeing him use his speed for offensive purposes instead of running away.

The sound of clanking metal caught his attention. He wasn't sure what happened but he kept going.

For a while, Deidara wondered if Tobi was toying with them, because they could have caught them a lot sooner. He figured out what his partner was up to just before they were led to a large, vast room filled with campfire light and other enemy shinobi.

"Akatsuki!" a Suna shinobi shrilled out. The reflection of red flames flickered over his forehead protector.

The men and women sitting by the small fires stood to their feet, ready to fight. One of them scolded the two they had been chasing, "You led them to us?! Idiots!"

The other countered, "We're not stupid enough to fight them on our own!"

Deidara smirked. There was a compliment in there somewhere. Casting a glance to his partner, he was surprised to see a long, rusted chain in his hands, both ends wrapped around either of his wrists. That was the source of the noise he heard earlier. What was Tobi planning?

Someone from the group tried to whisper, but his nerves must have interfered, because he just about shouted, "We have to report this to - !"

Tobi cut him off, cold, "No. You lot will perish."

Immediately, an assortment of kunai, katana, and shuriken rose at the threat. Deidara heard the clang of chains as Tobi mimicked their movements.

"You're going to fight them with... that? My fingers are itching for my clay, hm. Let me have them," Deidara's brow rose, eyeing the green and red metal. It looked like the pieces would snap apart with even a half-hearted tug.

Tobi added playfully, persona reverting, "No, no! That won't do at all! Why don't you give me a chance? I want to impress you, senpai!"

The entire cavern went silent at the childish voice, the switch too sudden and polar for them. Deidara would have loved to see them react to Zetsu. _That_ was a split personality worth jaw-dropping over. Then again, if they knew how long and well Tobi had been pretending, Zetsu would seem like child's play.

A woman spoke, "These guys are crazy."

Deidara wanted to kick their asses, but he wanted to see Tobi in combat even more. This might be the only chance he'd get to see him fight seriously. Maybe he'd even get to see some of his kekkei genkai. Pros outweighing the cons, he nodded, "Fine."

As if Deidara's permission was the trigger, the whole room went into motion.

Tobi disappeared from in front of him, vanishing entirely. Deidara's eyes widened when he reappeared in the center of the group. Too fast. Deidara hadn't even been able to follow the movement. Tobi crouched low. Deidara's mind was already considering strategy. Most would think Tobi's placement was a bad tactical move, since now the man was surrounded. But this way, he'd have the element of surprise. These people didn't know about Tobi's tricks, that he was untouchable.

Deidara watched with wide, fascinated eyes as several of them moved to strike their weapons into Tobi. Their expressions were confused, some terrified, as the blades phased right through his body.

One of them screamed in pain, the katana protruding from Tobi's back having punctured her flesh. Tobi didn't waste any time. He kicked her in the jaw, sending her flying across the room.

A man roared in outrage, going for the head, and then Deidara's heart clenched. Tobi stepped right through him. Another movement and the metal was curled around the shinobi's thick throat. Predicting what was coming next, Deidara watched in fascination. Tobi grabbed at extra chain and spread his arms open, smacking a guy in the process, to tighten the shackles and sever the other's head.

A series of kicks and strikes reminded Deidara of their mission in the Land of Iron. His fighting style was less erratic since then, and it probably had to do with the fact that he wasn't trying to hide anything this time. Tobi seemed to really like using his bare hands; he didn't reach for his kunai once. Instead, the man opted for strangulation, crushing bone, separating joints, and head trauma. He grabbed at and held his opponents more often than he hit them too. There was hardly any blood involved. Deidara stored all of this in the back of his mind. Just in case.

Metal glinted, and a shadow moved.

Deidara jolted to dodge a blade swinging down on him, but the rusted chain he was quickly growing fond of curled around their opponent's throat, halting him. The man clawed at his neck, dropping his knife. They stared at each other for a brief moment, Deidara watching calmly as fear crept into the set of pretty, hazel eyes. It took just over a second for him to be jerked towards Tobi, who wrenched the shackles back, hard. The shinobi was dragged across feet and feet of dirt, choking.

One of the women started pulling out hand-signs, and Deidara was a fraction of a second away from throwing a bomb to stop whatever she was planning on doing, but Tobi was faster. He was already there, merging out of the darkness behind her, a kunai at her throat. She gasped, eye's widening, arms falling to her sides. His hand slid from left to right, and as the blood oozed out, Deidara realized she was the last one. Tobi stepped away. The body collapsed in front of him.

That was... nice.

And kinda hot. Deidara was disturbed to feel the yearning brewing inside him. Nervous, he watched Tobi drop the chains at his feet. They landed with a resonating _clang_. The sight only heightened his want. He tried to look into the black pit that was the mask's eyehole, but got lost in it. When Tobi didn't look away, warmth coiled low and tight under his stomach.

Bothered, Deidara cleared his throat, "You're fast, hm."

"They were just slow," Tobi replied. He didn't have a hard time imagining scarred lips prying open and lingering shut with each word, now that he knew what that looked like.

He looked away, "True. But you don't have to be modest, Tobi, hm. You were _trying_ to show off."

Deidara observed the carcasses scattered in every direction. They weren't unrecognizable. Each kill had been clean and methodical. Not a single blow had been unnecessary. Tobi didn't kill like a bloodthirsty animal; he dispatched humans like an active shinobi. He made the quickest, smallest wounds that would get the job done.

"Burn the bodies," his partner ordered, halting Deidara's train of thought.

The cavern was large and empty enough to burn bodies without the risk of disturbing the earth. He'd be one hundred percent okay with blowing a few things up. Still, Deidara figured performing his artwork lost its meaning on empty corpses. He was about to explain, but Tobi did that for him.

"There are specialized jutsu which execute enhanced autopsy and play back the most recent memories of a dead person. The risk is slim, but it's a risk."

He understood, smirking, "It's best I leave my mark for closure then, hm."

* * *

They sat surrounding the campfire, autumn's last mosquitos and insects buzzing by their ears. The air was chilly after sunset, so the fire warmed up their frozen fingers and toes. The shinobi life wasn't a comfortable one, but it had its moments.

Deidara stretched out his feet, yawning.

Tobi copied him, yawning loudly and stretching his arms high. The man took the opportunity to rest his head against Deidara's thigh, as if nothing was wrong with the world. Deidara frowned at the weight against his leg, unhappy with the intrusion, but more worried over the sparks shooting up his body. Tobi's touch usually didn't provoke such a reaction from him. He'd have shooed him away, if it wasn't for the fact that he wanted Tobi to stay. The man didn't sleep often; maybe he just needed someone with him to do so. Deidara tried to relax, resting his hand on Tobi's chest, breathing deeply.

"Ne, senpai?"

"Hm."

"Let's cuddle."

"No."

"Not even for warmth?" Tobi suggested.

"No, hm," Deidara sighed.

Tobi didn't give up, "Hmpf. Fine, your loss. They say I'm excellent at giving hugs. How about we play a game?"

"Shut up, Tobi. Go to sleep, I'll take first watch," he bit into a pear, eating.

He whined, "You're no fun! I guess I'll just count sheep, then."

Deidara didn't know how much more of this he could take. One minute Tobi was his Akatsuki partner, and the next, a stranger. He respected Tobi, the proclaimed "real" one, but was more familiar, informal, and comfortable around this Tobi. Now he couldn't even have a conversation with him without wondering what the man was really thinking. _Planning_. His partner was always planning.

Deidara hadn't realized he was running his hands up and down Tobi's chest until he noticed the guy went quiet. He'd have drawn his hand back in embarrassment if he hadn't glanced down to find a slate, coal eye staring back at him. It took a few moments for Deidara to comprehend that this was the first they'd ever made eye contact. Real eye contact, anyways.

Swallowing the bile in his throat, he didn't say anything. He couldn't.

The man's gaze was steady and hard, but it was brief. Tobi likely closed his eyes, because the glimpse of both the sclera and iris disappeared.

Only when he was sure his partner wouldn't open his eye again did Deidara remember to breathe. Everything about this guy was intense. He continued to caress Tobi to help him fall asleep, because something in him told him Tobi only let him _see_ as a thank you.

If only Deidara could shake off the feeling of foreboding from his chest. 


	14. Fruitless - "Lack of Colour"

Deidara ripped off his shirt, seeing red.

Itachi's little brother, an emotionless Sharingan-eyed brat, had managed to bring them to a stalemate. He couldn't believe it had come to this. After an entire spectacle of Deidara exhibiting his life's work, the Uchiha couldn't even acknowledge its form. Art was an explosion! His art was sublime! It deserved respect! Admiration!

A pair of empty black eyes returned his gaze, and something settled inside him.

It was time.

_The span of life is an explosion... To die is eternal._

_Death is a tragedy._

The smirk rising on his lips dropped. He... he was scared to die. Why? He cursed Tobi for implanting ideas into his head. You couldn't run away from death. Deidara shook the heavy feeling away. There was no need for hesitation because this was his dream, to prove to the unartistic that art was power. Nothing would be more glorious than to take down the Sharingan with the ultimate bang!

Fingers itching, Deidara brought his hand up to the stitching on his chest, never once taking his gaze off the Uchiha. He'd see the fear in those eyes when - why was the boy staring behind him?

He was about to turn his head when someone's hand suddenly latched onto his wrist, the grip painfully tight. Deidara looked up, eyes following the gloved fingers, up an Akatsuki sleeve and a concealed jaw, to that damned swirly, orange mask.

"T-Tobi?!" Deidara struggled to breathe. No! No, no!

He tried tugging back his arm, but Tobi wouldn't let go. Deidara was about to initiate his final jutsu! Tobi was supposed to have fled the area! Why was he still here?! What if he couldn't phase through his explosion?!

"Tobi, get out of here!" Deidara insisted.

His partner didn't say anything, mask directed towards Sasuke Uchiha. It didn't take long for the air to change. The hairs on the back of Deidara's neck stood up. In a haze, he remembered everything Tobi had said when he was _Tobi_ and knew his partner was here to stop him.

No one was going to do that, because his jutsu was unbeatable.

"I tried to warn you, Tobi," Deidara whispered, expression crazed. Sasuke was struggling to stand to his feet. The brat knew he was seconds away from death. Throughout their entire match, Deidara kept Tobi out of harm's way. Sasuke Uchiha seemed to understand things have changed now.

Deidara wasn't about to let him get away. He used his other hand, bringing it up to the stitching on chest and relishing in the sensation of the rough string between his teeth.

Tobi turned his head slightly in Deidara's direction and the world around them began folding in on itself. Deidara let out a puff of breath, dropping his hand to the ground. The air around them pinched in, swirling and swirling. This... This wasn't unfamiliar at all. This reminded him of Kakashi's visual jutsu, the one that pinched off his elbow. Except this time, it didn't hurt - it didn't feel like anything - and it was over before he could register anything else.

Deidara's pupil dilated in shock.

Tobi was still holding onto him.

...And Sasuke Uchiha had managed to escape. Fuck. Fuck!

"Where is he?!" Deidara exclaimed, scrambling to get up. He shoved away Tobi's limb, and this time the man didn't resist, body flaccid. Good thing too, otherwise Deidara would have ripped it off, "He got away, hm! You stopped me! I should kill you! My masterpiece - !"

Hold on. Deidara looked left and right. They weren't in a clearing anymore. The forestry was denser, dark shadows had manifested and lowered the temperature. They were in an entirely new location. Was this a teleportation technique? That wasn't possible. When did Tobi set up markers? There wasn't any sign of them.

Sasuke didn't escape; they retreated. They fell back. Withdrew from the fight. Deidara couldn't believe it. He could have killed Itachi's little brother.

Deidara stepped away from the man, needing some space. He was trapped, lost, and desperate. The chaos of today left him numb. Expression cold, he finally asked, "What was that?"

_Tobi_ said after a moment, "It's called Kamui."

Deidara's already exhausted body weakened at the sound. He didn't have the strength for this. Then he grew irate, "I was about to - "

"Die," Tobi cut off, voice low and angry, "You were about to die."

"Y-yeah, hm," Deidara faltered, then hissed, "It was going to be the greatest explosion in all of shinobi history, brighter than anything seen in the wars, bigger than anyone could hope to comprehend!"

The following stretch of silence was deafening. The roar of what could have been his C0 rung in his ears.

"Then why use it on one lone boy?" Tobi eventually said, words cutting, "Why not use it on armies of trained shinobi?"

A chilling breeze ruffled the leaves around them, simultaneously blowing hair into his face and Tobi's cloak back. An entire army...? The last known shinobi army had dispersed years ago. Civil wars were fought through stealth missions, and armies amassed when things got really, really bad. Tobi couldn't be expecting that to happen, or worse - planning it. That was crazy. His partner was crazy.

The Akatsuki member continued, "Who will complete your art when you die?"

Deidara didn't have to think long for an answer: no one would. He frowned. His jutsu was one of a kind. Anyone who shared his beliefs were long dead, having come to understand his art while they were ripped apart in a moment's time. Deidara had no disciple either; he never saw the purpose in one. What did it all matter? Tobi was wrong. When his art went out with a bang, it would never be forgotten. That's how grand it was supposed to have been. His C0, a single moment of brilliance.

"Make it so you don't have to sacrifice your own life to show the world your raw power. Keep living. Live and live because when you die, there will be no more art, just nothing."

Tobi steps closer to Deidara. Reflexively, he takes a step back.

"If that's not enough," Tobi tilted his head, "If you need a reason to live, use me."

"W-what do you mean?" Deidara's body shook against his will.

"Grow stronger than Sasuke."

He doesn't feel the bark digging into his bare back.

"Stronger than Itachi."

Deidara stares into a glowing red eye in horror.

"Stronger than me."

Deidara couldn't breathe. Waves were crashing down against the rocky cliffs. He wasn't imagining things - that was a Sharingan. His legs gave in, and if it wasn't for Tobi's hand gripping onto his shoulder - he couldn't remember when that got there - Deidara would have collapsed. Everything in him was choking on reality. He hated this. He hated it so much. Tobi hadn't fooled him once, but twice. Deidara had suspected, but had brushed it off. The one time he didn't listen to his instincts! Paranoia and nothing rational, was what he called it. He should have seen it coming. He should have. He should have.

Tobi's other hand found its way against the tree next to his head, effectively trapping Deidara in his weakened, post-battle state. Caged, Deidara couldn't stop the feeling of vulnerability and defenselessness from reaching him. This was the angriest he'd seen Tobi. They were both riled up. The man's muscles were tight, his breathing harsh. What right did he have to feel antagonized? Tobi had double-crossed him!

He was furious with himself. _He should have known_. Tobi was a lying, sickening piece of shit. Scumbag. Fuck! Deidara shoved at the body in front of him. God dammit! Tobi didn't even twitch.

He was hurting. Every fibre of his being ached from the fight, and now from this. The Sharingan followed him like a plague. There was just no getting rid of it, was there? Tobi wasn't ever on his side. There was never any truth. He didn't want him to kill Sasuke and destroy the Sharingan - he wanted to protect it. That had to be why he stopped him from using his C0. All this bullshit of wanting Deidara alive wasn't going to fool him. Tobi never cared.

Fake.

He was fake. The body behind that mask was filled with nothing but lies.

Sharp prickles stung behind his eyes, and Deidara had to force the tears back down. He wasn't going to cry, not over something like this. After a shaky breath, he faced down the cardinal drop of blood, determined to prove himself and Tobi wrong. The glow of it would terrify civilians. The iris didn't reflect light; it just sucked the world in and let its own colours out. The eye was inhuman.

Deidara hated red. He's never hated it more than he did now. Red. Red. Red.

The eyes of death.

Something cold pushed against his cheek and from a nightmare, he woke up. Gasping for breath, he surfaced from the ocean's turmoil, fat droplets of rain pelting down on his sunny skin. To think he'd be murdered by a kunai, by the one person he gave a damn about.

His nerve pathways had been overwhelmed from the fight, and his body exhausted from the stress. That was why it took longer than it should have for him to perceive the oddness of the weapon's texture. It wasn't a blade hovering over his jaw. No, Tobi's skin was grazing his. For the first time in Deidara's presence, unbelievably soft fingers were free from leather. They were so cold to the touch, like the metal of knives.

"We're not enemies, Deidara," Tobi said.

He lifted his chin, and the icy hand slid with the movement. He shivered at the sensation of cool skin brushing against his own, "That's not for you to decide, hm."

"I'm still Tobi."

The swirly, orange mask was everywhere, and Deidara couldn't take it anymore. Scrambling for something - _anything_ , he had to force himself not to scream, "You lied. You've been lying since I can remember, hm."

"I'm sorry. I've kept secrets, strung you along... deceived you. But I've never lied to you, and I never will."

"You said you didn't have the Sharingan."

"Do you remember my response?" Tobi's hand cupped his face, thumb trailing across his chin, settling at his jaw. Tobi's palm was even softer than his fingers. He always had his gloves on, that had to be why - shit.

Deidara struggled to think, but Tobi was so fucking close, and his eye was bright and hell, he felt like a cornered animal like this. The panic ignited his rage and after that, it didn't take long for the memories to come back. They hit him, hard. Pieces of the void, black puzzle fit into place.

He stammered in his trepidation, recalling Tobi's answer, "You're-you... You're the leader of the Akatsuki. Not Pein, hm."

Tobi didn't nod or outright agree. Instead, he leaned into Deidara's ear, murmuring, "I've been whispering things into his ears. He doesn't realize he's been my pawn since the beginning."

The shock could have floored him.

So, then.

Tobi had been manipulating the Akatsuki from the start. How cunning. Deidara couldn't bring himself to care about the organization's mission or success. It was just that Deidara wondered about Tobi's motives. Why the secrecy? Tobi could have just declared himself leader and been done with it.

He frowned, voicing his train of thought, "What's your personal goal?"

It wasn't Tobi's disposition that was ominous, but his words, "It's not about what I want. It's what this fruitless, miserable world needs. I'm going to take over this hellish nightmare and build a utopia. There will be no more senseless death. The world will finally grasp the concept of Nirvana."

Deidara was left nearly speechless.

Tobi wanted to rule the world. A statement like that sounded childish, but coming from _his_ mouth, with _that_ eye, was terrifying. He swallowed the bile in his throat, "And how do plan to do that?"

"With the tailed beasts," Tobi paused, "But certain... variables have me hesitating to continue."

The Sharingan was suffocating.

Tobi had said he saw beauty in life, that he wanted people to stop killing each other. He hated the world as it was now. Deidara didn't smile, "If this world is hell, then why are you stopping me from leaving it?"

"Because _you_ are the variable," Tobi said. The man leaned back, except his hands didn't budge. One still gripped his shoulder and the other tight around his jaw. Words grounding, Tobi continued, " _You_ are preventing me from completing my life's work."

Deidara couldn't list any reasons to how or why he would be responsible for something like that, but a part of him was selfishly pleased. It was only fair. Tobi wouldn't let him reach his calling, so why should he? Deidara didn't believe in carrying such childish thoughts, but Tobi was so adamant on keeping him alive. Tobi had been watching over the Akatsuki for years, just like he had been creating art since he could dig his fingers into clay. Deidara didn't think Tobi could tell him not to follow his philosophy and not expect the same to be returned to him. Deidara's heart and soul was ready die. Not now, but in the midst of battle, when he needed to draw his final playing card. When his body was at its limit, heightened and waiting for a spark. Tobi had snuffed out his flame, and now he'd have to work towards reigniting it.

Beyond that...

Even if Tobi somehow used the tailed beasts and successfully pulled through, what would be the end? People would be chained. They'd have no room for freedom. Everyone would be under the influence of a single mind. There was no beauty in that. Deidara never had a desire to raise his stature in politics, social standing, and sovereignty. He believed true power was physical and spiritual in nature, and had everything to do with heightening your own potential. It didn't matter who feared your strength, if it was false to begin with. It was one thing to fear a bomb before its explosion, and a whole other feeling, one that was a rush of clarity and absence of fear, after its detonation.

Nothing good could come out of attempting to take over the world. From the information Deidara had gathered, the odds of Tobi's failure was high. The chakra and strength of the tailed beasts weren't enough to overpower every shinobi alive. Yeah, the Akatsuki would aid in firepower, but he wasn't so vain to say they were strong enough to gain full control of the world, much less maintain it. Build a utopia for the greater good? Who cared about the happiness of other people. World peace. Ha. Deidara had been alive long enough to know violence and hatred would never end. It was a cycle. Why fight it, when you could embrace it? Tobi, with his misguided sense of purpose, would leave the world fading away. Tobi could die over something so stupid. It wouldn't be an ending fit for him.

Deidara warned, "You're going to die, hm."

"Hm. Is that so?" Tobi asked, a cold finger tapped against his cheek with each syllable.

He gritted, "Yes."

Tobi's Sharingan rolled down, zeroing in on the stitches on his chest, "Aren't endings a bang?"

It didn't sound mocking, or confused. It didn't sound like anything at all. Tobi's tone was void of emotion. Deidara was defensive, "They are, hm. But what you want won't be a bang. You'll die unhappy, because hatred will always be around. You can't change human emotions, hm. Don't be stupid, Tobi. You're not going to survive whatever the hell you're planning. You can't die like that."

Tobi squeezed against his jaw, teasing, "And why not? You sound worried."

Deidara scoffed. He couldn't bring himself to deny it out loud, but nothing was stopping him from thinking it. Instead he voiced his other concern, "Let's pretend you survive and win. This utopia you're going for? It won't work. Everyone has different ideas of perfection. They'd end up at each other's throats, in the end."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. There are more forces at play here. But for now, you can rest easy. The plan has been put on hold. I'm following your advice," Tobi released his jaw and shoulder, taking a step back. Deidara had to grip onto the tree behind him so he wouldn't collapse. The Sharingan didn't disappear, "I've grown tired of this battle between heart and mind."

That was fine. For now, at least _._ Deidara didn't think he had any right, or strength, to try and stop Tobi, but he wouldn't support his endgame. Tobi could do what he wanted, as long as it didn't get in his way. Deidara was disappointed. He rubbed at the reddening flesh above his neck. A dark, bitter feeling thickened inside him. It felt like betrayal. They had a bond. A frail one, but a bond. If it had been anyone else, it wouldn't have mattered. Deidara didn't owe a stranger anything, and didn't expect anything in return. The idea that Tobi just _used_ him - like a tool - to accomplish his useless plan pissed him off.

He snapped, "And why do you want me alive so badly, hm? Am I another one of your _pawns_?"

Tobi's Sharingan disappeared, as though he was closing his eyes. He was silent for a moment, "At first, that was exactly what you were. Everything had been a means to an end. Then something changed, along the way."

"Enlighten me, hm. What changed?"

"You gave me a source of light," the red eye was back, and he doubted he'd ever get used to seeing it. The Sharingan recorded everything. Tobi would remember all of this, "All that's left is for me to find my way out. Whether I escape out the way I came in, or by a route that may not even exist, is a matter of the future - but we're not thinking about that, now are we? Let's live in the moment."

Huh.

Tobi was beginning to understand true art. Deidara, on top of the loathing festering inside him, was proud of them both. Tobi had a terrible outlook on life and death, yet Deidara had managed to advocate the importance of fulfillment. Maybe he was even saving his partner from himself. The intrusion of _good_ in Tob's life was clearly tormenting him. Just how comfortable was Tobi with suffering, if he didn't want to feel happiness?

Thoughts were racing through his head and he only had so much time to digest each one. He remembered the broken, porcelain skin and coal eye, both brief glimpses gifted under a curtain of black sky. He thought of the nightmare that was the man's mind, the aftermath of an explosion, pieces hastily stuck together in hopes of preservation. A crushed, faded collection hid for eternity under a dizzying image of false brightness, orange. The shadows of the forestry danced over his mask, and Deidara didn't think the daylight complimented him as much as the darkness did. Tobi was the embodiment of night, this he knew. There weren't many who had a body and soul so harmonized with the colours of despair.

Deidara stated simply, "You're an Uchiha."

"Yes, I am," Tobi confirmed, bringing it out into the world.

Everything settled into place.

The Uchiha clan was massacred, so of course no one would think Tobi was one of them. Deidara didn't even think about making the connection. Did this information fly over Itachi's head? The man had been the one to murder all of them. Or was he aware of Tobi's identity? Maybe he spared Tobi's life, for one reason or another. The thought of Itachi brought back a blaze of emotions he didn't want to feel.

Looking off to the side, he reminded, "You know I hate the Sharingan, and the Uchiha especially, hm."

" _Deidara_."

"...Tobi."

The Uchiha didn't waver, "My body may carry the clan's blood, but Tobi is just Tobi. Remember that. I'm not Itachi, nor am I his little brother. My eyes still see your strength. They always have."

.

.

.

Deidara stared at the hand reached out to him, or more precisely, the crumpled piece of paper in it. There were no gloves this time, just strong, solid fingers gently holding onto a thin parchment.

It was crudely drawn, a step above chicken scratch and a jump down realism. But each stroke of ink had intention, and Deidara had never been more moved in his entire life. It was him, posed and ready to call out 'katsu'. Beside it was another sketch of him, relaxed and smiling. Underneath that, he was flying, his hair's length a tad too exaggerated. Before this, no one had ever used him as a muse. He remembered the day Tobi had a burst of inspiration. It was a long time ago. That was the same sheet of paper Deidara handed him when they had a bowl of cherries between them. He kept the drawing, this whole time?

"Keep it," Tobi guided his hand closer.

He hesitated to grab it, but eventually did. The paper was unlike his clay, flimsy and not sturdy, dry rather than wet, and delicate, so opposite of the earth meant for molding. He smoothed out the crinkles.

"All I knew was how to hate," Tobi withdrew his hand, slipping on his glove, "Hate was the air I breathed."

Deidara stared blankly at the drawing.

"You're everything I forgot humans could be. Happy. Passionate. Alive. _If only they all carried what you do_."

Those last words were the quietest, not meant for Deidara to hear, and they brought the hairs up on the back of his neck. 'To take over the world'. Tobi was the first man he met who hadn't just had the thought cross his mind, but acted on it as well. Every move Tobi made must have been to support his drastic belief. The man was blinded. The world could never be utopian. And Tobi believed this so passionately, was so certain it would work, and continued to for years.

Insanity.

He rolled up the parchment, tucking it into his pouch. Maybe he'd keep it. Tobi had stuck by him and had his back, despite being an Uchiha with the Sharingan.

The man was a chronic liar, but...

"I hadn't realized how awful hatred was until I met you. Thank you for introducing me to joy," Tobi said.

...but this didn't feel like a lie. It was genuine. Silence stretched out and Deidara looked up from his hands. Tobi was walking away.

"Hold on! Where are you going?!" Deidara struggled to follow him, limbs shaking and sore from the fight with the Uchiha brat.

Tobi stopped and turned around completely.

"You can't just say something like that and walk away!"

"You were meant to die today," Tobi spoke, voice flat, "But I'm giving you time, Deidara. You have permission to leave the Akatsuki, should it please you."

A calm breeze shook the forestry around them.

He could leave? Deidara's eyes widened. If Tobi had control over the Akatsuki, over Pein, then it would be an official resignation. This meant he wouldn't be actively hunted down by S-Ranked nin, and classified as a traitor. He had always wanted his freedom returned to him. This was finally it.

Deidara didn't register his own laughter until it died down and he was left grinning madly. How coincidental was it that the Sharingan forced him into this mess and now years later, got him out of it? Deidara leaned his head back, staring up at the leaves hiding the sky, "Finally!"

He liked the arrangement of the Akatsuki, being able to go on missions and be given targets to wipe out. The consistent pay was also nice. If it wasn't for the organization, Deidara wouldn't be as strong as he was today. But this wasn't his way. He had reached his maximum potential within the limits of structure. Now, the Akatsuki was holding him back. He couldn't test out more dangerous bombs because the destruction would "sabotage the mission" or they were limited by time. He was finally getting a chance to get stronger on his own. He'd have more opportunities to thrive, being alone. Just like Tobi had suggested, he'd create a bomb similar to his C0, one that didn't come at the expense of his own life. He wouldn't mind living just long enough to see something that magnificent in action. If he died in the process, so be it. Deidara was more than ready for death; he longed for the day.

Maybe he didn't get a chance to complete his art work today, but now more doors were opened. He was already stronger than Sasuke. He'd get stronger than Itachi. And he'd kick Tobi's ass too. He'd prove all of them they were wrong. The eyes were incredible, but everything had to come to an end, even the Sharingan. This was too good to be true.

Tobi had looked up to him all this time. Tobi had nothing to gain by pretending to respect him, and then to let him go right after. His partner - ex-partner - knew reverse psychology wouldn't work on him, not when his dreams were offered like bomb dropped from the skies. Deidara wasn't the kind of guy to not go after what he wanted. Tobi was aware of this, and everyone else was too. Logically, Tobi wouldn't be lying about his appreciation for Deidara. And more importantly, his intuition was telling him Tobi meant no harm.

He just had to be sure.

"What's the catch?" he asked.

The swirly, orange mask shook left and right, then left again, "There isn't one. You're free."

Free. It hurt to swallow. Deidara nodded. He suddenly wished the tree was still behind him, so he could lean his weight against it, since he completely ran out of strength.

Tobi held out his hand, "Your ring."

The air was tense but not, all at once. This wasn't his C0, but with the explosion of emotions bursting out of him, it may as well have been. Deidara lifted his right hand, both dread and excitement erupting out of is heart. He slid the ring off with ease. Immediately, everything felt lighter. He smiled, dropping the metal jewellery into Tobi's hand.

Watching him, the man tucked the ring into a hidden pocket in his cloak.

He'd miss Tobi, and not just a little. He'd miss Tobi _a lot_. Deidara glanced up at him, who's eye was redder than blood. Deidara couldn't believe he was thinking this, but he had a soft spot for him. The man was the first person Deidara cared about since he left his village. He'd miss the idiot's jokes, even if Tobi really wasn't an idiot. He wouldn't ever forget the awe in Tobi's voice, muffled under the ringing of his ears and rush of wind after a detonation. He wanted to forget about the pale, porcelain lips and wrinkled skin, but doubted he would. Deidara promised himself he'd always remember the cracked ruby gleaming from under the blanket of shadow - a reminder to never underestimate the Sharingan, ever again.

Well, this was it.

Until a thought struck him.

"Hey, Tobi. If that's all that's under your mask, can I see your face?"

Tobi took a step closer, then cocked his head, "Eh, senpai! Don't you suppose you're testing my generosity?"

Old Tobi was back. In other words, the answer was no.

"Who knows if we'll ever cross paths again," he said, wobbling. After tripping, he pointed to his ex-partner's shoulder, "Can I?"

Tobi's eye followed where his finger was aimed, before the man nodded. Consciously forcing himself not to hesitate, Deidara grabbed onto Tobi's shoulder to support his weight.

His partner commented, tone like honey, "You're a mess, senpai."

"Shut up, hm."

Tobi did. Pulling Deidara into an embrace, Tobi's arms snaked around his waist. There was less fabric this time, since his shirt had been torn to shreds. Tobi's body heat was even warmer, and Deidara wondered how the man could be so warm if his hands were like ice. He hesitated, but hugged him back.

"I've been meaning to ask, where are we? How did we get here?"

"The same technique Kakashi Hatake used to remove your elbow," Tobi began, and at Deidara's tensing muscles, quickly explained, "Our Sharingan are connected to a different dimension. I used it as a portal to teleport us to these co-ordinates. We're a good distance South from our previous location."

How did Kakashi and Tobi share the same technique? Wait a minute... Kakashi also used a Sharingan, but he wasn't an Uchiha. Tobi only used his right eye. Deidara realized, "He has your left eye! Hm. How is that possible?"

"It's a long story," Tobi said.

It didn't sound like Tobi was ready to talk about it. That was annoying, since he'd probably never get to hear it, but he could respect his privacy. Deidara figured he was asking for too much. He recalled how smooth Tobi's 'Kamui' was in comparison to the silver-haired shinobi. The difference in experience was terrifying. Tobi was even able to use it on himself, safely. If he could do that, didn't that also mean it was possible he could send just a piece of himself to the other dimension? That would explain how objects could phase through him. It would also mean chakra-attacks would pass through him, since his body wouldn't even be in this realm.

Deidara smirked, despite himself, "Kakashi's aim was off. He needs more practice."

"The Sharingan rejects non-Uchiha. Using an advanced ability like Kamui would only drain his chakra. That wretched ingrate could never comprehend its true capabilities."

It didn't sound like Tobi was fond of Kakashi. Good. That fucker took out his elbow. Deidara wondered if they had a history, and if they knew each other, or if Kakashi had stolen the eye.

There had to be a way to counter Kamui. Deidara would figure it out, but first he wanted to defeat Itachi. He wouldn't rest until that bastard was dead. He could feel it in his bones; he had potential to be greater. But Itachi would be hard to find once he left. It'd be near impossible to keep tabs on him and stay up to date on his strength. He could return years later to find the Uchiha dead, Deidara's kill stolen, like how Sasuke took out Orochimaru. He knew how difficult it was to track the Akatsuki, and how dangerous it was to shadow them. Deidara didn't think Pein would stand by idly as an ex-member trailed their movements, with or without Tobi's influence.

Deidara was surprised to find he was doubting himself. Was leaving the Akatsuki really what he wanted? It wasn't like he had a bad time growing up with them. He _did_ have a problem with being forced into the organization by a damned Uchiha who didn't give shits about anything. That was really it, wasn't it? He hated the eyes, the Uchiha, but mostly... mostly he just hated anyone who reminded him of Itachi. He had no qualms with Tobi, as no matter how hard he tried to feel underestimated by him and his eye, he couldn't. Tobi never looked down on him, like Itachi, Sasuke, and sometimes Sasori had. While he couldn't overlook or ignore his partner's Uchiha blood, he could recognize loyalty when he saw it.

Tobi was a private man, but above all, he was a shinobi. And shinobi kept secrets. He wasn't obligated to share everything. Deidara had to take a minute and remind himself that. It wasn't personal. Tobi wasn't hiding his lineage from only Deidara, but everybody. But it was now that Tobi trusted him with that terrifying information. He could admit how sharing to the world that he had the Sharingan could be a battle tactic loss, but telling him that he was an Uchiha? That was not something to take lightly. If word got out that there were more Uchiha than solely the two brothers, it would cause an upstart. Tobi would be hunted down. Itachi - if he didn't already know - might try and kill him. Not only that, but Deidara often went on tangents about his hatred for Itachi. He figured Tobi would be less inclined to out his secret if Deidara was throwing threats left and right. For these reasons, Deidara could understand why Tobi wouldn't want to share, despite their partnership and loose friendship. It still hurt his pride to find it took so long for him to do so.

Deidara respected the skills of each member in the Akatsuki, even Itachi's. There was an artistic quality in all of them, not one missing the threshold of talent required to earn his recognition. Hidan was gruesome, but fearless. Kakuzu was a seasoned warrior. The pair of them transcended the limitations of mortality, never needing to sacrifice emotions, like Sasori had made the mistake of doing. Zetsu's talents were incredible and always had him on edge, which not many could do. Aside from his jaw-dropping, endless chakra, Kisame, from the few conversations they shared, seemed to have the most tolerable personality of the whole group. Deidara liked him, but despised how he saw something in Itachi that Deidara didn't. Itachi was an apathetic rock, but he was also a genius lucky to possess the remarkable Sharingan. Sasori had been obsessive about a field Deidara was passionate about. He had been an artist Deidara spent his childhood searching for, someone to look up to and share interests with. Konan was a mystery, and Pein? A god.

He was surrounded by some of the best shinobi the world had to offer, each beautiful in their own way. Tobi, the most. Of what he knew about the man, and the boy counterpart, Tobi was a work of art. His views didn't meet Deidara's requirements for sublimity, but when did art ever require anything but passion? Tobi was a masterpiece, just on the other end of a spectrum. Deidara found the man impressive, a mastermind - albeit a psychotic one - and powerful. Tobi was an Uchiha with a _Sharingan_ who never looked down on him. Not once. Damn.

And Tobi was comfortable. Everything about him was so _comfortable_. Deidara never enjoyed the feeling of security, or routine. It got bland. He never knew it could put him at ease. He didn't think he could trust Tobi the way he used to. If he even used to. But there would never be anyone else he could turn to when he had something to say, or go to when the shinobi's inescapable feelings of loneliness reached him. He inhaled deeply, unconsciously taking in Tobi's familiar scent. It was a thick, dynamic scent he couldn't place. He was ready to leave the organization, but not Tobi... his friend.

Mind made up, he detached himself from his partner's grasp, "Tobi."

"Ye-ah?" Tobi's voice cracked. Aw geez, was he crying? Deidara really hoped not. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't the best at comforting, and he wasn't going to feel guilty over this.

Opting for feigning ignorance, because it was better to pretend he didn't notice, Deidara cleared his throat, "I've changed my mind."

"Huh? What are you saying?"

"Give me back my ring, I'm staying, hm," Deidara nodded.

A few years ago, he would have left without another thought. But he's matured now. That reckless streak which clung to him throughout childhood was detaching itself. Deidara He wasn't ready to leave. Where would he go? He was injured and hanging on by a thread. If he walked away right now, chakra exhaustion would kill him, if another rogue didn't. Besides that, he could always just walk away whenever he wanted to. Deidara had leverage over him, should worse come to worse. If Tobi could trust him with confidential knowledge, then Deidara would stay for a bit longer. He was Tobi's "light", the only thing stopping the Uchiha from either ruining the world, himself, or both. And Deidara was selfish. It felt good to be at the center of attention.

Tobi wasn't that bad to be around either. It was easily better being with him than being alone.

"You're not mad at me?"

"I'm over it," it still pissed him off, but he always moved on, "Not because I don't care if I'm lied to. I'll forgive you, because you gave me a choice, and that's freedom itself. So I choose to stay."

Tobi took a step back, rubbing the back of his head, "Ahaa...! Senpai, that's not a very funny joke! It's not nice to play with my hopes like that."

Deidara frowned, "I'm serious. I'll stay with you, hm, but I don't know for how long."

"Oh. _Oh_ ," Tobi made a show of grabbing for the ring in his coat pocket, voice excited, "Quick, quick, Tobi! Before senpai changes his mind! Ack, I can't find it! Ah, no, where are you, ring? My hiding skills may be ex-cep-tion-al, but seeking I'm not too confident about... Hey! This is shiny! Wait, no, that's my own ring. Oh, where o' where?!"

Sighing, Deidara bent down to pick up the little piece of metal from the ground. It had fallen from Tobi's hands while he was rummaging around in his pockets. Light reflecting off it, Deidara held the ring up between his fingers, "It's here."

Tobi gasped, "No way! You had it the whole time? I could'a sworn you gave it to me..."

"You fool," Deidara smirked. _Comfortable_.

He coughed suddenly. It wasn't a pretty cough either. Blood spurted out from his lungs, dripping down his hand and chin. The force of it was enough to startle Tobi, who grabbed him before he collapsed for the millionth time that day. Deidara felt stomach acid coming up and figured he'd be dry-heaving for the rest of the day. He stared at his palms. Two crooked grins looked back at him, one with blood stuck between its teeth, smearing across the lips, and leaking down his wrist.

When he looked back up they were in a different clearing. Tobi was pointing towards a little burrow. Reality snapped them out of whatever not-here state they were in, and his survival instincts took over. Deidara nodded, limping to the small safe-haven. Deidara nodded, limping to the small safe-haven. They'd have to hide and wait until their enemies cleared the forest, or until Deidara recovered, before they could move on. By the way Tobi didn't follow him, he figured Tobi had to go somewhere.

"I have to go! Zetsu will be looking for me," he said, "Be careful, Dei-chan! I'll be back in a jiff."

Of course, he already knew that. He was an S-Ranked nin for reason. That being said, if Itachi's kid brother showed up, he'd make sure the brat wouldn't live to see another day. His being still itched to end his fight, and he couldn't think of a better way to get back at Itachi than to kill his family. The kid was desperate to know where his older brother was, and if he had any fight left in him, would hunt down the Akatsuki until he got his answers. Deidara blatantly ignored how he was shaking and suffering from severe chakra-exhaustion.

Deidara confirmed, "Yeah, hm."

The air started swirling, but before they parted ways, Tobi asked, "Is this a goodbye, senpai?"

Deidara didn't miss a beat, giving him the reassurance he needed, "No. It's an I'll see you later, kohai."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I suck at uploading in a timely manner, pleased to meet you.
> 
> Also TBC, since there was some confusion on FF.


	15. Grapes - "Indulgence"

Tobi cannot believe he nearly lost Deidara. He'd expected it, a part of him desperately yearned for it, because that meant all this hesitation would disappear for good, but he hadn't been ready for it. He'd never be ready for it, because it was too late. He was in too deep. There was no way out. Deidara had to live, otherwise the last piece of his mind would break. He _needed_ Deidara. He'd die again, without him. The man had become the air he breathed. His Senju DNA demanded for no physiological needs, but his heart had found a replacement.

Tobi hadn't meant to offer Deidara a way out. It had slipped, and he'd almost regret the words instantly, because without doubt, he'd lose his partner for good. But the proposal felt right, almost like a way to undo all his wrongs upon Deidara. Then that... that fool refused. He didn't leave. Almost a week had passed, and his partner stayed, true to his word. Why he was forgiven, he couldn't comprehend. The man had looked beyond the Sharingan he despised, choosing to accept him, Tobi, instead.

Tobi didn't deserve him. How could a corrupted, hollow _thing_ like Tobi earn the loyalty of someone like Deidara? He ran a hand through his hair.

He would do anything for Deidara.

Anything, but let him die.

Nearly a week, and the thought still had his blood boiling strong. He'd never been more terrified in his life, not when the boulder crushed him, nor in the split second between Hatake's Chidori and Rin's chest. He couldn't get the image of the thick stitching out of his head, nor the tanned fingers tucked under the wiring. Measly, little strings kept a mouth capable of flattening mountains closed shut. Deidara had explained his final jutsu to him, told him he wouldn't use it if "the moment didn't feel right", whatever that meant. If Tobi could help it, he'd make sure there was never a "right" moment. He'd keep Deidara away from Itachi and his brother. And testing Sasuke's strength had been an asset, but to what cost? Everything that mattered. Deidara was all he had left. Damn the Moon's Eye Plan! The world could wait. He would be selfish.

For half of his life, he stopped caring. And now Deidara, one meagre body of flesh, had his control collapse in on itself. It had been a long time since he felt a thirst for blood. First that blasted daimyo and now this baby Uchiha. Yet, Tobi wasn't tactless enough to kill him. Sasuke would grow strong, and in his emotionally broken state, would be easy to manipulate. Itachi's brother had to live, but that did not mean Deidara had to die. Sasuke was just an asset, his pawn, his tool. Sasuke was expendable. Whether he changed his mind for the hundredth time and decided to further the Moon's Eye plan, or continued his current path and sought to reverse what he'd done, he'd need as many allies as possible. Either he'd be fighting thousands of shinobi, or he'd be battling Pein. Whatever course the river led him, he'd be ready.

Tobi was the only one, save for Zetsu, who knew of the original plan to revive Madara. The spy would be another enemy to face, if he bailed on the plan. But once that final loose end was taken care of, he wouldn't have to worry about dealing with the war-demon, Madara. That hag would rot underground for all of eternity. Perhaps getting rid of Zetsu first was a better strategy. Pein would be easy to trick. He, too, carried a broken soul. Zetsu would be difficult to kill off quietly, as silent as the two halves could be.

However, if he planned it right, he could frame Madara's pet as a traitor. Tobi was wary of the deceased war-demon. Madara wouldn't have let him go without securing his loyalty. There was a jutsu placed on Tobi, and he could feel it in the edge of his mind, something tightening whenever his thoughts became too turbulent and treacherous. He had to find out what it was, and more importantly, how to get rid of it. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to move forward safely.

So maybe it would be simpler to let Pein take care of Zetsu with the Rinnegan. Perhaps there wouldn't need to be any playing around, and Tobi was trusted enough by Nagato to merely tell the man he wanted Zetsu dead. Pein didn't trust _Madara_ , but he trusted his loyalty to the Akatsuki's mission of world peace. He'd ask why. Tobi would be vague, in character, and reply with "it's necessary" or "Zetsu's loyalty is elsewhere". Pein would assume something was gravely wrong, if Madara was willing to kill off a creature who followed him for so long. He would be suspicious, but wouldn't refuse if Tobi offered a replacement Akatsuki spy. Nagato didn't trust him; Tobi had known this from the beginning. As long as the Amegakure-nin continued to believe he was Madara, Tobi had Pein and Konan at his disposal. And if either got nosy, Tobi would spill out more lies. He'd kill them if he had too, but to face those eyes, he'd need Sasuke at full power. 

No, he had to stop himself. For a few days, he would like to forget about plotting. This never-ending spiral of scheming was driving him down a directionless path.

Quiet footsteps trailed behind him. Half a year ago Deidara would walk ahead. A month ago, they moved side-by-side. Now, Deidara would fall back. Tobi despised it. What was his partner feeling, if it had come to this? Tobi feared the man felt lesser, now that his Sharingan had been revealed. Tobi remained skeptical. That couldn't be it. Deidara wasn't one to underestimate himself. He didn't even seem to notice the change.

Tobi knew a bad sign when he saw one. This was worrisome.

He stopped walking, grabbing his stomach, "Ne, senpai?"

"What now?" Deidara said, also coming to a stop. He saw Tobi's posture, "Are you hungry? It won't be too long before we reach the next town, hm."

"Nah," Tobi shrugged, then whined, "My stomach hurts!"

Deidara rose his brows, "Food poisoning?"

"Maybe. I think I'm gunna be sick," Tobi whimpered, faking it. It was a test - of course it was a test. He screwed his eyes shut. When would he stop with the tests? He didn't think he even could. Mistrust was engraved into his being. Tobi was alarmed to find he was ashamed of himself.

"Are... are you okay?"

His heart clenched. The man really did care about him. Deidara never considered to ask that before. It was astonishing what a little bit of honesty could do. Knowing there was room for him in Deidara's heart was enough to rekindle his puckered flame.

Overjoyed, and to break the tension, he giggled, "Psych!"

Deidara kicked him, heel smacking into his torso, "You ass!"

Tobi's head hit the ground with a thump, but he hardly noticed. He was quick to laugh, "Ahahaha! You were worried about me!"

His partner stormed forward, leaving Tobi behind.

That was better, Tobi thought, lips quirking up under his mask.

He didn't hurry to catch up, and when he did, he made sure to stay behind the artist. Tobi asked, "Hey, since we've got some free time, why don't we go do something adventurous?"

"What do you have in mind? Hm."

Tobi put a hand to his hip, "How about... We go on a ship? Think about the pirates, yar har!"

"Ships are slow and dull, hm."

"Gambling?" he offered.

"You're not serious."

An idea struck him, "We could scale a mountain!"

"How about we destroy a mountain?!" Deidara grinned with all his teeth, eyes sparkling.

"But we _always_ do that! That's not adventurous!" Tobi shot back, "No offense."

Deidara narrowed his eyes, "Okay, so then what do you suggest?"

"Skinny dipping?"

"No."

"You don't want to see my six pack?"

"No! Idiot!" Deidara blushed furiously, then paused, "Unless you're going to take off your mask."

"Nope!" Tobi smirked, "Well anyways, since it's getting colder, let's go to the hot springs!"

"If you're so desperate to show off your body, why not just walk around shirtless?" Deidara was getting angry, and Tobi loved every second of it.

"But Hidan did that before he, er, you know... died - I thought he was immortal? Anyways, he had his own style, and it'd be weird to dress like him since he's not alive anymore. I don't want to be a copycat, you feel?"

Deidara sighed, "That's not even worth a response, hm."

They walked in a comfortable silence for a good mile. Tobi took the time to contemplate his position in the Akatsuki. As it were, he was "taking a break" from the Moon's Eye Plan. He wanted to keep all his doors open, but knew that would soon be impossible. Sasuke was getting stronger, and sooner or later he'd find his brother. When they clashed, he'd have to make his reveal. He'd _break_ Sasuke. Until then, he figured it would be safe to lay low and let the other Akatsuki members grab the jinchuuriki. They were capable. Meanwhile, he needed to strengthen the relations he had with Deidara, if he hoped to create more concreate resolutions. And the only way to do so was to spend more time with his partner. Beyond his desperate need for closure, he wanted to make more memories with him, if all else failed.

"What do we do now, senpai?" Tobi scratched his head, "We completed our missions, and you're still in no state to fight!"

Deidara crossed his arms, "I am perfectly capable of fighting, Tobi! Hm!"

"If you say so," Tobi shrugged. He didn't doubt the man was, but it was easy to underestimate chakra exhaustion.

"We'll take up Kakuzu's job, since those _immortals_ finally hit the hay," Deidara smirked, "For now, we'll just blast the shinobi listed in the bingo book and take hits from villages."

"Hm... I dunno if you can blow them up, senpai. Won't you have to leave evidence of their identities?"

Deidara's smile was sly, and he looked up at Tobi from beneath his lashes, "Trust me, hm."

Tobi couldn't stop the sharp shock of interest from running through him at the sight. Deidara was destruction. Such a huge soul packed into a fragile body of flesh.

There was hope.

* * *

They sat next to each other by the river, enough room for a beast of a man like Kisame to sit comfortably between them. Both men had their sandals off, feet dipped in the water for their toes be cleaned by the steady stream. Caked blood and grime fell off their skin with the current. Tobi saw the water flow by, but his eye was unseeing. From his peripherals, it was not hard to tell Deidara was unfocused, so it was his responsibility to keep his guard up.

Tobi was a master of analyzing human behaviour, his skills rivaled by few. It was easy for him to detach himself from emotions, to remove the subjective bias that came from observing and analyzing others. He was capable of forming the correct words, and stringing them together, to get the reaction he wanted out of any conversation. Tobi's ability to perceive another's thoughts, history, and habits, just by a twitch of their fingers or state of dress, was mastered. He was conscious of this, as modesty took away the confidence required to make use of these skills.

But here was Deidara, a complicated mixture of boy and man, who hid nothing from the world, but was impossible to predict. You'd expect anger, and he'd scoff it off, or happiness, but you'd see him frown. Like an itch you couldn't scratch, Deidara had him _wanting_. It wasn't the prospect of unpredictability that had Tobi's blood peaking in lust. It was how no matter what Deidara felt, he hid nothing. The man's soul was honest. Tobi didn't have to psychoanalyze every tidbit of him. Deidara just _was_.

So now, when an unreadable blue slate was boring down at him, emotions entirely blocked off the too handsome face, Tobi was deeply concerned.

Deidara was growing quieter by the day, or maybe even by the hour, from what Tobi could read. This was irregular behaviour from him. It was disturbing to see. The last time Deidara had acted like this was after he revealed his split personality. He had a clear reason to be withdrawn. Even then, with all the shock, he had been more boisterous. Deidara couldn't be angry. The man blew up when he was frustrated. Was Deidara experiencing sadness? Or was he simply calm? Tobi was desperate to know, but found he couldn't read him. Damn it all.

Since the revelation of his heritage, Tobi continued to catch Deidara staring at him, well into his eye hole. He wonders what Deidara is thinking about when he searches for the Sharingan. Was he pleased, knowing he's tamed an Uchiha? Deidara had him on a leash, whether he was aware of it or not. Or was Deidara still angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed? Tobi flexed his fingers nervously.

Feeling the familiar sharp prickle up the side of his face, Tobi chided, "You're staring, senpai."

The " _again_ " was unspoken, but Tobi didn't doubt Deidara was conscious of his scrutinizing. He was meticulous, as artists were. And this attention to detail had Deidara's eyes open and aware at all times. His intelligence was far superior than what anyone gave him credit for. Tobi had seen it with his own eye; Deidara had played chess with Sasuke. And that child's strategic strength was quickly approaching level with Itachi's. Deidara's acuteness was overlooked due to his brash attitude and wild eyes. The irony of it all was that enemies assumed him to be reckless, when really, he was anything but.

Another quick glimpse into Deidara's gaze, and Tobi was once again frustrated to find it unreadable.

"Give me a reason not to, hm," Deidara leaned back, arms stretched behind him to support his weight.

Tobi kicked his feet, splashing the water, "I don't mind. I was just wondering why. Is everything okay?"

His partner scoffed, turning his head to look away before Tobi could catch a glimpse of his expression, "That's a stupid question."

What was this? Tobi was not guilty. He did not regret his choices. He'd have made the same decisions, would have hidden his eye and lineage, no matter how he woke after the boulder, after Rin. It had been the only way to survive and keep moving forward. Tobi wouldn't have sacrificed anything for Deidara before these feelings surfaced. In fact, he had been ready to abandon Deidara at a moment's notice when the blond-haired child first joined his organization. Tobi did not feel guilt for these emotions, or more precisely, the lack of them. Because even now, behind the wholeness Deidara gave him, he was empty. There was no fixing a mind addicted to itself.

That was true, wasn't it? He was so comfortable with the mental state _Tobi_ created for him. Hatred always had her arms open, welcoming him with a warm, inviting embrace. But like a genjutsu, that was a pretense. He was truly being dragged in by a barbed wire, metal wrapped around his throat like how his own fingers tended to curl around his enemy's windpipes. Hate weighed like a mountain in his heart, but its stillness anchored him. Hate was his stability.

Feeling _good_ was foreign to him.

Like right then, he'd never felt so fortunate. Deidara chose _him_. He didn't care for Tobi's Sharingan, nor the Akatsuki, nor his own segregation. They had nothing to do, no missions or contracts. They were simply being, maybe not together, but by each other's side. And he was happy getting his cloak muddy, sitting at the river's edge, and soaking his feet with Deidara only a few feet away. This was hedonistic of him. He wasn't carrying a chalice of red wine and being fed grapes by slaves, but he felt overindulgent. Pleasure wasn't something he was familiar with, but he could admit, the moment was soothing. In times like these, he wanted love to bury his churning rage.

" _You two are awfully quiet_."

Both men snapped their heads to look over their shoulders. Deidara had a kunai pulled out of his hands in an instant, while Tobi was quick to relax. _Zetsu._ Damn it all, Tobi had let his guard down.

The darker, rumbling voice of Black Zetsu had spoken. White Zetsu was less threatening, "Hi Tobi."

Tobi didn't move his legs, but twisted and waved, "Zetsu! Woah-hoh! How've ya been, old friend?"

"Good, good. You look well." said White Zetsu. From the corner of his eye, Tobi saw Deidara tuck the glinting kunai back into his sleeve.

Black Zetsu was straight to the point, " _Deidara._ "

Tobi watched his partner pull his legs out of the water. Their moment was ruined, unfortunately.

Deidara kept an eye on Zetsu, but also pulled on his sandals, "What do you want? Hm."

" _Your fight against the Uchiha brat."_

Tobi tensed. Zetsu had not been watching the battle, as per instruction. There was no point in having a spy to provide him intel if he was already at the scene. After revealing his Sharingan to Deidara and leaving him to meet up with the scout, he'd analyzed both the Black and White personalities to find out how much each knew. If they found out he was, not disobeying per se, but straying from Madara's instructions by disclosing information to Deidara, Zetsu would... what would Zetsu do?

They were weak as they were. They were aware he was not Madara, so he lost an edge against them. But they were still significantly more substandard in battle. Tobi did not need the strength of the ten-tails, nor the Rinnegan, to eliminate Zetsu. The spy was aware of this, so they would not directly challenge Tobi to combat. No, they would manipulate someone who could. If Zetsu became aware of his questionable alliance, he would use Pein, the only one capable of challenging him. Zetsu would likely inform Pein he was not Madara. The Akatsuki leader wouldn't be all too happy about that.

Tobi didn't watch Deidara's reactions to the conversation as closely as he did Zetsu's.

Deidara sounded peeved, "What about it, hm?"

"Sasuke's still alive," White Zetsu commented, his unearthly eye boring into Deidara, "And so are you."

"No shit. What's your point? Hm."

"We missed out on the juicy details. Pein wants to know how you escaped an Uchiha's wrath," White grinned, all teeth.

Tobi hadn't shared the specifications of Deidara's battle during their conversation a week ago. He'd commented on Sasuke's increasing strength, informed them that Deidara withdrew from the fight, and left like the vague character Zetsu believed Tobi was. It was enough information to satisfy Pein. Zetsu was lying. He wanted the information for himself.

"You waited a week to confront me?"

" _We were busy_."

Tobi observed Deidara, pleased to see he didn't spare him a glance when he replied, "I'll deliver the information to Pein myself, hm. Get lost."

"That's not very nice."

Black Zetsu was eyeing Tobi, " _Drop it_."

White Zetsu didn't look happy, but obeyed his other half's orders, "Are you upset you failed to finish off Itachi's brother?"

Needing to stay in character, Tobi interrupted, "Senpai was so strong! Don't you think you're bullying? _That's_ not very nice."

White Zetsu smirked, "Sorry, Tobi."

" _Let's go._ "

Tobi waited until he was sure they vanished. The scout was impossible to detect when he wasn't expecting them, but he'd familiarized himself enough with the creature's miniscule chakra to detect it, as long as he knew when and where to look.

Whatever moment he and Deidara shared, it was broken and over. Tobi kicked his legs in the air, so the water droplets would flick off his calves. When he set his feet on the grass, he caught Deidara staring at his skin. Thinking there was no harm in it, Tobi didn't make any move to show he'd noticed the intense gaze, but a pleasant tremble did crawl up his spine. It was when he reached for his sandals did Deidara snap out of his trance, abruptly standing to his feet.

"What was that all about?" Deidara murmured, words likely not meant for his ears. Deidara wiped imaginary dust off his cloak, then asked, "How'd you guys even meet? Hm."

Tobi was lazy about slipping back into his shoes, "White Zetsu found me after my accident and nursed me back to good health. Tobi is grateful!"

Deidara's brows rose, "Zetsu eats humans for pleasure, hm. I'm surprised you were spared."

"My charisma must have won them over," Tobi stood up, "White Zetsu's like my big brother! Black Zetsu though... I don't trust him."

A blue eye gazed at the spot where Zetsu last stood, "Yeah, hm. Me too."


	16. Guavas - "Foreign"

Itachi was dead.

Itachi was dead.

Itachi Uchiha died by the hands of his brother.

Deidara couldn't bring himself to feel rage, the events leading up to it having left him in a daze. He'd dedicated too much time into the man, struggling year after year for vengeance. It seemed Sasuke had beat him to a kill yet again, and took hold of his own justice, where Deidara was unable to. He died too soon. Disappointment crushed down on his chest. It was like sparking the rope, waiting for it to reach the end of the fuse, only for the heat to die and nothing to follow: no bang, no boom, and no fulfillment. Deidara had wanted to prove himself to Itachi for so long, but it was too late.

Itachi. Uchiha. Was. Dead.

Deidara had to take a shaky breath to calm his budding nerves.

Tobi had disappeared for several days after it happened, Zetsu crawling out of no where to tell him the news. With the unexplained loss of his own partner, Deidara wondered how Kisame felt.

Deidara didn't think there was any other person alive who cared about Itachi, beyond a desire for his powers anyways. Kisame had always respected his partner, more than Deidara did Tobi or Sasori, and Konan and Pein for each other. The shark was a bit dependant on, if not crazy about the Uchiha. Deidara hadn't enjoyed the thought of being ripped away from someone he hesitantly called a friend, so how was Kisame taking all this? Deidara pondered it for a while, but even that grew tiresome quickly.

He was bored. He'd recently lost a large semblance of purpose in his life, with Itachi's death. Because of this, his explosions lacked a certain artistic quality to them, and each flash of light became more lacklustre as time went on. It wasn't easy to shift his motivation from one subject to another. Sasuke was still ripe for the killing, but he wasn't _Itachi_. Sasuke would have been no taller than Deidara's legs around the time Itachi trapped him in a genjutsu. He had nothing to do with Deidara's capture. And killing Sasuke wouldn't piss off Itachi in the slightest, because corpses weren't known to feel emotions. He wanted revenge for Itachi's death, but it wasn't the same burning thirst he had for besting Itachi's mind and eyes. Nearly every piece of Deidara had been centred around surpassing the one who humiliated him.

Yet, a small, tiny, miniscule part of him was pleased the man was murdered, by his own brother no less. Finally, Itachi got what he deserved. How poetic was it that the kid brother he spared, the only one he couldn't bring himself to kill, came back and ruined him? It was beautiful, in its own way. For that, he could be more forgiving, but not by much. Itachi had been _his_ prey.

What was he now?

* * *

Tobi still hadn't returned.

It was no coincidence Tobi disappeared right before Itachi's death. He'd seen neither Itachi's nor Sasuke's body at the wreckage, only black flames and enough ruin to spike his adrenaline. Zetsu had brought him to the battle site, hours after it ended, likely to see his reaction at the news. His hatred for Itachi was no secret. They hadn't said anything on Tobi's' whereabouts when they brought him there, but Deidara was quick to notice the lack of bodies, and by that point, had enough practice piecing together information. What Tobi was doing with Itachi's corpse, he could only guess. Presumably, he was stealing the pair of Sharingan. To keep or destroy, Deidara didn't know.

Sasuke might have found a way to escape, but he remembered the brat's frail stamina, and compared to how astute Tobi was, it was unlikely he managed to get away. Sasuke had tricks up his sleeve, but _Tobi_ was a trick. There was no getting away. Maybe Sasuke sustained enough injuries and died along with his brother, and Tobi was securing his Sharingan. Deidara considered the possibility but didn't hold onto it. Tobi didn't want Sasuke dead, otherwise he'd have finished him off himself during Deidara's battle with him. Either Tobi was holding him hostage and – hopefully – torturing him, or convincing him to join the Akatsuki, or both. They were short on members now.

Deidara may have found a home somewhere within the organization, but he wouldn't hesitate to disobey orders if Sasuke made any sort of appearance. He would kill him. Simple.

His scope was long destroyed and his chakra not yet fully replenished, but he learned a thing or two after their fight. He'd been so caught up in finding ways to counter genjutsu, he'd neglected to consider his chakra alignment. Lightning Release was Deidara's primary weakness, so he'd have to learn jutsu to counter it. He wasn't adept with Wind Release, but it looked like he'd have to give it a shot. If that training didn't work out, he'd just have to umph up the explosive nature in his clay. Or at the very least, he'd need to start carrying Wind Release jutsu scrolls.

He jumped off the branch he was sitting on, landing under the tall tree with grace.

Deidara wanted Tobi to come back. He hadn't agreed to stay just for Tobi to disappear on him. Yeah, the Akatsuki was a part of the reason why he refused his resignation – and as some messed up joke, also part of the reason why he wanted out – but primarily, his mind had been on Tobi. Deidara had staggered without him. The days just passed on. He hadn't realized how dull it could be when he was alone.

"My, my. Tobi's not finished yet?"

The voice had him jumping back a step, hands in his clay pouches. For once, he wasn't craving a good fight, but maybe that was what he needed.

He paused. Red clouds.

The initial surprise of an unexpected visitor deflated from him in an instant. Unfortunately, once again, it was Zetsu. Not an enemy, but not good company either. Golden eyes gleamed at him, each iris noticeably lacking a pupil. The gaze was chilling. Zetsu was one of the few _things_ that managed to creep him out.

Then he took in what he said. Deidara scowled, "You know where he is?"

"He's sure taking his sweet time," White Zetsu smiled, skin stretching. Something crawled down Deidara's spine at the sight of it. Something was wrong with these guys, besides the obvious.

He asked, "He disappeared along with the Uchiha bodies, hm. Is he with Sasuke, or did you consume those corpses like the beasts you are? What do you know? Tell me."

Deidara didn't care if he was being careless, Tobi's identity be damned. He'd said Zetsu knew the truth, didn't he? Did it really matter if Zetsu knew Deidara was in on their "secret" as well? Even if it did, he couldn't be bothered. Deidara wanted answers.

The grin fell off White Zetsu, and it was Black Zetsu who spoke first, " _That doesn't matter._ "

"You're certainly sharp," White Zetsu's teeth were back, "He's with Sasuke. Pein gave him a... personal mission."

Yeah, right. Deidara doubted Pein had anything to do with Tobi's actions. Zetsu was lying, trying to cover him. That was good. It meant they didn't know Deidara was privy to Tobi's other half. But they'd also confirmed Deidara's suspicions. Tobi _was_ with Sasuke.

"Make sure the fool doesn't lay a hand on the Uchiha, hm. He's mine."

* * *

Deidara was one foul moment away from losing it.

_Tobi still hadn't come back_.

He'd never felt so expendable. To trust Tobi, Deidara had forced room into his overfilled heart. He had to push aside values he'd followed his whole life. He'd willingly shown weakness and vulnerability to his partner. And this was how he was repaid? Brushed aside for Sasuke Uchiha. The bastard who nearly killed him. Sasuke Uchiha, the spawn of some cretin who birthed two pedestrian slabs of ice, who took away the... the _justice_ his soul needed. _Thrice_. He shouldn't feel betrayed, and he shouldn't care, but he did. He did, and it was fucking driving him insane. He felt green, and hot, and angry, and everything else in between. Deidara shouldn't have agreed to stay for Tobi. He should have just left the organization.

He breathed in deeply.

Before he knew it, Deidara was dropping a handful of spiders to the ground, and the world was set aflame.

* * *

He was being melodramatic, wasn't he? Deidara thought, rolling over on the cold dirt. Foliage hovered over him in a makeshift tent, giving him the shelter and camouflage he never needed before. He'd forgotten how different the survival strategies were when you were traveling solo. There was no one keeping watch, so he had to be extra cautious to hide while he was at his most vulnerable. This also meant he couldn't sleep. His body was in a constant state of fight-or-flight, and as exhausting as it was, it didn't allow for rest.

Deidara tossed and turned for a minute, before letting out a sigh. Even in the dark, with just the stars and moon to light the shadow-infested forest, he could see his breath curl in the air. It was getting colder as the days went by. He curled in on himself, tucking his elbows in for more body heat. He was grateful it didn't snow in these parts.

He was alone. Wasn't that what he wanted? He'd been asking for this ever since he could remember. Finally, he wasn't going to be held back by a partner. This was just a temporary situation. He should enjoy it while it lasted.

Even _if_ Tobi was with Sasuke Uchiha.

* * *

A tremor of chakra entered his body from the ring on his index finger, and Deidara stared down at in confusion. Pein hadn't summoned him in ages. What could he possibly want? Frowning, Deidara found somewhere safely hidden from view in the foliage, before forming the necessary hand sign and closing his eyes. It unnerved him sometimes – when he wasn't in awe – at how powerful the Rinnegan was. Breathing in deeply, he released his chakra into waves Pein could decipher.

When his copied image opened his eyes, Deidara was greeted by the sight of the founder of the Akatsuki, in the flesh. And the Rinnegan. Deidara swallowed, unable to tear his gaze away from the silver rings. He'd been expecting to be greeted by another image, as usual. They were in a dark room, and judging from the heavy sounds of rain pounding against the building, Deidara could safely assume they were in Amegakure. Pein was seated in a metal chair, hand under his chin, looking very much like he was sitting on a throne. Deidara shot that thought away; Pein was proud, but there wasn't a trace of disdain in him.

Pein was the one to break the silence, "How are you fairing?"

"It isn't like you to ask about anyone's wellbeing, hm. Get to the point. What do you want?" Deidara vaguely remembered he shouldn't be speaking so forthright to his leader, but Pein was more particular over obedience to the Akatsuki than to himself as a person.

It was why he could respect him for reasons other than his eyes. The Rinnegan gave Pein power, but the advantage didn't blind him. He didn't look down on any of his members. He carried respect for each of their prowess in battle. As long as they listened to his whole spiel, aimed for "true power", put an end to "the cycle of hatred", and "sought for peace", Pein was hardly concerned over the rest.

Deidara blinked.

Now that he thought about it, Pein's goals were eerily similar to Tobi's. _Was_ Pein being manipulated? Were they even his ideas to begin with, or were they fed into him by Tobi? If what Tobi said was true, the Uchiha had the Rinnegan at his disposal. Deidara had always been led to believe Pein desired to destroy the world, not control it. This changed things. Destruction was okay – more than okay, even. Deidara understood and accepted the concept of time. Endings would always, continuously exist, and humanity was bound to reach its conclusion one way or another. But if Tobi and Pein had the same, common goal - to dominate and rule over free minds - Deidara wouldn't take it lightly.

Pein shifted, but his expression never did, "We've lost Itachi."

_Itachi was dead._

_Goddammit._

Pein and Konan had made the news official a few days ago. So then why was he bringing it up _again_? Deidara's eyes narrowed, and his image flickered, "What of it?"

"What will you do now?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out, hm," if his voice had an edge to it, Deidara didn't notice.

He couldn't decipher whether Pein was asking if he would betray the Akatsuki, stay, or if Pein was offering him a way out. But that just reminded him of Tobi, who'd done the same, then disappeared to frolic around with a dead Uchiha and his dead-minded brother.

_Still_ wanting a straight answer, Deidara snapped, "Where's Tobi?"

"He'll return soon enough," Pein's metal-hued eyes shut closed briefly, looking very tired, "When he does, you may or may not recognize him."

Huh.

It sounded sort of like Pein was trying to warn him that Tobi was dropping his persona. But that couldn't be right. Not even a month ago, Tobi had been hell-bent on protecting his identity against those Suna nin in their fight underground. Also, hadn't he said he was putting his world-domination plan to a halt? Itachi died, Sasuke and Tobi disappeared together, and then one week later, Tobi's planned to reveal himself? That didn't sound like he was trying to take a step back; it sounded like Tobi was taking several steps forward.

"He's not harmed," the dark voice was monotone, like he didn't care about a word he was saying. There was a moment of silence and Pein must have seen something in his expression, because then he said, "You've become attached."

Grateful the man couldn't see the heat in his cheeks, Deidara scoffed, looking away, "Che. Call it what you want, hm."

He didn't have to explain himself.

"Zetsu's watching over him," the Akatsuki leader added, "You needn't worry."

It wasn't like he was worried about Tobi; the idiot could handle himself just fine. What was the point in reminding him?

Oh, yeah. That was right... Pein wasn't aware he already knew who Tobi was. Deidara had forgotten this, too easily, even. It was like he and Tobi were in their own universe. Pein wasn't even privy to this information. He felt privileged, if not a bit devious, having an upper hand over someone like the official leader of the Akatsuki. This must be how Tobi felt, all the time. Maybe, just maybe, Deidara could understand. It felt disturbingly good. He could see why this sort of power could become addictive, and why someone as misguided as Tobi would grow dependent on it. What he didn't understand was how anyone could escalate their desires to _world domination._

That brought back the question. Was Pein trying to destroy the world, or also vying to control it?

That was an issue he'd address when Tobi returned.

Because most importantly, at the end of the day, he knew something concerning the Akatsuki that Pein didn't: Tobi trusted _him_. Deidara had more power over the organization than Pein realized, if Tobi valued him as much as he thought he did.

He let go of his thoughts. Thinking about Tobi and questioning Pein while he was using a jutsu that read minds probably wasn't a good idea. Deidara could direct what was read, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Deidara smirked, though the movement was lost on Pein, because of how hazy the conjured duplicate was, "I'm not worried, hm. You couldn't have summoned me for a bit of heart-to-heart. What do you really want?"

"That was all. Tobi recommended I warn you of your reunion. He will be different, and you will not be happy about what you find."

Pein, taking orders from Tobi? Interesting.

Then, it was true. That was that. It looked like Tobi was finally outing himself. Deidara played along with whatever Tobi was going for, feigning ignorance, "He couldn't turn out worse than he already is, hm. Is that all you need from me?"

The Rinnegan host didn't blink, "Yes, you're dismissed."

Attached...

Fuck it, if it wasn't true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Been spending the last few months acting like Robert Small with a glass of Jameson in my left hand and misery in the other.
> 
> Joking, joking!
> 
> Maybe. ;)


	17. Yew Berries - "Plague"

It's when Tobi does return without explanation, while they're walking under the sun and rain, does Deidara's mind finally catch up with his driven heart. The realization had his heart pounding.

He _wanted_ Tobi.

The relief he felt when Tobi returned nearly knocked him off his feet. Tobi came back, but whatever they had, it wasn't enough. All of a sudden and out of nowhere, he needed more.

And that terrified him.

His horror must have showed on his face because Tobi didn't hesitate to voice his thoughts, "Uh, oh. Did you remember you left the stove on? Don't worry, we can go back and check!"

Blinking rapidly, Deidara struggled to process his words – _jeez, what a bad joke_ – then without care, "No, let the place burn, whatever."

"Oh yeah, haha! I almost forgot you were obsessed with fire!"

"Not fire," Deidara frowned, mildly insulted, "Explosions! And it's not an obsession! It's a high regard for true beauty! Hm."

"If you say so... Hey, then if that's not bothering you, what's wrong, senpai?" Tobi asked, tone serene. A droplet of water rolled off a swirl of his mask, dripping down onto his cloak.

Kami, he couldn't believe he was thinking this, but... fuck, something about Tobi was crazy attractive.

The mask's eye hole was directed at Deidara, and a newfound paranoia had him wondering if Tobi could read his thoughts. He clammed up, walking ahead to avoid any chance of eye contact. Damn Tobi for being worthwhile, and damn himself for letting it get this far.

The sun was out, yet the rain fell with a soft pitter-patter. The drizzle wet his hair and skin, while the warmth of daylight hugged them both. It was winter, but today was warm and wet. They walked passed some pine trees, some filled with yew berries, others with pinecones. He tried to focus on his surroundings, on anything but his partner, but that wasn't an easy task when he was _right there_.

Deidara wasn't even sure what it was about Tobi that he yearned for. But he didn't have to know, did he? It was there, and there was no getting rid of it. Maybe it was just an outlet for the growing respect they had for each other, maybe it was how Tobi was simultaneously welcoming and exciting, or maybe Deidara latched onto the first real bond he's ever had. He couldn't pinpoint its origins, but he didn't care about that. What did matter was what he was going to do about it.

It would be a good idea to squash his feelings away, or wait for them to die off, but he didn't really mind the giddy feeling Tobi gave him. The man was dangerously beautiful. From his long, endless legs, to his crisp, confusing mind, Deidara must have found something appealing in there somewhere, to have stooped to such levels – _lusting_ after an _Uchiha_.

That's what happens when you've had nothing holding you up for so long. In an act of desperation, you cling onto the nearest piece of solid trash within your reach and hope you don't float away. Deidara was just lucky that the first person to accept him wasn't a pile of rotting scraps, but someone akin to a work of art.

Tobi reminded him of the aftermaths of a bomb: the horizon broken and unrecognizable, with all of life hurled back, leaving an empty space in the centre, ripe for rebuilding and reshaping. That was what Tobi was doing, figuring out what to do with what he had left. And amidst the chaos, Tobi found structure and used the devastation to his advantage.

"Hey, you really put a whole new meaning to battle scars."

So deep in his thoughts, Deidara almost missed what he said.

"And you know senpai, when you get your arms cut off again, Kakuzu won't be here to replace them. At this rate, you'll be missing both of your legs too."

" _When_?" Deidara repeated, furrowing his brows together. Asshole.

"You must be really bad at protecting yourself from dismemberment then, huh. Or maybe you're just a masochist?"

"That's not how it works!" Deidara fell for his trap, hook, line, and sinker, "You've never had a limb severed from your body, hm. You don't just... imagine that kind of pain."

"Wanna bet on that?" Tobi's airy tone went sly.

Shocked, Deidara stopped walking, eyes wide, "No way! I don't believe it, hm."

But if he really took the time to think about it, he could believe it. Tobi's past was a mystery, and he was determined to hide himself, physically too. Deidara watched in avid fascination as Tobi grabbed onto his right sleeve. The man hesitated, then pulled the fabric up.

Deidara breathed out at the sight, "Shit..."

Tobi kept rolling up his sleeve, until it went up as far as it would go, the cloth taut against a well-built, _white_ arm.

"What the hell happened?" he wondered. That clearly wasn't his flesh.

"Maybe I'll tell senpai once we're not out in the open," Tobi shrugged his sleeves back down, hiding the oddly beautiful deformation from Deidara's sight.

His mind was still numb when Tobi asked, "Pein told me he spoke to you, one on one! Wow! Is that true?"

Deidara's thoughts jerked to a different direction, "Yeah, hm. He implied you were going to be a bit more open. Is he expecting me to know who you are, now?"

"That's right," Tobi made a show of looking at his nails, despite the gloves, in a stance of nonchalance, "But I have to ask... Now that it's not a big secret anymore, which Tobi would you like to see, senpai?"

"Whatever you feel like. I don't really care, hm," Deidara answered easily. Really, he didn't. Tobi could act however he wanted to. Deidara was accustomed to both personalities now.

In the back of his mind, his thoughts whispered to him.

Sometimes he missed not knowing. Some days he wished Tobi was his idiot, annoying partner.

But he couldn't think like that. There was no changing the past. Things were different now; he had to see Tobi from a new angle and in a new light

He eyed the side of Tobi's head, where the thin fabric hugged his jaw. He hadn't missed how Tobi was seeking Deidara's validation for the umpteenth time. It had his skin prickling. There was no more denying the heady rush he got from the notion of a full-blooded, ripe Uchiha starving for his approval. This was a good change, for once. It was about time he had a Sharingan gaze up at him with unfaltering admiration.

Maybe it was this attention that triggered his sudden appeal for his partner. But yet, he could still recall the times when he'd remember a soft pair of pale lips as he fell asleep, before he even knew of the red eye. Or before then, when he'd catch himself staring at Tobi for a few moments too long, imagining gloved hands gripping his skin, and – .

He breathed in deeply.

On some level, he'd... he'd always been attracted to Tobi.

"You haven't asked about my disappearance," Tobi cut in, reverting to whoever was under the mask, "That's unlike you."

Now that he was hyperaware of him, that deep, mellow voice made him want to curl in on himself. Deidara looked to the side, "I figured it out already."

"You've always been more perceptive than what others give you credit for."

"Those who underestimate me quickly learn to regret it, hm," Deidara settled his gaze on Tobi, "Since you brought it up, confirm my theories, hm. What was the fate of Sasuke Uchiha?"

The rain felt more like a heavy mist, pouring in trillions of sheer drops that carried with the breeze. Deidara noticed this right before Tobi replied, "He's alive and of use."

"Not for long. If I see him, he will die by my hands, hm," he let out into the open, daring Tobi to refute him.

Tobi sounded pleased, "You can do to him what you wish after he's served his purpose."

"That's not up for you to decide," Deidara stopped walking. Why did he find Tobi hot again? Kami, he was still annoying, "I thought you gave up on your foolish plan, hm."

"Itachi's death was abrupt, in all of its predictability. It was a reminder," he paused, "Itachi was not one who could be manipulated, but his brother... Sasuke Uchiha's powers had awakened upon Itachi's death, and his mind shattered. I'll shape him into what I want."

"You're sickening."

But he still wanted him.

Deidara didn't need a reflective surface to see the disgust in his expression. He was angry at himself. He was disappointed in Tobi for giving in.

Tobi's gloved hand twitched, "I understand your desire to defeat the boy, but he would be more valuable used as a subjugated puppet."

A brief memory of Sasori had Deidara swallow hard. Tobi was more of a puppeteer than his former partner had ever been.

The Uchiha continued, "His entire being is broken, so his eyes have awakened. I'm rebuilding him with stones of unadulterated hate. Still, my indecision of the plan plagues me. Maybe I will follow it through, maybe I will not. But I won't leave a perfect weapon to rot in the aftermaths of a battlefield because there are no more enemies to slay. If he is of no use to me now, he will be later."

Deidara breathed in deeply, then exhaled, "Okay, fine, whatever, hm. I won't search for him, but if we cross paths..."

He was growing too lenient. If he wasn't careful, sooner or later, he'd be pliant like his own clay.

* * *

Itachi had died too soon.

Tobi didn't have a chance to warn Deidara before he chased after the boy. He had to grab Sasuke before those Konoha brats and _Hatake_ got their hands on him. With Sasuke at his fingertips, he was ready to find another route to further secure his position in any future endeavours. Unfortunately, with all of Sasuke's strength, the boy was still simply an angry child. It would be some time before he reached the strength needed to even consider facing Pein or securing well-protected jinchuuriki.

Things were wrapping up quickly, and he had yet to decide the fate of the world. To think the future was all in his hands, a mere human... The world truly was meaningless.

A jostle of movement stripped Tobi away from his thoughts. Deidara was asleep next to him, his head just inches away from Tobi's thigh. He looked down to see Deidara's head look up. It was too dark to accurately read his expression, for his Sharingan didn't allow that, so Tobi asked, "Dreams wake you?"

Deidara rested his head back down on the hard ground. The lack of answer told him all he needed to know. Instead, the artist replied with, "Why don't you ever sleep?"

"I don't need to."

"Of course you do. Everyone needs to sleep, hm," Deidara said. Tobi heard him jostle around, looking to get comfortable.

"Do you remember when I mentioned I'd gotten into an accident?" at his soft grunt, Tobi continued, "I used to work for Konoha. It was my last mission for those puling swine. Half of my body was crushed by a boulder. The damage was... I should have died that day."

A distant memory of pain, blood, and sorrow had him closing his eyes.

He finished off, "I woke up in darkness, to this unnatural white creature and an angry, forgotten Uchiha. Before they died, they gave me my purpose. That old man created Zetsu, then replaced my missing limbs and organs with a self-healing, organic material."

"The same stuff Zetsu is made of?" he asked, voice filled with sleep.

"Yes, essentially. Like Zetsu, I don't need to perform any human functions, and the infused DNA heals any injury at a remarkable rate."

Madara created an imperishable weapon out of him. The man lost to his human body, so he created a perfect vessel to continue his dreams.

Deidara let out a soft noise, "You're hard to kill."

"Mm," he agreed. Then he realized something with Deidara's words, "That Uchiha who brought me back..."

"What about him?"

"He wasn't so dull to let me go freely before his death. I knew the inner workings of his mind better than anyone else ever had," Tobi said. Not even Hashirama was privy to the real depths of Madara's burning hatred, "I was his to use. And us Uchiha are possessive, proud little creatures, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Deidara agreed, "You guys are, hm."

"He wouldn't have let his pet wander off into the wild without a leash of some sort, or a... tag."

"Do you think he put a seal on you?"

Tobi wouldn't put it past him, "He did things to my body before I awoke. It's highly likely."

"Were you the one to kill him?" Deidara yawned.

He wished he did, "No. Ultimately, he killed himself."

There shared a moment of silence, each in their own thoughts. When he glanced down at his partner, he could see crystal blue eyes wide open. Deidara was still without his scope, and the eye it covered had finally grown accustomed to nearsightedness. Now Tobi had not one gem to stare into, but two. They were so brilliant, not even the midnight darkness hid their depth.

Tobi rested his hand on Deidara's shoulder, "Sleep."

•

The next day had them falling back into their own routine, except Tobi didn't bother pretending to be a fool, now that the act was over.

Sasuke and his team set out to capture the eight-tails. It was a test in strength and capability. He needed to push Sasuke. Tobi told himself that even if he didn't create the ten-tails, there would be nothing wrong with dominating the power of such a demon. And if Sasuke failed, it would simply be another piece lost.

He breathed in deeply, his sight forcefully averted from his partner.

It was apparent as day. Power made one hungry, famished, and desperate for more. It was affecting his rationale; he wasn't thinking objectively any longer. How could he trust himself to make the right decision, when his mind thirsted for strength? His heart, vengeance? His soul, love? Which did he listen to?

Tobi was distracted from his thoughts when he sensed the chakra remains of a battle ahead of them. Deidara noticed something was amiss shortly after. They glanced at each other once before taking off to investigate. It wasn't strange to come across the wastes of a fight, but ever since the Akastuki became active, it was their responsibility to be aware of their surroundings.

They approached a shinobi-made clearing, trees and grass burnt away from a variety of jutsu, to see it void of anything living.

"This stench... it reeks here, hm," Deidara's nose wrinkled up. He glanced at Tobi briefly before narrowing his eyes, "Hold on, do you even _have_ a sense of smell?"

"What do you take me for? A beast? I'm not _that_ mutated," Tobi pointed out. It was unfamiliar, having such a _Tobi_ conversation as this Tobi, "It's the smell of burning flesh. I thought you'd be used to it, given your kekkei genkai."

"I know what burning flesh smells like, hm," he looked like he was ready to roll his eyes, "That doesn't mean I have to like it. Besides, with my skills, there never really are any bodies left to stench up the place, hm."

While wanting to retort, he had to hold himself back. There was something amiss, "The bodies, where are they?"

Besides the stray, bloody kunai sunken into several branches, there wasn't a trace of nin. He crouched down beside a kunai and pulled it out of the ground. There was a speck of blood on the edge, and it was dark and crusted. He wiped the weapon clean against the fabric on his wrist and pocketed it.

"It's been at least six hours. We should find the bodies. They might have been dragged off nearby," Tobi looked up, only to find Deidara watching him with blank eyes.

His expression was unreadable, and Tobi felt something sensitive crawl up his spine. Deidara didn't respond or react for a few minutes to long, so Tobi had to repeat himself for the first time in a long time, saying his name, "Deidara, we need to find the bodies."

Tobi could see the instant reality returned to Deidara. Unfocused eyes quivered when Deidara snapped out of wherever he was and nodded, "...Yeah, hm. Scout West, I'll go East."

He disappeared in a flurry. Tobi stared at the spot where he last stood for a few moments before beginning the hunt.

That was peculiar. He'd expected Deidara to suggest searching for any survivors instead, because that was what they usually did. But something was off about the situation – and about Deidara, though he would worry about that later. Why hadn't the odour dissipated, if the battle happened hours ago, and the bodies were gone? Were they dragged away recently? By whom? Discovered corpses were hauled off when there was something to take or to hide.

It was Deidara who returned to him ten minutes later, with news.

"I found them, hm," he looked troubled, "Or what's left of them."

He followed his partner as he was led to a ravine. A steady stream coursing around jagged rocks lay at the bottom, and with it flowed red, grainy ash. From here, he could tell the carcasses had been tossed in a haste. Then it wasn't about hiding the bodies. Whoever found them must have grabbed what they needed and discarded the rest.

Not that there was much left to discard. A few torsos and limbs, wound sites all remnants of fire, were scattered about. It wasn't pretty to look at.

Deidara looked sick, but Tobi wasn't fooled. There was a spark of light in his eyes that gave him away.

"They're all missing their heads, hm," he commented.

Tobi grimaced behind his mask, "Konoha nin. ANBU."

They jumped down from the edge of the ravine to get a closer look. It reeked.

Tobi didn't like something about this odour. He didn't trust it. It was off...

"They were burned from the inside out, hm," Deidara blinked, holding onto a severed arm like it was something he did everyday. He brought it closer to his eyes, "There isn't any tearing. Their limbs look blown off, but they didn't explode, hm."

"Poison," he grunted, "Let's go."

Deidara dropped the arm he was holding and glared at it. If not for their situation, Tobi would have found the look of betrayal that glossed over his features to be incredibly cute. The bomber had always looked down on poisons - they were too slow - ever since Sasori had applied his own artistic philosophes into them.

They left in a hurry, and the entire time his mind was whirring. He could withstand poison, but could Deidara? Surely he didn't inhale enough, just the residue.

"How do you feel?" Tobi asked, when they were a good distance away. He checked for any outward signs: dilating or constricting pupils, shortness of breath, his pallor, or any trembling.

Deidara rubbed his fingertips together, likely checking to make sure he could still feel them, "Nothing immediate, hm. I should be okay. You?"

Tobi, still cautious, nodded, "The mask blocked most of it out."

And the Senju DNA would protect him.

He'd have to keep an eye on Deidara for the next few hours.

Poison...

It would explain why the smell wouldn't disappear in the clearing, despite the bodies being removed. The gas must have clung to the trees and earth. Poison wasn't a weapon used often anymore. It was too tricky, and the art took years of practice. Especially with a toxin that potent. It had to have been a chakra-infused venom.

They - whoever _they_ were – attacked shinobi from Konoha. Targeted them and left with their heads.

Was there an ally in this? Or a threat?

•

Much later, the sun was setting over the horizon, bathing everything in golden light. The rainclouds had dispersed, and both of them had quickly dried up. But now that the sun was gone, winter's cold air bit at their skin. They were sitting in front of a campfire again, each lost in their own thoughts. Deidara had survived the day without any signs of illness emerging. But he seemed off. His features were drawn into a tight, closed off expression. He was quiet. His gaze wasn't really _there_.

The artist seemed so forlorn, lost in thought, ever since his return from leaving for Itachi.

Tobi grabbed a rock and tossed it at him.

Deidara caught it, reflexively, but only seemed to notice he did a few moments after. He stared owlishly at the stone, then glared at him, "What? Hm."

"What are you thinking about, senpai?" the artificial version of him asked.

He didn't reply immediately. His blue eyes were dark – intense – contrasting with the soft tone of his voice when he said, "Nothing important."

Tobi didn't believe a word of it, but he wouldn't push. It wasn't his business, as much as he'd like it to be. He'd have pried if it was anybody else. He's changed a lot for Deidara. Leaning back against a fallen tree, Tobi offered, "If you ever need an ear, I've got two."

"...Thanks, hm," Deidara side-eyed him.

They fell into a comfortable silence.

Was he still thinking about Itachi and Sasuke?

"Hey, senpai?"

"Yeah?"

Tobi looked at him – _really_ looked at him – for a long moment. He asked, "Are you happy? Right now?"

Deidara's expression crinkled, folded in on itself, almost like he was in pain, before he closed himself off further. Tobi's heart sank. His partner looked away, avoiding eye contact, and stared into the shadows behind the trees. When he spoke, he was almost whispering, "I thought I was. Fuck. _Fuck_."

"Senpai?" Tobi asked, nervous. He didn't like where this was going.

"I need – I need to – ," Deidara struggled with his words, then abruptly stood to his feet, "Don't follow me."

And he disappeared.

Tobi breathed out through his nose.

A lone Sharingan glowed brightly as it tracked the movements of Deidara's chakra. He went further and further away, until Tobi couldn't sense him anymore. Kami. Was this it? Was that a goodbye?

Tobi scrambled to rationalize his thoughts. He was panicking. What was he supposed to do?

No... no. Deidara was heading towards the river. He wanted to be alone.

Tobi sat back down numbly – and a bit awkwardly – not realizing he had stood to his feet.

He'd come back.

* * *

Deidara had to calm down. He was overreacting.

He shouldn't have run off. What was he doing? He couldn't believe he was freaking out because he was scared of his own thoughts!

Kami, so what if he had feelings? So what?!

It was just a hunch, but he had an inkling that he was falling for Tobi.

It wasn't just lust.

"Fuck," he breathed out, swears only every leaving his mouth since he left.

He dropped down and knelt against the river's edge. Mud went flying at his abrupt movement, caking his knees. He hardly noticed. Deidara cupped his hands full with frigid water and splashed his face with the liquid ice.

If he was being honest, he didn't expect anything to come out of this. They shared _something_ , but Tobi didn't seem like the kind of shinobi who would invest time in a mundane thing like feelings – _romantic_ feelings. And to be fair, neither did Deidara. Both of their hearts were driven to achieve power, not shit you'd read in a fantasy novel.

Hell, wouldn't it be nice if they did, if they could. Was that what he was missing? Would his art improve if he experienced something so... divergent in his life?

Holy fuck. That was it. That was what he needed.

How banal had he been all this time, unable to direct his attention, his love and passion, towards something that had so much potential!

God, what would his art be like, if he was bone-deep _happy_?

Could he get that from Tobi? Deidara wondered.

No.

The man was unattainable, the embodiment of perfection. Even with the mess that he was inside, everything about him had a place and a reason. It was always precise and methodical with him. Tobi was a plotter. He had goals – driven ones. He was exactly like Deidara had been before Itachi's death. Tobi wouldn't want emotional attachments to interfere with his plans.

Yet, Tobi did seem to be fond of him. He made Deidara feel special. It was like Deidara wormed his way into that little crevice of whatever humanity Tobi had left. Emotion was a good thing, but Tobi was a stubborn fool, and he'd refuse anything more.

Tobi said it himself; Deidara was holding him back. He didn't want to feel sentiment. The Uchiha was under the impression that he had to erase his identity and sense of person to be successful.

Deidara didn't think Tobi would be okay with anything beyond friendship. His partner had to draw a line somewhere.

But Tobi cared about him. There was no denying it.

Deidara appreciated that. A lot.

In their line of work, there wasn't room for attachment. And after meeting the other Tobi, the whole Tobi, Deidara could confidently say there weren't many who found their way into that fragile heart. But _he_ had. It wasn't enough, but that meant something.

He'd just... take what he could get. The feelings would fade away eventually.

Besides, he had other things to worry about.

Like Sasuke.

•

When he returned to the campsite an hour later, Tobi was sitting where he'd left him. The fire had died to mere embers, providing just enough light for him to recognize the additional presence of the Akatsuki spy.

He heard part of their conversation as he approached.

" _He's beginning the hunt for the eight-tails._ "

"They have a tracker in their little rag-tag group. It shouldn't be long now."

Tobi's tone was clipped, "My patience is wearing thin."

Deidara stepped into the clearing, though he didn't doubt the both of them knew he'd been coming, "Zetsu."

"So, now you know," the pale half said to him, instead of a more traditional greeting. The yellow eyes were like dying fireflies in the dark, nothing like the bright, angry red of the Sharingan. The hollow gaze was ripped off of him when Zetsu turned to Tobi, "How did he take it?"

Deidara huffed, "I'm right here, hm."

"My bad," he didn't sound sorry, "Does he know who you are?"

Tobi answered, "He knows I'm Uchiha."

Deidara didn't know what to make of their interaction. It was true, he was given a good chunk of confidential information, but there was more Tobi wasn't telling him. Zetsu had to know; it was his job to know. But Deidara hated the feeling of being left out. Then again, Zetsu clearly didn't know about his and Tobi's blossoming friendship.

Black Zetsu, who had been silent since his appearance, cut in, " _How much does he know?_ "

Deidara eyed the spy.

Zetsu really had no idea that Tobi trusted him.

**_._ **

"Enough. Keep it that way," Tobi said sharply. All these useless questions were agitating. He wasn't in the mood to be interrogated.

Likely recognizing his tone, White's grin stretched, "Sorry, boss,"

Tobi was certain Black was considering his response, analyzing it.

 _Good_.

Going over their conversation once more in his head, he decided he was pleased with it. They'd assume Deidara wasn't informed of much, and that he wanted to keep it that way. Now they wouldn't go after Deidara if he betrayed them, or if they ever suspected.

Presuming that he was going to get rid of them, he'd have to do it before they started building their army. Hm, but if he went forward with the plan, he'd need them. Could he count on the army and enemy shinobi to kill off each other?

At his silence, White Zetsu seemed to sense he wouldn't get more out of him, so he moved his attention to Deidara, "I'm surprised you're taking his... _sight_ so calmly. Didn't you and Itachi have bad blood?"

"Tobi isn't Itachi, hm," Deidara said this so firmly, Tobi had to supress the pleasant child he felt from running down his spine.

"Didn't Tobi used to annoy you? What's changed?"

"Nothing, hm," he frowned, "What are you trying to get at?"

Black was straightforward, " _Will you remain loyal to the Akatsuki?_ "

"Yeah, hm," Deidara looked at him when he said it. Tobi smiled under his mask.

Then he interrupted, "Why are you still here?"

"Ah," White frowned, "I can't visit? That's harsh."

Zetsu wasn't assigned as the spy just for his abilities; they were thirsty for intel. They always had been.

"Good night," White said as Zetsu disappeared, molding back into the earth.

Deidara worked on relighting the campfire, and Tobi had to spread his senses to make sure Zetsu wasn't there, watching them. He wouldn't put it past those two. It took every last ounce of him to appear calm when Zetsu made his appearance. His timing couldn't have been more frustrating. Zetsu could read him like a book. It required extra finesse when acting around him.

Tobi inclined his head towards his partner, who was crouching low next to the source of heat and light. He had to swallow at the sight of messy blond hair and blue, blue eyes. Deidara finally looked alive. Even while sitting, Tobi couldn't feel anything below his knees, as his nerves had taken over – he'd been so afraid that had been it.

Tobi wished, with every last fibre of his being, that he didn't care about seeing the Moon's Eye Plan through to the end. But there was headway, and it was evident. The Akatsuki had nearly all the tailed-beasts at their disposal, Jiraiya was dead, Itachi finally died, Sasuke was his, Pain was his, and the rest of the world was still oblivious to what was going on. He devised the plan with the intention for it to succeed, but seeing progress, seeing the plans work, was a different matter entirely.

Tobi should have seen this coming from a mile away. He hadn't ever truly considered reversing what he'd started, had he? He'd been lying to himself this entire time. The plan would work; it had to work. There was no better way to guarantee happiness.

He could give Deidara whatever he wanted through the Moon's Eye Plan.

This just might be his way to redeem himself for his past mistakes.

Perhaps if he clarified the true nature of Tsuki no me, Deidara would see his reasoning. The man was still oblivious to the dream-world and all it entailed.

Tobi closed his eyes.

Lying to himself was pointless.

Deidara wouldn't be happy.

"Thanks, hm," Deidara said, breaking the silence.

Tobi shifted, "For what?"

"For not following me," he sighed, the breath nearly inaudible, "For understanding, hm."

_Damn it all._

"You're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be so exciting. :D
> 
> Also P.S., I opened up a fresh DeviantArt account just for you guys! It's under the same name, LipsofFrost. I'll post any TobiDei or FotV art I make on there. Hit me up on it if you want.


	18. Grapefruit - "Tonic"

Deidara found himself daydreaming more than he'd thought possible. Sometimes he thought about the past, like their first meeting, or when they ate sticky, chewy dango at some nowhere shop. Other times he mused on the future, imagining them working together in synchrony, defeating their common enemies. He'd see them bickering over nothing while in each other's arms. But mostly, he wondered about the 'what ifs'. What if Tobi wanted him back? What if Tobi was getting sick of him? What if Tobi didn't know what love was?

He played with the ring on his finger.

Deidara had lied to Zetsu. He wasn't loyal to the Akatsuki. He was loyal to his art and nothing else. He couldn't promise to be by them forever. Saying the words honestly would have just made him feel chained down. Deidara had the tendency to break promises, so he hardly ever made them in the first place. But the thought of walking away from Tobi hurt him. He didn't think he'd be ditching his partner anytime soon. Or that's what he used to think. Now he wasn't so sure. Deidara was happy with Tobi, but he stupidly got too attached. He felt this weight over his shoulders, and it pressed down against him every moment he spent with Tobi. Maybe it was time to go.

"Deidara-senpai! Look!"

Deidara glanced up from his hands. He'd been sitting down on some rock along the edge of a river while Tobi played with the aquatic life, for some reason having opted to revert to his more traditional personality.

Tobi was holding onto a beautifully coloured fish, each scale reflecting an array of colours under the sunlight.

"Isn't it exquisite?"

It really did sparkle prettily. Deidara replied with a hint of a smile, "Yeah, hm."

Tobi let the fish go, carefully placing it back in the water so it could breathe. It was a few minutes later when the man pulled himself out of the river, sopping wet from the waist down and hardly seeming to notice.

"Wow, all that strenuous exercise has me feeling famished," Tobi patted his stomach.

Deidara gave him a look, "Uh huh."

"I'm thinking we could have a huge feast! With rice, and beans, and tonkatsu, and dumplings, and oh – dessert. Lots and lots of dessert. Yum! Oranges and grapefruit sound delicious. I wonder if there's a village nearby..." Tobi trailed off, looking around.

"Tobi, come here, hm," Deidara waved him over with one hand.

He blatantly, purposefully ignored the fluttering in his stomach and how his heart jumped right up his throat when Tobi walked closer, obediently asking, "Yes, senpai?"

"Uh... I uh..." Deidara cursed himself for staring into the eyehole, "I..."

"Are you okay?" Tobi tilted his head.

_No, I'm not and it's all your fault, you dick_ , is what he wanted to say, but instead what came out was, "Take off your cloak."

"W-what?!" Tobi took a step back.

Shit, that came out wrong.

"So it can dry, hm. Obviously," Deidara held out his hand, acting like there was nothing wrong with what he said, "Hand it over."

Tobi still hesitated. Then after one more brief moment, he placed his gloved fingers on the hidden closure of the uniform and unzipped the thing, ever-so-slowly, like he knew exactly what he was doing. Deidara didn't doubt he did. There was someone else under that mask, someone who was astute and clever. Wordlessly, Tobi shrugged the cloak off his shoulders and handed it to Deidara. As tempted as he was to look down, he couldn't. Tobi's gaze was intense, so intense Deidara felt it from the depth of shadows that hid his eye. Deidara had to swallow. Tobi was the one to break the stare, but of course that meant Deidara's eyes dropped right down. Because of the water, Tobi's shirt clung to his tapered waist and even _lower_. Why did Deidara think this was a good idea again? Right, because Tobi was prone to making messes like a wet dog, and he would complain about how uncomfortable he was for hours, instead of finding a solution.

Needing a distraction, Deidara wrung the cloak. It was almost as drenched as the time Tobi swam with the Sanbi.

Tobi made a show of watching the pool of water get squeezed out of the thick fabric – but he also turned around and how the hell could anyone's _ass_ be that round – before pointing, "This'll take forever to dry!"

"We've got time, hm," Deidara brushed him off, throwing the cloak over the rocks. It was sunny that day, so it'd dry up eventually. They hadn't planned on going anywhere for a few hours anyways.

"But this is boring!" he whined.

Deidara smirked, but turned away to hide it from view, "Are you implying that _I'm_ boring? Ha! You're not as loyal as you make yourself out to be, hm."

"Oh my gosh, no way! Never. You're the most interesting person in the whole world!"

Deidara teased, "That's all? I'm just _'interesting'_?"

"Oh no, no, definitely not! Boring is the last thing you are. Do you know who was boring? Sasori was _so_ boring. You're nothing like him. You're totally fun, senpai. You're the best artist too – the only master of bombs! And you're the most handsome – wait, you're fishing for compliments, aren't you?"

"You were the one who was fishing earlier, hm," Deidara stated, unashamed to admit to himself that he liked everything Tobi said about him.

"Good point," Tobi fiddling with the armour plating against his legs, "Do you miss Sasori?"

"Miss isn't the word I'd use, hm. Sometimes I think about him," Deidara thought about his grudging respect for the late artist, "But not much, recently. Death had a collar around his neck, as much as he tried to tell himself it was just a necklace. It was about time someone pulled the leash in."

Tobi sounded really sad when whispered, "I need advice, senpai. How do you... move on, if someone important to you dies?"

"Wouldn't know. No one's ever been important to me before, hm," Deidara explained, wondering if Tobi would share more about his past, "Till now, I guess."

"Do you mean me?" Tobi asked brightly.

"No, Kakuzu," Deidara frowned, suddenly wishing he didn't say what he did. He was nervous, "Yes, you. Hm."

Tobi said his usual line, "I love you too, senpai."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?" he sulked.

"Don't say it if you don't mean it," Deidara noticed how serious he sounded, so quickly amended himself, "You put a mockery on the word. I _love_ my art. You don't _love_ me."

"But I do. I love you."

Deidara blew up into a fierce red. Why was Tobi acting like _this_ Tobi again? The secret was out, there was no point in it.

At his lack of reply, Tobi's gloved fingers squeezed his cheek before he could stop it, "Aw, so cute! Is all this mushy stuff embarrassing you?"

Deidara ripped himself away from the fishy smelling hand and rubbed his cheek, "Stop that!"

"Or what? You'll blow me up?" Tobi sing-songed.

"Maybe I learned a few tricks while you were away, hm. Wipe that arrogant smile off your face," Deidara was already up on his feet, hands in his clay pouches, "Don't test me!"

"Me? Smiling?" Tobi said from under his mask, "I'm an angry person with no sense of humour, just like you. Why would I be smiling?"

"..."

"..."

Tobi took a fearful step back.

"Katsu!"

The explosion was heard from miles away.

It was a bit later, by about two hours, when Tobi crawled up next to Deidara and sat down, with not so much as a hair out of place. He couldn't fathom how he hadn't recognized the signs; Tobi had been blatantly obvious. Back when Deidara threw explosives at Tobi, and the man disappeared for an x amount of time, he was probably doing his duties as the so-called Akatsuki leader.

He inspected his partner. The air around him had shifted. Deidara was left wondering what he'd been up to. Either he had changed his attire too, or the heat from the blast had quickened the drying process, because his clothes now looked crisp. Maybe Tobi should have worn the cloak earlier, then it'd have dried out too. Still, the water had seeped out of the cloak well enough, thanks to the sun. Deidara tossed the mildly damp fabric to Tobi, who put it on without question.

"You haven't lost your touch."

It was the Uchiha with him now. Deidara side-eyed him, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's been awhile since I've last had a good mission. You're the one giving out orders, aren't you? Give me some, hm."

Tobi leaned back until he was lying down. He stretched his arms and put his hands under his head before he bluntly said, "Pein will be going after the nine-tails."

"He's going to fight?" Deidara forgot about his own boredom, suddenly excited because Pein had _never_ fought seriously since his admission to the organization. Jiraiya didn't count, because Deidara only found out after the battle was over. Maybe this time he could watch, or better yet, fight with him. The nine-tails didn't stand a chance. Deidara grinned, "He's going to use the Rinnegan?!"

"What about the Sharingan?" Tobi asked, sounding just a tad too pouty. Deidara noticed the little slip. Maybe fake-Tobi wasn't all that fake.

Deidara scoffed, "Overrated, hm."

The Sharingan was a work of art, though he'd never admit it out loud. Tobi didn't need his ego stroked. But come on, who didn't find the Rinnegan amazing? It was one of the rarest kekkei genkai.

"That was what you said last time," Tobi looked at him. And Deidara was positive Tobi's sight was directed at him because he was staring straight into the red eye. The Uchiha lowered his voice, "How do you feel now?"

Deidara felt the weight of the tiny, folded paper under his cloak. He did his best to ignore it, "Now _you're_ fishing for compliments, hm."

" _So.._." Tobi dragged out the word, and murmured lowly from under his mask, "Am I not going to catch any?"

"You already caught some," Deidara's toes curled. Were they flirting?! Did this count as flirting?

"They must have slipped away. Care to help me grab some more?" Tobi leaned on his elbow. The red stare from under the mask made him nervous. Maybe because the Sharingan was kinda hot. Yeah, he said it. Tobi's Sharingan was goddamn attractive.

Deidara didn't doubt he was flushed, "You're cheating, hm."

"How am I cheating?" Tobi asked.

Tobi wouldn't get him to say the words out loud, no matter how tempting it was.

Deidara reached up and shoved his finger through the eyehole, just carefully enough to not accidentally stab him in the eye. He got the reaction he wanted though, as Tobi jolted in surprise.

He smirked, "Your Sharingan isn't as cool as you make it out to be, hm. Especially if you didn't see that coming."

Smirk molding to a grin, Deidara pulled out his finger, only for Tobi's hand to latch onto his wrist.

Tobi tutted, "You'll admit it someday."

The gloved fingers curled all the way around his wrist easily, but the grip was gentle and delicate. That didn't mean it didn't burn his skin and send little sparks right up his arm. Deidara struggled to speak, "My art. Is cool. Not – not your Sharingan. Hm."

Tobi let go of his wrist, so his arm dropped limply to his side. Deidara resisted the temptation to rub his arm, willing the imprint of the touch away.

"What I forgot to tell you was that my Sharingan allows me to read minds whenever I please."

Deidara's stomach dropped, "Wait, what?"

Did he hear that right?

Tobi didn't quite laugh, but a few huffs of air escaped his lips, "I'm joking. It's a joke. Tobi makes jokes all the time."

Deidara recovered, "But not _this_ Tobi. Hm."

Tobi sat up slowly, thinking. Eventually, sounding taken-aback, he agreed, "You're right. This is new. I've never - not since..."

Deidara didn't say anything, sensing Tobi was thinking about his traumatizing experience of being half-crushed by a boulder. Maybe Tobi was an expert at taking it easy, but the Uchiha underneath was too solemn for his own good. He was finally learning how to loosen up.

"I'm supposed to be gloomy, aren't I?" his tone was light-hearted, and once again Deidara was reminded of the sunshine-and-rainbows-Tobi.

"You're an imposter, hm," Deidara attempted to frown, but Tobi's acceptance of his positive feelings were infectious, so his own smile fought its way out. The end product was probably some deranged expression, "How dare you tarnish the Akatsuki name?"

His partner crossed his legs, putting a hand to his chin in a thinking pose. _Tobi_ was really shining through the Uchiha now. Whoever was out, they muttered, "That's suspicious. Deidara's never cared about the Akatsuki's reputation. Hm... Maybe _you're_ the imposter."

Deidara sputtered.

"As the leader of the Akatsuki, it's my responsibility to handle punishments for insubordination. Deidara, relying on a clone to take his place? That is treachery," Tobi stood, eye glowing brightly, "Any last words, imposter?"

"Please, have mercy, hm. I worship the Sharingan. It's beautify surpasses that of an explosion. You're the strongest shinobi of them all..." He leaned back in the grass, imitating Tobi's earlier pose, then looked up at him and grinned from ear to ear, finishing off with, "Senpai."

Tobi was silent for a minute. Then he crouched down next to him, and Deidara's heart roared at the feeling of cold metal pressed up against his neck. He was itching for violence, a good fight.

A red stare pierced right into his wide eyes, "You're not Deidara."

The way Tobi said his name had him breathing harder. He tried to keep his neck steady, but the sharp edge of the kunai slid against his throat. It cut. Deidara hardly felt it. He was a bit more distracted by the sight of his partner. Tobi didn't even know what he was doing to him, did he?

When Tobi's other hand landed on his shoulder, Deidara suddenly found it difficult to think. Tobi was seducing him without even trying. Deidara hadn't realized he was this touch starved. It really would have been better if he was oblivious to Tobi's hidden appeal; ignorance was bliss and all that. He should have just left when he had the chance.

How was he supposed to leave when Tobi was this _perfect_?

The blade tilted, so the flat edge pressed up against his jaw.

His breath hitched.

"Where's Deidara?" Tobi said it with such sobriety, Deidara had to second guess himself.

Tobi was bluffing... right?

Deidara felt the kunai disappear – the timing was fishy, maybe Tobi _could_ mind-read – but it was replaced with a gloved hand. Tobi patted his cheek, once, twice, before standing up again.

"Your expression was hilarious."

Immediately, Deidara lifted himself up, "You're a piece of shit."

"And you relax me. I forget about all my troubles when I'm tormenting you," Tobi said, sounding calm. He reached out and touched his own neck, before gesturing somewhere under Deidara's chin, "Don't take it personally."

"Thanks, hm," Deidara glared.

Tobi's hint reminded him of the warm, wet sensation of blood running along his skin and down his neck. Deidara pressed his palm against it, and the mouth on his hand immediately began licking it clean. He hoped Tobi wasn't dense enough to use the kunai he salvaged from that poisonous battle site.

"You don't _relax_ me, but I enjoy your company," Deidara said honestly, "Sometimes, hm."

He couldn't remember the last time he felt excitement over something other than explosions. Deidara felt like he finally belonged somewhere. Even if Tobi didn't want him, he wouldn't discard him. They were past that. And as far as Deidara was concerned, they had each other's backs.

He wasn't going to linger any longer on this. He'd be direct with Tobi and see what went from there. The worst that could happen was that Tobi told him his feelings were pointless. And if Tobi didn't feel the same way? Deidara wouldn't blame him. It would still suck. A lot.

His train of thought halted where it was.

Rejection wasn't the worst possible scenario.

What if Tobi planned this? What if he expected Deidara to fall for him – with all that hyper character analysis he did and those sweet words he pulled – in order to _use_ him?

Deidara frowned. He was looking too deeply into things. Tobi had already proven that he'd crossed Deidara off of his list. More fears crossed Deidara's mind, but he smothered them before they could settle into his bones. If he was going to be honest about how he felt, he should just let Tobi know now.

Before he could lose his nerves, he sucked in a breath, ready to spill it all out, but his partner interrupted, "Our job will be to get as many shinobi into Konoha as possible."

Damn.

Their moment was over. He missed his chance.

It took a second for Deidara to remember their slightly more professional conversation earlier, " _Into_? Don't you mean out of?"

"Into," Tobi repeated. There was something darker hiding behind voice, something Deidara didn't think he'd heard from him before. The hatred Tobi held for Konoha was strikingly vehement.

Finally, an Uchiha who wasn't afraid to express emotions.

Deidara didn't linger on those thoughts for too long, instead allowing for Tobi's words to sink in. Could Pein really take on the entire village and capture the nine-tails? Was that the power of the Rinnegan? Deidara had easily taken on Suna, but their line of defense had been _explosive arrows_.

"How are we going to do that? If we tell them we're coming, won't they hide the jinchuuriki?" he asked. Deidara remembered the raw chakra of that Konoha kid, and how he lost control of it due to his rage. All that commotion for the one-tailed host, the one who took out his arm. Kakashi Hatake had been guarding the brat like he was a lost puppy. Konoha would without a doubt be doing the same.

"They'll be hiding the nine-tails either way. But it won't matter," Tobi explained, "They'll need him. They won't have any other choice; the boy will be their last resort."

Deidara thought about Pein, recalling the stone eyes and their last conversation.

"What's Pein really trying to do? Control the world? I thought he wanted to end the 'cycle of hatred', not string it together and wear it around his neck," Deidara questioned, feeling the edge of something stormy touch his mind. It was nice forgetting about Tobi's ulterior motives once in a while, but they always came back. He added bitterly, "Like you do, hm."

Tobi sighed in displeasure, the soft sound almost inaudible from under his mask. He pretended not to hear Deidara's jab, "Pein is under the assumption that the beasts are being captured to create the ten-tails, an ultimate weapon of mass destruction, to be used as leverage against the rest of the world."

"The ten-tails?" Deidara's mouth parted. Unifying the beasts into one? That was impressive. And Pein had wanted to control the world with it? He was delusional. Deidara reminded him, "Tobi. It won't work, hm."

"The Juubi, once revived, will have immeasurable power," Tobi said, not listening to him. As though he was caught by the gaze of his own Sharingan, Tobi was in his own world, "But there's a second half to the plan, something I've kept from him."

Deidara inhaled deeply and exhaled with just as much force.

Here they go again.

He impatiently waited for Tobi to continue, not liking where this was going.

"The Moon's Eye Plan. I'm going to use the Juubi's final form and the moon to cast an all-encompassing genjutsu. Each person will live in a world universe of their own making. Time, as we know it, will stop. Reality will end, and the world will be without hatred for eternity."

Deidara admired his passion, but what the fucking hell? Tobi's dedicated his whole life for this?! Damn Tobi and his Sharingan! Deidara had thought the notion of Tobi aiming to control the world was bad, but this – trying to replace it – with something not real – with the Sharingan – was flat out sickening. Every life had a conclusion. No one could restrain the fate of nature. Not even Tobi.

"Don't you get it? You've been brainwashed, hm. Wake the fuck up!"

Deidara had been stupid trying to change someone. Why was he surprised it didn't work? Decade-old ideologies didn't just flip like a coin. He shouldn't have expected anything out of Tobi.

"The world is _hell._ There needs to be peace. Everyone will be happy. You too, Deidara."

"You want me trapped in a fake world while the real me rots away! That isn't true art! Open your eyes, you goddamn fool! The Sharingan blinds you!"

"It's for the greater good. A utopia _can_ exist. There's a way, and I'd be an imbecile to miss the opportunity. I'm doing this for you. For everyone."

"Don't assume you know what I want!"

He was angry because he thought Tobi understood. He was angry because Tobi put the _Moon's Eye Plan_ first. The Uchiha didn't get it. He was angry because he fell for this man. He was just so angry. He goes for the punch, and since Tobi hadn't expected it – or chose not to dodge – the blow hit.

The mask didn't crack under the pressure, and that just pissed him off more. He pivoted on his foot and aimed a sharp kick, but Tobi ducked and made a move to grab him. Deidara shoved him away. Tobi didn't dodge the next jab, pulling Deidara's arm through him. Deidara hurried to pull away, but Tobi was quick to deliver a brutal punch of his own. Deidara tilted his jaw just out of the way, and it brought him eye to eye with a blood-red Sharingan. He snarled.

They fought, and fought, and fought. Deidara was getting even angrier as each blow passed right through him.

"Deidara – "

"Shut up!" he hissed, "Shut up or I'll kill you."

"Hold on – "

"You've threatened my final moment. You've cast aside my art! I won't have it, hm. You Uchiha are all the same. Unenlightened, arrogant, selfish," Deidara mouths were already stuffed with clay. He jumped several feet back, settling on a clay bird he molded.

"Deidara, listen to me. You're all I have left. I can't lose you," Tobi never sounded more desperate as he watched Deidara go airborne. A spider bomb phased through his torso, "But you're determined to die. This is the only way."

Tobi needed _him_? Bullshit. Tobi needed _anyone_ in his life. If he did - if he opted to create a version of Deidara without flaws - then it wasn't really him, it was a modified copy. Deidara's art was a part of him, and Tobi wouldn't take that away.

"Katsu!" Deidara watched his sticky bomb explode behind Tobi, who didn't flinch at the blast. He tossed a handful, even though he knew the explosives would go right through him. He shouted, "We all die eventually! There is art in a fleeting moment – "

"You've let your philosophies consume you."

"You're a fucking hypocrite, hm. Katsu!"

The smoke and debris from his bomb cleared up, but unsurprisingly, Tobi stood there unharmed, having not moved an inch.

The Sharingan was visible even with their height difference and the dust in the air. Deidara stared down at it, into him, with a piece of himself missing.

He'd fallen in love with Tobi, of all things.

"That won't be me in your genjutsu. Your illusion will be a cheap copy of my reflection, hm. It'll be nothing but a shadow. You're no better than Sasori, Tobi, wanting to dance with puppets, hm."

He had hoped this ignorant fool would see the depth and reality of a moment's time.

Deidara continued, watching the tomoe of the Sharingan spin rapidly, "But I can't speak for you. If that's your perspective on my art, so be it, hm. However, _I_ will not be trapped under your genjutsu. I won't be satisfied with an artificial Tobi and superficial art, hm. True art is an explosion!"

The bird flapped its wings, causing Tobi's cloak to flutter behind him. He didn't speak, because Deidara didn't let him.

"You're untouchable, hm. But I'm not," a grin stretched over his face, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. It was time for his masterpiece. This was his moment; this was what he needed to show Tobi, "I'll make you see."

He knew that Tobi would evade it. He wanted Tobi to evade it. But as long as he saw it for what it was, truly experienced it, felt the heat, the soul—Deidara would die a dream death.

"Deidara, wait."

The bird flapped its wings again. Both Akatsuki cloaks flapped with the gust of air. Deidara saw the Sharingan fade away, the last trace of red cowering behind the darkness beneath the mask.

"Kill me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> Haha, sike!  
> Guys, prepare yourself for the next chapter. It's going to waow you.


	19. Passionfruit - "Passive"

Colour drained out of his face, parallel to the red fading away under the orange mask he was quickly coming to detest. The Sharingan was gone, deactivated. Like this, he wouldn't be able to Kamui his body to the eye's other dimension. Tobi's Sharingan would have to work differently than Itachi's, so Deidara's eye wouldn't be able to detect any present genjutsu. Still, he had an inkling that he wasn't under any spell. If Deidara did it, if he implemented his C0, his partner would go out with him.

He looked the Uchiha up and down, assessing.

Tobi was mocking him. He was giving up, throwing away his life like it was meaningless. That wasn't how it worked. Art was an ending with purpose. Tobi dying like he didn’t care if he did or not was insulting.

"Tch," Deidara swooped down low, watching in apathy as Tobi's head tilt, following his movements. After another gust of air from the flapping wings, Deidara finally said, "You're pathetic."

There was no reaction to his words.

"Do you think I won't do it? Is that it?"

This time, Tobi looked away, but he said nothing.

That was the wrong thing to do. Deidara _hated_ being ignored. He pulled off his cloak and nearly ripped off his shirt, screaming, "Look at it! Look at me! Hm."

When Tobi did, Deidara continued, slamming his palm against the stitching on his chest, "I made this because I love reality, hm. I love the way of the world. Everything must come to an end. It's natures law. My final work is a symbol of truth, hm."

Deidara's eyes narrowed, "Tell me... Tell me why you're so determined to ruin yourself."

Maybe he could forgive him, if his drive stemmed from somewhere true.

Tobi stilled, and considering how motionless he'd been, it was a feat. Then the Uchiha finally spoke, "I will tell you—everything. But come down here. I need to see you. Please."

There was something odd about what he said, and it took him a long moment to figure out what it was.

Tobi had said _please_. Not the childish version of him, but the arrogant Uchiha that lay under the mask felt pressured to plead. That was a first. Deidara had to oblige, especially if it meant he'd get the answers he sought out for. A part of him wanted to be stubborn and not get closer, instead fly higher until he could blast himself into smithereens. Shit, he was so tempted to.

But when he stared down at Tobi's pitiful display, Deidara decided to land. He wanted to know what caused this, so maybe he could end it.

He kept his distance from his partner, stepping off the bird. He watched in confusion as Tobi suddenly sat down, right there in the dirt. A few heartbeats later and Deidara was copying his movements. They sat across from each other, cross-legged, hit by the force of their emotions.

No one moved for what felt like centuries, until Tobi was the first to break the silence, "There was a girl."

A muscle in Deidara's jaw twitched. Something foul had caught in his throat, the taste like acid. Bitter. _A girl..._ Deidara clenched his fists. He'd never felt such jealousy, not since his first sight of the Sharingan.

He heard it in Tobi's voice.

"You love her," it wasn't a question.

"I did," Tobi then amended, "I do."

Whatever rage Deidara had felt earlier vanished with the wind. The fire he'd been trapped in dispersed, leaving ash and waste in its place. A horrible calm came over him.

It was unfamiliar; he preferred the hot anger. He didn't know what this was. It was cold. It was deep. It hurt.

"Her name was Rin," Tobi started again, and Deidara cursed him. He didn't want to know her name. He didn't want to know anything about her, "She was on my team, along with Kakashi – who you've met – and Minato Namikaze, Konoha's fourth Hokage. I've mentioned the failed mission, about what happened when I woke up. But there was more that I didn't want you to know about."

Then Tobi told him everything.

He started from when he was a young kid, a misunderstood orphan like Deidara. It seemed they both had old fools watching over them. Tobi with his grandmother and him with Ōnoki. Deidara listened carefully as the rest of Tobi – no, _Obito's_ past unfolded. And when Madara Uchiha's name was whispered under the wind for the first time, an unpleasant chill crawled up his back. Madara, the – bastard – fed Obito until he cocooned himself, cracked, and crawled out with poisonous wings, as Tobi.

Deidara couldn't relate to the feeling of losing a loved one. He never loved another person enough to do so. But he could empathize. Deidara could imagine someone taking away his art, making him immortal and unchanging, unable to ever experience the thrill of an explosion ever again.

...Then, he thought of someone killing Tobi.

Really killing him. The thought of his heartbeat coming to a close, the last stutter before it gave in. He saw the Sharingan fading away, eye an endless stretch of midnight sky, dulling like a cooling coal. The thought of him being gone, forever, felt like a stab straight to the gut. He tried to breathe again, once, twice, before he could finally suck in air. Deidara scrambled to think of something else, unable to rest on that image. He'd never forgive whoever was at fault. He'd get revenge. It wouldn't be enough because Tobi would be gone, but someone would have to burn. Slowly.

Okay, maybe Deidara could understand what was driving Tobi, but he just couldn't _understand_. Even after the Kyuubi, and building the Akatsuki, aiding Itachi with the clan massacre – ha! He knew Itachi couldn't have done it all by himself – the finer details of the plan, and all of it, Deidara couldn't agree with the concept of a fake world.

"Time should have made the pain go away," Tobi inhaled deeply. Deidara could hear the breath from under his mask, "It doesn't. I think of other things as the years pass. But sometimes I go back. To those memories, good and bad, of her... them. And the pain returns. It's still raw, fresh."

Deidara didn't reply, thinking on his words. Good memories tend to hurt more than the bad ones, once you've left.

"I try to forget, but the Sharingan curses me. The night she was killed, my eye was active. I remember every last detail, every thought my young, naïve mind carried. All I see is her death happening again, and again, and again, exactly like the first time. It never ends."

Deidara stood to his feet.

He dropped the ring into his palm.

"This is my last night here."

He was tired. Of everything. He'd rest, and then that was the end of their budding friendship. People just got in the way, even dumb Uchiha's with too much time on their hands. If he could distance himself from this conniving imbecile, maybe he'd have a chance at crushing these feelings. Deidara's love for Tobi would become a work of art, once he's put an end to it. It was what they both needed and deserved: a beautiful end to the sickness that had made its nest in the innocent. Lies tainted truth. Deidara would destroy what they had when they were at their prime – each at the height of true emotions and both very real, in reality and not in some genjutsu – before it was too late. He didn't want to love Tobi with hate simmering on its edges.

Everything hurt. His heart ached, thickening and becoming to heavy for him to carry, but Deidara was ready to bring their story to a finish.

"I won't use C0 today, in exchange for your honesty, hm."

He wouldn't become a puppet. He'd blow up the fucking moon if he had to. He just... couldn't kill Tobi.

A part of him – a _stupid_ part of him – held him back from that thought process. He didn't want to stop Tobi from completing his dreams. The man was passionate. Tobi was _living_ because he cared, very much, about an eternal peace. That Uchiha would deny it, and he'd say he was nothing, worthless even, but he held a mind with a depth that ran deeper than any sea. Deidara admired his feelings. And he was in fucking love with that idiot.

He wanted Tobi to be happy.

Evidently, Tobi wasn't happy with him. Deidara wasn't good enough for this Uchiha. Fine. That was fine.

Deidara would kill himself before the moon stained red.

Tobi would wake up from his delusion eventually. Nothing was eternal.

He sounded desperate, "I can give you more missions, more opportunities for you to bl – "

"Shut up, Tobi, hm. I can't be bribed like some cheap whore. Not this time. I'm leaving for good, hm," Deidara thought back to the last time he slipped the ring off his finger. The ring was as light as a feather, but it carried a thousand times more its weight in responsibilities and memories. Removing the silver and teal felt liberating.

Tobi muttered, the sound hardly audible, "I know."

"Then stop trying, hm. I won't fall for the trap of another Sharingan's genjutsu. Never again, hm."

* * *

"I... I..." Why couldn't he say it? This was it, this was the moment to tell him.

But it wouldn't come out.

Perhaps because saying the words now would cheapen them, used like a playing card to get him to stay. He didn't want to taint it. He could just hope that Deidara would understand. Tobi retold his story, omitting nothing but the words 'I love you'. What was left of his heart was out in the open. But –

He knows he's lost Deidara.

The man didn't use his final technique, but with how ripped apart he felt, he surely must have.

He finally asked, mind numb, "Where will you go?"

Deidara gave him a blank stare that went right through him, before the man turned around to climb his bird. As if an afterthought, Deidara called out from up in the air, "You're welcome to find me when you've stopped acting like an idiot, hm. But knowing you, that's never going to happen."

The challenge that was usually in Deidara's voice was missing. All Tobi heard was disappointment and finality.

He looked at nothing as he pushed the last piece of meaning away from his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to exclude the waow I promised you, but there's a reason why I never make promises. Maybe if I say the reverse, the opposite will happen? Uh, I will not update soon. Will this work? Cross your fingers.
> 
> It's a short chapter, so think of it as a Part II from the last chap. Also, I should have a TobiDei one-shot up (not?) soon! I'm really excited about this one. I feel like my writing is getting worse, but what can you do? Since we're starting a new arc now in FotV, and since I'm writing this mysterious one-shot, it'll allow me to start fresh to benefit you guys. See you next chapter!


	20. Kiwis - "Peel"

How long it had been, he couldn't answer.

He didn't think about him anymore. He had felt every last shatter of his heart breaking then. The guilt, the regret, the unprecedented need to chase after him, to tell him he wanted to take it all back—the surge of untamed feeling stunned him. It was too new, too _Obito_. Tobi wanted to hate him, the man with blue eyes, but he didn't. He never could. If only, then perhaps moving on might have been easier. But the hatred had to go somewhere, lest it burst like that clay. It was why Tobi directed the rage at himself. Punishment, he thought, for becoming distracted and actively diverging from his intended mission.

The raw agony had been unbearable, so he got rid of that too. It was simpler to feel emptiness than it was to hurt. He was familiar with it – not being _there_. Discarding human emotions was all he'd known, even before his former partner entered his life. But as far as Tobi was concerned, he'd forgotten about him entirely. He had too, otherwise he wasn't certain he'd be able to move forward.

Forward. That's where he stood now: hundreds of steps ahead of every nation.

But first, he needed to get his hands on the last of the tailed beasts.

Pein was dispatched. Nagato was targeting the village he had a vendetta against, and Tobi didn't doubt the man would give it his all.

He sat down where he was, feet dangling from a branch, suddenly feeling very tired.

Zetsu made a movement, looking at him, "You seem off."

Tobi didn't reply because those words meant nothing, and acknowledging them had been waste enough.

Sasuke did not succeed to capture the eight-tails, but Pein wouldn't disappoint him. Madara had ensured that Nagato was hungry for vengeance and justice against Konoha. The Akatsuki founders had waited several years for this moment. Nagato, especially, suffered a thirst for the village's demise. And Pein might be the most powerful shinobi alive. If he wasn't able to grab the boy, then Tobi couldn't depend on anyone. He would have to take matters into his own hands.  

* * *

He feels like he lost, like he is still losing.

Pein failed.

Worse still, he was betrayed.

He forgot what fury felt like, but he was certain this was it. Once he was certain no one would witness his childish act of displeasure, he lashed out. He left a bloody carnage in his wake. The anger didn't vanish like he hoped it would, but he would use what was left of it to his advantage. Vehemence was a strength, if approached with an objective view. He'd dealt with disloyalty before, but every time, he'd seen it coming. This... he hadn't expected this. It wasn't something he'd planned for.

Despite this mess, he could work around it. This was why Madara chose him. He was adaptable. Tobi just needed to remind himself of this. Pein was a mistake, but that was why he had Sasuke. The brat could cast the genjutsu, if that was what it came down to.

Tobi breathed in deeply.

The world now knew of Madara's existence. He threatened them, warned them of what was to come. He had to lead them astray, confuse them.

There was no turning back now.

Briefly, he wondered where Deidara was, what he was doing, and how he faired. If he was still alive. Tobi squeezed his eyes shut.

Before he'd felt empty and hollow inside. Like a rotten, pitted carcass cursed to walk the earth every night. Now he was filled to the brim with misery and contempt, and a never-ending depth of anger that he could not escape.

He just wanted release.

The plan was taking too long. He wasn't certain he could summon more patience.

* * *

This...

This snake.

Kabuto was pungent. He reeked of lies and deceit.

So _he_ was the one parading around poisoning shinobi for kami knew what purpose. Experimentation? Fun? Or to test his Edo Tensei?

He scanned the caskets. Itachi. Sasori. Kakuzu. Nagato. Each were a copy of their former selves.

The snake wanted Sasuke, but why? Tobi didn't care for the exchange. But he wasn't going to do business with someone this shady. He grew tired of betrayal.

"And if I refuse?"

Tobi's heart thundered as another casket rose from the ground. Could it be...? No, that was impossible - this couldn't be Kabuto's trump card! No one could so much as suspect his vulnerability towards Deidara. Why would they? Tobi's loving persona was an act. Kabuto wouldn't know to use Deidara as a weapon against him. And if he did, the artist was versatile, aware, and quick on his feet; he wouldn't be bested so easily. And there had been no word of a massive, unexplained explosion transpiring in any nation. Deidara wouldn't go out any other way. Yet Kabuto already proved himself to be capable, and Deidara's fixation with his art was troubling. A sample of trepidation crept up his veins, and before it could mutate into unadulterated terror, he crushed it young.   

The lid of the largest casket fell to the ground, and dust rose at the disturbance.

He breathed out.

 _Damn_.

Relief flooded through him, but that drained away just as quickly as it came.

It was Madara's carcass, dead and lifeless, but that made no difference.

Knowledge was power, and this rat held it. It meant Kabuto was aware that he was not Madara. And if the nations discovered his little secret, they wouldn't fear him. There was power behind a name, and his mentor's name was the most terrifying of them all.

Fear.

How satire. The presence of the most chaotic emotion a human could possess was what made them so easy to control. The people feared Madara as much as any tailed beast, for both had legendary power and unpredictability. The Uchiha were feared for their Sharingan, but Madara was the epitome of dark rage and chakra control. He was the only man to prove as a challenge to the God of Shinobi.

The mention of his name, with enough evidence to convince others that Tobi was said man, and the rest of them were ensnared. Fear did that; it cornered you.

And now, an outsider discovered the truth: the Uchiha behind the swirly, orange mask was not Madara. This put him a disadvantage. A major one.

This wretch would foil his plans. Everything he worked towards would become undone.

But Kabuto was a fool to assume he could ever control Madara in Edo Tensei. There was one shinobi who could stand at Madara's side as equal, with the power required to leash even a waned corpse of the Uchiha, and he was long dead. Madara wouldn't obey anyone.

Provoking Kabuto into a battle would be unwise. He didn't fear for his own life, but Madara was meant to stay dead. The last thing Tobi needed was a free Madara on the loose.

Besides... Tobi scanned the Edo Tensei's bodies. He _could_ use more firepower. How many valuable members had he lost? Capturing the last two jinchuuriki shouldn't have been this much of a problem.

That look in those piss-coloured eyes had him on edge. This one was Orochimaru's pet. He was definitely not to be trusted.

Tobi hated having to associate with vermin, but even the dirtiest of humans could be manipulated. He would just have to be careful about this one. Kabuto already proved to be a step ahead. Tobi would have to be two steps further.

That was why he promised Sasuke to him once the war was guaranteed to be won.

He wasn't being dishonest, not really.

Everyone would obtain what they wanted...

In Tsuki no me.

* * *

Kabuto's attempts at deceit would not cease, and neither would his incessant, irrelevant, and dull commenting. Tobi preferred Zetsu's liquid compliance and occasional confused question over this. The spy was loyal to a fault. Too loyal. The words crossed his mind, just as Kabuto's arrogance interrupted his thought process.

"The Akatsuki's rather diminished. They died quickly for S-Ranked nin, don't you agree?" he drawled out while they walked through the tunnel halls.

Tobi muttered under his breath, "I never noticed."

"Even Nagato failed. I was taken aback, which was a feat in itself. I'm not easily surprised, you know."

"Really?" he asked, distracted.

"Mmm," Kabuto went on, "But you see, it's interesting. Two more members have betrayed you, and they're still running around freely. Why haven't you done anything about it?"

Didn't this fool understand that chasing after treachery would be a waste of time? The genjutsu would trap everyone in the end. The fool knew that already.

"I understand why Konan left you – she was loyal to Nagato, not you. But what about Deidara?"

Now _that_ got his attention.

Tobi did not need Kabuto meddling with his business, nor did the snake need more leverage over him. Kabuto's course of action depended on his reaction, so he put more effort into showing disinterest, "What about him?"

"Deidara nearly defeated Sasuke, or so I heard. He must have left because of his fixation with his artwork. That's it, isn't it?"

Tobi didn't reply, knowing Kabuto would take it as reluctant agreement.

The snake was wrong.

Deidara left because of him.

But he'd let Kabuto assume he pieced everything together like the detective he thought he was.  

"And you just let him go?" Kabuto smirked, "I have time. I can bring him back for you."

Tobi hid the aggression he was feeling from his voice, "He's insignificant. We need the remaining tailed beasts, or have you forgotten?"

If Kabuto so much as _thought_ of touching Deidara, Obito would slit his throat with his own teeth.

Kabuto's lips stretched into a twisted smile, and all Tobi saw behind it was the Sannin he hired years ago. The man scoffed, "Please. I've been trained by the great Orochimaru – ."

"I think you've talked enough."

* * *

Tobi ran a hand through his hair, before slipping on the white mask.

"Falcon!"

He jumped out of the foliage to meet with the rest ANBU Black Ops squad, leaving the dead body behind him. Tobi held his breath, but they hardly gave him a second glance before they moved out. It was night, and the dead soldier he replaced shared a similar appearance with him. Physically, there was nothing that gave him away. Tobi went a step further and imitated the man's chakra signature. He leapt from tree to tree, holding the back position in their formation. Unsure if they detected the swap, he scanned the four members with his Sharingan and was satisfied to sense stable chakra levels. The captain was to his right, the second-in-command at the centre, the navigator was at the front, and the extra to his left.

The captain made a signal with his fingers. Looking ahead, Tobi noticed the cave entrance they were targeting was in sight.

What they didn't know was that this was his own hideout, the one he'd be using for the next few days.

"Time," the extra said. Tobi made brief eye contact with him, black eyes meeting black.

The captain confirmed, "Five seconds. Three. Two. One."

They dispersed.

Tobi used the moment to his advantage and activated Kamui, disappearing mid-jump. A blur, he reappeared behind the captain, kunai soaked with an anaesthetic formula. The captain remained unaware right up until the weapon sunk deep into his thigh. Tobi was swift to shove his hand into his mouth to muffle the pained cry that followed. When the captain went slack in his arms, he was certain the chemicals entered his bloodstream. Tobi teleported the man away, dropping him off inside the very hideout they were bordering. It wouldn't do to have the captain try to escape his cell, nor would it be appealing if he ran around freely in the second dimension. Tobi still had to finish up the rest of the mission and tie up any loose ends. Besides, Kabuto had enough poisons to share.

From the distance, he heard a scream. It was a woman's voice, the navigator's. Following its sound, Tobi dropped down from the trees when he spotted them.

The extra was wiping his dagger clean when he arrived, and the woman's body lay in a pool of red liquid at his feet. 

"Did you manage to capture them?" the actor asked, voice guarded.

Tobi nodded, using his old persona to respond, "Yup! They're safely hidden in the safehouse!"

"You're quick."

"That's why Madara hired me!"

"Ssh!" the goat mask moved left and right as the man grew nervous, "Don't say his name!"

"Relax, man," Tobi's own falcon mask tilted, "I wonder how much he'll pay me!"

"Do the math. A hundred-thousand ryō split into two," the extra replied, "It's not hard, you twit."

"Split into two?" Tobi brought a finger to his chin, "That's funny. I don't remember you-know-who mentioning _that_."

The extra paused what he was doing. Tobi could almost hear the gears turning in his head. Finally, Tobi was facing a raised dagger, "He told you to kill me once I finished his dirty work, didn't he?"

Tobi shook his head, speaking quietly, "No, I was told to kill the girl."

"What girl? This girl?!" he kicked at the corpse's split skull, "In case you haven't noticed, she's already dead."

"Not her."

"Then wh – ?!"

An arrow ripped through the ANBU's neck, silencing him. Tobi watched with a passive expression as the second-in-command drop from the trees. She was late.

"Her," Tobi replied, answering a dead man's question.

She brushed the dirt off her knees, "I did as you asked. Why go through all this trouble? You could have grabbed him without my help."

"Recreation," he answered neither truthfully nor dishonestly. He just knew he needed a distraction.

"So, you did this for fun? You're a sadist," she spat, "I should never have turned to you."

"You should not have turned your back to me either," he said, referring to earlier while they were in formation, "The poison will take affect in but a moment."

The mask hid her expression, but the silence gave away her shock and horror. Tobi exhaled a soft puff of air. These games had never been fun; he didn't know why he bothered now. This wasn't amusing at all. At the sight of her clutching her chest and crumbling to the ground, Tobi vanished, the world spiraling around him.

* * *

He knelt down and gripped the corner of the tape stuck to the shinobi's lips. Wordlessly, he ripped it off with a violent tug, carrying little concern over the muffled whimper that followed. With easy movements of a practiced routine, Tobi removed the piece of fabric serving as a gag from the swelling mouth. He tossed it to the side.

"Y – !" his captive started, but something must have compelled him to stop, because he cut himself off almost immediately.

Tobi grabbed onto the arm rests of the chair before sitting down, never taking his sight off the present company. The man in front of him glared right back, eyes heated and red in all but colour. There was something familiar about the gaze, but he couldn't be bothered to think more on it.

Redder than blood, yet absent of its warmth, his eye digested the naked man in front of him. Bulging muscles strained against the bindings. His skin was flushed, sweaty. These signs were abnormal for the striking chill of the underground hideout. Nervous, was he?

He leaned back, "You're my prisoner of war."

Tobi continued on, as if the man responded, "Let's begin with an icebreaker of sorts. As an ANBU – Captain, if my hunch is correct – you know first hand what an interrogation entails. Did you ever... deliver?"

He didn't expect any cooperation from a loyal ANBU, but he waited a moment in silence to humour himself. At the sight of pale eyes shutting closed in refusal, he went on, "I thought so. It works better for the both of us like this. You can hold onto your pathetic patriotism and misplaced sense of duty, and I won't have to waste my time squeezing answers out of you."

Tobi pulled out the kunai from his sleeve, idly fiddling with it, "Last chance. You know how this will end."

With those final words, he waited again. He was a patient man. Receiving no response, Tobi de-activated the genjutsu.

The screaming was instantaneous.

Tobi was silent as he stared him down. The man's legs were severed from a few inches below the knee, his legs three quarters of the length they used to be. Earlier, Tobi had melted and fused the skin to create two stubs. It would have been unfortunate if he died early from blood loss. Deidara hadn't batted an eye when his limbs were amputated; he'd taken it in stride.

The sight of this one was pitiful.

Gripping onto the armrests, he leaned forward, "Now, will you be co-operative?"

"Konoha – ha – will... not answer to you," through struggled breaths, the shinobi spoke as he was trained to, audibly falling into shock, "A-ah! You're a monster!"

"If you're clinging onto your daft hope that I will release you from this genjutsu, you're mistaken," Tobi stood to his feet, "You're not in one."

At the wide eyes, Tobi pointed to his misplaced legs, "This is real. But it doesn't have to be. I can build a new world, for me and you, for all of us. Nothing has to go wrong ever again. Doesn't that sound nice?"

The ANBU spat, "Fuck you, Uchiha."

Tobi wrapped a gloved around the captain's neck, the hold delicate. He watched the dread build up in the man's expression, washing away the anger and determination from his brutish face. Tobi's fingers trailed down the thick neck to his collar bone, just brushing over the skin. Small hairs stood at the gentle contact. If humans were capable of tasting fear on their tongue, he'd have begun a full course meal.

Tobi nearly recoiled when he realized what direction the man's mind must be heading. Did the idea of being dominated in such a way really instigate more fright than a severed body? The thought of it was revolting. But he'd let the man assume the worst. The imagination was an untamed thing, and he could profit without meeting it through.  

Tobi rubbed at the ridge of the man's clavicle, then after a moment, pressed down with his thumb, _hard_.

"I want to know everything about the status of the nine-tails jinchuuriki," he demanded once he heard the crack of bones.

"H-hell—go to hell!" he shook.

"I'm already here."

Tobi lifted the man up and slammed him down onto his shoulder, pleased to see to clavicle's fracture break entirely, ripping out of his skin as if desperate for fresh air.

He had a gut feeling this one wouldn't have valuable information either. Tobi would have to move higher up the ladder. As expected, Konoha was giving it their all to guard their intel. While his instincts told him this ANBU captain held no knowledge that he could use, he had to be sure before he moved on to the next one.

Tobi tightened his grip on the kunai.

This would have been simpler if he had the Rinnegan.

* * *

Tobi was sitting – he seemed to be doing a lot of that recently – in a plastic chair, idly watching the people of the town mill about. Unlike the last time they were here, the buildings were doused with daylight. He sat outside of a tea shop, Akatsuki cloak temporarily removed and replaced with a similar one in plain black. He wasn't in the mood to be bothered today.

It was harder moving on knowing he could still go back.

Tobi closed his eyes.

Like this, when the darkness greeted him, when his eyes took in no light, he saw only him.

And the memory of his smile chased the shadows away. For a few moments, Tobi could forget his hatred and the plan. He could forget everything but those blue, golden eyes.

The chatter of other patrons faded into the background.

He was being haunted. Deidara was driving him to a quiet insanity. He was spiraling down a trail of self-destruction, and the weightlessness that arose from the endless fall became and addiction. Tobi recognized it. The gate was unlocked, open and beckoning, yet he was entirely unable to leave his cell. If only he had the strength to close it and lock himself back in. If only he could completely eradicate Deidara from his life.

But this was the path he opted to take. It was his decision. He had the opportunity to turn back, but he had chosen not to. This was his wish. This was what he wanted – what they both needed.

Would things have gone different if he confessed his feelings?

Deidara was an unyielding force, and when met with his own determination to see the plan through, they got nowhere. If he brought delicate feelings into wreckage as it was, the outcome would have been the same, just messier.

Tobi paid no attention to the heaviness pushing down on him, raising his chin. A drop of rain fell on his mask with a _patter_ , but he hardly noticed. Not a moment later and it was pouring. The skies shared his melancholy, it seemed. He squeezed his eyes together, pushing the onslaught of feelings away.

The world needed him, so he would serve.

A group of kids ran past him, shouting, shrilling, and screaming.

"You again?" a small voice said.

Tobi opened his eyes.

Daylight blinded him, not because of the brightness, but because everywhere he looked, he saw Deidara. He didn't remember what compelled him to return here, but now that he'd shown up, he regret it.

Tobi turned his head and looked down to see the child from back then. It was the boy, the one with the strong features and an even stronger attitude. He was soaked to the bone, with tiny, wet curls framing his face.

The kid's curious expression morphed into one of worry, "I thought I told you not to come back here!"

"You never said that."

"You're crabbier then I remember, old man," the kid muttered. He sat across from Tobi, acting like he'd been offered a seat.

The biscuits, kiwi, and tea that had been placed in front of him were cold and soggy, but Tobi slid the plate towards the kid anyways. The boy was thinner than he remembered.

"I was drunk," Tobi looked around, "And where's your sister? You two had been attached at the hip when we were last here."

Big eyes widened. The child looked uncomfortable. He was slow to retaliate, "Where's your partner?"

"Gone," Tobi said. There was no pretense with a stranger. The walls around his heart had never been thicker. He repeated, "Your sister?"

The child fiddled with the thin crackers. One snapped and crumbled between his dirty fingers. Then another. _Snap. Snap._ Grains scattered over the small hands and dirtied the table. Water washed it away.

The repetitive movements threw him in a haze, and Tobi woke from it when he heard a quiet, "Dead."

Oh.

He should have seen it coming. The child's body language was an open book.

The girl was deceased.

Tobi couldn't trust himself to say he was sorry, so he settled on silence.

"The medics said she was sick. Her body was destroying itself from the inside out. I couldn't understand what else they were saying," he said, sounding even smaller than he looked, "And I couldn't do anything to stop it."

The kid was rambling, "Gramps is sick now too. He's getting old. He blames himself because we have no money, but he doesn't get it. It was my fault! I made her go outside with me, but she was too cold, and I didn't listen. Her skin was blue, all around her mouth and her fingers, but I didn't listen! Now gramps is going to die too and..."

Tobi tuned out the rest of the boy's words. He heard enough; any more and he'd go mad. 

He had never hated Death more than he did right then.

It grabbed Rin by the ankles and dragged her away. It clouded Deidara's mind, seducing him until it became him. It met with him too. Death had killed Obito long ago. And it's timing was certain to be impeccable; death was seldom late. Sometimes it decided to arrive early, knocking on the door of the unsuspecting. It took away the unsuspecting youth who were pure and too _good_ for this world.

Gesturing to the plate, Tobi said, "Eat."

"I shouldn't complain in front of a shinobi," eyes glossy, the boy began, ignoring his instructions, "You've witnessed so much worse. I – !"

"Stop with this nonsense," Tobi stood to his feet. He dug into his cloak and dropped several bills into those tiny palms, "Drop the act. You're hurting."

"I can't take this – hold on," the kid rushed to stand up, "W-wait! You're leaving?"

He'd heard enough, seen enough, had enough. Tobi didn't think he could handle being reminded of how unfair the world was, not again. He was already drowning in his own depth of bottled rage. The child did not need to be exposed to more misery.

"Don't starve on me, boy."

"No, wait, please – !"

He'd fix this world. It was his duty.

Kamui took him away.

* * *

Why had he done that? What compelled him to care? He'd become soft, pliant like clay.

"We're burning down this place," Tobi suddenly said, breaking the silence.

Zetsu paused, "Don't you think that's a bit... excessive?"

Tobi turned his head to his long-time colleague, wanting an explanation. Since when did Zetsu concern himself with what was _excessive_?

Gold eyes returned his gaze, and not sounding pleased, the black half pointed out, " _You're losing your rationale._ "

Tobi faltered, "Am I?"

"Don't listen to him, Tobi," White Zetsu interjected, eyeing the town with a toothy grin, "You can check this village off your list."

He must be hungry. Tobi didn't concern himself with Zetsu's wants, but he did begin to second-guess himself. Was he not being rational? This village was distracting him from his goal. It needed to be removed. This was an appropriate decision, wasn't it?

" _No_ ," Black Zetsu argued with his counterpart, " _He will regret it._ "

"No, he won't. He's Tobi."

'A tool' was left unsaid, but Tobi heard it all the same.

" _He will. We don't need him wallowing in self-pity. We need the beasts._ "

They argued as if he wasn't there, but Tobi listened. Black Zetsu had a point. Why waste time on this nonsense? They had better things to do.

With the distant memory of Deidara's awed eye gaping at the colourful village, Tobi interrupted their bickering, "We're leaving."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally darker, but instead of that approach, we're going with something that's a smidge more humane. I gave a piece of myself in this because of it, which has left me feeling too exposed and vulnerable for my liking. But what can you do? I was beginning to feel detached from Fruit on the Vine, so doing this really helped. 
> 
> *Edit: Some extra thoughts were added during Kabuto's initial appearance. Many thanks to the anon on tumblr who made me realize I was missing an integral component of Tobi's growth process. At this point in the fic, Tobi's first thoughts would be of Deidara at the sight of the caskets, no matter how hard he's trying to forget about him.


	21. Blueberries - "Basket"

Skin wasn't meant to chill the pads his fingers. Skin was warm, radiating the heat of life from deep within.

He reminisced on the first corpse he'd seen, and like many of his memories prior to his Sharingan awakening, the images were hazy. He didn't remember what the body looked like. It might have been male, it might not have. It could have belonged to someone who was older, or even too young, like he had been. But there was no forgetting the sight of wide, dull, lifeless eyes. Blue, black, brown, he couldn't remember, but there they were – unblinking, unresponsive, and unreadable. Dead.

Those eyes had haunted him throughout his childhood; however, where there was war, there were bodies. Body after body, either being carted through the streets or laying still beside his door step, he'd grown used to the sight of them. And he had watched it from afar, feeling vaguely detached, as if he was the one who was dead and not them.

That carcass was it's own casket, one composed of flesh, an organic mass that did its best to survive and failed miserably. But Obito was too young to think of it as that, at the time. The body had reminded him of a machine – like those toys his family let him play with – a device functioning on electricity that shut off because its batteries had been ripped out. Why couldn't someone just put in a new set? Or better yet, why couldn't they make toys that didn't die out on him?

The very first corpse... It did things to him. A child's mind was delicate, ready to be built by what it absorbed. Though he was young and barely old enough to form complete sentences, he was quick to learn what death entailed. It meant goodbye forever. It made people sad and mad, so it had to be bad. Life in a Hidden Village where the economy ran on military service was bound to introduce children to violence before they learned their alphabets.

It wasn't much longer when he touched a lifeless body for the very first time.

Their eyes were hidden, closed upon their deaths. Yet, he didn't have to dig deep for a memory of their faces; they were his parents, so how could he forget?

There was no haze in these memories; he could still feel the prickle of contact beneath his gloves even right then. Dead, so dead. Their skin had been dry, cold, and if touch had taste, it could only be described as bitter. They had been dead for a long while, days, before he pressed the palms of his hands against their sunken-in cheeks. The bodies must have smelled from the early stages of rot, but that wasn't as easy to recall as the painful, final grasp he would have of them.

Her lips were rimmed with a dark indigo. Dead.

His skin was a splotchy, ugly canvas of pale green and pink. Dead as well.

Today, he felt nothing as he compared them to the overripe and under-ripe berries people picked out of the pint to toss away.

* * *

Though his arm was severed, it was his face that felt most bare. His mask was damaged, and as a consequence, a glimpse of his skin was exposed. His Sharingan itched, unaccustomed to the expanse of peripherals and exposure to daylight, as little of it as there was under the heavy clouds. Rain pelted down on him. Blood and water collected at his lashes. The drops met as one at his lips, passing between and touching his tongue, yet the taste of failure never reached his mind.

Konan eyes released a rage he knew she'd been carrying her entire life.

Tobi didn't care for it. She was a parasite in his way, a minor snag to his aim. He would have the Rinnegan; he'd already come this far.

Her voice rung like an angel's, melodic and lamenting in all of her sorrow, "You were a breeze that grew into a storm. And now your own clouds blind you. You think the rain's thunder made us deaf to your lies, but we know what you're trying so desperately to hide from the world... and yourself."

She was always speaking in riddles, as if her very existence was an allegory. Deciphering them was a waste of time. In the end, she spun a romanticised tale of life, deeming what was fantasy to be reality. Tobi snapped, "Get to the point."

"You can't hide from it. You can't run from it, _Madara_ ," Konan bit out the name, and continued on coldly, "What purpose is there to bask yourself with the sun, when it's inside you that needs warmth? How could you hope to bring happiness to a world when you have none to spare for even yourself?"

"Your words are meaningless," Tobi began, but he was cut off by Konan.

And cut, she did, in more ways than one. Tone sharp and words a blade, she said, "And him? Deidara? Are you forgetting him?"

He took a step back.

His name... That was all it took for him to...

Dammit all.

"What about that brat?" he hissed, playing ignorance. But he knew it was too late. Like a book, she'd been reading him from the very beginning, and he'd been unable to properly end the story. Deidara had wormed his way into his life, and he'd strayed from the plot, his purpose, and that ending the writer had planned would never quite be the same.

She bore her gaze into his, assessing him. As if finding something she liked, the quality of her tone softened, "Tobi. You thought yourself unfeeling, yet your existence bloomed on hatred. But that cannot sustain you. Love will have you _thrive_."

Even he was aware of how feeble his words were, yet there were all he could muster, "You know nothing."

She didn't. How could she? How could she possibly understand how deeply he yearned for Deidara to stay? It had been easier to see him go, of his own violation. He wouldn't have to lie awake every night, wondering if tomorrow would be the last. It was simpler to watch him walk away when otherwise, he would be forced to see Deidara rip out his own batteries. Tobi let him go, before Deidara did it for him.

Obito was no stranger to others disappearing from his life, but Tobi – Obito – he couldn't bare the thought of Deidara choosing death over him. That... that would be the end. Of it all.

Before he could dive into an area of his mind that grabbed him by the ankle and _pulled_ , Konan broke through his thoughts, "Perhaps. But perhaps you don't either. You have chosen madness and death. What else could you possibly lose? You have nothing left."

She was wrong.

Deidara had chosen death, not him. He had chosen life. The plan promoted life. There were no batteries. There were no blueberries. It was perfect. There was no flaw with Tsuki no Me. Happiness was within reach, once the genjutsu was cast. The plan would work, and everyone, even him, even her, would know true joy.

"I know what you're thinking. _I still have Tsuki no Me_ ," she seemed about to scoff, and she would have, if she were anyone else. Her frigid eyes burned through him, "Yet did you ever stop to think... what if the roles were reversed?"

His brows knit together. There was something about the way she said it that had his hair raise, "What are you saying?"

"All these years, you've been manipulating the world, blind to see that it's been you who is truly being bewitched. You may not carry Madara's body, but in exchange for his name, you carry his ideas, his beliefs, and his hatred."

So.

She knew he wasn't Madara.

So be it.

She had no leverage over him, not like Kabuto did, but he had to be sure. Tobi demanded, "How did you come across this information?"

Konan didn't answer his question, but continued from where she left off, "You're no longer your own person. He made you no one, an empty vessel to be filled, so he could spread his never-ending hatred with the world, even after death. You're a fool, Tobi, but you're not brainless. Surely, you've wondered. Why did he select you?"

He would kill her.

She was aware of detrimental information.

Konan was another loose end to be tied.

"Because you were _easy_. You were an angry little boy who needed one final push. Am I wrong?"

This time, he didn't answer her. He couldn't.

Because she wasn't wrong. She was right.

He had nothing left. He had been strung like a compliant puppet, but he'd known that for years. Madara had used him like Tobi used everyone and everything, like tools and ingredients to be _used_. What Konan was implying...

"How much do you know?"

"Hit the mark, did I?" the corners of her mouth quirked up in a lifeless smile, "I know you're not him."

"Who told you?" he asked.

It couldn't have been Deidara. _It couldn't_.

"A hungry bird will hunt the lone snake," she hinted, and Tobi could think of only one hissing reptile with too much knowledge, "I may not know who you are behind Madara's tempering, but I know you're not him. You were his prey, and you need to escape his hold."

She wasn't saying anything worthwhile, nothing he could use, and he didn't care for her speech, "You said something about a final push."

"I did."

Tobi didn't like where this was going, at all. He remained silent, waiting for her to explain further.

"I've come to understand him through you. You both target desperate children and crush what's left of their hope, until they have no choice but to think like you," she all but admitted she was aware of Madara's involvement with Nagato's Rinnegan, "What would stop him from doing the same to you?"

"I'm not telling you my story."

But now he was reliving it. Him, broken, young, and alone, clinging onto some false hope for his team. He recalled every sensation he had felt when he'd opened his eyes to see a dark ceiling: the pain between flesh and DNA, the numbness in muscles where nerves had not healed yet, the tickling of foreign chakra infusing with his blood, and the fear and confusion of waking up – he was meant to be dead, after all.

"I'm not asking you to," she whispered. He barely heard it over the rush of rain.

Madara was there, reminding him that the world was a cruel place and he needn't bother with it. There were more important things to consider. Guruguru, a walking joke, giving his naïve, frazzled mind a false sense of security. We want to help you, you special boy. And Obito, having been a nobody, ate it all up. There was Madara, the greatest Uchiha in history, paying attention to him when no one else could.

Konan hushed, "In this brutal world we live in, there's no such thing as coincidence, Tobi."

Rin, of all shinobi, forced to host Isobu. The light leaving her eyes with her last breath, only to be replaced with the dazzling reflection of a sparkling Chidori. Her, the person he had loved most in the world – for being kind and understanding when no one else would – killed because circumstance had it so. Kakashi, the boy he'd trusted with his thought to be dying wish, breaking his promise, and Obito being right there to witness it. Him, an unlucky boy being at the wrong place at the wrong time, awakening his Mangekyō Sharingan.

Madara's plan requiring him to have them.

"Whatever he did to you, you can't let it consume you. You mustn't let him win," she said. _Or you'll end up like Nagato_ , she didn't say, _realizing your mistakes once it was too late_.

Obito, so lost in his grief, did not think. He did not think to ask himself why it was her who'd they hurt, why it had been Kakashi to do it, and why he had been present through it all. He did not think to ask why Madara had been so interested with him, a weak, sad child with Uchiha blood running through his veins.

Like a dream, he remembered putting on the orange mask, so sure that Madara was right. The world was hell, and they were trapped under its feeding flames.

Madara – and Zetsu, his mind supplied – would _pay_.

"Our lives are meaningless in the end. We all die when fate has finished with us. But it's up to you to decide how you want to live what short time you have, be it with the one you love, or playing slave to a demon that took everything away from you," and if that wasn't enough, she whispered to him – to herself, "... _Like we had_."

She sounded so much like Deidara right then, that images of a carefree smile and untroubled eyes lurched into his mind. The surfacing violent thoughts of Madara's scheme washed away, quickly burying themselves under Deidara's distant memory.

Guilt tore open his chest, and Deidara prodded into the gaping wound with hands that weren't there.

Tobi could not stop the dread from spilling out in words, "What have I done?"

It was then she let something slip into her features, as if him feeling remorse had broken the last piece of foundation holding her stable. Her grief over the losses in her life reflected in her gaze, and Obito wondered if he'd ever held such an expression before. Because finally, he understood.

Konan closed her eyes, and a calm washed over her, "It's not too late. Undo what you've done."

Something tightened in his chest, and it wasn't from emotional distress. The physical nature of the pain surprised him; it wasn't something he'd endured since being modified by Senju DNA. He clutched at it, now certain of what it was, "Madara placed a cursed seal on my heart. Betrayal will have me killed."

The pain it gave him in warning for his treacherous thoughts was proof enough. It was suffocating. He'd only been assuming before, but now the feeling of something enslaving his heart was apparent.

"I see," her eyes opened, gleaming, "Then let me give you the Rinnegan. Use its strength to guide you down the right path."

"You trust me so easily?" he asked, appreciating her ambiguity with her words. But it was useless. His subconscious was well aware of what she meant. Either way, he held doubts, "I may be pretending to be swayed by your words."

"You came to the truth yourself. I did nothing to persuade you, besides give you a little push," she smirked, mocking Madara's influence on him. She then sobered, firmly sharing, "The way you are around him, around that fierce, irrepressible man... I don't trust you. I trust that."

Feeling exposed and vulnerable under the heavy rain, he retaliated, though he himself was unsure of what he meant, "You're mistaken."

"No, I'm not. You're an open book with its pages torn out. Let me provide you with more, a chance to start fresh," she offered, and the paper around her fluttered in approval.

"You cannot give me the Rinnegan," he told her. The tag had burned at her words, being connected to his conscience. Taking it willingly, in a conscious effort to put an end to Tsuki no me, would result in his death.

"Kill me. Aim for my heart," was all he said before he attacked.

She hardly had a chance to react, but she gave the hint of a smile before her expression turned fierce.

The thought of killing himself had the seal reacting, and soon they were fighting. The cursed seal would not permit him to attempt suicide – Madara truly had him caged. He could neither betray him lest he die, betray him on purpose in an effort to die, nor could he simply choose to die, as that would be a betrayal in itself.

Then he would have to kill this woman for getting in his way and implementing false ideas into his head. And he'd always been good at lying to himself; he'd been doing it well for years now.

He'd use Izanagi at the most precise moment, he thought, then aggressively added, _to survive_.

And later as he sat crouched down, mask broken, right limb missing, and a deep hole in his chest, he'd never felt more certain he'd made the right decision. It hurt. He brought his only hand to touch what bled for as long as he could remember. Beneath his glove, his heart beat stronger than it had in years, and the strength of the organ under his fingers told him he was alive.

He would live.

Obito stood to his feet, giving the Senju DNA an opportunity to close up the wounds and regrow his arm.

Konan continued to stare impassively as the limb spurted out, before she said, "Will you go search for Deidara?"

"Soon," he grunted, not comfortable with discussing any of this with her. He wasn't any of her business.

She must have sensed it because she directed the topic of conversation to something else pressing, "We have enemies on all sides now. The shinobi won't trust you."

"They'll come around," he told her, "Besides myself and Zetsu, Madara has no followers. The Akatsuki have their own goals. Kabuto is who I'm concerned with. He has Madara."

"Give that snake what he wants. Don't fight him. It will mean the end of the world as we know it," Konan warned.

Tobi thought it over, but not for long, "He says he wants the Uchiha brat, but that can't be all. Kabuto finds pleasure in chaos. He will not stop with Sasuke."

She didn't seem surprised, "So we fight. Is the Rinnegan safer hidden? If so, kill me, and it will never be found."

"No. Madara's strength is unparalleled. He does not need it to destroy us. We may fail without it."

"Then I will give it to you," Konan tilted her head, and something in her tone shifted, "You haven't asked me about him."

He didn't have to ask who she was referring to, and she spoke as if she knew his whereabouts. That was frustrating enough in itself, but what else did he expect from her? She was the Akatsuki's best spy, second only to Zetsu. Konan knew where Deidara was, yet he didn't. Tobi could have searched for him, though he could never bring himself to do it.

Finally, Tobi replied, and he said truthfully, "I don't need to know where he is."

"Why?"

"I'll go after him if I do," he told her, then stuttered as a wave of fear washed over him, "But. I – Deidara? Is he...?"

"He's safe," she assured, then turned her back to him, as if to leave, "I'll be there should you need me."

He parted ways with her, mind elsewhere. Relief dumped itself on him, and he breathed his first breath of air in months.

And in that moment, he hated her. He felt nothing but hatred for her, for the blunt truth of reality. He would never stop hating it. From the moment he breathed his first breath of air, fate had decided his very existence would swim in a sea of betrayal. His parents abandoned him to fight in war. They never returned. His clan forgot about him. His grandmother. His team. Kakashi. Rin. Madara. Himself.

All he'd had left was Deidara, and that mad had vanished from Tobi's life without looking back.

It was his fault; Tobi was to blame. He chased away the last fragment of his humanity because of his fears.

Oh, Tobi had been weak, so very, very weak. His cowardice was veiled by an opaque sheet woven out of his defensive vice. All it took was the edge of a blade to slice it clean open, for the truth of his stupidity to come oozing out, so he could see it for what it was. But the knives they all used had been too dull, and these people – all these people, Deidara too, in all his ferocity – had tried to warn him, but it hadn't been enough. They just hacked away, chipping at his blindness unsuccessfully.

But this...

Madara had killed Obito. He had emptied the cup of water, drained it from all its potential to promote life, and poured in poison... for another to drink. Madara carried the most pristine of weapons, and he had ripped him open in one swing, one cruel, strategic swing.

Now, Tobi was ready to be selfish. He wanted to think for himself for a change.

Kami. He missed Deidara.

She had disappeared in a flurry of paper, but he'd hardly noticed, because she gave him more than the Rinnegan's location before her departure. 

* * *

Soaked to the bones, mask cracked, and cloak shredded from the fight, he stood at the centre of a valley caged by the endless sight of mountains. Snow blanketed everything he could see, insulating the few ambient sounds of nature there were. The cold was bitter, something he could recognize, despite his mutation. Owing to the silence and lack of colour, this place was deathly still. Not even the wind blew here, trapped by the enormous bodies of rock around him. He suspected he was standing over a lake, as there wasn't a tree in sight, not for miles. These weren't ideal living conditions.

The Land of Snow.

This was the last place he expected Deidara to be.


End file.
